“Listen, Adrian, you either start talking to me or I’m leaving because I want to get back to Val. I haven’t seen her all day,” I say, and he finally lifts his head from between his arms to look at me.
Half an hour ago, he walked into my private room, sat down against the wall, and has stayed quiet ever since.
“I want to talk to you, isn’t that weird? I feel this need to share how I’m feeling with you because you love my sister more than anyone, except James and me,” he says, and I do my best not to roll my eyes at the mention of his best friend. Fucking James. “Why is that? I hate that,” Adrian says, forcing my attention away from my dislike for the Brit.
“You hate that you want to talk to me?” I ask with a small smile, settling down on the floor in front of him.
Adrian watches me like a hawk, uncertain how to answer my question. Then, he almost screams.
“Yes!” he blurts out, and I can’t help but chuckle. “We weren’t close before you started dating Val, but now? We’ve spent so much time together, bonded for some inexplicable reason, that I want you to tell me I’m not the worst brother in the world. I don’t rely on other people, but I want you to reassure me now, and I fucking despise it.” I cross my arms, getting a little offended now.
“Would you like to know why, in this particular case, you feel most comfortable talking to me?” My words surprise him, grabbing his full attention. “James hid the truth from you, and you’re too ashamed to face Valentina. I’m the only one who knows what happened that you don’t mind looking at right now,” I explain, and he nods absentmindedly as I speak. I can’t imagine what he’s going through, all the blame he’s putting on himself.
“As much as I’d like that to be the sole reason, I think it’s also because I trust you, and I don’t trust many people.” Neither do I, which is why we get along so well.
Silence fills the room for a moment before he breaks it again.
“Am I the worst brother in the world?” he asks, but I shake my head without a second of hesitation.
“No, you’re not. Adrian, protecting Val has been your number one priority from the day she was born, and you thought she was in safe hands with Carolina. You couldn’t have known unless she gave you a reason to doubt that safety,” I say, and he shakes his head, tears welling up in his eyes.
“I never saw any mark or bruise. When I was home, Carolina was… almost kind. And, Val, she kept it from me so well, I never suspected anything. But that’s the problem! I should have, Gabriel. I should have known, I should have protected her!” he says, throwing his hands around to argue with me or himself, I’m not quite sure.
“I know hearing Val was abused for years was one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to hear, but you need to stop putting all of this on yourself. The only person to blame is Carolina. You are still the best brother anyone could ask for, but, right now, you need to get it together for the one person that matters the most: Val.”
He gives me a confused look, so I decide to elaborate.
“She’s miserable. She hates herself for the way all of this came out, and you need to get over your shit and assure her everything’s alright. Unless you’d prefer it if she continued to feel horrible about it,” I challenge, and a smile slips onto his face.
“Tough love? That’s not really your thing,” he says, watching me stand up and hold out my hand for him.
“Well, you’re breaking the heart of the woman I love. I’ll become anything to make her stop hurting,” I reply, and he allows me to help him off the ground.
“You’re right. I’m being selfish. I just don’t know how to face her,” he admits, dropping his head backward to suck in a sharp breath.
I grab him by the shoulders, forcing him to listen closely to my next words.
“Val is not angry with you. She does not blame you, she never has. No part of her holds you responsible. All Valentina wants is for you to figure things out and get back to where you were before. It’s as simple as that.”
His head bobs up and down, showing me he’s paying attention without responding.
“She’s ready, but it’s up to you to forgive yourself now. Don’t hold onto something that isn’t your fault, Adrian. It will break you,” I remind him, waiting for a response this time.
“I hate you for saying all the right things,” he replies, and I let out a short laugh.
“Well, someone has to, and if your best friend can’t, I’ll always be here,” I say, but he laughs at the way I roll my eyes when I mention James.
“You really don’t like him, do you?” Adrian asks, smiling at my disgusted look.
“Fucking hate him is more like it,” I admit without shame, and my teammate starts laughing.
“Yeah, I would too if I were you, considering he’s been in love with her far longer than you have.”
It shouldn’t piss me off, but it does.
“He’s still in love with her?” I ask, resisting the urge to ball my hands into fists, which want to destroy that asshole.
Adrian’s eyes go wide then, panicking when he sees how bothered I am by his insinuation.
“Well, I’m not sure, he never told me he was to begin with, but it’s hard not to notice. I spent my whole childhood watching him look at her in the same, hopelessly in love way. He’d probably say he isn’t, not anymore, but a love like that, does it ever truly fade?”
Yeah, I’m going to punch the fucking wall if we keep talking about James’ feelings.
“We better stop discussing this. I’d rather not get kicked out of Formula One for knocking out one of the Red Bull drivers,” I say and straighten out my back.
It’s not jealousy that makes me angry. Val is mine as much as I am hers. I trust her and know she’d never cheat on me, let alone leave me for her best friend, but it makes me mad that James thinks he’ll end up with her.
He needs to back off before I stop trying my best for Valentina.
“Good idea,” Adrian chimes in and leads me out of the room, both of us ready to get some rest.
I can’t wait for mon tournesol to fall asleep in my arms.
