It’s race day for Adrian and James, and I’m sitting next to my grandfather, watching the tiny screens in the loud pit box. My fingernails start to look appealing when I feel nervosity settle in my chest. I know it would help the feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I also know better than to bite my nails. Grandpa hates it when I do that.
“Come, little champion, we will watch from the sidelines.”
Grandpa leads me outside, and I follow him to an area where we can watch the track. The only thing separating us from it is a big, steel fence. Every time one of the Formula Two cars races by, the loud noise makes my ears ring in the best way. I can’t wait to sit in one of those myself.
“We’re so close,” I say, excitement coursing through me. It’s always the same when we go outside. I feel exhilarated.
“That look on your face is exactly why I keep bringing you here,” he replies, and I know what he means.
I’m in awe and completely mesmerized. The speed, the fans, the excitement, and the nerves are everything I need. Grandfather flew me out to Italy for this race, despite Aunt Carolina’s objections.
The screeching of tires and a loud crashing sound grab my attention, and I watch as Juan Marquez and Oliver Jackson spin into the barricades, too close to where I’m standing. I am paralyzed with shock and fear. Every muscle in my body has turned to stone.
I continue to watch the cars for any signs of hope the drivers are okay. Except for the occasional bird chirping, everyone has forgotten how to make a sound, and I’m convinced no one else is breathing either.
“What is going on?” I finally ask after moments pass without anyone speaking.
Grandpa puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. He is on the phone with someone, and I wait impatiently for more information.
“One of the drivers got out of the car safely, but the other one is unconscious.”
More minutes pass until an hour is over, and then another one follows. Juan Marquez has been brought to the hospital, and Oliver Jackson is safe in his pit box. I’m sitting with Adrian, James, and Grandpa, waiting to hear about a change in Marquez’s condition.
James holds my hand and squeezes it gently every once in a while. We are all praying Juan is going to be okay, although it didn’t look good when they pulled him from the car.
Adrian’s phone eventually rings, but he is too nervous to answer it. Grandpa takes it, and I try to listen for an update.
“He didn’t make it out of surgery,” he says once he hangs up. “Juan died from his injuries.”
Today is the first day I truly realize how dangerous racing is.
Today, my respect for the sport has doubled, and I will never stop fearing the consequences that come with it.
I love it, but I will do my best to never lose sight of this danger again.
Gabriel is still out, analyzing data with his team, and I am beyond exhausted. I get ready and put on my pajamas before I fall into bed and close my eyes. For the first time in days, sleeping seems like something I have to do, not something that relieves me from my troubles. Even though I try to stay awake and wait for Gabriel, I’m too tired to open my eyes again.
A loud bang makes me jump up in bed, and I watch Gabriel struggle to pick up his phone and the water bottle he dropped. When he sees me awake, an apologetic expression covers his face.
“I’m so sorry, chérie. I was trying to be careful, but I had a dizzy spell,” he says, and I rub my eyes to wake up. Gabriel sits at the foot of the bed and pulls down his pants. “Go back to sleep,” he whispers, but I smile at him.
“It’s okay. How was the rest of your day?” I ask him and remove the blanket from my upper body, a yawn escaping me.
“It was good. I got a lot of work done.”
Gabriel smiles at me before he pulls his shirt over his head. He smells it before walking over to his suitcase and pulling out another one. However, he doesn’t put it on; he simply hands it to me. My eyes drop to my chest, and I remove the tank top I’m wearing. Gabriel’s gaze locks onto my bare breasts, but he looks away a second later. His shirt fits me perfectly, and I’m surprised it smells like him even though he hasn’t worn it yet.
“How was your day?” he asks me when he comes back out of the bathroom and lies down next to me.
Before I answer, he brings his lips to mine, and I sigh when I taste the mint from his toothpaste. His hair is wet from the shower he just took, and he smells delicious.
“Hi,” he says, making me grin at him.
“Hi,” I reply. “My day was good. I bought some art prints I think are really cool, and I made up with Adrian.” I go on, and he listens closely while playing with a strand of my hair.
My eyes drop to the side of his thigh, and I fixate on the faded scar that runs down from the middle to his knee. I can barely see it because Gabriel’s hair covers most of it. I trail my fingers along the skin there, thinking about what my brother told me earlier.
“Adrian told you,” he says, and I look up at his unreadable expression. “I can see it in your eyes.” My gaze shifts away from him, but he places his fingers under my chin to bring my attention back to him.
“Are you mad?” I ask, and Gabriel leans down to press a swift kiss to my lips.
“No. I never asked him to keep it secret.” He shifts around a little to get closer to me. “I hate my uncle, and I wish he never appeared in my life. His irresponsible behavior almost ruined my career.”
I wait for him to tell me more, but I don’t know if he will. My hand moves to his cheek, and he closes his eyes in response to my touch.
“I almost lost the ability to walk because he needed alcohol more than he needed me.” His eyelids flutter shut as he takes a deep breath. “I can’t talk about it more, chérie, not yet,” he says, and I smile at him.
“I’m sorry,” I reply, and he kisses me again.
“Don’t apologize.” He runs his hand over my thigh, sending shivers down my spine.
We talk a little more before I fall asleep on his chest.
Gabriel is ahead, leading since lap fifty. Adrian is less than a second behind him. They’re racing, battling each other for first place. I can’t take my eyes off the screen. I can’t even decide which one of them I want to win. It’s a problem, and it’s exactly what Adrian accused me of, but I love them both, and I would be happy for either of them.
After another two laps, Adrian is right next to Gabriel, their wheels almost touching. I need to look away, but I can’t. My heart is jumping in my chest, and I feel the urge to bite my nails.
Adrian cuts it closer and closer until there is no more space for Gabriel to drive on the track. My brother pushes him off, causing his car to flip and crash into the barrier. I don’t know how to react, but I’m convinced a scream leaves my throat. I cover my mouth with my hands and watch the paramedics as they pull his lifeless body out of the car.
“He’s gone,” Hector says as he wraps his arms around me to hold me up. “He’s gone,” he repeats, and, this time, I’m sure screams leave me because I can’t stop.
I’m sobbing and crying, and I can’t comprehend what is happening.
No, God, no, no, no, not him, not him…
