My invisibility cloak has slipped.
Word got around that I was in London with James at the weekend. Apparently, there are even photos of us entering the store together. Suddenly, people in Maxton Hall know my name, whose faces I’ve never seen before. Some greet me friendly in the corridors, others – most of them – whisper behind my back. It’s worst during class, where I can’t concentrate at all because my classmates stare at me all the time. As if they expected me to get up at any moment and explain at length what happened between me and James Beaufort over the weekend.
I want to forget last Saturday as quickly as possible. I still feel so humiliated, and my anger at James grows the more I think about his impossible behavior.
When the bell rings for lunch, I seriously consider skipping the meal, but I’m too hungry for not walking to be a realistic option. In addition, Lin promises to build up around me like a shield – and tell me the latest gossip about her father.
‘He’s got a new girlfriend again,’ she announces, after we’ve eaten in silence for a while.
I look up from my udon noodles. ‘But not another marriage swindler, is it?’ I ask with my mouth full.
‘No.’ She grimaces. ‘That is, at least I hope so.’
‘And?’ I ask cautiously.
Lin shrugs. She pushes her half-eaten sandwich away from her and wipes her fingers on a napkin. ‘I don’t know. I think he can just take a break from dating after the last woman went so wrong.’
Lin meets with her dad once a month so that the contact between the two doesn’t break off completely, and I admire her for dealing with the whole situation so pragmatically. I don’t know if I could still look my father in the eye if he had treated me and my mum so badly.
‘Was she nice to you?’ I finally ask.
Lin shrugs his shoulders. ‘Yes, yes. A little too nice, perhaps.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I don’t know either. Somehow we didn’t click.’ She begins to pluck small pieces from the napkin. ‘But that’s okay. You just can’t get along with every person.’
I think for a moment. ‘With some people, surprisingly, you do click after a while.’ Involuntarily, my gaze goes to James and his friends. They have caught one of the good seats by the high windows and are talking animatedly. When James says something, it makes Wren laugh so much that Kesh has to pat him on the back for choking.
‘It sounds like you’re speaking from experience,’ Lin says with a meaningful look at James.
I shake my head and stare at my noodles again.
‘Come on. Won’t you tell me what happened?’
‘I already have.’
Lin raises an eyebrow. ‘All you said was, ‘We picked up the costumes.’ But I’m not stupid.’
I take a deep breath. ‘It was okay. More than okay, in fact. Until his parents suddenly appeared.’
Lin inhales hissing. ‘You have met the Beauforts?’
I nod thoughtfully. ‘They were… Very impressive. ‘I didn’t have much time to talk to them because they were only there for a short time. After that, James was back to the way he is.’
‘What did he do?’ asks Lin, seemingly remembering that she also has a tray of food in front of her. While she looks at me intently, she bites off a piece of her sandwich.
‘He threw me out. I was escorted outside.’
She pauses in the middle of chewing and stares at me.
I shrug my shoulders helplessly. I really don’t want to think about the horrible drive back on Saturday, where I had to force myself to breathe in and out deeply to calm down.
‘It was the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever experienced,’ I murmur, risking another look at James.
At this very moment, he looks at me. When our eyes meet, anger bubbles up in me again, and I’m about to get up and hit him with my tray.
But after blinking once, he cuts the connection and turns his attention back to his friends.
‘Why did he kick you out?’ asks Lin.
That’s exactly what I’ve been racking my brains about for the rest of the weekend. And I only came up with one possibility that sounds plausible to me.
‘I think he was ashamed of me. You should have seen how his father looked at me. As if I were dirt stuck under his shoe.’ I pull the bowl with the dessert towards me: chocolate cream with cream, garnished with a strawberry and a mint leaf. At least this day has one good thing in store for me.
‘That’s nonsense. You can’t let anyone give you that feeling,’ Lin says so indignantly that I look up.
‘It’s the truth,’ I reply. ‘You would never have looked at me with your buttocks if it hadn’t been for the thing with your parents.’
Lin flinches as if I’ve slapped my chocolate cream in her face. Her skin turns ashen, and only then do I realize what I just said. I immediately open my mouth to apologize, but she rises jerkily.
‘It’s nice that you think so little of me,’ she hisses and grabs her tray, even though she hasn’t finished eating yet. She goes to the dishes return and then leaves the cafeteria without looking around for me again.
I stare into my dessert and realize that I have lost my appetite. What a shitty day.
By the time I make my way to the library in the afternoon, I’ve almost gotten used to the whispering and looks of my classmates in the hallway. It’s getting easier and easier for me to ignore them, even if the echo of their voices still resonates in my ears. I hadn’t given a single thought beforehand that this day with James could have such an effect on my life at Maxton Hall. What was I thinking? James is the king of this school – of course, people are interested in who he spends his free time with. Getting into this car with him was a huge mistake. And I now pay for it with my invisibility.
The event meeting is a torture. Lin doesn’t look at me, and I can’t look at James. It takes me a lot of effort to tell the others about the costumes without letting it be known how hurt and angry I am. But it must have worked, because after I finished, everyone seems to be looking forward to the pictures. Camille then tells us that her parents know the owners of a large cutlery manufactory, who has agreed to stock us up on everything we need for the celebration. Jessalyn has obtained various offers from rental companies for decoration and goes through them with us, and Kieran plays us music on his laptop that he has chosen.
I only get half of it.
After we have distributed the tasks for the next meeting and declared the meeting over, I hold Lin back by the arm. She still avoids my gaze, but waits until the rest of the team has left the group room. I close the door behind them and then turn to my girlfriend.
‘I didn’t mean it,’ I begin, ‘I’m sorry for what I said. I just thought… you were friends with completely different people before. I just wonder if we would have ever met like this if it hadn’t been for the thing with your parents.’
Lin looks at me for a while. Finally, she sighs and says softly, ‘You’re right.’
I pause. ‘Have I?’
She nods. ‘If you hadn’t approached me that day, we would never have become as friends as we are now,’ she says, looking me in the eye for the first time since noon today. ‘I’m so grateful that you approached me in the toilet back then.’
Her voice becomes scratchy, and she swallows hard. I still remember the day a year and a half ago when I went to the toilet on the first floor and heard someone sobbing. I had no idea who was in the dressing room, only that the person must be really bad. So I cautiously asked if everything was okay, to which Lin just told me to leave her alone. I didn’t listen to them. Instead, I sat down on the floor opposite the cabin, passed her tissues under the door and waited until she was ready to come out again. That was the beginning of our friendship.
‘I’m also grateful that I spoke to you. And I’m really sorry.’
‘Me too. I didn’t mean to at you.’
‘Today is just a stupid day,’ I say resignedly. I take my phone out of my backpack and take a picture of the notes we wrote on the whiteboard during the meeting. Then I sit down at my laptop and send the picture to the others along with the protocol Lin wrote. Meanwhile, Lin begins to wipe down the whiteboard.
‘Beaufort has been looking at you for the entire hour,’ she says suddenly.
I snort. ‘I was standing in front. Everyone looked at me.’
‘Not like him. He practically begged you with his eyes to look back at him.’
‘Such nonsense.’
Lin shrugs his shoulders, ‘As you say. Nevertheless, it was great how you just gave him the cold shoulder. He deserves it.’
I close the laptop and pack it in my backpack. ‘I just want everything to go back to the way it was before,’ I say as we turn off the lights in the room. ‘People are staring at me now as if we had been up to something else on Saturday. None of them have any idea what really happened. Nothing.’
She grumbles thoughtfully. ‘I know. But you know the people here. They pounce on every little thing like vultures. Especially if she has something to do with James Beaufort.’
I look at her sullenly. ‘Mh.’
She gently thrusts her elbow into my side and holds the door open for me. ‘Come on. As soon as the next rumor makes the rounds, everyone will have forgotten about it.’
We enter the hallway, and I’m about to answer when I see someone leaning next to the door.
James.
I stare at him. I almost asked him what the hell he was doing here, but I remember at the last second that I was ignoring him. So I avert my gaze and move on.
Then he pushes himself off the wall and comes towards me.
‘Do you have a moment?’ he asks. His gentle tone irritates me. He doesn’t fit the James who treated me like dirt just forty-eight hours ago.
You have to go now, Ruby.
I would like to shout my opinion in his face, but I appreciate my library card and the key card for the group rooms too much for that. ‘No, I don’t have time,’ I say curtly instead. I’m proud that I manage to keep my voice calm, but still give it emphasis. He should know that I won’t let something like that happen to me.
‘We need to talk,’ James continues, glancing briefly at Lin.
I shake my head. ‘We don’t have to do anything, James.’
Lin touches my arm, an encouraging gesture that shows me that I am not alone.
All of a sudden, I’m just tired. ‘You know what?’ I say, looking James straight in the eye. ‘Perhaps it would be better if we went back to the way we were before.’
James frowns. ‘To the before?’
I have to clear my throat. A lump has formed in my throat and is getting bigger and bigger. ‘By that I mean the time when you didn’t know I even existed. Maybe it would be better if we went back there. I was clearly better off then.’
He opens his mouth to reply, then closes it, and the furrows on his forehead deepen. Finally, he nods slowly. ‘I see.’
This is good. He understands what my problem is. So I won’t have to deal with him in the future.
Nevertheless, it hurts when I turn around and walk with Lin towards the exit.
