Ember and I spend Saturday in our pajamas. Mum and Dad are with friends, and we take advantage of the fact that we can take over the kitchen and bake chocolate chip cookies. We are in the process of making sure that the dough bowl is really empty when the doorbell rings. Ember and I both startle up and stare at each other. Then I tap my finger on my nose at breakneck speed. Ember groans in agony when she realizes her defeat and trots towards the hallway.
A little later I hear a brisk voice that I know well. ‘Hi, are you Ember? I’m Lin. Where’s your sister? I have to talk to her urgently!’
Before I even have time to blink, Lin stands in front of me and holds out her cell phone to me. ‘Don’t tell me it’s really you.’
For a moment, I can only stare at her. It’s the first time Lin has been at my home. So far she has only picked me up a few times and always waited in the car on the street. Actually, their presence should make me nervous. After all, she goes to Maxton Hall and is therefore a part of my life that I want to keep away from my family at all costs. But the longer I see them standing in our kitchen, the clearer it becomes to me that the opposite is true. I’m glad she came here. Our argument the other day clearly showed me that we are not just school friends, but could be more. Maybe it’s time for me to dare to open up a bit.
I deliberately shove the dough scraper into my mouth again so as not to have to answer. Unimpressed, Lin takes a few steps closer until she stands directly in front of me and holds the phone so close to my nose that I have to lean back to see anything at all in the dark photo.
It shows James from behind, and he is carrying someone who has his arms wrapped tightly around his neck and his face buried against his neck. You can’t tell that the person is me, but nevertheless the heat rises to my cheeks. I wonder how many images of that moment still exist. And who has already seen them.
‘Ruby?’ asks Lin, her tone suddenly a lot less brash. ‘What happened yesterday?’
‘I was at Cyril’s party,’ I say finally. ‘That’s what I told you.’
‘Yes, you did. What I want to know is what happened here.’
‘What happened where?’ asks Ember and grabs the cell phone from Lin’s hand. Her mouth pops open as she stares at the photo. ‘Is that really you?’
‘Yes,’ I admit and swallow hard. This day with Ember was supposed to distract me. I wanted to suppress the thoughts of last night and keep my head from buzzing. What happened yesterday … I don’t know what it was myself. Let alone how I should put it into words or deal with it.
‘Tell me right away what happened yesterday,’ my sister demands in her I-tolerate-no-contradiction tone, which she clearly inherited from Mum.
I bend down to the oven to look at the cookies. Unfortunately, they are not finished yet and cannot save me from Lin’s and Ember’s questioning looks. I sigh softly, drop the dough scraper back into the bowl and then nod in the direction of the dining room. After we have sat down, I begin to tell you.
At the end of my story, the two of them look at me with completely different expressions. Ember, on the other hand, has her chin resting on one hand and smiles dreamily at me.
‘This Beaufort seems to be a really nice guy,’ she sighs.
‘He’s not!’ Lin blurts out incredulously. ‘The guy you were talking about just now—it couldn’t possibly have been James Beaufort.’
I just shrug my shoulders. In retrospect, it also seems unreal to me that he actually went so far as to protect me from his friends, but … He did. Even more, in fact. He took care of me. I got dressed and behaved like a gentleman. He held my hand when I told him about the Dad thing.
Last night changed things between us. I can feel that clearly. A tingling runs through my whole body when I think of his gaze and the way his fingers brushed my bare skin. How my body shook briefly from the heat and James thought that I was still freezing – but the exact opposite was true. How he touched me as if I were made of thin, fragile glass.
‘That’s exactly what I meant when I told you to be careful,’ Lin says, shaking his head and bringing me back to the present.
‘I know,’ I murmur. I wish I could forget what it felt like when I went down in the water.
‘I can’t believe Cyril really did that,’ she continues. ‘When I see him, I twist his neck.’
She looks so stunned and disappointed that I ask myself again if Cyril is more to her than just a classmate. Whether there is a story between the two and if so, what exactly happened. So far, she has always shut down when we have talked about her love life. Maybe now would be the right time to try again carefully – after all, I have just opened up to her.
But Ember interrupts my thoughts with her next words.
‘Luckily James was there.’ Her eyes look like they’re going to turn into little red hearts at any moment. ‘I can’t believe he actually carried you away from the party. In his arms!’
Me neither. Especially when I think about how cold and arrogant he behaved towards me at first. I just can’t bring this version of him together with the James who wrapped me in countless towels yesterday and stroked my back until I stopped shaking. The James who wreaked havoc in my mind and haunted me last night in my dreams where his warm hands were on my bare skin.
Not good. Not good. Not. Good.
‘If I didn’t have it as evidence, I wouldn’t believe it,’ Lin says, staring at the picture again. ‘How can a fellow who is always misbehaving like that suddenly behave like a knight?’
‘Apparently, he noticed that Cyril had crossed a line with Ruby, so he intervened. That shows that he has a good core,’ Ember notes. She looks at me, and suddenly something changes in her face. ‘Oh oh.’
Lin raises his head. ‘What?’ When her gaze falls on me, she groans. ‘Ruby!’
Apparently, my emotional chaos is clearly written all over my face. ‘I don’t know either, okay?’ I say. ‘I can’t stand him, but—’ I break off and shrug my shoulders helplessly.
Ember looks for a moment as if she wants to say something, but then she suddenly stands up. ‘Let’s take a look at the cookies.’
The three of us go into the kitchen, which now smells delicious. While Ember and I take the cookies out of the oven, Lin arranges them symmetrically on a large plate. When we finally go into the living room with it, she suddenly pushes her elbow into my side. ‘It’s okay to be attracted to someone you think is stupid.’
I would love to ask her if she speaks from experience. But when it comes to her love life, Lin is so silent that I don’t dare to ask, ‘Do you think so?’
She nods.
As if by magic, my thoughts wander back to James. My hand starts to tingle where he stroked me, and when I remember how he undressed in front of me, a hot feeling wells up in my stomach.
‘Although I still can’t quite believe it. Beaufort, of all places. The fucking king of the school,’ Lin murmurs, slumping onto the sofa.
‘I don’t know how that could happen,’ I reply and reach for one of the cookies. It’s actually still way too hot, but I still take a huge bite so that I don’t have to say anything more.
‘If he’s really taken care of you so well, he’s got my blessing,’ Ember admits, grabbing a cookie as well. Then she crosses her legs on the living room table. ‘What are you doing now? Have you spoken since yesterday?’
I shake my head. ‘Actually, I just wanted to spend a nice day with my sister today.’
Ember straightens up like a meerkat. ‘You have to report to him!’
Shaking my head, I look back and forth between her and Lin. ‘Guys, there’s nothing there. We are just… Friends.’ It seems strange to me to call James a ‘friend,’ but I just can’t think of anything better at this moment.
‘That’s clear. Write to him now,’ Lin demands, and I sigh and take the cell phone out of my pocket.
I briefly think about what I can write to him, but decide on the obvious.
Thank you. – R. J. B.
After I have sent the message, I stuff the cell phone into the crack in the sofa so that I don’t have to see it.
‘What did you write to him?’ asks Ember.
‘I just thanked him.’
Lin wrinkles his nose and finally reaches for a cookie. She breaks it into four parts and takes one of them. It is rare for Lin to treat himself to something sweet. She pays strict attention to her diet and forbids herself just about anything that is delicious. I think that’s a shame, but I haven’t managed to convince her so far that life with chocolate is much more fun.
My cell phone vibrates. It costs me all my willpower not to reach for it too quickly. I would be embarrassed in front of Lin and Ember to seem so greedy.
Fortunately, the two of them can’t hear how hard my heart beats when I finally unlock the display and read the message.
You never told me what the J. stands for. – J. M. B.
I answer immediately.
Rate. – R. J. B.
James. – J. M. B.
That’s pretty self-centered, don’t you think? – R. J. B.
Jenna. – J. M. B.
Nope. – R. J. B.
Jemima. – J. M. B.
I’m kind of pretty impressed that it only took you three attempts. – R. J. B.
For a while he no longer answers. I stare at the dark display and am aware of Ember and Lin’s expectant looks. I don’t know exactly what I’m waiting for until my phone vibrates again after a few more minutes.
Are you feeling better?
No initials. No more jokes. My throat suddenly feels completely dry. I don’t want to remember yesterday, I don’t want to think about the water or the fact that I embarrassed myself in front of a large part of my classmates because I was totally hysterical. Above all, I don’t want to think about Monday, and what might happen to me then.
I’m afraid of Monday. There are photos of us.
Lin and Ember start talking about something that has nothing to do with James or yesterday’s party, and Ember turns on the TV on the side. She took a DVD out of the cupboard and put it in.
I’m grateful to them for giving me a bit of privacy, especially when I read James’ next text.
Don’t worry. In the picture you can only see my wet back.
I hold my breath. Is the message meant as it is written, or is it an indirect flirtation? I have no idea. All I know is that I want to stay on an equal footing with him.
At least in this respect I can be happy about the photo.
I have to wait a long time for his next answer. So long that I already regret typing the words at all. We’re halfway through the movie when my phone vibrates the next time.
Ruby Bell, could it be that you are trying to flirt with me?
A smile spreads on my lips. I hide it in the collar of my pajama top. Then I turn off my cell phone and concentrate on the film with all my might.
