Principal Lexington’s steely gaze bores directly into mine as I try to keep still and not slide restlessly back and forth in my chair. It seems strange to me every time to sit in his office. His posture is the same as always: he has his hands folded in front of him on the desk, but at the same time looks at me with a razor-sharp look, as if he has no problem walking over dead bodies if it serves the good of his school. I wouldn’t wish him as an enemy to anyone.
I doubt I’ll ever get used to the weekly meetings with him. Especially not when Lin abandons me, as she does today, because she has to go back to London and support her mother at a reception at the gallery.
However, the fact that I am sitting alone in front of Principal Lexington’s desk at this moment and facing his eagle eyes also has something good. So I could at least make my suggestion without Lin staring at me from the side or stepping under the table.
‘Did I understand you correctly, Ms. Bell?’ asks Lexington, leaning forward a bit. He looks at me with a frown. ‘You want me to revoke Mr. Beaufort’s sentence?’
I nod slowly. ‘Yes, sir.’
He narrows his eyes even further. ‘Why do you think I should do that? De Term is not over yet.’
‘He’s really shown great commitment, sir,’ I say. ‘I never expected that. He had great ideas, and it’s thanks to him that we can take Maxton Hall events to a new level with the Halloween party.’
Lexington leans back and audibly lets out his breath.
He seems to like the idea. Whenever it comes to the school’s image, Lexington reacts like a magpie that has discovered a glittering find. I decide to go one better: ‘I think James can now be more useful to the school on the lacrosse team. The team needs him. Roger Cree is good, but he lacks gaming experience. That’s what Coach Freeman said when we interviewed him for the Maxton Blog on Friday.’
The wrinkles on Lexington’s forehead deepen. I can see that he has started to weigh the pros and cons in his head.
‘And you’re not just saying that because the boy messes up and you want to get rid of him?’ he asks skeptically.
I wonder what Lexington would say if he knew that the exact opposite is true. I don’t want to get rid of James. If it were up to me, I would spend every minute of my time with him.
But after James confided in me and I realized what this last year of school meant to him, I couldn’t help it. I just had to talk to Principal Lexington. It’s the only way I’ve come up with how I can help James and take at least a small part of the burden off his shoulders – even if only for a short time. Besides, I don’t just do it because I want to do him a favor, but also because it’s true. James really made an effort, and that should be rewarded. So he can at least play lacrosse together with his friends for the rest of the season and enjoy the year.
Involuntarily, the question arises in me as to what this means for us. After all, we are now friends too. Or something like that. Will he still spend time with me afterwards? Probably not. Something in my chest contracts painfully at the thought, but I try with all my might to ignore it. I’m doing this for James, not for myself.
‘Ms Bell?’ Principal Lexington pulls me out of my thoughts, and it takes me a moment to remember his question.
I shake my head. ‘Absolutely not, sir. I really only think about the well-being of the school. He supported us, and now he should support his team again. We can’t afford such a crushing defeat as last Friday again if we don’t want to lose our reputation.’
I hit the bull’s eye with that. Lexington’s gray eyes flash, his shoulders suddenly tense.
‘I see.’ He nods, and I involuntarily hold my breath. Mr. Beaufort is allowed to end his work on the organizing committee early and play lacrosse again.’ Relief spreads through me and also anticipation of James’ reaction when I tell him the news. I smile gratefully, but Lexington raises an admonishing finger. ‘But not until next week, when the celebration has taken place. I’m not going to risk him coming up with anything to expose our school again.’
My smile slips only minimally. ‘Of course, sir.’
‘And keep it all to yourself for now.’ He picks up the receiver of his phone, presses a button and then growls in: ‘Please bring Coach Freeman into my office.’
Undecided, I remain in my chair. I don’t know if I’m dismissed or if Principal Lexington wants to discuss something with me, but when he looks up, frowns and then makes a waving hand gesture, I assume that this is my signal to leave the room.
I wasn’t exaggerating when I said to Lexington that we’re going to take Maxton Hall events to a new level with the Halloween party. When the day finally arrives, we complete the final preparations and the guests arrive one by one, it is as if a huge boulder falls from my heart. The party is a success. More than that, it’s even better than I hoped.
The decorations that Jessalyn and Camille have organized look beautiful. In the entrance area of Weston Hall, they have hung ornate vintage picture frames with old family portraits as well as several huge mirrors that are illuminated from different angles. Transparent black tablecloths and lace blankets adorn the buffet and the tables that we have set up around the dance floor for the guests. A thin layer of cobwebs is stretched all over the room, as well as more than fifty fairy lights that create a flickering glow with their candle-like light bulbs. We decided not to turn on the chandeliers and instead placed large silver candlesticks on the tables and on the windowsills, which don’t give much light, but make the atmosphere all the more spooky and mysterious.
In the meantime, the hall is well filled, and almost all tables are occupied. Rector Lexington is giving the official welcome speech, which Lin, I and the rest of the team watch from the edge of the buffet. When he praises us for the good organization, Camille takes a step forward and waves to the audience as if she were a queen. Lin and I look at each other and try unsuccessfully to suppress our grins.
However, I have to admit that today we all look like queens and kings. While I’m wearing the dress from the Beaufort archive, Camille is wrapped in an apricot gown that perfectly matches her fair complexion. Jessalyn is wearing a sweeping pink dress and Lin is wearing one in exactly the same royal blue that is also the official color of the school and which makes me wonder if she intended that. The boys also look fabulous. Doug wears a simple sand-colored suit that has the same cut as the one James is in on the poster. And Kieran … Kieran, with his top hat, black suit, jacquard waistcoat underneath, and beige scarf, looks as if he actually came from another era.
When Principal Lexington finally thanks us, he raises his top hat and bows slightly. This time I avoid looking at Lin – I wouldn’t be able to hold back the laughter anymore.
I’m totally excited. I don’t know if it’s because everything has gone well so far and the party is already looking like a success, or because I’m afraid that something unpredictable will happen. Nervously, I let my gaze wander around the room.
‘He’s coming,’ Lin whispers in my ear.
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ I reply just as quietly.
That’s a lie. I know exactly what she’s talking about.
James has not yet shown up. His friends and Lydia have not yet shown up either, but his parents, who are part of the parents’ board, have. I’m painfully aware of his absence, and while I don’t want to be distracted by it, it feels like an important part of the party is missing – after all, just like us, he’s worked hard to make it a success.
After Lexington’s speech, the hall erupts in applause, and we separate to take our respective positions. While I stand with Lin with the caterers to keep an eye on the buffet, I watch as Jessalyn, Camille, Doug and Kieran position themselves on the dance floor together with a few members of the theater group. The music starts, and the five couples perform a series of steps in formation that look incredibly complicated to me. Suddenly I’m glad that my argument that someone has to keep an eye on the guests has convinced me and that I don’t have to take part in this dance.
The front couple consists of Kieran and a girl from the theatre group whom I don’t know. They lead the others, walk across the dance floor and separate at the end, so that boys and girls split into two rows. They walk diagonally past each other and walk a lap before meeting in the middle and facing each other again. All the attention in the room is on them, the guests watch their dance as if spellbound.
Just at this moment, the huge double wing door of Weston Hall opens. A few people turn in the direction of the entrance, which causes Kieran and his partner to stop dancing for a moment. Frowning, I look at the door. My heart leaps.
James and his gang enter the hall, one prettier than the other. James is wearing the Beaufort suit, but the others have also dressed up – no silk scarf and no button are in the wrong place. Lydia wears a beautiful silver-colored dress and an artful hairstyle, for which she must have had to sit quietly for hours. They all look perfect – as if they had come out of a Victorian movie. As they head past the dance floor towards the buffet, you can clearly see from their faces what they think of this party. Cyril wrinkles his nose, while Wren’s cheeks are reddened and suggest that he has already had a drink before he came here. Kesh’s black eyes wander unimpressed through the room and over the guests. When he sees me, his expression darkens, and he immediately puts a little more distance between himself and Alistair. It looks like it’s a reflex, and next to him, Alistair frowns angrily.
James comes up to me, and I literally soak up the sight of him. Although I’ve seen him in this suit on countless posters in the last few weeks, reality takes my breath away – just like the first time I did in London. When he finally stops in front of me, my heart beats fast and irregularly.
‘And? How’s it going?’ he asks, a slightly mocking smile around the corners of his mouth. He just acts as if he wasn’t just over an hour late for our party.
‘It’s going fabulously,’ Lin answers for me. Apparently, I stared at James a little too long.
James nods. ‘That’s good.’
‘I hope it will be better than the last celebration. Otherwise we’ll leave right away,’ Cyril grumbles.
‘Don’t pretend you’re too good for our parties,’ Lin says between clenched teeth. I look at her in surprise.
‘I don’t just pretend.’
At his words, an angry blush shoots into Lin’s cheeks. ‘You are really—’
‘Hey. Peace, people.’ James’ voice is low but decisive. He gives Cyril a look, whereupon he turns away from Lin and instead goes to Wren, who has come to a stop a little away from us and has punch poured into a glass.
A word from James is enough and someone like Cyril Vega falls silent. Sometimes it still seems uncanny to me what power James has at this school.
As if nothing had happened, he turns to the buffet and takes one of the appetizers. He holds it in front of his nose and looks at it carefully before shoving it into his mouth. After swallowing it, he says to me, ‘Much better than last time.’
I roll my eyes. ‘You suggested the caterer yourself.’
He grins at me and then lets his gaze wander over me. I warm as I see his expression change and the mocking smile turn into something more delicate, more honest – a smile that seems to be meant only for me. ‘You look very handsome.’
Something flutters in my stomach and I swallow hard. ‘You’ve seen me in that dress already.’
‘That doesn’t change the fact that you look beautiful in it.’
‘Thank you very much. You look very handsome, too.’ I smooth the dress, although there is nothing to smooth out at all, when James suddenly stands in front of me and bows slightly, his hand stretched out with the inner surface facing upwards. I turn to his friends, but they seem to be busy pouring alcohol from a hip flask into their glasses unnoticed. Only Lydia looks at her brother with a strange expression in her eyes. I turn back to James.
‘What are you doing?’ I ask with hot cheeks.
‘Would you do me the honour of dancing with me?’
I suppress myself from laughing. ‘There’s a reason I didn’t take part in the opening dance or the rehearsals for it, James. I can’t dance—at least not like that.’
‘It was considered very rude at the time to refuse the offer to dance, Ruby Bell.’
‘Then please forgive me for my rudeness. Unfortunately, I have to take care of the buffet.’
James straightens up and takes two steps to Lin. He whispers something in her ear that makes her laugh. Then she nods and makes a shooing movement with her hand. James comes back to me and offers me his arm. ‘Lin says she can take over for a moment.’
I hesitate for a moment, but then hook up with him. While I give Lin an angry look over her shoulder, which she comments on with an apologetic shrug, James leads me towards the dance floor. I didn’t even realize that the opening dance had come to an end and more and more couples in Victorian robes had entered the dance floor. When I look around now, it really looks like a journey through time lies behind us.
Quietly, the orchestra begins a new song, a gentle but rhythmic melody that slowly fills the entire hall. James takes my hand in his and puts his other hand on my back. He takes me a few steps to the side, rocks us back and forth, takes two steps back and one to the left, while I follow him, staring only at our feet – or rather at the sweeping skirt of the dress.
‘Don’t look down,’ he says quietly.
With a heavy heart I look up. James looks like he’s done nothing but dance at balls since he was born. Which is probably even true. I wish I had joined the rehearsals or at least watched a few tutorials online and practiced with Ember.
Suddenly, James lowers his head until his mouth remains close to my ear. ‘Relax,’ he murmurs.
Easier said than done. Nevertheless, I try. I try to loosen the tension of my arms and no longer pay so much attention to doing all the steps correctly. I let myself go – just like I imagined when we tried on these costumes for the first time.
James catches me. He gently guides me across the dance floor, and I feel as if I am floating. I wonder if we’ll ever have the opportunity to dance like that again. What will happen if I tell him that from now on he is no longer forced to attend our meetings.
Although I don’t want it at all, I suddenly feel a weight on my chest. I try to ignore it, but it gets more and more overwhelming the longer I think about what will be between James and me after this evening.
‘What’s the matter?’ he asks abruptly, inspecting my face with narrowed eyes.
‘I have something to tell you.’
James’ turquoise blue gaze is on me, waiting and patient, even if I can see a spark of suspicion in it.
‘I’ve been thinking about what you told me on my birthday. That you only have your last year of school, and then—’ I clear my throat and feel that James is suddenly tense. ‘Well, at any rate, I’ve talked to Principal Lexington. We think it’s about time for you to take part in training again.’
His movements falter for a moment, then he continues dancing as if he had rehearsed a choreography.
‘What?’ he croaks. His voice has become quite hoarse. She is always what betrays him. His gaze remains hard, his posture straight and his movements confident – but his voice never joins in. If something touches James, you can tell it immediately. This is also the case now.
‘I think you’ve really done a great job in the team. That can reward Lexington.’ With my relaxed tone, I actually wanted to make the mood between us less charged, but the opposite happens. James’s eyes darken, and the next moment he pulls me close to him – tighter than would have been appropriate in the Victorian era. But the dance floor is full, and all the visitors seem to be busy with themselves, so no one takes notice of us. About us and the fact that James takes my breath away with his intense gaze.
Again he clears his voice. ‘You—’
Suddenly the fairy lights go out. All at once. A few people in the orchestra make a mistake, crooked notes echo throughout the hall. The glow of the candlesticks is the only source of light in the entire hall.
‘James, I swear to you, if this is one of your pranks, I will—’ I hiss.
‘It’s not,’ he interrupts me. I can barely see his face, but he looks just as surprised as I do. Finally, he curses quietly. ‘We have to go to the power distributor immediately. The orchestra cannot continue to play like this. The mood in the cellar is about to begin.’
I nod, and James clasps my hand tighter. Together we make our way between the irritated people on the dance floor, almost stepping on the hem of my dress. When we arrive outside in the hallway, I breathe a sigh of relief. James lets go of my hand as we go down the stairs to the basement, and I cling to the banister. I try not to think about what it means that I am sorely missing the feeling of his warm skin right now. It is pitch dark in the basement. James digs out his cell phone and turns on the flashlight to illuminate the hallway.
‘So cold,’ I murmur, rubbing my upper arms. ‘And creepy.’ I have the feeling that a clown or monster or a cross between the two could jump out from behind a corner at any second.
James doesn’t answer, but goes straight to a large box on the left side of the hallway.
‘Actually, I should be alarmed that you know so much about the location of the power distributor.’
James smiles boldly. He opens the box with the master key on his keychain, then takes a step to the side so that we can both look inside. Two fuses have blown, and when James pushes the switches up, the relieved exclamations of the guests reach us from afar. In the next second, the light down here comes back on with a soft click of the neon tubes. James closes the power box again, and immediately I turn around on my heel. I can’t get out of this basement fast enough.
I gather the skirt of my dress and climb the stairs. I’m almost there, when James stops behind me and says, ‘Wait.’ I turn to him and look at him questioningly.
‘Did you really think I’d pull off something like that again?’ He sounds seriously surprised, as if he can’t believe that I expected this from him.
But if I’m honest, then … I did.
I don’t know what that is between James and me. And even though we’ve gotten closer in recent weeks, that doesn’t mean I trust him. Too much has happened in the past for that, and I can still hear his and Lydia’s warning words too clearly in my ears for that. I promised Lin to be careful, and I’m sticking to that.
‘For a millisecond, perhaps,’ I reply meekly.
‘I would never do that again, Ruby. Not after I know how much work you put into these events and how much they mean to you.’
It feels like someone is pressing on my chest with two hands to make it difficult for me to breathe. ‘I’m sorry,’ I say quietly. ‘I guess I was just scared. That it would be like it was at the beginning of the school year.’
James immediately shakes his head. ‘No.’
He goes up a notch, and now we are exactly at eye level. His face is so close to mine that I see small blue crystals in his eyes, as well as the dark border around his iris.
I can’t imagine what it will be like when I don’t see James at our meetings every other day. Just the thought of it constricts my throat. Is there still a reason for him to spend time with me? He will train and be with his friends much more often than he has had recently. Will he realize how much he missed it? How much more fun does he have when he can spend his Saturday night drinking and partying instead of writing news with me about the political situation in the UK or my new favorite manga?
Will he realize how little our worlds fit together in reality?
I’ve enjoyed the last few weeks so much and I don’t want to lose him under any circumstances. However, I am afraid that I have no say in this matter. It is clear to both of us which world he will ultimately choose.
The pressure on my chest is getting bigger and bigger. Maybe it’s easier for me if I take the decision away from him before it’s him who hurts me.
‘That was probably our last task as teammates,’ I say, looking him firmly in the eye. My heart beats like crazy. If he gets any closer, he can certainly hear it.
‘That’s right,’ James replies quietly.
For a while, we just look at each other. Then we breathe in at the same time, as if we want to say something, but we both pause. The mood between us is so charged, and my pulse is so fast, that I can’t stand it for a second longer. I do the first thing that comes to mind: I hold out my hand to James.
‘It was very nice to work with you,’ I say as formally as possible.
At first, James seems surprised. Then an emotion enters his turquoise blue eyes that I have seen in it before, but have never been able to classify. Now I know what it is: longing.
He grabs my hand and holds it gently. ‘That sounds like you’re saying goodbye to me.’
The moment his words reach me, I understand that he is right. And at the same time, I realize that I don’t want that at all. I don’t want to say goodbye to him. Instead, I want to continue to have the opportunity to talk to James. To tell him even more about me and to listen when he confides things to me.
I want to know everything about you.
The thought comes over me suddenly and violently, and in my stomach spreads the same longing that I can see in his eyes. It is scorching hot, almost desperate, flows through my veins and makes me close my fingers even tighter around his. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but… my knees feel soft, and his hand is so warm in mine. I wonder how it would feel in other places on my body. I want more than this mere touch. More from him.
‘James—’
‘Yes,’ he murmurs again. He sounds just as confused, just as breathless as I am.
In the next second, he pulls me forward until I fall against him.
He looks me in the eye for a split second. Then he pushes his hand into my neck and grasps him tightly.
The next moment he presses his lips to mine.
I can’t think anymore. My head turns off, there are no more rational thoughts, but only the scorching heat that chases through my entire body. I wrap both arms around his neck and bury my hands in his hair. He begins to move his mouth on mine.
James kisses exactly the way he moves and behaves: confident and proud. He knows exactly what he has to do, knows exactly how to touch me to ignite the heat into a fire. He enters my mouth with his tongue, without hesitation and not a bit shyly, and plays around mine until I feel like my knees could give way at any moment. But even if that were to happen, he would be there to catch me. His arm is tightly wrapped around me, and he holds me close to him. I can feel his body through the fabric of my bulky dress, but it’s not enough. I need more.
I moan softly and slide my hands to his shoulders, then back to his neck and into the neckline of his shirt. His skin is warm and velvety, and everything in me calls for more, more, more.
I want more from him. Undress him, here, on this staircase in the middle of the school. I wouldn’t care if someone came and caught us now. For me, the only thing that counts is James, his mouth on my lips, my jaw, my neck. He pulls my skin between his teeth until it pinches slightly, but I wish he would apply even more pressure. I want him to leave marks on my body so that in a few hours I can see that this really happened and was not an imagination.
‘Ruby—’ I thought I knew all the timbres of his voice. But this one is new. That’s what he sounds like after he kisses me for the mind. He embraces my face and looks at me. His thumbs run over my cheeks. My jaw. My lips. Cheeks again. ‘Ruby.’
I lean forward and put my mouth on his. A painful pull spreads through my abdomen and continues to work its way up until I find it difficult to breathe. Now I understand why he whispers my name all the time. I want to do exactly the same. James, James. Again and again James.
‘James,’ a commanding voice sounds above us.
We jump apart. I step on the hem of my skirt and lose my balance, but James reaches forward and grabs my waist. He waits until I hold on to the banister. Then he immediately lets go of me and looks up past me. I follow his gaze.
Mortimer Beaufort stands at the top of the stairs, both hands clasped behind his back, watching us with dark eyes. My heart leaps.
‘Your mother is looking for you.’
James arches his back and nods curtly. ‘I’ll be right there.’
Mr Beaufort’s brows lift slightly. ‘She’s not looking for you right now, she’s looking for you now.’
James stiffens. I reach out and gently touch him on the arm, hoping that his father can’t see it. James takes my hand in his and looks at our intertwined fingers. I hear him sigh softly. Then he raises my hand to his mouth and presses a light kiss on it.
‘I’m sorry,’ he murmurs, and I can feel the words on the back of my hand. The next moment, he carefully pushes past me and goes up the stairs to his father, who is waiting for him with stiff shoulders and an ice-cold look. When James arrives at his place, he grabs him by the shoulder and maneuvers him back into the hall, while I stop on the stairs, feeling my hot cheeks and wondering what he apologized for.
