I untied my cloak and threw it over Inessa’s back, whispering for her to stay low. Then, I used my dagger to make a long cut down the middle of my dress to allow for easier movement before slipping through the carriage door, closing it softly behind me.
Fortunately, the men were fighting in the other direction, so no one noticed me. I never thought I would be grateful for these ridiculous hats, but at least I didn’t stand out like a bright red beacon in a sea of muted blonde and brunette heads.
I needed to keep it that way, at least on this side of the carriage. My presence would only distract Theo, and he would doubtlessly send me back inside.
I couldn’t risk running around the carriage without a sword, though, so I crouched low, scrambling beneath it and crawling over to the dead men on the other side. Blood pooled on the ground, seeping into my skirts and staining my hands crimson.
I was no stranger to death. Da’ had taught me to protect myself, and it had come in handy through the years when the few straggler rebels or bands of thieves attacked us on the road.
Still, it was never a sight I was eager to see again.
Bracing myself against his body, I wrenched the sword from the guard’s stomach. I was debating where to head first, when one of the Unclanned pushed past a few of the guards and headed straight for the carriage.
My heart picked up speed, and I took a calming breath, waiting for him to get close enough to take him by surprise.
When his fingers stretched out for the handle, I rolled out from beneath the carriage, gripping the hilt of my sword tightly in my right hand, and sliced right across his stomach.
His eyes widened with shock as he stared down at me, falling to his knees. I didn’t wait to deal the killing blow. Within seconds, the sharp blade of my dagger swept along his throat, and his body fell to the side.
I used my torn skirts to wipe the blood away as my eyes scanned the fighting men around me long enough to assess the situation, peeking around the carriage to see that Theo and Iiro were both solidly holding their own.
A grunt of pain sounded nearby, and my attention snapped to the nearest guard. He was struggling with the Unclanned that had him surrounded and was one of the few men left on this side of the carriage, defending us as well as he could.
After a quick glance to be sure no one else was coming from the other side, and that Inessa was as safe as she could be, given the circumstances, I ran the few feet to his side. Using the advantage of my small frame, I ducked low and arced my sword across the back of the man’s legs.
He cried out and fell to his knees, giving the guard the perfect opportunity to finish him. I turned to face one of the other attackers, but the man’s face went white as a sheet. He muttered the all too familiar curse that Venla and the villagers had done each time they encountered my hair, and took off running in the opposite direction.
I didn’t have time to think about the fact that I had lost my hat. Stars, maybe this put us at an advantage if I could scare away even a few of them with my terrifying mess of red curls.
“Behind you!” someone shouted in the common tongue.
I spun around, but not quickly enough.
Strong arms wrapped around my middle, hurtling me to the ground and knocking the air from my lungs as the brute landed on top of me.
Stars lined my vision, and fear pulsed through my veins. I couldn’t breathe, but I needed to move, to fight. The man’s full weight was on top of me, pinning my hands at awkward angles beneath him.
I knew I had only seconds to escape him. I blinked away the darkness and forced my arms and legs into action, shoving him with all of my strength. He didn’t budge, slumping further onto me.
Just when I began to wonder if I was going to prove Theo right by dying on this makeshift battlefield after all, a guard appeared in my field of vision. He helped me roll the man off me, and only then did I see why my assailant had gone so still.
My dagger was embedded in his abdomen.
The guard grabbed it, reluctantly handing it back to me as several more of the Unclanned charged at us again. The sound of colliding steel and painful groans played on a loop as we fended off the last few attackers from getting too close to the carriage.
My breaths were ragged and my arms sore. It felt as if we had been fighting for hours, but the setting sun told a different story. No more than forty-five minutes could have passed.
The attackers started coming more slowly after that. Not many were willing to risk their lives for whatever they were after when it became clear that they were the ones outnumbered.
Finally, they stopped coming all together.
I scanned the field again, not able to relax until I caught sight of Theo once more. He was no longer fighting, but seeing to some of his wounded guards and discussing something with Iiro.
Once I knew he was safe, my body decided to completely give out. I leaned back against the carriage door with a thud, more tired than I had been in ages. Images of the battle flitted through my mind on an unending loop, always ending with one undeniable fact.
I took two lives today.
It was them or us, I reminded myself. In my mind, I repeated the words Da’ had spoken when I came home after the first time I was attacked on the road. The first time I had to kill a man.
“Ye did what you had to and it’s done, but dinna allow him to plague ye anymore.” He lifted my chin with a calloused finger, forcing me to meet his eye. “And never be ashamed of protecting those who need it most.”
If those men had made it to the carriage and I hadn’t had a weapon, stars only knew what would have happened to me and Inessa. I took a deep breath. When I exhaled, I pushed out any lingering guilt for the blood spilt.
“Rowan!” Theo’s voice pulled me from my thoughts.
I looked around until I caught sight of him running towards me, his features slack with panic.
His chest was heaving, his face splattered in blood when he finally reached me, meeting my eyes.
“Rowan, what are you doing?” He gently took the sword from my hand, tossing it to the side. He reached for my dagger, too, but I held fast to it.
Theo ran his fingers up and down my body like he was searching for an injury.
“You were outnumbered,” I answered his question.
He took a step back, his head tilting to the side as he studied my face.
“Crazy. Reckless. Girl.” He breathed each word, his hands still on my arms. “Don’t you understand that I almost lost you?”
His words sank into me, swallowed the air around me. For a moment, nothing else existed. No bodies on the ground. No men tending to the wounded. Just him and me and his words hanging in the air between us.
“Lost me?” I forced my lips up into a smirk that I knew wasn’t reaching my eyes. “I wasn’t aware that you had me.”
He shook his head, leaning toward me. I should have turned around and walked away before his men saw us like this. Again.
We had no future, when I wouldn’t stay here and he couldn’t come to Lochlann. I wasn’t even sure if I had a future.
And for all the time we had spent wrapped up in one another, we hadn’t so much as had a conversation about whatever any of this was.
But death seemed to be following us around, waiting for its chance to snatch us away, and time felt so inevitably short. I couldn’t deny that I wanted this, for however long it may last.
Besides, I never had been good at making the smart choice.
So I lifted my lips the rest of the distance to press against his. There was blood and death and the ominous weight of an impending storm in the air, but at least, for now, I didn’t have to face it all alone.
