Whatever bravery I had found evaporated when I stuck a single toe into the icy river.
It was bad enough when I realized we had to make the short trek from the tent to the river in only our towels, no cloth walkway to bar any prying eyes. Fortunately, aside from the guard who kept a respectful distance, we hadn’t run into anyone.
“You know, I think I’m cooled down enough already,” I said.
“Just covered in sweat,” Mila agreed cheerfully.
Her guard turned his back, and she hung her towel on a branch, impervious to the fact that the sparse line of autumnal trees offered plenty of lines of sight to her. She plunged into the calm river without another moment, splashing me in the process.
As soon as she resurfaced, she looked pointedly at me, her face only half visible with the position of the moon. “The longer you wait, the colder it will be,” she taunted in a singsong voice.
I knew she was right, about the sweat and the cold. Taking a deep, fortifying breath, I hung my towel next to hers on the branch and stepped to the edge of the river bank. Still, I hesitated.
Until a commotion from further down the river caught my attention, along with a smattering of male voices. Silvery moonlight glinted off a muscled backside, and my jaw dropped.
If I could see them, and my skin was several shades lighter… In fact, I was probably glowing, like a beacon in the moonlight.
That was all the incentive I needed to rush forward into the river. It dropped off more steeply than I expected, and I went under before I kicked off the lower bank to the surface.
I was right. It was freezing.
But also, strangely exhilarating. I felt both cleaner and more awake than I had in days. Weeks, even. Laughing, I swam around a bit more, letting the cold seep inside me and chase away the intense heat of the sauna.
We stayed in the river until we couldn’t stand it anymore. Well, until I couldn’t stand it anymore. Mila looked like she could have swam in there all night. Seeing her, the way she was happy and outspoken and free, for the first time, I wondered if there was a side of life in Socair that I wouldn’t have hated.
Theo was waiting up when I returned to the tent, though Iiro and Inessa had gone to bed.
“How was sauna-ing?” he asked.
For some reason, instead of the heat of the tent and the freezing cold river, all I could think about was the moonlight revealing sights I could never unsee.
“Fine. Great,” I answered. “I’m just going to change into my nightclothes.”
“Do you need—”
“No!” I said a little too loudly. “Mila left my laces loose.” I disappeared into the other section of the tent before he could see my thoughts playing across my face. By the time I changed clothes, I hoped I could stop awkwardly picturing him in the sauna.
With other women.
Mila had said it was separate, innocent. So why did it make me feel so flustered? Or was I only embarrassed to be thinking about it at all?
It took me longer than it should have to find a nightgown in the chest Mila had left because it wasn’t layered and ruffled and awful. In fact, the soft, cream-colored fabric was lacy and pretty, though still modest enough that I didn’t have to feel uncomfortable with Theo there.
Mila might just be one of my favorite people in the entire world right now.
