I made it all the way to the refreshment table without Evander following me or Iiro chastising me. My face must have displayed every bitter thought running through my mind, because more than the usual amount of people gave me a wide berth.
Giving myself something to do other than stand and stew in my own irritation, I made myself a small plate of the tiny pancakes with cream and a black garnish, along with a skewer with fruit and cheese.
Without too much thought, I popped the entire little pancake in my mouth and instantly regretted it.
The bread part was delicious, but the black garnish made me want to heave. It felt as if I had poured a cup of salt over an old fish and let it congeal in my mouth.
My eye twitched of its own accord, and a shiver ran from my neck down to my toes. Spinning around so that no one could see me, I searched in vain for a napkin to spit it out.
“Dance with me?” Theo’s familiar deep voice intoned from behind and I froze.
With no other options left, I forced myself to chew and swallow the horrid mouthful, and was only just successful at keeping it down. Instead of turning to face him, I ladled myself a glass of medovukha and drank it down as quickly as possible.
When I finally turned to face him, I was relieved to find that he was alone.
“Dance with me?” he asked again. His voice was tenuous, like maybe he knew every vicious thought that had been running through my mind only a few moments ago.
Theo’s sincere gaze bored into mine and for a moment, I almost forgot why I had been so upset to begin with. Or perhaps he just saw my queasy expression.
I nodded sharply, finishing off my glass, before setting both it and my plate down on the table and taking his hand.
When the music was at a steady hum, the tension had already begun to ease out of me and I wanted to sink into Theo’s arms for the rest of the night.
But then Mila’s words came back, and I froze.
Theo tilted his head in a question, and I leaned forward, speaking as quietly as I could.
“Were you promised to someone else before I came here?” It struck me that I had never asked.
He had asked me, but I never reciprocated, and suddenly, I felt foolish for that. What other questions wasn’t I asking?
Theo’s brow furrowed. “You mean Galina?”
I hated the sound of her name on his lips. What is wrong with me? For the few kisses I had shared with the men at court…and a couple of stableboys, I had never been jealous. It was an ugly feeling, clawing its way out from inside me, but I couldn’t seem to stop it.
I nodded again.
“We had discussed the possibility of negotiating an alliance,” he said as we dipped between the other dancing couples.
“Through marriage?” I clarified.
“Yes, but—”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Theo’s eyes widened, like he was willing me to understand. “Because…nothing was official. It still isn’t. And…then I met you.”
My stomach twisted.
“Theo, I can’t be that girl. I can’t have you string her along because of whatever this is between us.” I took a breath. “And you know this can’t last…”
His hazel eyes bored into mine, and his hand at my waist tightened.
“No, I don’t know that,” he said, running his thumb back and forth on my side. “But, it also isn’t like…that, with Galina. It’s only been talks of a possible arrangement. Nothing set in stone. She knows that.”
I stole a glance at the girl who was very much staring daggers at me.
“I don’t know that she does.”
He sighed, irritably this time. “Galina was someone my brother chose for the good of the clan.” He leaned closer to me, talking in a low voice in my ear. “But she isn’t who I choose.”
My heart galloped within my chest. Tension crackled between us with everything we both refused to say, and I began to feel impossibly stupid about this entire thing.
“Well. You didn’t have to dance with her so much,” I muttered.
He chuckled softly. “Appearances, remember?”
Right.
“That’s really not my strong suit,” I said wryly.
He raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. “You don’t say.”
Not for the first time, I missed Davin. These were his strengths, subterfuge and secrets and all the court games. Mine lie more…well, I didn’t actually know where my strengths lie.
Not in good decision-making, and certainly not in politics. I was an average fighter, better than Davin, admittedly, but nothing at all like my cousin, Gwyn.
I supposed I’d have to settle for being amusing and hope that was enough when pitted against Galina’s mile-long legs and perfect Socairan lack of personality.
When the dance was over, Mila came to grab me for the sauna. Theo escorted us over this time, making me promise that we would wait for him to head back to the tents.
This time, I was prepared for the intense heat when we entered the tent. I was surprised to find I even enjoyed relaxing in the dark, steam-filled space with a mug of ale in my hand. It was at least preferable to dancing in front of everyone.
Even the prospect of the freezing cold river afterwards was more appealing than an encounter with Sir Mikhail, and certainly more so than Lord Evander.
Mila chatted about the lords she danced with and whose company she enjoyed more when my attention was pulled to the tent entrance.
Galina’s eyes roved over the empty tent until they met mine, and the smile on her elegant face quickly disappeared.
In spite of what Theo had said, I wasn’t sure she felt the same way. I saw the way she looked at him when they were dancing, and it wasn’t the look of someone who was just in talks about a marriage alliance.
She averted her gaze and turned to leave when I called out to her.
“No, we’ll go,” I said, standing up and polishing off my mug of ale. “The sauna is all yours.”
Galina didn’t reply, but her shoulders seemed to relax a little when Mila shrugged and followed me out.
Theo’s words from the dance came back to me as we dove into the river and again when we were drying off and waiting for him to escort us back.
Galina wasn’t his choice.
My chest tightened at the thought with an emotion I couldn’t name. I wasn’t sure what I should feel or think about that.
She was just a pawn in another man’s game.
And with the dukes vying for my hand in marriage or suggesting new and creative ways to leverage me against my family every other hour, that was something I understood all too well these days.
