The heavy rains chased us all the way back to the tent.
I was soaked through by the time we made it inside, water drenching every square inch of my cream-colored gown. With the dropping temperatures, I registered that I should be cold, though I was far from it.
My heartbeat pulsed hard enough in my ears that it nearly drowned out the deafening thunder outside. I paced the small space of the tent’s main room, growing angrier and angrier with each step.
“He tricked me.”
Theo shook the water from his head and began to strip off layers of his wet coat and shirt, hanging them over the dressing divider to dry.
“That’s what he always does, Rowan,” he said bitterly, grabbing a towel to wipe down. “It’s who he is.”
“It’s still my fault you lost,” I said, clenching my fists. “If I hadn’t—”
Theo slung his towel over his shoulder, gently placing both of his hands on my arms.
“It wasn’t your fault. Evander just likes to get under people’s skin. I’m sure he already had his fighting strategy in mind. He just wanted to make you feel bad by making you think you had contributed.”
The warmth of his touch seared into me, forcing my body to finally register how cold it actually was. I shivered and leaned further into him.
“How very upstanding of him,” I muttered, my fury dampening a smidge.
“That’s just Clan Bear.” Theo sighed. “Don’t let him get to you. It was only a sparring match.” He sounded like he was convincing himself as much as me, only worsening my guilt.
I took a deep breath and slowly blew it out, meeting his golden green eyes. It wasn’t like me to get so angry, let alone stay that way. Turning around, I gestured for him to undo the laces of my dress, trying and failing to calm myself in the process.
When he was finished, I moved to the other side of the divider and peeled the wet dress from my body, along with my shift, and patted myself dry with one of the spare towels.
“It’s just frustrating, knowing that he’s so conniving and he seems to be against you in every way.” When I was done drying off, I slipped into the nightgown I had left there earlier. I would have to change again later, but for the moment, it was warm and dry. “Not only could he cost me my life, but after meeting him, I don’t trust that he won’t try to bring war to your doorsteps just for his claim to the throne.”
I came back to the main room to find Theo lacing up a dry pair of trousers, still shirtless. My eyes snagged on the motion, and I looked away, rambling in my discomfort.
“Mila told me about how they treat their people on his lands. The thought of their clan being in control of all of Socair… I just—”
Theo came closer to me, lifting my chin with a calloused finger and pressing his lips to mine. It was ridiculous how much I had missed this feeling after going only a few days without it. I melted into the touch, savoring every second of the momentary distraction.
When he pulled away a fraction of an inch, his words were a whisper across my mouth.
“I can deal with Evander. Don’t worry. The other clans would never tolerate a war for that.” He leaned in again, planting a chaste kiss on my nose. “I think you should know that you are adorable when you’re angry.”
His lips pulled back in one of those rare smiles he reserved for me, and the last vestiges of my anger evaporated.
“Well, that’s something, at least.” I smirked. “I’ve heard that being adorable covers a multitude of sins.”
His grin widened, making my heart race for entirely different and far more inviting reasons than it had been earlier.
“I think I know something that might put you in a better mood,” he added, tucking an unruly strand of hair behind my ear. “If it keeps raining, the dance tonight will be cancelled.”
“Darn, and I was so looking forward to dancing with Sir Mikhail again.”
I said and Theo shook his head, a wry chuckle reluctantly escaping his lips. “Whatever will we do to pass the time?”
His bare chest rose slowly, and his gaze darkened.
“I’m sure we’ll come up with something.” He arched a brow and leaned in further, wrapping an arm around my waist to bring my body flush against his.
In several tauntingly slow seconds, his mouth met mine once again. My hands made the slow trek up his torso, widening out to explore the corded muscles of his broad shoulders.
He made a sound low in his throat, and I fisted my fingers in his short blonde locks, pulling him even closer down toward me. His hands traced a proprietary arc down my shoulders, around my waist and lower, exploring the swells of my hips and brushing along the outside of my thighs.
He pulled me into our section of the tent, laying me down on the bedroll without breaking our kiss. Then he was balanced over me, his lips skating from my mouth, down my jaw, over to the sensitive area below my ear.
His fingers grazed my skin in tantalizing movements, but he never took it any further than that. I was grateful for that, when things were complicated enough as it was.
For a while, there was only Theo. His lips, his tongue, his breath mingling with mine. Nothing and no one else existed outside of this space we had carved out for ourselves.
Night had fallen at some point while Theo and I were wrapped up in each other. I reluctantly pulled away from him when Inessa and Iiro returned, using the excuse of needing the privy.
When I returned, he was already in his bedroll. It felt ridiculous that we were so far apart in the small space when all I wanted to do was be near him, but even I had more propriety than that.
So I reluctantly got into my own bedroll, pulling the blankets around me, and Theo turned out the lantern. There were several beats of silence before he sucked in a breath to speak.
“Have you given any thought at all to what you’ll do after the Summit?” he asked.
“It’s starting to feel like there won’t be an ‘after the Summit’ for me.” I meant it as a joke, but it fell flat.
“Hey,” he said softly. “That won’t happen. Several of the clans are in favor of ransom or sending you home, and all we need is five.”
I let his words wash over me. “Here’s hoping.”
“But if they do. You’ll…go home, to Lochlann?”
“When the pass is open,” I responded softly.
Silence stretched between us again, and once more, he was the one to break it.
“Have you considered whether you would want to stay here?” His tone was hesitant, almost as if he had been nervous to ask.
“You mean…with you?” I forced myself to clarify.
“Well, certainly not with Sir Mikhail,” he said drily.
I let out a surprised huff of laughter. “Honestly, I hadn’t thought about it.” Realizing how that sounded, I winced. “I mean, I haven’t given much thought to anything past the Summit. That’s as far as I can see right now.”
“And if you did think about it?”
I swallowed uncomfortably. This was the last conversation I wanted to have right now, but after spending the entire evening with my lips pressed against his, I probably owed him an answer.
“Did you know that my sister was married?” I asked.
If he was surprised by my abrupt question, he didn’t show it. “Yes.”
“Then you also know that he died?” Somehow it was easier to talk about this in the dark, where he couldn’t see my features.
“Yes.” His voice held more sorrow this time.
“We grew up with Mac. He was like a brother to me, but to Avani…he was her everything. And when he died, it was like a part of her died with him.”
The back of my eyes burned unexpectedly, my longing for my sister so visceral, it was like a palpable thing. I missed her so much, and now I may never see her again.
Now, she may lose me too.
“I’m sorry,” Theo said, pulling me from my thoughts, but it was clear in his tone he hadn’t connected the dots. So I tried again.
“My aunt and uncle helped start a war with their love. My parents may have won our people over in the end, but there were years when the people and the Council didn’t quite trust them because they hid their relationship.” I sighed. “The thing is, I never wanted to marry for love. I never wanted to be in love. I still don’t want that for myself.”
Several moments passed wherein I was sure Theo hated me. Not being able to see his expression was torture. Then I heard movement, and I squinted to make out the shadowed outline of his form stepping out of his bedroll.
He was so upset, he was walking away. I had a small moment of panic, wondering what I could say to soften the blow that wasn’t an outright lie.
But instead of leaving, he pulled his bedroll closer to mine, laying down on top of the blankets. He moved closer to me, his face inches from mine when he finally spoke.
“You love me?”
My mouth opened, then closed, before I finally responded. “That’s not what I said.”
But had I been thinking it, somewhere in the back of my head?
“I think it is.” There was amusement in his tone, but on the bright side, at least my humiliation could kill me before the Summit had a chance.
“That would be ridiculous,” I whispered. “We’ve only known each other for ten days.”
“Hmm. Then I guess I’m ridiculous, too.”
I stopped breathing. “You don’t mean that. You can’t fall in love with someone in ten days.”
“No, not ten days. It only took me two.” He sounded so much more casual than his words were.
“Liar.” My voice was quiet.
“No.” He trailed his fingers from my wrist to my elbow and back again, tracing a figure eight pattern as he spoke. “From the moment I heard you laugh in my dungeons, I had to know what kind of person could light up such a dark place. I was completely captivated by you. I found myself coming up with excuses to be around you.”
I thought of him finding me and giving me a tour instead of sending me back to my rooms, and I knew there was some truth to that.
“Captivation isn’t love,” I pointed out.
“No,” he acknowledged. “But when you put yourself in more danger to keep Davin safe, when you showed concern for my people even though they were unkind to you, even seeing you laugh with Mila. It’s impossible not to love you.”
I had no words to respond to what he was saying, no way to explain how hearing him say that made me feel, so I closed the distance between us and pressed my lips against his.
He moved until he was hovering over me, one solidly muscled arm propping him up on either side, then lifted his head back enough to murmur against my mouth. “And Rowan?”
“Mhmm?”
“Just so you know, I think that loving someone is a terrible reason not to marry them. Of all the ridiculous things you’ve ever said, that might be the worst.”
I let out a small laugh. “Worse than weather toe?”
He pretended to deliberate, making a humming noise in the back of his throat. “No.” His mouth connected with mine again in a quick kiss. It was playfully loud, and I couldn’t even bring myself to care that Inessa and Iiro probably heard it. “Nothing will ever be more ridiculous than weather toe.”
In my head, I knew that he was right, but I couldn’t bring myself to want to belong so completely to another person like that.
Even if I couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing him again.
He kissed me again with more urgency this time, like he could hear the direction of my thoughts. I responded in kind, trying to drown out all the doubts and worry about what the future held.
For now, we just needed to get through the next five days.
