I shouldn’t have touched her. Not the way I did. I shouldn’t have put my hands on her perfect porcelain skin and I shouldn’t have loved every single fucking second of touching her. Because the more I allow myself to touch her, the harder it is to just follow her. The harder it is not to break into her life and make her see how insane she makes me and how deep my obsession with her runs.
Every step away from her apartment building makes my legs ache to turn around, but I have to put some distance between us to remind myself why I stay away.
Clara deserves a normal life. She deserves a guy who can give her the perfect family, three kids, a dog, and a white picket fence in the suburbs. But I’m not that guy and I never will be. I’m not capable of having a life like that, and that’s the reality that has kept me in the shadows for all this time. I can’t give her what she needs and what she deserves, so it’s best I stay away altogether.
I shoot off a text to Wynter to let her know Clara won’t be working and make up some bullshit about my just happening to walk past on my way to the office. She doesn’t need to know that I walk her assistant to work every day from a distance. I am actually meeting Everett this morning to discuss The Circle, our new fight club that opens in a few weeks. It’s been a long road, but I’m relieved it’s almost time for the first fights. I’ve been craving the violence of it all, and while our rules are a little cleaner than some of the other rings in the country, there will be no shortage of blood.
It’s not often I come into Frost Industries because it’s much more comfortable meeting at one of their homes, but as the baby gets closer to arriving, Wynter and Everett are spending every waking moment at the office to ensure they can both take some time off to spend with their little girl when she arrives. I also don’t like coming into the office. The lines of the foyer are too clean for my jagged pieces, the people too perfect for my brokenness. But today, I’ve made an exception because I’m ready to put the final pieces of the puzzle together.
I’ve worked for Frost Industries for all of my adult life. I was friends with Rayne, Storm, and Everett when I was young, and they’ve helped me live through nightmares I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. For that, I owe them an eternal debt of gratitude, and I’ll spend my life trying to repay them for the kindness they showed me on my darkest days.
By the time I make it to the eightieth floor, my hands are fisted at my sides and the uneasiness that always washes over me when I have to do shit like this has firmly taken hold. The men of the Saint James family, and even Everett and Elijah, can blend into this kind of environment, but I can’t. I stick out like a sore thumb, and if there’s one thing a ghost like me hates, it’s unwanted attention.
I don’t bother to speak to the receptionist as I walk through the rows of cubicles, trying desperately to ignore the stares. Why didn’t we do this at the estate again? Without knocking, I push my way into Wynter’s large office and find her behind her desk with her brows furrowed while Everett paces restlessly in front of her desk. He shoves his hand through his dirty brown hair, but his steps don’t falter.
“Why does he look like he’s the one ready to give birth?” I ask.
Wynter looks up at me and gives me a wide smile. “He thinks I’m working too much for how far into my pregnancy I am.”
“That’s because you are working too much,” Everett argues. I’ve known the man for a decade, but the times I’ve seen him this agitated have been few and far between.
She rolls her eyes, but there’s a soft smile playing on her lips. “You spoke to the doctor this morning, and she confirmed what I’ve been telling you for the last two weeks. I’m perfectly fine to sit behind my desk and work as long as I’m not stressed. It’s no different from sitting on the couch at home watching Netflix.”
“Except there, I know there’s no way of you being stressed.”
“Do you know what’s stressing me out, Ev?” She raises a brow and his step finally falters. “You pacing like the world is falling. Can you either sit down and talk to Tommy or get out so I can get some work done?”
He glares across the desk at her before finally dropping into one of the two chairs on the other side of the desk from his fiancée. I think this pregnancy has been much harder on him than it has Wynter, and if she doesn’t kill him before the baby’s born, it will be a miracle.
“Now, you.” She turns her icy-blue stare on me. “What have you done to my assistant?” She quirks up a perfectly shaped brow before leaning back into her chair. If it weren’t for the basketball shoved up her dress, you’d never know she’s pregnant because she hasn’t slowed down for a second and she’s looked perfectly put together every time I’ve seen her. Her long blonde hair is always perfectly styled, and with or without makeup, Wynter is beautiful. If she weren’t like a sister to me, perhaps I would feel something toward her, but alas, she’s my best friend’s girl, and she’s not really my type.
Speaking of my type. “Clara was involved in a small accident this morning and I happened to be walking by.” It’s almost to the word what I sent her in the text earlier, but if there’s anything I’ve learned from years of lying to people, it’s that a consistent story is better than an overexaggerated one and staying as close to the truth as possible without actually telling it is the key to a good lie.
“What kind of accident? Is she okay? Should I call Doc?” Her brows pull together with concern.
“What happened to no stress?” Everett asks, his blue eyes turning on her.
“I’d be this stressed if I found out my assistant was hurt if I were at home,” she snaps.
“She’s fine,” I reassure her. “A car clipped her and she has a bit of bruising, but I thought it would be best for her to take the day to rest.”
“A car clipped her?” she shrieks and Everett’s head snaps up.
“Calm, Wynter, calm.”
“Like I said, she’s fine. She has some minor bruising, and she’s a little sore. I offered to have Doc check her leg out, but she insisted she was okay.”
“That’s because she thinks she’s an inconvenience to everyone.” Wynter sighs and picks up her phone. “That girl is going to be the death of me. Or you will.” She looks up at Everett through dark lashes. “Could go either way.”
It occurs to me to ask why Clara feels that way, but I can’t show my hand. The people in this room are the closest thing I have to family, but they can never know how obsessed with Clara I am. I’m not good enough for her, and I’ve already made peace with that. The only way I can be in her life is from the shadows, and that’s where I’ll live out the rest of my days. Because I can’t allow my darkness to dim her light, even if I am a selfish asshole in every other part of my life.
“You should have called Doc even if she said no,” Wynter grumbles.
“She was insistent that she didn’t need it. Hell, the fact I got her to stay home today was a challenge in itself.”
Wynter watches me over the top of her phone for long moments and if I were a lesser man, I would be holding my breath under her scrutiny. She’s trying to look through me, trying to see something that I’ve hidden deep down inside where no one can find it. “You need to go back over there and make sure she’s okay and has everything she needs,” she finally says.
I raise a brow and lean back in my seat defiantly. “Why would I do such a thing, Wynter?”
“Because Everett won’t let me move without calling my doctor, so I figure it’ll be quicker and less painful for everyone involved if you just go.”
The thought of going back to Clara, of caring for her under the guise of it being instructed by her boss, makes something inside me breathe easier at the thought of being close to her, being able to touch her, but the rational part of me tells me it’s a bad idea. The more time I spend with Clara, the worse my obsession is going to get, and I’m worried if it grows too much deeper, I may not be able to control myself or my actions. Too much time with my little Fawn will only end one way, and that’s with my knife slicing her perfect skin as I fuck her pretty little face. “I can’t,” I tell her. “I have a lot of shit to do for The Circle and Rayne said he might have a guy he needs interrogated.”
“I’m sure he can handle that himself, and if Storm asks about The Circle, just send him to me. He’s too scared he’s going to force me into labor to question me.” She giggles and rubs her belly affectionately. The whole family, myself included, is over the moon at all the baby news in the Saint James family, but there’s a fresh layer of worry a new generation brings. There’re politics and threats, and so many things the child will be exposed to that they shouldn’t be, and despite the elation, there are concerns too.
I look to Everett in the hope he might be on my side, but he can’t tear his eyes from Wynter for long enough to help me. I bet the asshole hasn’t heard a word I’ve said. He’s too busy watching every move his fiancé makes. “I can drop in some food, but I really can’t stay long,” I concede. It’s not often I bend to the will of another person, but while I’ll never admit it, I, too, am in the mindset that I don’t want to be the one that sets her off.
Wynter gives me a satisfied smile before turning to Everett. “See, no stress.”
She may not be stressed, but I sure as hell am because somehow I have to be in a small apartment with Clara and I’m expected not to act on my obsessions. Fuck.
