He won’t leave.
It’s been hours and I thought for sure he’d get called away on a job or get bored. But nope, he’s sitting beside me on my couch like it’s the most normal thing in the world for me to have a serial killer watching reruns of The Office with me. Until now, I never really considered Tommy would do normal things like watch television, and although I’m trying my best to pay him no mind, my eyes find themselves wandering to his relaxed body beside me.
When he first sat down, he was hyperaware, his eyes darting around the room like something might pop out from the closet and kill us, but to my surprise, as time goes by, he’s gotten more and more comfortable in the space, and he’s taken up more and more of the couch. That part I’m not so happy about.
He insists on me having my leg elevated, which means I can’t move away from him the closer he gets, and his heat is stifling as his leg presses against mine. Has he done this on purpose? As far as I’ve seen, he hasn’t looked away from the TV longer than to check his phone and put it back in his pocket.
I, on the other hand, can barely focus on my favorite show because the man beside me smells so fucking good. Like vanilla and sin, and despite my better judgment, all I want to do is bury my face in his neck and take in the addictive cocktail. On top of that, he’s taken off his coat and pushed his long sleeves up around his thick forearms, putting his detailed ink on display. Despite his proximity, I can’t quite make out what his tattoos are, but I try nonetheless.
One episode bleeds into the next, and before I know it, the room turns dark as the sun sets over the city, and a fresh wave of anxiety rolls over me. When was the last time I was alone with a man at night? The only time I spend any time with the opposite sex is at work, and that’s by design, but the idea of being alone with Tommy as darkness falls over us has my heart speeding up.
“Are you okay?” he asks, tearing my attention from the panic flaring to life in my chest.
“Yep.”
“Because you seem really tense. Do you need to pee? I can carry you into the bathroom if you want?”
My head whips around to glare at him. “Absolutely not.”
An amused smirk plays on his lips and I barely catch myself before the sight makes me do something crazy like reach out to touch the lopsided smile. “If you gotta go, you gotta go, fawn.”
“Will you stop calling me that?”
“No.”
“Is that your favorite word?” I sigh in frustration and drop my leg from the table. The pain isn’t as intense as it was earlier, which means he’ll hopefully leave soon.
“Only when it comes to you it appears.” He stands and holds his hand out to help me up, but I just roll my eyes and push myself up using the arm of the couch.
It’s not until I’m standing that the pain hits me. It’s definitely better than it was this morning, but it still hurts like a motherfucker when I put pressure on it and Tommy seems to notice me wince.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to get Doc around here?”
“I’m fine.”
“Sure looks that way to me.”
“Don’t you have someone to maim?”
“Probably.” He shrugs. “But I don’t want to leave you on your own while you’re hurt.”
I growl and take slow steps away from him. I need to put some distance between us because the more time I spend in Tommy’s space, the more temptation plays at the edges of my composure. It’s been a very long time since anyone has intrigued me the way he does, and I don’t like it. It unsettles me. “I won’t tell Wynter you left.”
His chuckle comes from right behind me, but I didn’t hear him move. How does he move so quietly, considering his size? He’s tall and has more muscles than I’ve ever seen on a man, so how is he so light on his feet? “You think I’m here because Wynter told me to be? Let me let you in on a little secret, fawn. If that were the case, I would have come here, set you up on your bed surrounded with snacks and left. That’s where my duty to you would have started and ended. But I’ve been here all day because this is where I want to be. I want to be here taking care of you.”
I can’t bring myself to turn and look at him, not when he’ll see the shock written all over my face. Because none of the words that just came out of his mouth make any sense. Not together, not separately, not at all. Tommy is the most ruthless, cruel man in the city, words I’ve heard Wynter using to describe him time and time again. If I asked him to tell me about himself, I have a sneaking suspicion that he would use those same words. The idea of him wanting to care for someone, let alone someone he’s only met on two occasions, both of which he saved her, seems completely preposterous. And yet he’s not laughing.
Even though he’s not touching me, his heat at my back is stifling, and I can barely stop myself from taking a step forward. Words form on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t manage to speak them through the cocktail of confusion and fear. I’m not afraid of Tommy, though I probably should be. He’s never been anything other than kind to me. What I am afraid of is how he makes me feel. No matter how often I remind myself why I don’t let people into my space and my life, I’ve allowed him to sit beside me all day. I’ve let him creep closer and closer, and even if I try to deny it to myself, his presence and his touch are oddly comforting.
“Get out.” The words are strained as they fall from my lips, but I need him to go. I can’t have him here anymore because the longer I allow him to stay, the closer I get to throwing caution to the wind and allowing myself to lean into the way he makes me feel. But I can’t allow that to happen. I can’t allow myself to let my walls down.
“Clara— “
“No. I want you to leave and I don’t want you to come back. I don’t need anyone to look after me. I’m a big girl and I’ve been doing it all by myself for a long time.” I pause to gather myself before finally turning to face him. “Please leave.”
He considers me for a few seconds, his eyes brushing over my face, looking for any sign of hesitation, but he won’t find any. I’m a professional when it comes to pushing people away. Because all letting people close can gain is pain, and I’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime.
