“Sin! Hey, wait up,” Ashes called out, trotting down the hallway toward me. I stopped and waited for him, taking in how he seemed exhausted with the dark circles around his blue eyes and the way his smile wasn’t quite as bright as I was used to seeing.
It felt like too long since I’d been alone with Sirena. When they didn’t need me, I kept my distance as promised, but it was eating me up inside to be a silent bystander.
“Hey,” I greeted him. “Uh, what’s up?” I winced at the gnawing ache on my side. I’d whipped myself earlier that morning, and the wounds were tender on my broken skin.
“I was wondering if you could hang out with Sirena tonight. I need to burn, and I don’t want to take her out into the cold. Plus, I don’t want her to freak out since we’ll be in the woods.” He sighed. “I think her being home in the warmth would be best.”
“So just you and Stitches would be going out?”
“And me.” Mirage joined us, his rabbit mask in place.
Ashes raised his brows at Mirage. “You want to come with us?”
“Yes. I already know that I will, so there is no sense fighting it.” He winked at Ashes, who didn’t even look interested in fighting it.
Instead, we stopped our walk and made a small circle to converse.
“You look different today,” Ashes said, narrowing his eyes at Mirage.
It was Mirage’s turn to raise his brows. “Do I? How so? Same mask. Same…smile.”
“I don’t know. Did you cut your hair or something?”
“No. I brushed it, though.”
Ashes chuckled. “Do you not brush your hair?”
“Some of us aren’t responsible like that, Asher. I’m lucky if I can find my carrot in the morning.”
“He means the vegetable,” I cut in. “Not his dick. He always has that in his hand.”
“Fuck you.” Mirage chortled. “Asshole. You’re one to talk.”
I caught the small smile on Ashes’s face at our bantering and fixed one on my face that, for once, didn’t feel so forced.
“I lived with Sin. I know too much about his carrot issues,” Ashes said, bumping his shoulder with mine.
It almost felt like the old days when I was still a watcher. The smile faltered on my lips at the thought that now I was just the odd man out, looking in.
“So, Sirena?” Ashes looked to me.
“Uh, yeah. I, um, I can do that.”
“Awesome. Thanks, man. I set Stitches’s homework on fire in the sink this morning.”
I winced at that. It wasn’t often Stitches even bothered with homework, so for Ashes to have burned it on him. . .
“Hey.” Stitches rounded the corner with Sirena and joined us, his arm around her waist.
Her colorful eyes met mine for the briefest moment, making my heart lurch with want. I inhaled deeply to calm myself before watching her gaze move to Mirage. I studied them, noting Ashes and Stitches weren’t paying attention as they talked.
Mirage’s blue eyes sparkled, a tiny smirk on his lips as he stared back at her. Her cheeks darkened a pretty pink color, and her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.
I wondered if he was doing some head shit with her. He told me he couldn’t read minds, but that didn’t make me believe anything because he still always knew things.
It wasn’t a secret to me that Mirage and Asylum wanted her and wouldn’t stop until she was theirs. Sometimes I wished I had their stamina for getting their lives fucked up by Church and the guys. And their hearts because I wasn’t so sure any of this was going to work out for anyone.
Especially once Church figured out she had room in her heart for the psycho.
“Faith, Sinclair.” Mirage’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts.
“What?” I blinked at him, stopping Stitches and Ashes’s conversation.
“Faith. It’s what you lack. Have some, OK?” Mirage’s voice was gentle, but he was the gentler one if I had to label him. He was also more unpredictable than Asylum was. Sometimes, though, it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began.
I pushed my hand into my pocket and felt the rosary Sirena had given me. I’d prayed with it every night since I’d gotten it. I’d even gone to the lake and sat in the cold, looking out at the frozen water, making wishes and saying prayers I hoped were heard.
I offered Mirage a brittle smile and looked to my feet.
“OK, well, that was weird, but what did I expect?” Stitches called out. “Asylum, man, you’re nuts. Anyone ever tell you that?”
“I’m Mirage,” Mirage said instantly. “Not Asylum.”
Stitches rolled his eyes. “You’re nuts.”
“I don’t disagree.” Mirage shrugged, still smiling. “So. Heard your homework got torched.”
Stitches let out a sigh. “Ashes set it on fire this morning in the kitchen.”
“It wasn’t like you did it,” Ashes shot back.
“Dude, I did, like, three questions on there.”
“Malachi, you literally wrote, Fuck this. Fuck that. Fuck you. That doesn’t qualify as doing your homework.”
“Asher, I was going to finish it.”
I looked to see what Sirena’s take on the entire thing was. She was watching, the tiniest smile teasing her plump lips.
I licked mine, remembering what it was like to kiss her. She’d been so out of it when I’d last kissed her. Drugged. Hadn’t even kissed me back.
How I wondered what it would be like for her to kiss me the way she kissed the guys.
But I knew it wasn’t going to happen. Church made it abundantly clear there was no way in hell, but the Mirage/Asylum ordeal told me to get in there and play anyway. That she chose.
I tightened my hand around the rosary in my pocket, my thoughts getting progressively more morose, until I felt Sirena shift beside me, the guys continuing their bantering.
It took me a moment to realize she’d slid a note into my pocket.
My heartbeat thundered in my ears at the prospect of what she’d written to me.
I cast a quick glance to her only to see her watching the guys with a hint of amusement on her pretty face.
“Hey, asslicks.” Cady came into the fray. “And Rina.”
“Cadence, never a pleasure,” Stitches said, no venom in his words.
“Haha, douche nozzle.” Cady rolled her eyes at him before looking to Ashes. “It’s Friday. That means burning?”
Ashes smiled and nodded at her. “You want in?”
“Does Seth Cain creep you out? Hell yeah, I want in,” she proclaimed, jerking her thumb in Mirage’s direction.
“Easy, Cady Cat,” Mirage said easily. “You’re not exactly giving off wholesome vibes with all the trash you’ve been dragging back to your room.”
Cady stiffened and turned on Mirage.
“I know everything,” he simply said with a shrug.
“What are you doing? Stalking me?” Cady countered, a curious look on her face.
“Well, I know you brought a certain someone to your room last night. Someone you don’t want Sirena to know about.”
Sirena’s eyes widened before she looked to Cadence, whose face had gone red.
“We were just talking. He was apologizing for being a dick that night.”
“Why hasn’t he been in classes? Seen on campus?” Mirage countered.
I frowned, watching the exchange. Apparently, Stitches and Ashes were as confused about what was going on because they watched with narrowed eyes and crinkled brows.
“Adam has a note. He’s taking a mental health break,” Cady said, her voice shaking.
I didn’t give a shit about that, though. It was Sirena I cared about because her hand brushed the side of my leg before she turned tail and ran.
“What the fuck?” Stitches said, looking confused for a moment before he hauled ass after her. She was fast. I’d give her that.
“Uh, sorry. I gotta go,” Ashes muttered before he loped off behind Stitches to get to Sirena, who had disappeared around a corner already.
I stood looking between Cady and Mirage, wanting some context.
“Adam was a dick one night,” Cady explained, frowning. “He said some nasty shit about Sirena. Like extremely nasty. The guys kicked his ass and left him on the side of the road. He’s been in and out of it since. It wasn’t him,” she continued, her blue eyes bright, her words making me think she was begging us to believe her. “He has different personalities. The one that night was one he hates. He wanted to apologize for what was said. He’s been in the med facility and his dorm, trying to get his mental health back on track.”
I’d heard Adam Larson was a real prick. We all had mental health shit going on here, so it was hard to discern when people were truly being pricks or when it was something going on with them mentally. I supposed there was an argument for both sides of that coin, one I didn’t have the desire to debate.
All I knew was if he got his ass kicked by the watchers, he must have fucked up badly. Church didn’t typically beat you to near death unless you really pissed him off. He was levelheaded like that.
And Ashes certainly didn’t. He was the calm, collected one. If he was angry enough to beat a motherfucker, chances are, it was deserved.
“Why are you trying to convince me?” Mirage asked.
“I’m not. I’m just saying we talked. He told me what happened—”
“Cadence, I say this to you as someone who cares about Sirena,” Mirage cut in. “But fuck that guy. He’s not worth it.”
“You don’t even know him, Seth—”
“I know her,” he interjected. “And if it makes her uncomfortable, why would you want him around? Clearly, the shit he did bothered her. It bothered the guys enough to beat his ass. Did it bother you?”
She stared up at him for a moment. “Yes.”
“Then why entertain his excuses? Mental health or not, it upset her. He could snap and do it again. Why risk it?”
She chewed her bottom lip nervously, a look of defeat on her face.
“Cadence,” Mirage called out, moving into her space and resting his hands on her biceps. “Look at me.”
She forced her gaze to his.
“He’s not worth it. She’s come a long way. She’s been through a lot.”
“I-I know,” she whispered. “I just, I’m always living my life around hers. I love her so much, but I-I—”
“Are being selfish,” I said.
Both she and Mirage looked at me, her eyes wide.
“It’s OK to be selfish,” I explained, my voice soft. “As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. When it starts to hurt those we love, we need to examine the reasons we’re doing it. If those reasons don’t align with who we are deep in our hearts, then it’s time to back away from them.”
“Sinclair, I didn’t think you had it in you,” Mirage said, a smile working its way onto his lips. “You know what you’ve experienced?”
I crinkled my brows in confusion at him. “What?”
“Personal growth,” he said. “Nice.”
I blinked at his words, rolling over what I’d said. It had been like some forgotten part of my soul had spoken those words.
“Cadence.” Mirage focused on her again. “Sin is right. You can forgive the guy for his mistake, but that doesn’t mean you need to let him occupy your time. OK?”
She nodded. “OK.”
“Now smile for me.”
“Go to hell.”
“I already live there,” he murmured, chucking her in the jaw before backing away. “Go on now. Git.”
“I’m not a dog,” she said, scowling at him.
He unearthed a carrot from his back pocket and bit into it, chewing as he considered her.
“No, you’re more like a cat, aren’t you, kitten?”
“You’re so weird.”
“Like a mangy kitten.”
She gave him the finger and turned to leave.
“Cadence?”
“What, psycho?” She stopped and turned to look at him.
Mirage bit into his carrot again. “There are better men out there than Adam.”
“Like you?” She smirked at him. “You want my sister. Are you doing it because you love her, or are you selfish?”
“Both,” he answered simply.
Her lips parted as she stared at him, apparently surprised at his honest, direct answer.
“You’re not good enough for my sister.”
“No, but sometimes the bad guy wins.” He offered her a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
She shook her head at him and left us.
We didn’t say a word until she’d rounded the corner and disappeared.
“I wonder what little old Adam said to upset Church and the watchers. I wonder what he did to scare Rinny.” Mirage stared at the space where Cady had disappeared.
“We could always just ask the guys,” I said, knowing Ashes would be the one to go to. He’d answer without dancing around it.
The edge of Mirage’s lips curled up. “We could, or. . .”
“Or what?”
“We could pay a visit to Adam. I get a much better feeling from people when I’m near them.”
“Yeah? Or do you mean when you’re choking them?”
He chuckled. “Same thing, right?”
I shook my head. “In your world, I suppose it is.”
We didn’t find Adam. He wasn’t on campus or in his room. His name wasn’t registered as the day’s patients in the med facility, so we simply returned to classes. I was bored out of my head in some Bible course when I remembered Sirena’s note.
Eagerly, I pulled it from my pocket and stared at the perfect square in my hand before glancing around to make sure no one was watching me. Satisfied no one was, I carefully unfolded the paper, my heart bumping a hard rhythm in my chest.
Her words were scrawled perfectly across the page.
Sinful,
I had a good time with you the other day. I know it’s been quite some time since then, but I needed to tell you how I felt. I’m trying to be a stronger person. A better person. It’s not only for myself but for everyone who has to be around me. I don’t like being me sometimes, and I get the feeling you don’t like being you sometimes, either.
Stitches told me they were going to ask you to stay with me tonight. I hope I’m not out of line when I say I’m looking forward to seeing you. I want to get over the trauma of our past and move forward. I hope you want the same. I feel like we’ve both changed a lot since then and are better for it.
Hopefully, I’ll see you later. Maybe we could watch another movie? Or we could talk like this. I really enjoyed it.
Yours,
Sirena
PS- You make the best macaroni and cheese.
I swallowed hard and reread her note before scrawling a reply back to her on it.
Siren,
I would love to watch a movie with you, and if you’re feeling up to it, I could teach you how to make that macaroni and cheese.
I want to move forward too. It’s just. . . a lot. I struggle. It’s easier writing that rather than saying it. It doesn’t hurt so much that way.
Anyway, I look forward to seeing you tonight.
I’ll bring a notebook with me so we can talk if you’d like.
Yours,
Sinful
I stared down at my note to her, my heart in my throat. I knew it was only a note, but I’d never even remotely opened up like that to anyone before. I hope it didn’t come back to bite me in the ass. The bell rang then, signaling the end of class, and I got up. When I reached the door, I spotted Bryce in the hall.
Quickly, I pushed my way through to him and tapped him on the shoulder.
He turned, a copper-colored curl bouncing on his forehead, his hazel eyes wide. Maybe he expected to get punched or something. I had no idea. In fact, I didn’t even know why he was here. He seemed rather normal and boring.
“Hey, I need you to do something for me,” I said, clutching the note tightly in my hand.
“What?” He visibly tensed.
“You’re in Sirena’s class next, right?”
“Yeah. Why?”
I held out the note to him. “Make sure she gets this. Don’t fucking open it, or I’ll break your pretty face. Got it?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I got it.” He took the note from me and put it into his pocket. “That it?”
“Yes. Just. . . make sure she gets it.”
He nodded, and I stepped aside from him to pass through. I watched him go, really hoping I wouldn’t have to kick his ass.
