The moment I woke, I shoved my blankets off and stumbled to the bathroom. As quick as I could, I did my business before brushing my teeth, my mind racing on how I was going to get out of the house and get to wherever Sin was.
When I was lying on the table in the kitchen, Church had told me if I moved, Sin would surely die and that I needed to let Sin tell the truth. I’d been terrified in those moments, but I had to put my faith in something, praying death wouldn’t come to any of my guys over me.
I’d heard them say Sin was at the lake. It was a bit of a walk, and I had to go through the trail in the woods, but I could make it.
Hopefully.
I was terrified of the woods still. It was much easier to get through when someone was with me. Going alone put me on edge, but I’d do whatever I needed to in order to save Sin.
Church gave me enough sleeping meds to put my ass out all night. As groggy as I felt, I was ready for a war if it came down to it.
I didn’t bother dressing, opting to remain in the nightgown I was in.
Quickly, I rushed downstairs, rehearsing what I was going to say to Church and how I was willing to stab him to get my point across.
I stopped abruptly as all four guys put breakfast on the table.
“Good morning, heaven,” Ashes called out, his face cheerful.
Cautiously, I moved closer and rubbed my eyes. I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming.
“Angel.” Stitches came to me and kissed me quickly before taking my hand in his and leading me to the table. “We got up a little early to make you breakfast.”
He pulled my chair out and sat me down.
Sin looked at me and gave me a smile, his gray eyes filled with exhaustion. But he was alive.
He was alive, and he was here.
“I told you it would be OK,” Church said, coming and dropping a kiss on my forehead before going and grabbing a bunch of toast that had popped up and putting it on a plate.
I looked to Sin again.
He reached for my hand as he sat in his spot. They’d put a chair next to his for me.
“Hey,” he murmured, bringing my hand to his mouth and brushing his lips against my knuckles. “I’m sorry you were scared.”
I said nothing, not believing this was real. Maybe it was a lucid dream.
“It’s real,” Sin continued softly like he was reading my mind. “I’m here. I’m home.”
My heart soared.
I flung my arms around him, making him gasp at my sudden fierceness. It didn’t take him long to return my hug, dragging me against his body and rocking me.
“Baby,” he whispered over and over. “I’m home. I’m never leaving. You’re it, siren. You’re it.”
Our notebook was slid in front of us by Church. I reached for his hand as I broke away from Sin.
“You can thank me later,” Church said, his green eyes moving to stare at Sin. “Keep him in line. If he fucks anything up again, he really will die.”
“So dramatic,” Stitches said, shaking his head and putting a waffle onto his plate.
Church scowled at Stitches before throwing a piece of toast at him. Stitches whipped his waffle at him, smacking him in the chest, the syrup making the waffle stick in place.
“Motherfucker,” Church snarled before launching himself at Stitches as he fell out of his chair in an attempt to get away.
I watched them roll around on the floor together, each trying to shove the waffle down the other’s shirt and swearing at one another.
I looked to Ashes, who remained calm and continued to eat.
“Eat, baby,” he instructed while Sin poured me a glass of orange juice. “The boys will be boys. It’s how they are. Just step over them if they’re still going at it when you’re done eating. It’s what I do.”
I blinked at his words and looked back to the pair still wrestling on the floor.
“Ashes is right,” Sin said, dropping a piece of toast on top of the pair. Stitches grabbed it and tried to shove it into Church’s mouth. “They’ll be at it forever. Some things never change.”
“Eat,” Ashes urged again. “You’ll get used to it.”
There was a smile on his face as he exchanged a look with Sin.
So I ate while the brothers wrestled one another on the floor while stuffing food down each other’s shirts.
“What are you doing?” Church asked as he leaned against my doorway later that morning. I glanced over at him before reaching for my shoes to put into my bag. It was Friday. We had classes. I’d missed way too many of them lately and needed to go.
I didn’t get my shoes, though. Church took them from me and dropped them behind him before crowding my space and cradling my face with both hands. He tilted my face up to look at him.
“I asked you a question, specter. What are you doing?”
I searched his face, trying my damndest to get the words to come out, but they wouldn’t.
“You speak to Ashes by writing on his hand. You touch Stitches. You write notes to Sin. For me, you only stare. What am I doing wrong?” he murmured, his green eyes sweeping over my face.
I exhaled, wanting to tell him he pissed me off last night. That he scared me. That I didn’t like it.
“Say it,” he whispered. “All that anger I can see on your face. Say it to me. I want to hear it.”
I breathed out again, my jaw aching from clenching it. Closing my eyes, I thought about all the anger in my heart. All the despair. The fear. The sadness. The want. The need for revenge. To tell all of them how I felt without little notes and whispers. How I wanted Bryce and Asylum. And Mirage.
“Sirena,” Church called out softly.
I focused on the anger. It seemed to be an easier jumping-off point for me.
“You pissed me off,” I said, snapping my eyes open and staring up at him.
He nodded. “I know.”
“You hurt me. Scared me. I-I thought. . . I thought. . .” The words faltered on my lips before I closed my eyes briefly to gather myself before opening them and looking at him. “Aren’t you even a little sorry?”
He was quiet for a moment before he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.
“I was raised to never apologize for who I am and what I do. I don’t know how to really feel those emotions. Sometimes, I think maybe I am sorry, but then I realize that being sorry and having guilt are two different emotions. Sometimes they conflict with one another.” He paused and thumbed my bottom lip. “But to answer your question, no. I’m not sorry. I feel nothing akin to either guilt or sorrow in regard to yesterday.”
I shook my head at him and turned away, disappointed with his answer.
He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him again.
“Let me finish,” he said. “I am not remorseful for my actions. Maybe it’s because they were needed. I knew you’d never tell me. Keeping secrets does bother me, Sirena. Especially in my own home. I know who I am. Do you know who you are?”
I frowned at his question and looked down at my feet. The truth was, I had no idea who I was. Inside my head was a mess. One moment, I was strong and brave. The next, I was terrified, and confused and hiding in the darkness.
“That day when you let that little bit of yourself out in our living room,” Church continued, tilting my chin up. “I saw you then. I caught a glimpse of the strong girl you keep hidden. I’d love the chance to meet her properly. I think that’s the girl who can speak and who doesn’t take my shit. She’s part of what makes you who you are. I love all the parts of you, but you only give us the little pieces while we scramble to get the whole girl.”
I swallowed. “E-even the b-broken pieces?”
“The broken pieces are my favorite part.” He brushed his lips against mine. “I’m not redeemable, Sirena. You know I’m not. This is me not only telling you who I am, but I’ve also shown you my monster. I want to see yours now.”
“I’m scared—”
He pressed his finger against my lips. “Fear is also a monster, baby. Don’t let it be yours. In this house, there is no fear. You’re a watcher’s girl now. Show the world who the fuck you are if you can’t find the words. We’re your army in this dark kingdom. Whether you choose to believe it or not, you’re the ruler here.”
“I-I am?”
He nodded and ran his knuckles along my jaw. “How funny that you can’t see that. Whatever my queen wants is what she shall have.” He closed the space between us. “Tell me what you want, specter. My little Ghost. Tell me their names. I know there are more than four.”
My pulse roared in my ears when he pulled away from me, his green eyes sparkling with an emotion I couldn’t quite place since I’d rarely seen it on his face.
“You call the shots. Just don’t get carried away.”
I call the shots.
I choose.
“But for now, let me handle it until you’re ready. Deal?”
I licked my lips before holding my hand out to him. He smirked at me and brought his knife out.
“My sweet, brave girl, willing to make a deal with the devil.” He cut his other palm before I turned my palm upward. He made a small slash over it, the sting making me hiss. I pressed my hand to his and twined my fingers with him.
“Maybe I’m a devil too,” I whispered.
“I really fucking hope so, baby.” His lips met mine in a deep, penetrating kiss before our hands were all over one another, the blood stains marring our skin.
“By the way,” he said between frantic kisses. “You’re going to come downstairs and fuck Sin in front of me so I can watch.”
I groaned against his mouth, making him chuckle.
But when he lifted me, I wrapped my legs around his waist and let him take me downstairs and place me on Sin’s lap.
If he wanted a show, I’d give him one. As long as my timid side didn’t stop me, I knew I could do it.
That’s what queens in hell did. We persevered.
