My cell phone went off while I was coming out of the rink, and I wanted to answer Luna because I had something important to tell her. I had such an urge to tell her first and to see how she reacted when I told her the news.
Carter and I were finally getting closer to the future we always dreamed of.
My thoughts were full of Luna, and if I had to buy a new hockey stick for every moment I thought of her, I would have to take out a loan long ago.
As usual, I drove up the driveway and parked my car in front of the trailer where our boat was parked over the winter.
Camilla’s mini, Dad’s, and Ruby’s cars were parked where they always were when all of them were home.
The hardest part was to pretend everything was normal as soon as I entered the house. I would like to rub it in Dad’s face, but I knew he won’t react as I hoped he will, but I may try.
It could be the moment when he realized that ice hockey was a good use of time. I’ll tell Dad and show him that I can make him proud and that he can be proud of me.
I took another deep breath before taking the key out of my jacket pocket and sliding it into the door lock.
I smelled the stinky smell of vanilla and wood from Camilla’s candles again, which she always lit when she was at home, saying it should smell like a café with fresh cinnamon buns out of the oven.
But it smelled more like burnt cinnamon buns sitting in the freezer for several weeks because no one wanted to eat them.
Camilla had a bad taste not only in men but also in candles.
She was the kind of person who always took the candles that no one ever bought because they smelled so disgusting.
I set my gym bag beside me and got an overview, hoping to run into Luna. Ruby waved at me while sipping a small teaspoon to taste the sauce.
Luna’s deep dark brown eyes already found me, and I grinned briefly at her, which she returned and then focused on the tomatoes she was slicing.
It seemed like Ruby and Luna were cooking today, which was a good sign because I made my own dinner when my Stepmom cooked.
‘Hey, Dad,’ I said, looking at him, hoping he would look up from the laptop. He didn’t unless I was about to say that I won’t play ice hockey anymore and wanted to join his construction company.
‘I have something to tell you, so good news, and I think you’ll be happy.’
I sat down at the round wooden dining table across from him and looked at him spellbound, hoping I could see something in his stiff facial expressions.
How could a man be so cold?
For the first time, my Dad looked from his laptop to me, slid his glasses off the bridge of his nose, and laid them beside him.
‘What do you have to say, son?’
I supported myself with my forearms on the tabletop and was ready to tell him. The first time I had the feeling he would listen to me.
‘Coach wanted to talk to me and,’ I started to say, but he interrupted me before I could finish my sentence.
‘Weston, not that subject again. I don’t want to hear about it.’
I looked at him perplexed and swallowed the lump formed in my throat from his words. I glanced at Luna when I realized she and her Mom had stopped their conversation and were listening to my Dad and me.
‘But—’
‘There is no but, Weston. After college, you’ll realize your shitty ice hockey isn’t getting you anywhere.’
I shook my head and started tapping my foot nervously on the floor.
‘Get cleaned up, please. Dinner’s about to be served.’
He mumbled something else into his beard, but I didn’t catch it anymore, which was probably for the best.
Without justifying myself further, I got up from the chair, grabbed my gym bag, and went up the stairs where Camilla met me. I ignored her greeting and escaped her hand which she always tried to brush through my hair.
The worst part of this shitty conversation was that my Dad immediately went back to his work on the laptop after I said one word about ice hockey. I dumped my gym bag in front of my closet, settled on my old leather sofa, leaned back, and closed my eyes.
I never admitted it to anyone but Luna, but it hurt so much to know that my father didn’t care about anything I was doing or had already accomplished.
He always made me feel that my passion for ice hockey was bullshit and a waste of time.
He hasn’t seen me on the ice in years.
To be told repeatedly by Dad that he wasn’t interested and that I didn’t even need to start talking about ice hockey was always a punch in the stomach.
My Dad never bothered to come to any of my games.
He still doesn’t know what my team was called, let alone my back number.
I hated my Dad for that.
Sometimes I thought I was somehow seeking comfort in all the girls who stuck to my ass, especially after games. While some guys from my team went home with their girlfriends or parents to celebrate the victory, I disappeared with the girl to her home because I did not fuck in my car.
Until yesterday.
There was a knock on my door, and I heard it open a crack.
‘Wes?’ whispered Luna.
‘Mhm.’
Luna closed the door, and I heard her light footsteps on the wooden floor.
‘Why don’t you have a light on?’
I sobbed softly, trying to suppress my tears in front of Luna, so I just didn’t answer her. It was new to me that someone cared about me and someone was looking after me after my Dad was always talking so much shit.
This someone was now Luna.
Otherwise, my Mom always comforted me or stopped my Dad from making such statements, but she was not there anymore.
I didn’t know where she was now, but I stopped trying to stay in contact with her because I never got an answer from my Mom. I was still leaning against the back of my sofa with my eyes closed, but I felt the cushion beside my sink. I felt Luna hook her arm in mine and snuggle with her legs drawn up.
‘You know that what your father says isn’t true, right?’ asked Luna quietly, ‘and that he’s an ass,’ she added.
A somewhat forced grin formed on my lips.
I couldn’t get a single word out.
It was uncomfortable for me to show so much emotion and weakness, and I was just learning to deal with it and understand that it was okay to show my feelings.
In front of my father, I always wanted to be strong and show him that his words had bounced off my body like rocks for years.
There were so many things I appreciated about Luna.
Actually, I enjoyed everything about her, but now I realized that she had a talent when the right moment was to say something and when not.
In addition, she always hit the right words.
I swallowed the lump in my throat before talking, giving her insight into my head and thoughts.
‘It hurts so much to hear something like that from him and never get the support I want so much.’
Luna propped her chin on my shoulder, and I felt her gaze rest on my skin.
I believed it was impossible not to hear that I was trying to suppress my tears, and I couldn’t interrupt them anymore.
‘I can’t take it anymore, Luna.’
For the first time, I allowed all the feelings I usually tried to suppress. I leaned my head against hers, and our hands intertwined.
‘I can’t pretend anymore that I don’t care what my Dad thinks of me, but I do, and it’s a really shitty feeling,’ I continued, and I felt scattered tears running down my cheeks.
‘It’s okay, Wes,’ Luna reassured me and kissed my shoulder.
It felt good to let it all in. I felt so safe and understood in her arms and presence.
I want to have her with me forever.
How can a person become from a stranger to someone so important to me? I can’t stop thinking about her, and I´ll give everything to become the best she deserves.
She was my first thought in the morning and my last before I slept.
My head was full of her.
I got up like a dork with a grin, and I would turn the whole world upside down to make her feel good and have a smile on her lips.
‘You want to tell me what your Coach said? I’ll listen to you, I promise.’
I sat up straight and looked at her. Even though I couldn’t make out every detail of her face because of the darkness, the light from the string of lights on the patio was enough to see her.
‘The New Jersey Devils are interested in me.’ I heard my disappointment as I said it, not because of what I said, but because it’s the sentence I’d like to tell my Dad if he’d even let me talk that far.
Luna’s face lit up, like in those cartoon movies where a spark in the eye becomes visible.
‘This isn’t just good news. It’s terrific news, Wes.’
I didn’t even get a chance to respond to her sentence before she jumped on top of me, took my face between her hands, and kissed me. For the first time, I felt those cheesy butterflies in my stomach, if not a whole zoo, and it was the most beautiful feeling in the world.
Luna made me feel the most beautiful feelings.
‘I’m afraid of messing up, of not performing enough to stay interesting for the New Jersey Devils,’ I shared my doubts with Luna.
Her hands were buried in my hair again, and I felt her fingertips on my neck.
‘You can do this, Wes. You have what it takes, and you’ve proven it. Remember, you step out onto the ice daily to make yourself proud. Not your Dad. Your dream, your passion. You do it only for you.’
She tapped my chest on the last word.
‘And besides, I’m sure a New Jersey Devils’ jersey with your back number would look good on me,’ she smirked.
I couldn’t help but grin at the idea and grab her by the waist to pull her even closer for a kiss. Luna made me feel so many things I didn’t believe in anymore, and I wanted what she made me feel to never stop again.
I found my forever in my favorite person.
