CALLUM
Ifucked up. Again.
I’d known it as soon as I’d opened my mouth, but I definitely knew it when she came into class and didn’t look me in the eye. Not because she’d had her head down like she was hurt. No, she held her chin high and looked like she was ready to kick the world’s ass. She sat in her chair, her lips pursed tight and refused to meet my eye. Even when I called on her to speak.
I knew what I’d said was wrong, but I’d lost my ability to rein in my emotions after I’d already been drinking earlier to cope with her working at Voyeur. It scared me as how easy I let the insults fly. I’d questioned how she supported herself from my high horse and it had been wrong. I’d been lucky to never have had to worry about money. Yet there I was, recommending Starbucks. I cringed every time I heard the words in my head.
I’d just never felt so possessive before, so afraid to lose someone. What would I do if she left me? Would I go back to never being intimate again? Would I even want to try without her?
The thought terrified me. Imagining myself back at Voyeur in a room alone watching strangers do things I never could. Imagining myself walking around my big
empty house, alone. I couldn’t do it after knowing all that she’d shown me.
Thinking on my feet, I quickly wrote a note on a Post-it and slipped it between the pages of a packet I was about to hand out. I’m sorry. Please forgive me for being an ass. The little yellow slip of paper only allowed for so many words, otherwise I could have written a novel on all the ways I was so sorry. I stood up and began handing out the packets, making sure Oaklyn got the one that held the note. Then, I finished class and hoped for the best. I was too scared to look over at her again to possibly see rejection all over her face.
It was scary enough waiting to see if she would stay or walk out the same way she walked in, completely ignoring my presence and pissed. I couldn’t blame her if she did.
I tried to distract myself with packing up my things as the kids shuffled out the door, too scared to see if she’d already left. I had my answer when only a few people still lingered in the room and I heard, “I’ll see you later. I need to ask Dr. Pierce some questions about the project.”
“Okay, Oak. See you later.”
I watched her friend walk out the door, followed by a few other straggling students and then I finally turned to look at her. She stood there, her whole body filled with tension. Her fists gripping the straps on her book bag, her jaw set in a firm line, her eyes cold.
But I knew—I saw—behind the chilled indifference, was hurt. A hurt I put there. I swallowed hard past the regret.
Looking over, I made sure the door was firmly closed. I wished I could lock it and give us some privacy, but that could only lead to issues should someone try to enter.
“I’m so sorry, Oaklyn,” I said, staring her down so she could see the sincerity. “I was wrong. I was an asshole and I was wrong. I had no right to ask you to leave your job to come have dinner with me. I had no right to pass any kind of judgment on what you do. I’m so sorry.”
Her shoulders relaxed enough to ease the tightness in my chest. Her honey eyes warmed up a little more and she softened before my eyes, only showing the hurt, not bothering to hide. It was both better and worse.
“I get it, Cal. I really do. And it’s not like I want to be there. I need to be there, to reach my goals.”
“I know. And I respect you for your determination. I let my jealousy get the best of me. I’m just—” I choked over the words and had to clear my throat before continuing.
“I’m worried you’ll find someone better. Without all my issues.”
I almost laughed at the situation I found myself in. An older professor confessing his fears to his student. In theory, I had all the authority, but there she stood, my student, a shining beacon who held my happiness in her hands, with all the power to crush or make me.
She snorted. “I’m more likely to meet a guy at school than at Voyeur.”
“Don’t even get me started on the boys at school and how hard it is to watch them watch you. Even if you do deserve someone your age.”
I hadn’t meant to say the last part, admitting how much me being older than her—at a more settled place in my life than her—scared me, but there it was. Just another fear slipping out to lay at her feet. After a moment, she closed the distance between us and only stood a foot away, looking at me with wonder and awe.
“I only want you.” She took another step, now only a breath between us which felt like nothing when she gave me a shy smile. “I want Clark Kent. I want the man adorably in love with the stars.” Another step until her breasts pressed to my chest and I pulled in a ragged breath, my cock twitching behind my slacks. “I want the man who looks at me like I’m more than any of those stars.”
“You are,” I immediately agreed. “You are so much more. I’m sorry for being a jealous asshole. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want to lose you either, and I know I’m asking you to trust a lot, but I don’t have another option. I don’t really want to work there. It’s not like it’s my dying passion. I just need to . . . for now.”
I stared at her, taking in her small features surrounded by sharp cheekbones. The dark eyebrows that made her eyes seem all the brighter. The almost non-existent dimple in her chin. The freckles you could only see if you stood right in front of her. All of it held my attention like it had from day one. “You are so beautiful,” I whispered, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear.
“You’re not too bad yourself.” Her eyes dropped to my lips and then her tongue slicked out across her own.
I gave in to the desire and tasted them. I wrapped my lips around her bottom one and flicked my tongue across it.
I went to do it again, but she opened her mouth with a moan and sucked me in. My tongue met hers and immediately my eyes fell closed becoming lost in her. It was so easy now. There were no pep-talks and stares before I could finally relax enough to close my eyes and become lost in the moment. It happened in an instant.
I didn’t flinch when her hands slid up my arms, over my shoulders, until they dug in the back of my hair, holding me close. I didn’t jump back when her hips thrust in to mine, brushing against my erection. I became so lost that I almost didn’t realize when she began pulling back. She left a few more pecks against my lips before stepping away with a smile, her fingers to her lips as though holding my kisses in.
“We probably shouldn’t get carried away. Wouldn’t want anyone walking in on us.”
Nodding, I tried to collect myself, taking deep breaths and willing my cock to soften. With one last deep breath, I
turned to pack up my bag, ready to walk her out when the door burst open.
“Ready for lunch, asshole?” Reed asked, only seeing me when he barged in. It didn’t take long though for him to notice her. She was kind of hard to miss. “Oh, hey. So sorry about that. We’re old friends. I’m allowed to call him asshole,” he tried to explain.
Oaklyn smiled at Reed and let out a soft laugh. “It’s okay. No need to apologize.”
Reed, the perceptive bastard that he was, walked closer, letting his eyes flick between us. Probably aware of every female student I had since I’d confessed my attraction to one of them. When he got closer, he reached a hand out to Oaklyn. “I’m Reed. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Oaklyn,” she said, shaking his offered hand.
“Physics major?” Reed asked.
“No. Definitely not. Just here for an elective.”
Reed’s eyebrows rose at that, his mind clicking that this was the student who tied me in knots. He stared for a moment longer taking in all her features, and I wanted to wedge between them so he couldn’t look at her anymore. It may have been non-existent, but in my mind the silence lasted forever, and I needed to get Oaklyn away from Reed before he said something damaging.
“I hope you have a good rest of your day, Miss Derringer.”
“Thank you, Dr. Pierce.”
I almost groaned when she bit her lip holding my gaze before leaving. My eyes were glued to her until the door clicked shut. Even then, I still stared.
“She’s hotter than you said.”
I didn’t even bother denying it. It would’ve been a waste of energy. Instead, I grabbed my bag and walked past him.
“Fuck off, Reed.”
LYING IN BED, I struggled to stay focused on the book in front of me. My mind constantly wandering to Oaklyn. It always wandered to her. Even when I hadn’t known what she tasted like, felt like, it had still been focused on her.
Even now, I couldn’t fully explain what it was that drew me to her, what kept pulling me back. Maybe fate, an energy that my body recognized, knowing she would be the one to change me? I didn’t know, and I really didn’t care.
Tossing the book aside, I grabbed my phone and scrolled until I found her number. A text message wasn’t too much.
ME: How’s studying?
ALMOST IMMEDIATELY SHE RESPONDED, and my smile grew.
O: Good. How was your lunch?
Me: Good.
ESPECIALLY SINCE REED had offered me a break and hadn’t brought her up again.
O: Does he know about me?
I CONSIDERED LYING, but I didn’t want to lie to her. My thumbs hovered over the screen as I considered my words.
Trying to see the outcome that may have occurred for every response I thought of.
ME: He knows I’m attracted to you.
O: Does that worry you?
Me: No. Why?
O: You have a lot to lose, Callum.
Me: Reed wouldn’t say anything. He’s my best friend.
O: We should be more careful. I won’t be the cause of you losing your job.
I ALMOST RESPONDED that she was worth it, but I didn’t want to overwhelm her with the desperate feelings that consumed me.
ME: Don’t worry about me.
O: But I do. Maybe we should keep the classroom kissing to a minimum.
Me: I guess
Me: Party pooper.
Me: So, where do you suggest we get our kisses in?
SHE DIDN’T RESPOND. I almost set my phone aside she took so long to respond. My mind became lost in the possibilities of what I’d said that had made her stop talking. Maybe she had a phone call. Maybe I was over thinking it all.
I jumped when my phone vibrated in my hand. Seeing
“O” on the screen, I immediately swiped to answer.
“Hey.”
“What are we doing here, Callum?”
I paused, processing her sudden question. “What do you mean?”
Her heavy sigh reached through the phone and upped my anxiety about what she could mean.
“I don’t want to be one of those people who asks where we’ll be later, but this situation is different. There’s a lot at risk. I like you. A lot. I know this isn’t a normal relationship with dates and a chance at a natural progression like any other couple. But what are we doing?”
“Oaklyn.” I swallowed and thought through my words, needing her to know how serious this was for me. “You know I would take you on dates if I could. I would sweep you off your feet. And I will. Later.”
“But what does that mean? Later?”
“You won’t always be my student, Oaklyn.”
Silence greeted that statement, and I bit my tongue to keep from speaking as she processed that I’d thought that far into the future. I could at least admit that I had, I just wouldn’t admit to her how far I’d actually thought.
“Okay. I like the sound of that,” she finally said, making my face split into a grin. “But . . . ”
My smile slipped a little at that simple word. Rarely anything good came after but.
“What if people see us on a date later?”
“They can assume but won’t know. The possibility of assumptions won’t keep me from something I want and care about so much.” My answer came out more passionate than I intended, but I wouldn’t take it back. Especially when I heard her soft response.
“I care about you too, Cal.”
A heavy silence filled the line and I thought about what I really wanted to say to her. What my words really meant.
So much more than ‘want’ and ‘care’. Did she feel it? Did she want to say more, too?
She cleared her throat breaking the moment.
“Well, I should probably get going. This professor is making us slave away over a star project.”
“He sounds amazing,” I said, letting her escape the serious moment. Even though we were back to a lighter topic, again, her words reached me with more meaning than I think she intended for me to hear.
“He’s the best.”
