Year Four/Week Eight– Present
Halloween was tonight and I texted Blu asking if she wanted to come out with me and my friends.
I knew she probably had other plans, but I went ahead and shot my shot anyway.
A few guys from first year were having a house party in the village, and Bryce and I were going as Spiderman and Venom. Clubs were overrated and overpriced, even though girls loved that shit. Couldn’t be me. If Blu had plans to blow her life savings on twenty-dollar watered down mixers, I could save her from that.
5:18pm – Jace: Halloween party tonight. Want to come?
5:32pm – Blu Henderson: Where?
5:38pm – Jace: Campus village.
I texted her Bryce’s dorm room number because that’s where we were pre-drinking. Never in my life did I think Bryce would meet Blu; never in my life did I think I’d be the one providing that opportunity.
Over the last week I’d contemplated whether or not she was someone I wanted in my life, someone of value and importance. It was a stupid thing to analyze, but I rarely let people in. Nothing good ever came from it, nothing good ever will.
But the more I thought about her, the more I realized she was actively living in my head. There were no distinctive feelings to describe the emotions I felt, just that they were there. That was the push I needed to text her.
“She coming?” Bryce asked, slugging back a cider.
I checked my phone to see that I had two missed texts from her.
5:40pm – Blu Henderson: I’ll pass for tonight, have fun though!
5:41pm – Blu Henderson: Thanks for inviting me ��
It was a bit of a sucker punch to the face, honestly, reading those messages. I thought after the last couple weeks, we made some progress getting to know each other beyond something superficial. But then again, girls always made Halloween plans in advance so I shouldn’t have been surprised. Don’t take it personally, Jace. It’s nothing personal.
“Guess not.” I grabbed a Bud from the cooler and leaned against Bryce’s desk.
“Disappointed?”
I met his eyes, those curious brown orbs. “What answer are you expecting?”
He shrugged, his Venom mask tight like spandex over his forehead. “The truth.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “You look like a fucking idiot right now. I can’t take you seriously.”
“Look in the mirror, man. You’re in a skin-tight Spiderman suit.”
“And I look amazing.” The beer was cool on my tongue as I swallowed down the fizz, staring at my phone. “She’s probably going to a club.”
“Why don’t you ask her?”
“Because I don’t care.”
I didn’t need to look up to see that Bryce had rolled his eyes. “But you do.”
We stared at each other for a few moments before the unyielding curiosity took over. “Fuck it, I’ll just ask.”
5:55pm – Jace: No worries, you got big Halloween plans?
The temptation to silence her notifications was weighing on me. Halloween was always a ball and I’d never had to worry about a girl before, not that I was worrying about Blu. Riley and I had been together last Halloween so she was on my arm. Whose arm would Blu be on tonight?
6:01pm – Blu Henderson: The biggest. Think wild inebriation, strippers and a dildo cake with vampire fangs ��
A dildo cake with vampire fangs? Where was this girl going? Did I even want to know?
“I’m done with the questioning,” I told Bryce after hearting her message and switching off my phone. “Don’t think I’m going to like the answers.”
He lifted his can in the air to cheers me. “You’ll have fun tonight, man. When have you not?”
And just like that, a laundry list of occasions popped into my head.
When I was bullied for being too skinny, too ugly – an acne ridden loser.
When Riley broke me.
When my brothers devalued our relationship.
When my dad would yell. And I mean, really yell.
When I wasn’t good enough to play pro.
When I wasn’t good enough.
When I wasn’t good enough.
When I wasn’t good enough.
I pulled the Spiderman mask down over my head and shoved the rest of the drinks in a backpack, holding the door open for Bryce.
Halloween was my favourite form of self-expression. You could be anyone you wanted, put on a costume and people wouldn’t judge you, wouldn’t try and look any deeper than what you showed them.
Maybe it was a good thing I wasn’t seeing Blu tonight – she’d shred away this suit and pull out the pieces underneath.
Tonight, I was Spiderman. Tonight I saved the world.
Tomorrow, I’d be Jace Boland. The man who wished the world would save him.
