December 2011
Finals are next week, which means Ava is just two months from her February graduation. Next month, after the holidays, she’ll have one more J-term, and then she’s done.
Outwardly, things are going well. But Ava can’t concentrate. She has a secret so big that she’s kept it from everyone. Including herself.
But now her period is so late that she can’t ignore it any longer. She’s gotten by for weeks by reminding herself that women are sometimes irregular.
Yesterday morning when she went to the dining hall, though, the first whiff of eggs on the steam table sent her running for the bathroom to vomit. And Selby—her roommate who’s planning to become a nurse midwife—asked her point blank, “Could you be pregnant?”
Hearing it out loud broke through Ava’s denial. She purchased a test on Amazon, and it showed up today. She read the instructions, but she’s too scared to go through with it. So she’s spent the afternoon curled up on her bed, alternately napping and freaking out.
Reed is at a dry-land training session with the ski team. He said he’d come by when they were through. But she’s terrified to see his reaction if the test is positive. Reed never gets angry. He never yells. That’s part of why she loves him so much. She grew up with a ranting, unpredictable mother. So much yelling. But Reed is a calm soul.
That doesn’t mean he’ll be okay with this, though. His disappointment will kill her.
When the knock comes, her stomach clenches. She might be sick again, but this time it’s because of nerves. “Come in,” she squeaks.
The door opens slowly, and Reed’s perfect face appears. “Hi, sweetheart.” A furrow appears between his eyebrows. “Are you all right?” He drops his backpack and sits on the bed.
“Reed,” she says, and she’s already blinking back tears. “I’m so sorry.”
His face goes visibly pale. “What’s the matter? What happened? Are you sick?”
“N-no. I just…” She shudders out a breath, and his jaw tightens with worry. She doesn’t deserve him. And now she’s going to ruin everything.
“Just say it,” he demands. “You’re killing me.”
“I might be pregnant. I’m pretty sure, even though I haven’t taken the test.” She holds up the test kit, still in its box.
His gaze tracks to the pregnancy test, and his eyes widen in shock. Ava braces for the worst.
But then his whole face relaxes. He makes a soft noise of disbelief and lifts her off the quilt, settling her into his lap. “You think that’s a disaster? It’s not.”
“Reed!” she gasps. “It’s a pretty big problem.”
“Is it?’’ He tucks his chin onto her shoulder. “Do you love me?”
Her heart gallops. “You know I do.”
“Ava, I love you so hard. And, yeah, it’s not so easy to start med school with a baby. I wanted an easier time for you. But if you’re in, I’m in. There’s no reason to panic.”
Her heart trips over itself. “Really?” She wipes her eyes and leans against his chest. With his arms around her, anything feels possible. Even this.
“I promise we could make it work. You could defer med school a year and come with me out west.” He’s trying for a spot on Team USA. “Maybe you should take that test now, before we plan the rest of our lives on a hunch. I’ll hold your hand.”
“You can’t hold my hand while I pee on a stick.”
He laughs into her hair. “Just go do it. I want to know if some little person with your smile is going to call me daddy.”
Ava has to take a big gulp of oxygen after she hears that. It’s almost impossible to be as happy as she is right now.
But Reed gives her a gentle nudge, so she gets off the bed. She finally pulls the test out of its cardboard sleeve and conceals it under her Middlebury sweatshirt before carrying it down the hall to the shared bathroom.
She is gone only a few minutes, and Reed crosses his legs on the bed. His heart is thumping, but he’s not anxious. No, he feels a heightened sense of anticipation instead.
The pregnancy might be his fault. He’s pretty careful, but once in a while they get carried away, and he forgets the condom until halfway through.
But this feels like fate. Like God is sending him a sign and asking him to believe again. And he’s ready. Sometimes when he wakes up next to Ava, he knows with a fiery certainty that they are meant to be forever.
Apparently, forever starts now.
He hears footsteps in the hall. Before the door opens, he feels his mother’s presence for the first time in months. She fills the room with her warmth. You are so loved, she whispers.
Ava opens the door. Her lip trembles as she sits beside him. “It’s positive,” she whispers. Then she shows him a plastic stick with a “+” on it.
“Oh, wow,” he says, taking her smooth face in both his hands. He can’t contain his smile. A half hour ago he had no idea that his life would take this turn. But it feels so right. “You are so loved,” he whispers, the way his mother always did for him. “And our baby will be, too.”
Tears well in her eyes. Then she flings herself into his arms.
They end up kissing, of course. But this is the first time they are crying at the same time.
