“Are you breathing into a bag?” JP asks as I’m on the phone with him.
“YES!” I shout through the brown paper.
“Why?”
“Because I’m freaking the fuck out,” I say as I pace my bedroom.
After Lia blew me off, I stood in her apartment for a few minutes, thinking that maybe she was only joking and she would come back, but when she didn’t, dread started to fill my brain.
Why did she just walk out like that?
Who is she going to go see?
Why didn’t she make solid plans for when she returned?
Why am I a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times?
Fuck!
“Why are you freaking out?”
“All day, I was pining to see my girl, and when I got home, she was on her way out. Said she had to meet someone, but who the fuck is she meeting? I mean, we had plans, JP, not official, but I mean it was assumed we’d be spending every goddamn second with each other when we’re not working and she’s not working, and I’m not working, but she’s not here because she’s out somewhere and she was really fucking evasive about it, and now I’m wondering if I’m not good enough and if she found someone else that suits her fancy more.”
“Okay, well . . . first of all, wow. Maybe take a breather for a second, dude. Your desperation is showing.”
“I fucking know that it is,” I say as I pace. “Dude, listen, I’m terrified, okay? I feel like we’re together, but something has blocked her from fully being with me, and I know it’s just a feeling, but it’s there, and this little stunt has pushed me over the goddamn edge. I can’t lose her.”
“You’re not losing her, you moron. She probably went out with a friend.”
“What friend?” I ask. “Yeah, maybe I was a psycho and asked Ryot if Myla was with him, and maybe I asked Huxley, and maybe I called you to see where Kelsey was. She doesn’t hang out with anyone else.”
“Yup, okay, the desperation is truly thick. Maybe she had an embarrassing appointment and didn’t want to talk to you about it. Maybe . . . I don’t know. She has to get a mole removed or something.”
“I have licked every inch of that woman’s body. Trust me, there is nothing she needs to get removed.”
“Valid, I’ve done the same to Kelsey, and she’s perfect.” He pauses for a second. “Ooo, maybe she’s surprising you with something, like . . . a new car.”
“What the fuck is this? The Price is Right? She’s not getting me a goddamn new car.”
“Okay, yeah, but maybe it’s something else like lingerie! Now that’s exciting and nothing to get your dick in a twist about.”
“Yeah, I could . . . I could see that. Maybe she’s buying me something.”
“I bet that’s it, buddy. She’s getting the old Breaker Boy a little treat. What a fucking nimrod, here you thought . . .” His voice trails off, and then I hear him say, “Uh, dude.”
“What?” I ask.
“Question. Do you remember what Brian looks like?”
“Of course, I remember what he looks like. A punchable turd nugget, why?”
He’s silent for a second and then says, “Well, I think I know where Lia is.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.
“What do you mean you know where she is?” I ask, once again that dread filling me.
“So Kelsey asked me to pick up some mozzarella from a deli that she’s obsessed with, and since she’s pregnant and hasn’t been able to keep food down lately, I’d do just about anything to make her feel better, including driving twenty minutes to a deli to grab mozzarella.”
“What the fuck does this have to do with Lia?” I nearly yell.
“Well, the deli is next to a coffee shop, and in the coffee shop window, I can see Lia . . . with a guy who I think is Brian.”
“What?” I shout. “Take a picture. Take a goddamn picture right now.”
“Isn’t that a little stalker-y?”
“JP, I’m going to fucking rip your dick off if you don’t take a picture right fucking now.”
“Okay, fine. Jesus.” He pauses for a second and then says, “I just texted you the pic.”
I go to my text messages just as his comes in. I click on it frantically, and when the picture comes into view, I zoom in, and sure enough, there’s Lia, her hand on Brian’s as they both share a cup of coffee.
I sink onto my bed and stare at it.
“From your silence, I’m going to assume you’re unwell at the moment.”
That doesn’t even begin to describe it.
“Why wouldn’t she tell me?” I ask as I stare down at the picture. “Fuck, do you think . . . do you think she’s getting back together with him?”
“No fucking chance,” JP says. “Come on, dude. She was miserable with Brian.”
“Then why the hell is she secretly meeting with him?”
“Huh, that’s a great question.”
“What are they doing now?” I ask. “FaceTime me. Let me see what’s happening.”
“Are you kidding me? Dude, I bolted immediately. I’m in the deli.”
“Well, go back. Stand outside the window, watch everything, tell me everything. Are they going to hug? Kiss? Fuck, I think I’m going to throw up.”
“Will you settle down? I’m already dealing with a hormonal wife. I don’t need a hormonal brother as well.”
“Excuse me, but when Kelsey was going out with another guy, I’m pretty sure I was fucking there for you.”
“Yeah, and you were also single with nothing better to do than to soothe my aching soul. I’m trying to buy fucking mozzarella, for fuck’s sake. You’re asking too much of me.”
“Why are you useless?” I ask while I flop back on the bed.
“Listen, I’m sure there’s a logical explanation about what’s going on. Why don’t you just wait for her, and when she gets home, you ask her? Don’t confront her. Don’t blame her. Just ask her. Think you can do that?”
“Yeah, I think so,” I say, taking a deep breath.
“And for the love of God, don’t tell her I saw her and sent you a picture. That shit will get back to Kelsey, and she’ll have my nuts.” He lowers his voice. “I truly am scared, man. She’s something different when pregnant.”
“Wow, you make wanting a family so much less desirable.”
“Currently, it’s a three out of ten for me. I’d not recommend it.”
“Great.” I stand from my bed. “I’m going over to her place. The sooner I see her, the better.”
“Remember, be cool.”
“Yeah, thanks,” I say before hanging up and stabbing my hand through my hair. “Fuck, I feel sick.” I take a deep breath and, wearing only a pair of joggers and a white T-shirt, I walk over to her apartment, where I set my phone down on her kitchen counter and start to pace the living room.
She can’t be getting back together with him, right?
There’s no fucking way.
I’m tempted to stare at the picture, to analyze it until nothing is left inside me but dust and failed dreams, but I know that will do nothing for my psyche. Instead, I continue to pace and not freak myself out.
I love her.
It’s plain and simple, just like that. I love her, and I won’t fucking lose her. Not to Brian, not to anyone.
THE ELEVATOR down the hall dings, and I shoot up off her couch, where I was attempting to meditate but doing a piss-poor job. All I ended up thinking about was the picture JP sent me and wondering why the hell she was touching him. And why she was still with him an hour after that photo came through. She’s now been gone for over two hours.
Footsteps track down the hall and come closer and closer to her apartment until her key fits through the lock. I steal my breath, and as the door opens, sweat breaks out over my skin as her beautiful face comes into view.
When her eyes lift and spot me, she startles, clutching the giant white garment bag in her arms. “Jesus, Breaker. I didn’t know you were here.”
My eyes fall to the garment bag, and I know what that is . . . her wedding dress.
What the fuck is going on?
“Hey,” I say, swallowing hard.
“Have you been here the whole time?”
“No,” I say, feeling jittery. “I went back to my place to get changed, but then I came back here to wait for you.”
“Oh,” she says as her eyes fall to the garment bag and then back to me.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why is she holding that? Why isn’t she kissing me? Why did she meet with Brian?
“Did you, uh . . . have a nice time?” I ask.
“I did,” she says as she opens her coat closet and hangs the garment bag. She had a good time? With Brian? My stomach plummets as I squeeze my hands together, attempting to stop myself from doing something stupid. When she shuts the door, she looks at me and says, “Listen, we need to talk.”
I’m going to vomit.
How?
How could he possibly come back into her life and Lia be okay with it? She even said it herself she didn’t love him in the end. She was happy with her choice. So what changed her mind? Was it me? Did I do something wrong? I thought . . . well, fuck, I thought we were okay. Better than okay. I thought we were amazing.
“Do you think we could sit—”
“Don’t choose him,” I shout, unable to stop myself. “Please, Lia.” My voice grows shaky. “Don’t . . . don’t choose him.”
Her expression turns into confusion as she says, “Choose who?”
“Brian,” I say. “I . . . fuck. JP saw you at a coffee shop with Brian, holding hands, and I know this is shitty of me to say and to put this kind of pressure on you, but please don’t go back to him. Choose me. I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy. Anything, just—”
“Breaker,” she says, coming up and taking my hand. “I’m not getting back together with Brian.”
“You’re not?” I ask as a wave of relief floods through me, causing my eyes to tear up.
“No,” she answers as she cups my face. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry that your mind even went there.” And then she lifts onto her toes, brings my face closer, and presses a kiss to my lips. I’m so relieved that I nearly collapse.
“I need . . . fuck, I need to sit down,” I say.
She guides me to the sofa, where I sit, and she sits next to me. I shake my head, wanting her as close as possible, and I bring her to my lap, where she straddles my legs, and I can hold on to her.
“Oh my God, were you thinking this whole time that I was getting back together with him?” she asks.
“Yes,” I whisper as I rub my hands up and down her sides.
“No. I would never. Brian and I . . . well, I guess I should start from the beginning.”
I nod. “Yeah, it might be a good idea.”
She presses her hand to my chest and says, “I ran into Brian at the office supply store. It was really strange seeing him again, for obvious reasons. He was cordial and asked if we could go out to dinner.” My body tightens at the thought of them sharing a meal together. “I told him I was seeing someone, and he guessed it was you. I don’t know if he was happy for us, but he was happy that I was happy. Not sure where he stands with you.”
“As if I give two fucks,” I say.
She chuckles. “Anyway, he thought things ended abruptly and asked if we could just talk it out, find some closure. Basically, he wanted to apologize. At first, I was unsure. I told him to text me where to meet him, but after, I was uneasy about it. I was talking to Myla about whether I should go or not when I realized that it wasn’t a question at all. I needed to meet up with him.”
“To, uh . . . to see if you still had feelings for him?”
She smiles lightly. “No, Breaker, to find closure. You see, I happen to be in a relationship with someone I really care about. I wasn’t giving him everything I had because this door with Brian was still open. I never truly got to close it. That’s what tonight was about. Ending that chapter in my life so I can have a fresh start . . . with you.”
More relief floods through me, and I drop my head to the back of the couch. “Jesus,” I whisper. “Why didn’t you just tell me that?”
“Because you would have freaked out.”
“No, I wouldn’t have.”
She gives me a judging look before saying, “If I told you I was going to coffee with Brian, you would have flipped out. Don’t even lie to me.”
I glance away and mutter, “Yeah, that might have been true. But you could have told me you needed closure.”
“I guess I wasn’t one hundred percent positive about what I needed. But I’m glad I figured it out.”
“And what do you need?” I ask.
She drags her thumb over my five o’clock shadow. “I need you, Breaker. I need us. I want us.” She wets her lips. “I’m not convinced I was fully committed up until this point, and I can truly say I know what my feelings are. I know where they rest, and that’s with you.” She leans in and presses her forehead against mine. “I’m in love with you, Breaker, and that might be too soon to say, but that’s where I’m at.”
I place my hands under her shirt and hold her tightly as my chest swirls with so many fucking emotions.
She loves me.
Jesus Christ. And here I thought she was going to break up with me.
I chuckle, and she pulls away. “What’s so funny?”
“Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh at that. Poor timing.” I let out a deep sigh. “I’ve wanted to tell you I love you for some time now, but I’ve held back because I didn’t want to freak you out. And then today, I thought you were breaking up with me, but instead, you tell me you love me. I mean, fuck, I’ve been through the wringer.”
She smiles and leans in close while playing with the collar of my shirt. “You love me?”
“Desperately,” I answer. “Pathetically. To the point that I’d have no shame in following you around even if you did get back with Brian. I’m so fucking in love with you, Ophelia, that I can feel it all the way to the marrow of my bones. It’s a part of me. You’re a part of me.”
Right when I think she’s going to kiss me, she stands from my lap.
“Where are you going?” I ask, confused.
She holds her hand out, and I take it. She weaves me through her apartment to her bedroom, and then turns to face me. In one smooth motion, she lifts her shirt up and over her head.
“Fuck,” I mutter as I take in her purple lace bra.
She slides her hands under my shirt as she says, “You are a part of me too, Breaker. I’m sorry it took me a second to realize that, but I’m glad I did.”
“Are you saying that you’re mine . . . forever?” I ask.
She helps me out of my shirt and nods. “Yes, I’m yours . . . forever.”
Then she lays me down on the bed and straddles my lap. I roll her to her back and pin her to the mattress. I lower my mouth to hers and kiss her with every inch of my heart. And she returns the kiss, her mouth parting, making room for my tongue.
When I pull away and stare down in her beautiful eyes, I say, “I love you, Ophelia. So fucking much.”
She smirks and says, “I love you too . . . Pickle.”
Laughing, I bury my head in her shoulder and kiss up her neck while she settles underneath me, letting me take the lead.
Sure, do I wish I’d realized several years ago that getting together with Lia was inevitable—some might say . . . a long time coming? Of course. But I also realize the extraordinary bond we built over the years, and Lia might be right. I’m not sure how close we would really be if we didn’t have those years to bond.
All I know is that I’m fucking happy, and my brothers will never let me live this down.
Ever.
