There was always plenty to do in the house and Helena’s building skills had come on a lot since living with Jago. She was best at pointing but she also tidied up a few half-finished sections of bricklaying. But when she could do no more and it was no longer silly o’clock, she went round to see her mother.
‘Hello, darling,’ said Gilly, without looking up from writing something. It looked like a list. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Mum! How do you know anything’s wrong? I’ve just arrived.’
‘I’m your mother. Don’t query the process.’ Now Gilly did look up. ‘So?’
‘There’s nothing wrong! Well, not really.’ Helena pulled out a chair and sat at the kitchen table, putting her arms on it. ‘Jago’s gone away, that’s all. I’m going to miss him.’
‘Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry. That’s horrible. How long is he away for?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘But you can keep in touch with him? FaceTime? See how he is?’
‘No. He said he’d be out of contact.’
‘That is a bit harder to cope with, love. But you didn’t leave on bad terms or anything?’
‘Oh no.’ Although this was the first time he’d got up without making love to her, but she didn’t need to share that with her mother. ‘No, we’re fine but I’m a bit worried about him. He got this phone call while we were out with James and Amy last night and we had to leave the wine bar right away so he could make arrangements. Then he went really early this morning.’
‘If you want to come home for a bit, do,’ said Gilly firmly. ‘Whatever your old mother is getting up to doesn’t stop this being your home, first and foremost.’
Her mother’s invitation instantly made Helena feel better. She didn’t want to move back home but knowing she could made the prospect of being alone in Jago’s house seem less daunting. ‘That’s really kind of you, Mum, but I think I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl now, after all.’
‘You’ll always be my baby, darling,’ said Gilly, smiling fondly. ‘Now, I planned to make some soup. Do you want to stay and help me chop up vegetables?’
‘Oh yes, that would be fun.’
They made soup and chocolate cake and by the time Helena left with the cake in a tin she felt a lot better.
She was further encouraged by Amy’s eagerness to come and stay. In theory it was to plan weaving workshops but Helena knew the signs: Amy wanted to talk about James.
To be fair to them, they did plan a couple and Amy was also keen to help Helena with her workshops to create wall hangings. They discussed sourcing fleece, dying it themselves or buying it already dyed and various other work-related subjects before Helena said, ‘Shall we order pizza and open a bottle of wine?’
‘Thought you’d never ask!’ said Amy. ‘But let’s make pizzas in the frying pan. Cheaper.’
‘I’ve got wine already and cake for pudding. So, how did it go with James after we left?’
‘He is so lovely!’ said Amy. ‘Obviously it’s far too early to say for sure but he sent me a text this morning saying how much he’d enjoyed meeting me.’
‘Really? That soon? That’s amazing!’
‘I know! So unlike a man. He’s very keen that we should meet up again though. No date made yet, but hey! And he is so nice.’
Amy went on to tell Helena every little thing she knew about James. Not, Helena realised, because Amy thought she needed to know all that, but because she just wanted to talk about him. She was attracted to him and had ‘mentionitis’. Still, it was all good stuff and useful to know. He was Jago’s best friend.
Suddenly Amy said, ‘I know! Let’s check him out on Facebook!’
‘You don’t expect me to believe you haven’t already done that, do you?’ Helena had found a mixing bowl and a packet of flour. Amy would make the pizzas.
‘Well, no, but he may have put something about me up there.’
Helena couldn’t help laughing. ‘Really? What would he say?’
‘I’ve met a gorgeous new woman, really hope she’s as into me as I’m into her. Obvs.’
‘Honey! There’s pinging off a text to someone you’ve just met and there’s turning that someone into a girlfriend …’
‘I know there is a bit of time in between but I haven’t felt like this for so long. Let me enjoy it!’
‘I’m really not raining on your parade,’ said Helena gently. ‘I’m just managing your expectations.’
Amy was rueful. ‘OK, OK, I know. But let’s get these pizzas on and then we’ll have a peek. I want to check out how he looks in swimming trunks.’
There was a good array of photos and, to Amy’s delight, a couple of James on a beach. There was one of him in skiing gear, holding some kind of trophy, standing in front of a row of laughing friends.
Helena, crunching pizza, looked over Amy’s shoulder. ‘Hang on!’ she said. ‘That’s Jago.’
‘Where?’
‘In the background. Look.’
Amy peered at the group of young men standing behind James. ‘Which one?’
‘There. Look.’ Helena touched the screen with her finger.
‘Helly! He’s wearing a big hairband, ski goggles and is looking away from the camera. How on earth can you tell?’
‘Well, I just know. It’s him. I know it is.’
‘You and your spooky “super-recogniser” stuff!’ Amy was dismissive but indulgent.
Now it was her man in the photos Helena was a bit more interested. ‘But that’s weird. He’s tagged wrongly. You’d think James would get his best mate’s name right.’
‘It might not be him. And anyway, he may not have put the photo up there.’
‘But it is him. And apparently he’s called Jonathan Relto.’ Something stirred in Helena’s memory. ‘Wasn’t Relto the name of that company that was responsible for all those people nearly dying in a fire? There was a dramatic rescue and several fireman got medals for gallantry.’
‘No idea,’ said Amy. ‘Let’s google him.’
Helena’s legs turned to rubber. She felt as if all her life force was escaping out of her body as she read. There were many more pictures of Jago available, ones that even Amy had no problem in recognising. Only he wasn’t Jago, the man she loved. He was Jonathan Relto, nephew of one of the worst landlords in history. His uncle had only missed going to prison because of a very clever lawyer. Worst of all, Jago had worked for him. She developed a cold sweat and her mouth went so dry she couldn’t speak.
‘Oh, Helly,’ said Amy, looking at her friend with concern. ‘Would you like some water?’
Helena nodded. While Amy went to fetch her some, she tried to get her brain to work. Amy came back with water, she sipped some and managed to speak. ‘I don’t know what to do.’
‘Is there any brandy in the house?’ asked Amy.
‘You’re not supposed to give brandy for shock. It gives you hypothermia or something.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ Amy was dismissive of this namby-pamby response. ‘I’ll find the brandy. It’ll make you feel a bit more in control.’
Helena remembered the first time Jago had offered her brandy, after she had rescued the kitten. That time she had asked for tea instead, but this required something stronger.
Amy had obviously managed to find it and held out a glass to her. Helena took it and sipped, and as she felt the strong liquor reach her bloodstream she realised that Amy was right, her limbs did feel more connected to her body. ‘I feel as if I’ve been run over by a train,’ she said.
‘It must be awful. I’m so sorry!’ said Amy.
‘Jago – the man I thought I loved – is not who he said he was. He’s this other, horrible person, very nearly responsible for people dying!’
‘They didn’t die though. And you don’t know how much he had to do with it. He may have worked for the company but he could have been a caretaker or something.’ Amy sounded as if she was desperate to say something comforting but couldn’t think of anything sensible. ‘If he was responsible, he’d have gone to jail and his uncle avoided that,’ she added.
‘Oh, come on! As if! Besides, he’s lied to me. I can’t forgive him. I’m leaving here.’ She paused and looked at her glass. ‘Tomorrow. I’m over the limit now.’
‘You were over the limit a few glasses of Prosecco ago,’ said Amy. ‘And don’t overreact. Jago didn’t lie to you; he just didn’t tell you everything.’
‘That’s as good as lying, isn’t it?’
‘Not really. I know you’re living together but you haven’t known him that long. It wouldn’t be an easy thing to bring up. “By the way, my uncle’s company was responsible for that awful fire, when people nearly died, years ago.”’
‘But when would he have told me? Soon? Never?’ Helena still felt horribly deceived.
‘I don’t know, Hells, but you can’t think badly of him because he didn’t blurt it out when you first met. Have you told him everything about you?’
‘I may have kept quiet about some unfortunate music preferences when I was twelve, but mostly, yes. He knows all about my parents’ divorce and how it affected me. He knows everything remotely important.’
Amy put her hand on Helena’s arm. ‘It needn’t be a deal-breaker, Hel.’
Helena shook her head, still in despair. ‘We haven’t actually made any sort of deal. I just moved in as a lodger and then changed bedrooms. I feel such a fool! I feel I’ve shacked up with a complete stranger. I just fell in love and followed my heart and my lust.’
‘I think you are overreacting.’
‘Amy, you saw what was on Google!’
‘I’m not saying the fire wasn’t awful – not for a second – but just because it was Jago’s – or Jonathan’s – uncle’s firm, it doesn’t mean he had anything to do with it.’
‘Then why change his identity? Is that what normal, innocent people do?’
‘Well, maybe! Maybe having that name meant he couldn’t get work, or start a business or anything.’
‘I don’t know, Ames. I just don’t know. I just feel terribly let down.’
‘But he’s been lovely to you—’
‘But who has been lovely to me? And why? Is it Jago or Jonathan?’
‘He won’t have a hidden agenda. What has he got to gain from being nice to you?’
‘He has a hidden past, why not a hidden agenda? I just feel I’m in the middle of a bog and everywhere I put my foot it just sinks in. I have to get away.’
‘You’re not being logical!’ said Amy.
‘Well, sorry!’ said Helena. ‘The man I’ve been living with – the man I thought I loved – has turned out to be someone completely different. Sorry I can’t react in a calm and reasoned way.’
Amy was getting fed up. ‘OK, I’m going to make tea and toast. We’re going to eat it and then go to bed. I promise you, this will look better in the morning.’
‘You sound just like my mum.’
‘I’ll take that as a compliment. Your mum talks a lot of good sense.’
‘I’ll sort out some sheets for your bed,’ said Helena. ‘If I think of this as a sleepover, maybe I won’t feel so utterly miserable.’
After a drawn-out breakfast, Amy had persuaded Helena not to do anything rash until she had talked to Jago.
‘He’s entitled to give his side of the story,’ she said. ‘You’ve just seen a lot of stuff on the internet. We all know you can’t trust everything you see on there.’
‘I do get that,’ said Helena, although she was still reluctant to accept it. ‘But how do I speak to him when I don’t know where he is, and can’t contact him? I don’t know how long he’s going to be away for and, frankly, I can’t cope with waiting for him to get home. “Hi Jago, or should I say Jonathan?”’
‘No, I get that, too. I think you have to find him.’
‘But I don’t know where he is!’
‘I bet James does,’ said Amy. ‘They go back years and they’re best friends. Ask him.’
‘I hardly know him!’
‘Do you want to find out where Jago is, or not?’
Helena made a face. ‘I do but I’m also really nervous. Supposing I find out he’s an insurance-swindling arsonist or whatever? Maybe I’m better off not knowing.’
‘No, you’re not. You can’t spend the rest of your life wondering if you let the best man you’re likely to meet go because of stuff you saw on Google, without ever giving him a chance to put his point of view.’
Helena knew Amy was right. She didn’t want her to be right, but she was. ‘I’ve just thought of something.’
‘What?’
‘James might not believe me about the picture on Facebook. You know? Me being a super-recogniser? I’ll need proof I’ve seen him.’
‘You don’t need to tell him how you came to find out Jago’s changed identity. Just ask him where he is! Right.’ Amy looked at her phone to check the time. ‘I’ve got to see someone about a workshop. I can leave you my computer with my Facebook page open. I’ll be back at three to fetch it and find out how you’ve got on. Is that OK?’
‘Yes, that will be brilliant. OK, I’ll get in touch with James.’ Helena didn’t move.
‘Do you want me to do it for you?’
Helena shook her head. ‘It’s a kind offer but I think I need to do this when I’m on my own.’
‘But you will do it? Promise?’
‘Absolutely promise.’
‘Fair enough, but tell me everything as soon as you can. Call me.’
‘I will.’
‘Are you going to tell your mum about this?’
Helena shook her head. ‘Not until it’s resolved. There’s no point in worrying her.’
Amy nodded. ‘Get on the phone then.’
‘I’m going to text. After you’ve gone, like I said.’
‘I’ll just clear breakfast.’ Amy seemed reluctant to leave.
‘No need. I’ll do it. Now please go before I lose my nerve.’
‘If you’re sure …’
‘Absolutely. But thank you so much for keeping me from overreacting. I might overreact again later, but just for now, thank you!’
They hugged and then Amy left and Helena went to find her phone.
She sent a text, grateful that because of Amy wanting to meet James she had his mobile number in her phone.
I’ve seen Jago’s details on Facebook. Can we meet up soon?
After she’d sent the text she worried that James would think she was trying to pick him up the moment Jago’s back was turned but she realised this was paranoia. But she felt paranoid. It was like a waking dream – she didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t.
As she cleared the breakfast in Jago’s patchwork kitchen she had to stop herself crying. She had to stop assuming that she was destined to pack up her things, including two looms, and leave. Where would she go? She personally could go to her mother, but her looms? Where would there be space for them?
Luckily for her sanity, James got back to her soon. This would be better face-to-face. Could I come to yours at lunchtime?
Sure, she texted back. I’ll make you a sandwich.
Then she wished she hadn’t said that. Jago was the sandwich expert, not her. Making one would just make her think about him. But then she realised that he had been the default setting for her brain for some time, and even thinking that she had been cheated on in the most complicated way didn’t stop her loving him. Her heart would have to catch up with her head and it might take a while.
Helena was waiting at the door for James when he arrived.
‘Hi, Helena,’ he said as he got out of the car. He kissed her cheek. ‘Did you really make a sandwich?’
‘Yes, but of course it won’t be as good as Jago’s.’ Then she found herself near tears again and wished she hadn’t mentioned him. Although considering the reason she and James were meeting it wouldn’t be possible not to.
Soon they were sitting at the table in the kitchen.
‘So,’ said James, ‘how did you find out about Jago?’
‘We – me and Amy – were looking at Facebook. At you, actually, and his picture came up.’
‘But there are no pictures of Jago on Facebook, not on my page, anyway.’ He seemed so certain about this Helena was very glad she’d anticipated the problem.
She opened Amy’s laptop and found the picture. James stared at it. ‘OK, I remember the photo being taken but where is Jago?’
‘There,’ said Helena, pointing.
James frowned. ‘I know it’s him but how the hell do you know?’
‘I have a gift – a curse a lot of the time – which means I can recognise people in a way other people can’t. It’s weird; I can’t explain it.’
‘But he’s wearing skiing gear! He’s not even looking at the camera.’
‘Are you saying it’s not him?’
James’s indignation subsided. ‘No. It’s him. But how anyone could recognise him …’
‘Well, I have. And he’s tagged with a completely different name. Maybe you could explain that?’
James chewed his sandwich with agonizing slowness.
‘It’s not my story to tell.’
‘But I can’t live with all this stuff I’ve read about him on the internet and not find out more.’
‘He should tell you about it, not me.’
‘Of course he should!’ Amy had gone on about this long enough for Helena to be convinced. ‘But I don’t know where he is. I can’t get in touch with him!’ She took a breath. ‘Do you know where he is?’
James nodded. ‘I do. And I’ll tell you.’
