rolled down my temple as I threw everything I had into my illusion. This time was different. I could feel it. The force of the power flowing into me was almost enough to split me in two. It screamed in my veins, lashed against my bones, and wreaked utter fucking chaos on my internal organs.
Some of the magic flowing into me was willing, some hesitant, and some disgruntled. All of it less potent than it would’ve been if I’d been fully connected to Rafe. We weren’t whole yet. We were still individuals and pairs working as separate entities. Until we learned to fully lean on each other—and while Rafe was still holding a small part of himself back from me—this circle would continue to fail and my illusions would falter.
But I was close. And close was good enough for now.
Throwing all of that wild and reckless power at the center of the circle, I could feel my illusion starting to become corporeal. At first it was in the rough bark that dragged against the inside of my skin. Then in the splinters of wood that felt as though they’d been shaved from my bones, the twigs that sprouted from snapping off my nails, and the leaves that bloomed as acid churned in my stomach and peeled away at the lining.
This was the cost of making something whole. I had to borrow it from somewhere, and the only living thing I was willing to take from was myself.
It remained internal, so no one could see what solidifying this branch cost me. Not yet anyway. I wasn’t willing to melt myself down to bones for an experiment, but when we got answers, it might end up being a different story. I couldn’t think about that yet though, or I’d end up casting a walking skeleton into the circle and ruining everything.
Reaching the end of my current limits, I yelled at Rafe to lift the branch… and holy shit. He did it. He actually lifted it. Oh my fucking God. This was what I’d been trying to do this whole time, but I wasn’t a hundred percent certain I’d be able to.
I should’ve trusted myself more. Lesson learned.
My branch wobbled a few inches off the grass and that was all I could manage. The power screaming through me began to dim. My hold stumbled. The branch flickered then disappeared. All of those pieces of myself I’d given up to make it came rushing back to me, and the sensation rolled through my stomach.
Unable to hold myself up a second longer, I collapsed on the ground and put my head between my knees, trying not to puke while I caught my breath. That had almost been too much for me. A little branch. How was I supposed to do more than that?
An invisible pull on my chin had me lifting my head. At first, I thought it was Kenna just messing with me, but then my eyes focused on the golden woman standing in the circle. No longer just a mere outline, but not solid either. She tilted her head to the sky, looking at something… I had no idea what. When my gaze followed hers, only the moon stared back at me. Full, bright, and hanging low in the sky. Just like it had been for weeks.
She shifted and looked straight at me, her eyes wide with what I could only describe as fear. Eyes that looked like mine…
The quick jolt of recognition stunned me silent, and before I could say or do anything, she flickered like my branch and disappeared.
Rafe ran across the circle. Crouching before me, he took my hands in his and rubbed warmth back into them. “That was too much.”
“I know.” A small part of me that had been on my own for so long wanted to tell him where he could stick his “too much,” but he wasn’t saying that because he believed me incapable. It really had been too much for me at this time. I wasn’t whole yet. “But I’m supposed to do this. Did you feel that? When you lifted the branch, did you feel like we were meant to do this?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah.” He blew out a breath. “I don’t like how much this puts on your shoulders, but it felt right.”
“It’s only on my shoulders because I’m still alone here.”
A flash of hurt crossed his eyes, and my instinct was to take it back and soothe his insecurities. Because I’d always cared about protecting him first. I hadn’t meant that he made me feel alone. But I hadn’t spoken out of turn, either, and I wasn’t going to apologize for it. There was still some small part of him holding on to his distrust and misconceptions about me. Until he let that go, I’d be on my own, giving away slivers of myself to make my illusions whole.
And if Rafe didn’t see that, then we weren’t any closer to where we needed to be. But we had to figure this out. Not just because of the curse. We owed each other more trust than that.
His expression quickly cleared though. At least he let it go without making it a thing. “Can you stand okay?”
“Probably.” I hoped. My legs prickled like they were just waking up from a long sleep, but the trauma solidifying that branch had done to my body was pretty much gone.
Rafe helped me up and I leaned against him, steady but drained. More than ready for that bed in Kenna and Galen’s cabin I’d been hearing so much about. Everyone else stood in their little groups in the circle, discussing what had happened.
Kenna gave me a look like she wanted to pull me aside, but Rafe’s warning glare held her back. Her position in the circle had been closer to Rafe than me, but she still might’ve caught the way Ceti looked at me. And the way her eyes had left me dumbstruck.
I didn’t know what that meant, but I was too tired to question it right now, and definitely not up for dealing with Kenna’s constant ball of energy. Grateful that Rafe had sensed that, I tilted my head to let her know we’d talk later, which she seemed to understand. Silent communication was one of the nicer benefits of knowing someone your whole life.
Rafe kissed my temple as he led me back to the cabin. “You were amazing tonight.”
“I’m trying. We’re missing something still, though.” Several somethings, probably, but the most important thing was between us. Despite the truth being out in the open, Rafe and I had done some serious damage to each other and we couldn’t just fix it on fate’s timeline. But we had to. Which stuck us in a paradox with no easy way out. “We’re running out of time.”
“I’m not sure why you’re saying that to me like an accusation.” Rafe drew me closer to him, keeping his voice low. “Talk to me, buttercup.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything. I haven’t been. And that’s the problem.” At his confused look, I shook my head before he could respond. “Give me a minute to get my thoughts together. I’m still buzzing from everything that went down.”
The back door creaked ominously as Rafe opened it and ushered me inside. A single lamp was still on in the living room, casting an eerie yellow glow that made shadows crawl up the walls. Rafe took my hand, and the light from our connected palms beat back more of the dark. He led me down the hall to a room with a bunch of machines stacked against both walls and a double bed with a lilac-colored quilt.
Since Galen couldn’t even feed himself most days without someone reminding him to eat, I had no doubt the decorating efforts had been done by his mom. The soft colors and florals weren’t Kenna’s style at all.
Rafe rubbed my arms. “Do you want to sleep or talk?”
I didn’t want to do either. Talking or recharging would’ve probably been wiser, but I wasn’t tired anymore and I didn’t want to hear why Rafe was still holding parts of himself back from me. All I wanted to do was feel.
Pushing up on my toes, I caught his bottom lip with my teeth. He groaned, pulling me tighter against him and deepening the kiss. I’d just threaded my fingers into his hair and begun to get lost in the feel of him when he pulled away and put a hand up.
“No.” His breath was ragged and uneven. “We’re not going to avoid talking right now.”
I pouted, more annoyed that he’d called me out than anything else. “Can’t we talk later?”
I took a step toward him and laughed when he backed up, stumbling over one of Galen’s many cords and almost losing his balance in the process. I wasn’t going to chase him for fuck’s sake. I had a little more pride than that.
Taking a seat on the bed, I placed my hands on my lap and gave him my Sunday best, good girl expression. “Okay. Go ahead and talk. Then you can fuck me senseless.”
“What am I going to do with you?” he muttered to himself. He swept a hand down his face. “Okay. Talk. Right. Let’s do this.”
I blinked innocently and he rolled his eyes.
“You’re holding back from me,” he said. “I don’t know how to help.”
My jaw dropped. That wasn’t what I’d been expecting. I thought he was going to tell me what he’d been holding back from me. “I’m not holding anything back. I know what’s at stake here and I already told you I’m all in. You know I don’t lie.”
“You don’t trust me, and I know I don’t deserve it, but what can I do to earn it? Forget about fate and the curse and all that for a minute. This is just between me and you. What can I do to make us whole?” He kneeled in front of me, expression vulnerable and open. He was on his knees, for fuck’s sake, asking me to trust him, but I already did… didn’t I? “Or am I already too late? Are you just waiting for me to walk away?”
My stomach hollowed out. That wasn’t what I’d been doing. At least, not on purpose. Shaking my hair back over my shoulders, I lifted my chin. “If you think I’m waiting for you to walk away, how much faith are you showing in me?”
“If that’s not what you’re doing, look me in the eye and tell me now. I’ll believe you.”
I held his gaze. Could I really look him in the eye and say I hadn’t been waiting for him to walk? And what if I was? Like he said, he wouldn’t blame me. But… wasn’t the very act of worrying that he didn’t trust me the very definition of not giving him my trust?
I buried my face in my hands. Fuck. It was me. I was the one holding us back.
This whole time I thought we’d forgiven each other for the past, that I’d given him everything in the present, but what was forgiveness without trust? Faith with fear? I’d spent so many years protecting myself, I didn’t even know when I was doing it. It had become a part of my subconscious. And because I didn’t confront it, I was the one holding us back.
“I think I fucked up,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”
“Nope.” He sat next to me on the bed, gathering me into his arms. “We’re not doing the apology thing. I didn’t bring this up as a way to guilt you into taking any blame. I know why you’re holding back and I don’t fault you for it.”
“Why don’t you though?” I buried my face against his chest, resting my cheek against that ridiculous neon orange shirt. “I kept the truth about my wedding day from you for a lot of years. Why aren’t you more mad about that?”
He tucked my hair behind my ear, trailing his fingers along my cheek. “Because I know why you did it. Because I know you. You’re a protector at heart. How could I not love one of the best parts of you when I’m head over heels for the rest?”
And with just those few words, the last of my doubt melted away. The piece I’d been waiting for clicked into place, and any worry that I had about protecting myself from being hurt disappeared. Rafe knew me. He loved me. All of me. Not just the neat and tidy parts I showed everyone else, but the messy me beneath the surface.
Leaning up, I cupped his face. “You love me.”
“I’ve always loved you.” His lips trailed along my jaw and over my cheekbone. “It’s because of you that I even know what it means.”
I rested my forehead against his. “I love you, too. And not because of fate or the curse. I felt that way long before I ever had magic. You were always meant to be mine.”
Unable to hold himself back any longer, he crushed his lips against mine. His tongue collided with mine, tangling with it, owning it, making it clear that I was his and he was mine. And something broke open inside me. A cry I’d been holding back for far too long.
I straddled him, grinding harder against him, needing to be so close I practically wanted inside him. A feeling of being fully and completely a part of him washed over me. From the moment we met, every step and misstep we’d taken had led us here. To this. To right now. To each other, where we were always supposed to be.
Light shot out of my hand, a deep indigo-blue that exploded overhead. Bright white light from Rafe’s palms joined mine, dancing around my magic. Our separate colors pushed against each other, knocking each other further and further back until they glowed on opposite sides of the room. They held still for a moment, twinkling like the fairy lights my illusion created when I thought about Rafe. Light in the dark.
Then our magic zipped across the room, bouncing off the ceiling as our colors raced at each other with lightning speed before colliding in the center. A cataclysmic boom that shook the very foundation of the cabin. I could’ve sworn I heard the faint sound of cheering as a shower of sparks rained over us, burning with the intensity of a thousand suns, but cool to the touch.
It flowed over us like a stream. The sweetest, softest blue of a private pool on a summer day flecked with white fairy lights. Our magic coated us in that serene blue light that made me think of the crispest, clearest water. Then it seeped into us, becoming part of us, and I knew.
Just as I knew Rafe loved me and I loved him and nothing would separate us again.
Raising my hand, I shot a rope of that crystal clear blue light and lifted one of Galen’s machines off the ground. Rafe’s telekinesis was now a part of me just as surely as my illusions had to now be a part of him. Before I could say anything, though, he lifted his hand and shot out the same colored light as mine.
A small replica of the island appeared on the opposite side of the room. The island as it looked when arriving by ferry, with the sun beating down on the beach covered with colorful dots from towels and umbrellas, breaking up the monotony of soft sand. It was so warm and inviting, my chest ached for what had been before the curse had been let loose.
“This is what I think of when I think of you,” Rafe said.
“The island?”
His icy-blue eyes kept me captive. “Home.”
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled him in for a kiss. At first, it was soft and gentle, showing him what that meant to me with my mouth. But because this was Rafe, and I never had much control when his lips were on me, the kiss quickly grew hot and intense. Hoisting me up, he kneaded my ass while I wrapped my legs around his waist.
He dragged me against his hard length, coaxing the slickness between my thighs. Pumping my hips, I groaned against his lips as that sweet friction curled my toes and had the tips of my fingers tingling. He grew harder beneath me. Which only encouraged me.
He lowered me to the mattress, and as soon as my back hit the bed, he stood over me, taking sips of me with his eyes. I wanted him. Everywhere. My mouth watered as I pulled his pants down and that delicious erection bobbed free. So sleek and smooth. I needed a taste.
As I licked him from base to tip, he sucked in a sharp breath and tangled his hands in my hair. “You don’t have to… I want… Fuck me. Don’t stop.”
That was a quick argument with himself. I kissed the head of his cock, already leaking with precum. Swirling my tongue around him, I licked up those errant drops and took him down deep, hollowing out my cheeks to suck him long and hard.
“Fuck me, you’re perfect. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life than the way you’re looking at me now with those gorgeous lips wrapped around my cock.” He stroked his fingers through my hair. “Suck me.”
I rolled my tongue around his shaft as I pulled back, then took him down deeper, my throat relaxing to accommodate his size. My nails dug into his ass as he jerked his hips forward and his pupils flared. A thrill skipped up my spine at what I was able to do to him. He was mine, completely at my mercy, and I was loving every second of this.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” His eyes clouded as he pumped harder. “I’m going to come. If you don’t want to—”
I cut him off by cupping his balls and giving them a small tug as my lips bumped up against the root of his shaft. A few more long strokes with my mouth and he was done for. He went off with a deep, satisfied groan, jerking his hips sloppily as I drank him down. It was the sexiest thing I’d ever participated in in my life. Going down on a guy had never been my thing, but I was finding out I had a whole different definition of My Thing with Rafe.
Without taking a second to recover, he dropped back to his knees and yanked off my shorts. I flung my T-shirt over my head and scooted back on the mattress. His eyes darkened as I spread my legs open, baring myself to him.
Licking his lips, he crawled over me, kissing his way up my legs, behind my knee, on the inside of my thighs, before he settled between my legs. He spread me open with his thumbs. Breathing me in. My stomach quivered in response.
“God, you’re so beautiful. Perfect.” He swirled his tongue around my clit and my hips jerked, smacking him in the face. He laughed. “Like that?”
“Please.” My pleading ended on a whimper.
Before the last sound of that one word evaporated in the air, he lowered his head. His skillful fingers curled in and out of me as he sucked and licked and gently nibbled on my clit until I was clutching the sheets and crying out his name.
I didn’t even get a chance to fully come back down before he was on me, pressing me into the mattress with the full weight of him. He was so hard, I could feel him hot and pulsing against my thigh. Warm, liquid heat rolled through me. No one had ever made me needy like this. I couldn’t get enough of him.
Holding himself, he circled the tip of his cock around my sensitive clit. The sensation had my hips jerking erratically again, which he found endlessly fascinating. Apparently, he enjoyed making me lose control, nearly as much as I liked returning the favor.
He kissed me as he slowly sank into me. His groan vibrated against me, bringing me close again with just one little sound. Heat poured through me as my inner walls stretched to make room for him inside me. His thrusts were unhurried, as if the only thing he wanted to do was drive me over the edge.
“Rafe.” He was so good, I didn’t know if I could handle this much feeling at once. “Keep going. Please. It feels so good.”
I gasped when he rolled his hips. “You like that?”
“Yes.” Oh, God. I was burning up. In very real danger of catching fire. “Don’t stop.”
He threaded his fingers through mine, bringing our joined hands over my head as he continued his long, deep strokes. The pressure within me built as his gaze held mine. Our eyes remained open, as if we didn’t want to miss a moment.
His hands gripped mine as I tightened my legs around his waist, begging him to slam into me. His thrusts became harder, faster. My vision began to cloud as I trembled. So close.
“Come for me.” His eyes were wild and unfocused as his hips pistoned hard against me, our skin slick and slapping together. “Let me feel you fall apart on my cock.”
He reached down to thumb my clit. And I exploded. Crying out his name, my inner walls pulsed around him as my orgasm rolled over me in waves of pleasure so good I thought I might drown. His own release wasn’t far behind.
He collapsed on top of me, and my fingers stroked his sweat-slicked back as I tried to get my breathing back under control. Hugging him tight, I kissed his neck. “Round one?”
He leaned up on one elbow and gave me a wolfish grin. “Be careful what you wish for when you’re already worn out.”
I laughed as he flipped me over and settled me on top of him. Where he was already hard again. Wiggling against him, I leaned down and brushed my lips against his, losing myself all over again. And right then I made a promise to myself to never be careful with my wishes.
