The cotton of the sheets feels like sandpaper against my skin and no matter how many times I fluff the pillows, they feel like rocks. I’m restless and sleep will not be coming tonight.
I stared at the spot where the SUV stood for several minutes after it pulled away from the curb, waiting for this all to be some sort of nightmare.
It wasn’t.
William silently waited by my side until I was ready to move. Not sure if he was actually being compassionate, or he just didn’t want to get involved in my emotional cluster fuck of a life. Who can blame him, really? From the moment he met me, I’ve been nothing but a burden.
Letting out a growl, I fling my pillow across the room. I’m angry. Angry at myself, but also angry with Aiden. I couldn’t be any clearer in letting him know that I didn’t want to go back to Preston—that this wasn’t me flaking on my feelings for him.
This isn’t some cut and dry situation. It’s messy and real. Nobody said divorce would be a cakewalk.
Taking in a centering breath, I let my lungs fill with cool air, hoping it’ll do something for my frayed nerves.
The door creaks open and my breathing stops. Aiden’s large form walks across the bedroom and toward his nightstand, pulling the drawer open and taking something out. My eyes follow him as he slowly makes his way back to the door without acknowledging me, making my blood boil and irritation spike.
“So that’s it? You’re just going to ignore me?” I spit out, forgetting any pretense of grace.
Aiden turns back to me, his shoulders slumped and eyes downcast, “I don’t want to do this, Charlotte.”
Those few words gut me, making my chest burn with the sting of a thousand knife wounds. Unable to hold back, a choked sob escapes me. “Aiden, I love you. I’ve always loved you. I choose you. Every time I choose you.”
He juts his chin, the muscles along his jaw visibly flexing in the moonlit glow. “That’s not what it sounded like this morning.” Shaking his head, he brings his hand to his hair, running it through and tugging at the ends. “Look. It’s not my place. You shouldn’t have to choose between your husband and your lover. That’s all sorts of fucked up and it’s my fault for letting it get this far.”
“But that’s just it. I’ve always chosen you. Even when you were with my sister, you were always the one for me. Why can’t you see that?” I fling the covers off of me and walk toward this statue of a man, my fingers reaching up and landing on his firm chest.
Aiden sucks in a breath, “Principessa. This is hard for me too. I want to respect you and give you the space to think things through clearly.”
“But that’s it. When it comes to you, there’s no confusion. I don’t think you understand. The counseling was not for the benefit of my relationship with Preston, but for the betterment of Preston as a person.” My hands fall to his waist and I pull myself closer to him, needing his warmth to bring me comfort. “I never loved Preston—it was a marriage orchestrated by my mother—and since the man I really wanted was out of reach, I acquiesced. But even though I don’t love him, I still promised I would care for him. Shedding some light on his actions, so that he can overcome them is the least I could do on my way out.”
Aiden shudders under my hold, his strong hands grabbing hold of my arms and prying them free. “You don’t owe him anything, Charlotte. That man set you free the first time he laid a hand on you. He shouldn’t have the privilege of your help, much less sucker you into remaining his wife one second longer than necessary.” He walks to the door, cracking it open before looking back. “But if you feel that’s necessary, then I will respect your wishes. Until then, I think it’s best if I keep my distance. Sleep well, little one.”
As soon as the door shuts, my knees buckle and my body falls to the floor, tears flowing freely and pooling beneath me. As I lay on the hardwood floor, questions assault me, attacking everything I know and believe. But the most pervasive thought rings clearer and louder than the rest.
Will keeping my word cost me the love of my life?
Aiden
‘Aiden, I love you.’ Charlotte’s words keep ringing in my head, like a broken record that refuses to let up.
The problem is, I love her too, but she’s not mine to love. My principessa blindsided me with her sultry curves and big doe eyes, but it was her heart that won me over. Her heart and her fierce loyalty, even to those who don’t deserve it, like Preston.
My fist slams into the punching bag, sending the massive piece of gym equipment swinging back.
“Care to talk it out?” William’s voice rings out behind me, but I don’t dare look him in the eye. He’s a living lie detector and I don’t want to hash out my fucked up feelings with myself, let alone my friend and business partner. “Okay, the silent treatment. How about you let me talk then? No objections? Okay, great.”
As I grumble my displeasure, William walks the length of the gym until he’s directly across from me, holding the punching bag steady. His aqua blue eyes meet mine, the edges crinkling as he smiles. “I get it, brother. Believe me. But love is love, and there’s no sense in fighting it. You’ll end up back where you were meant to and all you’ll have done is wasted precious moments with the woman you love.”
I grunt, seeing the irony in my daughter’s husband giving me relationship advice after I condemned their relationship from its inception. “Look, she’s not mine to love. You know how I feel about infidelity. I’ve already crossed too many lines.”
“She’s yours in every way that counts. From what she’s told Bella, she loves you. For fuck’s sake, she’s loved you since she was a little girl.” His brows come together as he rubs the back of his neck. “You should have seen her on that sidewalk after you pulled away. It looked like she was grieving a death. You can’t possibly look at her and think she has any feelings for that scumbag that abused her, do you?”
His words make sense, but I refuse to acknowledge them. “I still fucked up, man. She’s married. I have been with a married woman. I-” I stab at my chest with my index finger. “the man who hates infidelity, am a fucking culprit, aiding a married woman in breaking her vows.” Pressing the base of my palms to my eyes and rubbing, I groan. “I’ve become the very thing I hate.”
Feeling a hand to my shoulder, I drop my hands and see William’s lips pressed into a thin line. “Take it from me, life isn’t all black and white. We don’t exist in a vacuum of right or wrong, and trying to put your relationship with Charlotte in one isn’t fair to you or to her.” He offers me a tentative smile, patting my shoulder before releasing his grip. “You both have been through a lot. Hell, Charlotte is still going through her own version of hell, and she doesn’t need you making her feel worse. In her own way, she thinks she’s doing something honorable by helping Preston with his issues. The least you could do is be supportive of her.”
“I am being supportive. I’m giving her space.” I chew on the inside of my cheek, the words not sounding right, even to me.
William’s brow raises, “Are you doing it to be supportive or are you doing it out of pride? From what Charlotte told Bella, she has no intention or desire to get back with Preston, and as far as I’m concerned, you’re just wasting valuable time with the woman you love.” William walks to the door, talking over his shoulder. “You should know better than anyone, tomorrow isn’t promised. We live for the moment. We live for today.”
His words hit home. I’ve seen so much death in my life, and he’s absolutely right. All we have is the present.
Taking a towel off a chair, I wipe the sweat off my face and come to terms with what I know to be true. I love Charlotte Montgomery and I’ll be damned if I let life steal another moment from us again.
