It’s the third month since I walked out of Ren’s penthouse apartment and not a day goes by that I don’t kick myself in the ass.
I should’ve stayed. Demanded an explanation. Sure, I’d just served him his broken heart on a platter the night before, but I was there to apologize. Things were supposed to get better, not worse, dammit.
“Are you done in there?” Carmen bangs on the door to her tiny bathroom. Mind you, it’s the only bathroom in her two-bedroom home.
I know I shouldn’t be crashing at her place when she already lives with her husband and five kids in a five hundred square foot home.
Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating a little on the square footage, but it seriously cramped, and I’m a shitty sister for adding to the shortage of space.
“I’m out.” I open the door and step into the narrow hallway, motioning toward the interior of the outdated bathroom, complete with wall to wall pink tile.
She rolls her eyes while stepping in, “You’re lucky I love your difficult ass. I just needed to get the kids’ detangler.” She grabs something from under the sink before hooking my arm in hers and walking us toward the living room. “Sit with me. It’s time we have this talk.”
I groan loudly, dreading the inevitable. She’s been extremely patient, never questioning my reasoning as to why I’ve decided to camp both Bruce and me in her home.
“Cassandra, you know I love you with all my heart, but I’m your older sister. And with that position comes great responsibility. Like tough love.”
I roll in my lips, knowing where this is going. “I’m sorry I’ve invaded your home. But think of the bright side, this way you don’t have to buy the kids a dog. They can just play with Bruce and I’m the one who has to care for him, not you.” I shoot her my most convincing smile before continuing. “Besides, you know that I couldn’t stay at Mom’s, not with Dad being back. I can’t stand the man and living under the same roof as them is just asking for trouble.”
“Cass, this isn’t about you staying here. You know we will always make room for family.” She plops my three-year-old niece on her lap and begins to brush her wind-blown hair, no doubt a mess from having been running around in the back yard with her older sisters and Bruce. “This is about the reason behind your staying here. I know you have a perfectly good apartment you’re still paying for. Why haven’t you gone back to staying at your place? Isn’t it safe now that they’ve caught Bella’s attackers?”
I pick at my nails, unable to look at her eyes.
“Yes. I just can’t. Everything there reminds me of him.” My chest constricts and I feel like I’m running out of air again. My panic attacks have been increasing ever since the night Ren asked me to marry him and I fucked everything up.
“Oh, Cass. I’m sorry. Is there any way you two could patch things up?” Her eyes are warm, holding concern only someone who’s loved and lost could truly understand. “You know, Hernando and I have had really bad fights before, but we always find a way to come back to one another. That’s how you know it’s true love. When time and space don’t heal your sorrow, but instead it evolves into a growing need.” She puts her baby down and grabs both of my hands squeezing them. “The fact that it’s been three months and you still look just as gutted, if not worse, tells me there’s something deeper here. Something worth taking a chance on.”
I can’t look her in the eyes. I know if I do, the floodgates will open and I’ll start sobbing yet again. The tears haven’t really stopped since messing things up with Ren. They’ve just become more private. Instead of openly weeping, I wait until everyone’s tucked away in their rooms and Bruce is the only one there to bear witness.
“Did you hear me, little sis?” Carmen brings up one hand to my chin, lifting my face to hers and giving me no choice but to look at her head-on.
“Yessssss. I heard you, Carmen.” I bite my lower lip, trying to inflict pain in a miserable attempt to keep the tears at bay. “Is it worth it?”
“Is what worth it?”
“All the fights, the going back and forth with your man, losing yourself to him, to your children… I never see you do anything for yourself. It’s like you’ve turned into this alternate version of Mom.” I shift my gaze to the wall, feeling like an ass for even saying all this but I really need to know. “A big part of why I messed things up with Ren that night was because I didn’t want to turn into Mom.”
Carmen laughs, “You didn’t want to turn into me either, based on what you’re saying.” She pats my shoulder and looks at me like she… pities me? “Oh, girl. You have no idea what blessings true love brings, do you?”
I just sit there confused as hell. Why is she laughing? I’d be offended, angry even, if I were in her shoes.
“No, you don’t. Because you’ve always kept that heart of yours well guarded against all men. Well, until Ren.” She shakes her head side to side as her expression grows serious. “There is no greater honor than to be a mother to my children or the other half to my man. And do you know why that is, Cass?”
I must look as confused as I feel because she continues without my having to say a word.
“Because when you find the perfect partner in life, and you’re brave enough to give yourself to them completely, they treasure you. Treasure every bit of what you’re willing to share and not only do they revel in your love, but they also give themselves back to you tenfold.” Her smile lights up her face, making her love palpable. “And the beauty of that is, it makes you want to give more of yourself, because you aren’t really losing if you’re gaining so much more. You see, the cycle keeps going and that love just keeps growing and growing. It’s pure magic.”
Magic. Oh, how I’ve felt the beginning of that magic myself. And it is beautiful.
Carmen takes my hand and pats it. “That, my sister, is the difference between choosing the right and wrong man. From what I’ve heard and seen, I think Ren could be the right man.”
I’m a full-blown weeping mess at this point. Even if my sister is right, and Ren is the perfect partner for me, how in the world am I going to fix what I’ve done wrong?
Carmen wipes away at my face. “Psst. Are you going to get that?”
She nods toward my bag which is now vibrating on the coffee table. Taking my phone out, I see that it’s William’s number. Wondering why he’s calling instead of Bella, I pick up immediately. “William, is Bella okay?”
“Hey, Cass.” He laughs into the phone. “Sorry to bother you, I know I don’t usually call. Bella is fine but I have a massive favor to ask of you.”
Color me curious because I’m dying to find out what would make this man call me. He’s always kept to himself, and aside from helping sit for Harper every now and then, our interactions have been minimal. Especially after he broke Bella’s heart with that unnecessary breakup over the summer.
“I sort of need you in Boston tomorrow. Well, The Cape to be exact. I’m proposing the Bella and I want everyone who’s important to us present.”
My heart begins to beat overtime. “Oh my god!” I squeal into the phone. “This is so exciting!” My excitement is cut short when the next words to fly out of his mouth hit my eardrums.
“Great! Ren is in California but he’ll be taking the jet back to Dallas to pick up everyone else. I’m hoping you can meet them at the private airstrip tonight.”
My heart stops and I swear the room is spinning. Either I have a serious case of vertigo or my emotions are wreaking havoc on me once more.
“I thought you said you didn’t need me there until tomorrow? I can just catch a commercial flight there in the morning. No big deal.”
“Well, the thing is I’m proposing at sunrise and there aren’t any commercial flights that could get you there in time. Besides, if you tried to book a redeye flight for tonight, it would cost you a small fortune.” There’s a long pause before he resumes speaking. “Is there a reason you don’t want to be on the jet tonight?”
Not wanting to give anything away as it pertains to Ren and me, I quickly jump in and shoot that theory down. “No, none at all. I just hadn’t had time to pack or prepare Bruce for a stay without me.”
My sister who’s been standing a couple of feet away this entire time rolls her eyes while flinging a kitchen towel at me.
“Okay, I will be there. Just text me the details and I’ll make it happen. Do you need me to bring anything?”
“Just yourself. I know Bella would really appreciate having her best friend present. Thanks again, and see you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow.”
I guess I’m seeing Ren sooner rather than later.
“Soooo, are you going to tell me what that was all about?” My sister smirks while narrowing her eyes.
“William is proposing to Bella tomorrow and he wants me there.” I stand there, staring at her blankly, still not fully having let that sink in.
“Must be something in the air. Didn’t Ren just propose to you a couple of months ago? Hopefully, Bella handles it better than you did.” I know this is her version of tough love, but man does that dig burn.
My mouth is hanging open, “Carmen, that was low.”
“Just calling it like I see it.” She gives me a warm smile as she pours me a glass of wine. “So, does this mean you’ll be seeing Ren? This could be your chance to make things right.”
I take a sip of the red, letting the richness of its flavor play across my tongue. “Thank you for the liquid courage because it looks like I’ll be needing it. They’re out in Cape Cod right now so he wants me to fly on their private jet tonight. It’s a sunrise proposal and there aren’t any commercial flights open that would get me there in time. Well, none that wouldn’t cost me my savings.”
“Ummm.” Carmen smacks me upside the head. “Why in the world would you pass up flying on a private jet?” Her eyes narrow as a knowing grin spreads across her lips. “Ahhhh, Ren will be on it, won’t he?”
I lift my eyes to hers and take another sip before replying, “Ding, ding, ding.”
Carmen gently nudges me off of the bar stool I’d been sitting on. “What are you doing still sitting here? You need to be packing and getting yourself all dolled up. You have a man to win over.”
