When Hardin finally breaks our kiss, he sits on my bed and I join him.
We’re quiet for a few minutes, so I begin to feel nervous, like there is some way I should be behaving now that we are . . . more, but I have no clue what way that is.
“What do you have planned for the rest of the day?” he asks.
“Nothing, just studying,” I say.
“Cool.” He clicks his tongue onto the roof of his mouth. He seems nervous, too, and I am glad it isn’t just me.
“Come here.” Hardin beckons me and opens his arms.
The moment I sit on his lap, the door opens and he groans. Steph, Tristan, and Nate all pour in and then stare at us as I climb off Hardin and sit on the other side of the bed.
“So are you guys like fuck buddies now?” Nate says plainly.
“No! We aren’t!” I squeak. I don’t know what I should tell them, so I just wait for Hardin to say something. He stays quiet as Tristan and Nate begin to talk to him about the party last night.
“It seems I didn’t miss much,” Hardin says to them, and Nate shrugs.
“Until Molly gave us a strip show; she got completely naked, you should have been there,” Nate replies. I cringe and look toward Steph, who is staring at Tristan, probably hoping he isn’t going to comment on Molly being naked.
Hardin smiles. “Nothing I haven’t seen before.”
I gasp, then try to conceal it as a cough. He did not just say that.
His face falls, seeming to understand what he just did.
Maybe this was a terrible idea; it is already sort of awkward, and now that everyone is in the room it’s magnified. Why didn’t he tell them we were dating? Are we dating? I don’t really understand, myself. I thought after his confession that we were, but we never actually said it. Maybe we don’t need to? This uncertainty is already driving me crazy; the entire time I have been with Noah I have never had to worry about his feelings for me. I never had to deal with ex-friends with benefits—I am the only girl Noah has ever kissed in his life, and honestly I like it that way. I wish Hardin had never done anything with another girl, or at least had done things with fewer of them.
“We’re going bowling after I change. Do you want to come?” Steph asks and I shake my head.
“I have to catch up on my studying. I have barely gotten any done this weekend,” I tell her and look away as the memories of this weekend flood through my mind.
“You should come, it will be fun,” Hardin says, but I shake my head. I really need to stay in, and I was sort of hoping he would stay with me. Steph steps into the closet and returns a few minutes later with different clothes on.
“Ready, guys? You’re sure you don’t want to come?” she asks me.
I nod. “I’m sure.”
They all get up to leave, and Hardin gives me a wave and a small smile before exiting the room. I’m disappointed with Hardin’s goodbye, and hope that he’d made these plans before this weekend together and the drama today.
But what did I expect? For him to rush over and kiss me, tell me he would miss me? I laugh at the thought. I don’t know if anything will even change between Hardin and me besides us actively trying to avoid one another. I am too used to how things are with Noah, so I have no idea how this is going to be, and I hate not having control over every situation.
After an hour of studying and attempting to take a nap, I grab my phone to text Hardin. Wait, I don’t even have his number. I had never thought about it before; we have never talked on the phone or texted before. We never needed to; we couldn’t stand each other. This is going to be more complicated than I thought.
I call my mother to catch up with her, and mostly to see if Noah has told her what happened yet. He would be arriving back home soon from the two-hour drive, and I am sure he won’t waste any time telling her everything. She answers with a simple hello, so I know she has no clue yet. I tell her about my failed attempt to get a car, and the possible internship with Vance. Of course, she reminds me that I have been at college over a month and I still haven’t found a car. I roll my eyes and let her continue to ramble on about what she has been doing the last week. My phone lights up while I am listening to her. I place her on speakerphone and read the text.
You should have come with us, with me, the message reads. My heart swells; it’s Hardin.
Pretending to listen to my mother, I mumble “Hmm . . . oh . . .” a few times while I text him back.
You should have stayed, I send. I stare at the screen, waiting for him to reply.
I am coming to pick you up, he replies after what seems like forever.
What? No, I don’t want to go bowling, you’re already there. Just stay.
I already left. Be ready. Boy, he’s demanding, even through text messages.
My mother is still talking and I have no idea what about. I stopped listening once Hardin texted me. “Mom, I will call you back,” I interrupt.
“Why?” she asks with surprise and disdain.
“I . . . um . . . well, I spilled coffee on my notes. I gotta go.”
I hang up and hastily go into the closet, pulling Hardin’s pajamas off and grabbing my new jeans and a plain purple top. I brush out my hair, which looks decent considering it hasn’t been washed. I check the time and go down to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and when I return Hardin is waiting on my bed.
“Where were you?” he asks.
“Brushing my teeth,” I tell him and put my toiletry bag away.
“Ready?” He stands up and walks toward me. I half expect him to hug me, but he doesn’t. He just moves to the door.
I nod and grab my purse and phone.
When we get to his car, he keeps the radio down as he drives. I really don’t want to go to the bowling alley. I hate bowling, but I want to spend time with him. I don’t like how codependent I already feel.
“How long do you think we will be there?” I ask after a few minutes of silence.
“I don’t know . . . why?” He looks sideways at me.
“I don’t know . . . I don’t really care for bowling.”
“It won’t be too bad. Everyone’s there,” he assures me. I hope everyone doesn’t include part-time ho Molly.
“I guess,” I mumble and look out the window.
“You don’t want to go?” His voice is quiet.
“Not really, that’s why I said no the first time.” I laugh a little nonlaugh.
“Let’s go somewhere else, then?”
“Where?” I am irritated with him, but I’m not sure why.
“My house,” he suggests and I smile and nod. His smile grows, showing the dimples that I have grown so fond of. “My house it is, then.” He reaches over and puts his hand on my thigh. My skin warms, and I put my hand over his.
Fifteen minutes later we are pulling up to the large fraternity house. I haven’t been here since Hardin and I fought and I walked back to the dorms. As he leads me up the stairs, none of the guys bothers to look twice at us; they must be used to seeing Hardin bring a girl home. My stomach pings at the thought. I need to stop thinking this way, because it’s going to drive me insane and there is nothing I can do to change it.
“Here we are,” Hardin says and unlocks his door. I follow him inside and he turns the light on, kicking his boots off his feet and onto the floor. He moves over to his bed and pats the spot next to him.
As I walk toward him, my curiosity gets the best of me. “Was Molly there? At the bowling alley?” I look out his window as I ask him.
“Yeah, of course she was,” he answers casually. “Why?”
I sit down on the soft bed and Hardin pulls me by my ankles closer to him. I laugh and slide closer, my back flat against the bed, putting my knees up and my feet on the other side of his legs.
“I was just wondering . . .” I tell him and he grins.
“She is always going to be around; she’s a part of our group.”
I know it’s silly of me to be this jealous of her, but she just bothers me. She acts like she likes me, when I know she doesn’t, and I know she likes Hardin. Now that we are . . . whatever we are, I don’t want her near him.
“You aren’t like worried that I will fuck her, are you?”
I swat his arm at his use of words. I love the way dirty words sound coming off his lips, but not when she’s involved.
“No, well, I . . . maybe. I just know you have before, and I don’t want you to again,” I say. I am sure he is going to mock my jealousy, so I turn my head sideways.
His hand goes to my knee and he squeezes gently. “I wouldn’t do that . . . not now. Don’t worry about her, okay?” His words are gentle, and I believe him.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone about us?” I know I should just shut my mouth, but it has been bothering me.
“I don’t know . . . I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to. Besides, what we do is our business. Not theirs,” he explains. His answer is much better than what was going through my mind.
“I guess you’re right. I thought maybe you were embarrassed or something?” I say and he laughs.
“Why would I possibly be embarrassed by you? Look at you.” His eyes darken and he moves his hand to my stomach. His fingers tug up my shirt and he draws circles on my bare skin with his digits. Goose bumps raise my skin and he smiles.
“I love the way your body responds to me,” he breathes. I know what is coming next, and I can’t wait.
