I DEFINITELY SHOULD NOT be enjoying the anger on Julian’s face this much.
But I had an inkling that it didn’t stem from irritation like I used to believe. This wasn’t him trying to gatekeep his friends. This was something far more than that, and in my personal opinion, something Julian deserved to experience at the moment.
Jealousy looked good on Julian Briggs.
It really took this moment and the way he was looking at me to fully realize the extent of it. Or that it existed at all. Jealous. He was actually, legitimately jealous.
Had I taken advantage of this well-timed opportunity? Played it up a bit? Of course I had. And I refused to feel guilty after everything that had happened in the last couple of weeks. I’d gone to the wedding thinking that meeting Sofia would help fill a hole of loneliness in me. I thought that meeting someone who was blood-related to me would give me a sense of belonging in this world. And for a few hours, it did.
But then Julian happened.
Now I was back in Boston. And Sofia wasn’t here, Julian was pushing me away, and I had no one to talk to about any of it. Gemma had tried to get more out of me at Thanksgiving, but I stuck to the story I’d told my parents—that I didn’t feel well. As much as I would have loved to vent to my best friend about her brother, I couldn’t. No matter how mad I was, the last thing I wanted to do was damage his relationship with his sisters. I couldn’t do that to him.
But I could do this to him.
“I’m going to dinner with Noah,” I repeated for him, even though I was positive he’d heard me correctly the first time.
“Noah London,” he clarified through clenched teeth.
“Noah London,” I confirmed. “You know…tattoos, professional football player, lived with you in—”
“I know, Juniper.” The growl of his voice sent a thrill through me that I chose to ignore. “What I don’t know is why the hell you’re going to dinner with him.”
I arched a brow. “Is that so unbelievable of an idea?”
“Of course not, but—”
“He felt bad that he couldn’t take me to Sofia’s wedding and asked to make it up to me.”
“And you said yes?”
“Clearly.” I motioned to my outfit, which I’d picked out specifically for this occasion. “It’s not like anyone else is asking me on a date tonight.”
Julian’s lips clamped shut at that, and to his credit, pain bled into his eyes, mixing with apparent fury. It was hard to look at, so I grabbed my coat, spun on my heel, and exited the office before I changed my mind.
Those eyes of his had been begging me not to go, but he’d have to say the words to get me to stay. He’d have to say a lot of words to get me to stay, and since his mouth wasn’t moving…
“Juniper!”
Oh, goddamnit.
My feet faltered, but when Julian didn’t say anything more, I continued forward.
Dinner with Noah would be good for me. I wasn’t naive in thinking it was an actual date. Just dinner with a man who wasn’t confusing, utterly infuriating, and made my entire body react uncontrollably when we were in the same room.
My hormones had not gotten the memo that I was upset with Julian this past week. All they wanted to do was relive the moments when I was pressed against him, crying his name. It really put a damper on my efforts to freeze him out when I got all hot and bothered every time he even glanced at me. My knees shook when he so much as slipped out of his coat in the morning.
Jesus Christ, I was a mess.
But it was time to put thoughts of Julian out of my mind.
A short walk through light snow later, I stepped into a trendy restaurant and pretended to be far more confident than I was while walking across the dimly lit dining space. Noah immediately caught my eye from a table in the corner, slightly sheltered from the rest of the restaurant. Celebrity status was good for some things, I supposed.
“Juniper, you look great,” he greeted me as soon as I approached him. His enthusiasm didn’t seem fake, nor did his movements when he brought me in for a brief but firm hug. After pulling back, he offered to take my coat, hanging it on the rack behind him.
“Thank you,” I said, flashing him a smile. “You know, you didn’t have to do this.”
Might as well get it out in the open right away that I knew what this was and what it wasn’t.
“Do what?” He frowned, settling into his seat across from me. “Have dinner?”
“Yeah, I hope you don’t think that just because you weren’t able to make it to the wedding, you owe—”
“Of course I don’t think that,” he said, waving away my concern. “But I still wanted to make it up to you. After all, I heard you had to go with Briggs.” He winked at me over his menu. “Must have been a rough weekend.”
The twinkle in his eye told me he didn’t mean a word of what he’d said, but I still had the oddest urge to defend Julian.
“The weekend was actually…a lot of fun.”
“Was it now?” Noah had a prying look worse than Gemma’s. “I heard you saw Gray and Nes.”
I leaned in conspiratorially. “Who I learned was actually Wednesday Elevett.”
Noah leaned back and laughed. “Did Jules tell you how much she hated being called Wednesday in college?”
I shook my head. “Why did she pick it as a stage name, then?”
“Grayson made her love it. Took a while, though.”
“That’s sweet,” I said with a smile before looking down at my menu. Noah also fell quiet across the table, taking a minute to peruse the options. The only thing that interrupted our momentary silence was the continual buzz of his phone. I was sure it always did that, rang off the hook.
With a sigh, Noah put his menu down and glanced at his phone. Not wanting to stare while he responded to girls or fans or whoever was hounding him, I buried myself in the menu again. But my stomach turned, and I wished we had agreed to get drinks, not fine dining for two.
A waitress swung by, grabbing our drink orders. Hard to say if she caught mine, though. Noah had most of her attention.
“God, I’m starving,” Noah commented, leaning back in his chair. His phone had disappeared, and I didn’t hear it anymore, so I wondered if he had silenced it. “I seriously want to order everything. But don’t worry, it’s all on me tonight.”
“Oh, you don’t—”
“Juniper, I asked you to dinner. Now, let me take you out to dinner, okay?” He put a hand up to stop my protest. “What looks good to you?”
“I’m not sure,” I said truthfully. “I ate a big lunch, so I’m really not that hungry.”
Noah fixed me with a stare before opening his mouth and saying something I honestly didn’t believe at first.
“Julian says you barely ate lunch, and I have to make sure you have something for dinner.” He glanced back down at his menu. “He says you like gnocchi. Or pasta. But I shouldn’t imply they are the same because, according to you, they are not.”
“It’s a debatable topic,” I mumbled, trying not to let my lips curve up. “When did he say that?”
“Just now. He’s been blowing up my phone nonstop for a half hour now.” Noah cocked his head before stabbing a finger at the menu. “They have a creamy penne alla vodka. How does that sound?”
“I—good.” Food was the last thing on my mind, now more than ever. But it seemed that Noah was taking his task of making sure I ate seriously. Just like someone else I knew. “That sounds great, actually.”
“Excellent.” Noah put the menu down again, fixing me with a look. His eyes had a smokey quality to them. That, combined with his crooked smile and sleeves of tattoos, made him seem more mysterious than he really was. And attractive, of course.
But knowing someone was attractive was far different than having an attraction to them, and I realized Noah was firmly in the former category for me.
Shit. That look he was giving me was a dare, and I folded far too quickly. I took a sip of my water to buy myself time to change my mind, but my words came out the same regardless.
“What else did Julian say?”
Noah’s lips slowly formed into a shit-eating grin. “He’s threatening what he’ll do if I touch you. And the longer I go without answering his threats, the more creative they seem to be getting.”
“Oh my God,” I groaned. “I’m so sorry. He’s so incredibly infuriating.”
Of course Julian would try to domineer situations just the way he wanted them. But Noah appeared far from bothered that his friend was threatening him, which I struggled to comprehend. He grinned the entire time we paused our conversation to let the waitress place glasses of wine in front of us.
As soon as she left, he leaned forward onto the table. “Let me explain Julian for you.”
“Oh, I understand Julian.” I took an overly large gulp of my Chardonnay. “I’ve known him for over a decade, and most of it has not been pleasant.”
“I’m not saying he doesn’t have his faults, but you gotta realize he’s a good guy. More than a good guy.”
Wow, not only was Noah not bothered by Julian’s incessant threats, but he was also going to bat for him?
When I quietly took another sip of my wine, Noah insisted.
“He is, Juniper.”
“He’s threatening you,” I pointed out, in case he’d forgotten.
“Because he knows my faults and wants to protect you.”
Protect me. How funny it was that Julian always tried to protect me from everything and everyone…except himself.
“You would touch me if I didn’t want you to?” I asked, not believing that I needed protection from the man across the table, who was far more kind-spirited than I’d initially given him credit for. He’d seemed so genuinely apologetic when he canceled on me for Sofia’s wedding that I wasn’t even surprised to get his text the other day about tonight.
“Of course not.” Noah looked affronted. “But I am aware I have a reputation.”
“Then he has nothing to protect me from.” I glanced away. It was hard admitting truths when looking people in the eye. “I don’t know why he thinks he gets to want nothing to do with me and also tell other guys that they should want nothing to do with me.”
When I looked back at Noah, he was sitting back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. It emphasized his biceps, which were trying to bulge their way out of his white dress shirt. “These are not the texts of a man who wants nothing to do with you, Juniper.”
“He doesn’t think we’re a good idea,” I admitted.
This was such an inappropriate conversation to have with a guy who’d asked me out for dinner, but again, we both knew what this was: not a date. And it felt good to say those words aloud after repeating them in my head for the last week.
“Of course he doesn’t,” Noah said softly, taking me aback.
“Of course?”
“Because it’s Julian.” His sigh made me feel like I was supposed to understand what that meant, but I didn’t. Which forced me to the realization that maybe, just maybe, there were parts of Julian that I didn’t fully comprehend. “Julian’s life revolves around his family,” Noah added.
Okay, yes, that I did know.
“And you are in the unfortunate situation of being very close to that family.”
“I love the Briggs family,” I defended because he made it sound like something was wrong with them.
“Exactly.” Noah tapped his finger on the table pointedly. “His entire life, he’s made decisions based on what he thinks is best for the people he loves. He could have easily made a career in the NFL, but he didn’t think it was the responsible choice. He could have easily gone into law school immediately after undergrad, but his dad needed his help back home. He could have asked you out eons ago, but he didn’t want to get between your relationship with his family, the one you love so very much.”
“Eons ago?” I repeated, getting stuck on that little part. “Julian never made any indication that he liked me growing up.”
An understatement.
“Oh, sweetheart.” Noah picked up his wine, peering at me over the rim of his glass. “You’re wrong. That’s why I was so surprised when he introduced us, but he insisted it was fine. Until it so clearly wasn’t.”
“I—I don’t know about that, Noah. Really, I—”
“And now you both work together,” Noah continued. “And Julian’s goal his whole life has been to secure a long-term, well-paying career that can support his family. He has that job now, the one that will help make sure Genevieve or Josie or whichever one it is goes to college. The job that is sustainable enough to take care of his parents when they get older and his dad can’t crouch under cars anymore for a living. That job is really fucking important to him. It doesn’t mean you aren’t.”
“Doesn’t it?” I cringed as soon as the thought came out of my mouth. “Sorry, that sounded really self-centered.”
“No, it didn’t,” Noah reassured me. “Look, I’m not going to sit here and say he isn’t making some big mistakes, but that’s just how I see it.”
I took a deep breath, absorbing everything he’d said. I understood that Julian was self-sacrificing, but I’d never dream of doing anything to put his job at risk. Nor would I ever think to get between him and his sisters. Gemma hated when Julian and I argued. And here I was, for some incomprehensible reason, trying to end that era of us.
“You sound like you’ve talked to him about this,” I hedged.
If he did, I’d be a little upset. I wished Julian would talk to me. And not just cryptically or condescendingly. But honestly.
Noah shook his head, though. “No, I didn’t talk to him.” He gave me a sympathetic little smile that was sweet but painful. “I just know him.”
His answer made me wonder…did I know Julian? I thought I did.
But I also thought he hated me, and the last few weeks certainly didn’t feel like hate. I thought he was cold, but recently, I’d never felt so warm. When it came to me, I thought he only knew how to be hard and unfeeling, but then there were those moments when he was oh, so soft.
God, just thinking about those moments made my heart beat faster.
Before it fell into my stomach because I remembered the rejection that followed.
If I was honest with myself, it was a gut-wrenching realization. Wanting him like this was gut-wrenching. The want kept growing and growing the more I thought about it. But it wasn’t anything more than a whole new way for him to hurt me.
“How about that pasta?” Noah jerked his head to the side, capturing my attention again. “Should we flag down the waitress and order?”
I took a deep breath. “Yeah, let’s do that.”
But before we got the chance, Noah’s phone buzzed again. He sighed, glancing down at it. His lips pressed together in a repressed smile.
“What?”
I couldn’t help it; I needed to know.
Noah read from his phone without looking up. “He’s reminding me that he’s broken bones for you before, and he can do it again.”
“He’s so dramatic,” I scoffed, despite my stomach flipping.
Noah chuckled before giving me a curious look. “Do you want me to cave and tell him where we are?”
I thought about it for a second before shaking my head. “He can have tonight to figure out what he wants. And then, just maybe, I’ll give him a chance if he realizes it’s me.”
Noah tucked his phone away with a soft smile. “He knows it’s you, Juniper.”
He sounded so sure of himself.
I wished I could be that sure, too.
