GEMMA WALKED INTO MY apartment in a whirlwind, her red hair flying behind her as if caught in a breeze. She squealed when she saw me all packed and ready to go for the weekend, and I held out the sugared-up holiday drink I got for her at Georgia’s after work.
“Julian isn’t here yet, is he?” she asked, scoping out my apartment—which was definitely small enough to check with one quick look around.
Julian, Gemma, and I made plans to drive to Whitebridge together. They would drop me off at my parents’ tonight so I could spend time with them, and then we had the Christmas party tomorrow. Since Julian and I both had to grab our bags from home after work and Gemma had skating practice, we decided to meet at my place before heading out.
“If Julian was here, he would already be pushing us out the door,” I laughed, my stomach turning as I thought of times Julian had been here that Gemma didn’t know about. Including when he’d trapped me against my kitchen counter and whispered toe-curling words I was still digesting.
Gemma nodded as if to acknowledge the truth of what I’d said before she dropped onto the barstool, leaning her elbows on my kitchen island. “Thank God. I feel like we haven’t been able to catch up in so long. I want all the details of the wedding like now. Hurry, before he comes.”
She was right. We hadn’t been able to properly hang out for weeks, and a bit of guilt tinted my mood because I knew it was partly due to how consumed I’d been with work and Julian these last weeks. But it was also because Gemma was out of town for a week for a competition and then training really hard with her team when she was in town. Plus, when we saw each other at Thanksgiving, it had been hard to actually talk with the other Briggs sisters there.
“It was good,” I said honestly. Considering everything that had happened since, the wedding seemed ages ago.
“Good?” Gemma repeated. “That’s what you told me on the phone, but I thought there’d at least be something else to spill.”
I laughed. “I don’t know! Sofia was a gem. She was really sweet, and I’m glad I went so I could finally meet her. I feel like we come from different worlds, but maybe one day, we’ll exist in the same one.”
Gemma tipped her head to the side, sipping her drink while she thought. “I think you could,” she said after a moment. “If that’s what you want.”
“It would be nice,” I said quietly. “But for some reason, I thought I’d feel different after meeting her, and I don’t, really.”
I felt different since the wedding, but it didn’t have anything to do with Sofia.
“And Julian?” Gemma probed, right on track with my thoughts.
“He was…” I cleared my throat. “He was surprisingly a gentleman.”
“A gentleman?” Gemma repeated, clearly in disbelief. Her tone hinted at something else, too, but I couldn’t place it.
I nodded, daring to smile a bit, even though it would confuse the hell out of Gemma. Oh, well. She should probably start getting used to it. Every day, I grew increasingly attached to the idea that Julian was real. We were real.
“Yeah,” I said. “Don’t tell him I admitted this, but he was really nice about the whole thing.”
Gemma narrowed her eyes. “Nice?”
My grin widened. “Yeah. Nice.”
The Briggs family always spent the week of Christmas on Cape Cod, where Gemma’s grandparents lived. Aunts, uncles, cousins—they all joined in one hoopla of merriment.
The weekend before Christmas, they celebrated in Whitebridge. Jenny and John, Julian, Gemma, Janie, Josie, Gianna, Genevieve…and me, Juniper.
We called it a party because we made it one. We always dressed up, drank wine from the crystal glasses that only got used once a year, and sloppily sang Christmas carols while Josie played the piano. She wasn’t very good, but then again, neither were we.
Christmas was the highlight of my year. Because after I celebrated with the Briggs family, I got to do it all over again with my own. A two-in-one special.
But while the Briggs family Christmas was an annual tradition, this one managed to hold a lot of firsts for me. The first time I was nervous about going to the Briggs’ house. The first time I sat in my bedroom at my parents’ house beforehand, obsessing over what to wear. The first time I felt guilty because of what I wasn’t telling Gemma.
Janie and Gianna crowded me as soon as I walked through the door, followed by Genevieve and Josie, giving hugs and performing choruses of holiday greetings. But as happy as I was to see them, my eyes scanned the surroundings for one Briggs in particular.
Julian hung back, leaning with one shoulder against the wall in the foyer of their old Victorian home. A black sweater clung to his athletic frame, making his hair stand out in contrast even in the dim lighting, candlelight flicking up the walls.
His lips tilted up in a half-smile, but his eyes…God, his eyes watched my every movement as I shrugged off my coat. They appraised my velvety emerald-green dress and black, polka-dotted tights. They studied me over the rim of his glass as he sipped from what I could only assume was a beer, likely a cheap one.
Finally, Julian pushed off the wall, and all of his sisters’ chattering voices muted, dying down until all I could hear was my heartbeat as Julian approached.
I didn’t think I could do this. Who would have thought that pretending not to like Julian would be more challenging than pretending to like him had been at the wedding? Maybe it was because I hadn’t needed to pretend much at all.
“Hey, Rosie,” he said, sounding all beautifully gruff. “I can take your coat.”
“Look at you being a gentleman,” Gemma said, elbowing her brother as I tried to ignore how Julian’s fingers brushed over mine when taking my coat from me.
Julian rolled his eyes up but otherwise ignored his sister before walking away with my coat. So I leaned in, grabbing Gemma’s arm and muttering, “Told you.”
“I’ve yelled at him a lot lately for acting like an ass toward you,” she murmured back, walking us into the house. “Maybe some of it finally got through his thick skull.”
“Maybe,” I agreed. “I think he’s trying harder now that we have to work together.”
It wasn’t a lie.
But it also wasn’t the truth, and I hated not being completely honest with Gemma. Yesterday in the car, both Julian and I had been quiet, barely interacting. This was hard to navigate, and I didn’t like it.
“I was hoping something like that might happen when you both started at Gardner.” Gemma glanced sideways at me. “Maybe now we can all coexist peacefully.”
I gritted my teeth, wondering if Julian and I dating would help or hurt Gemma’s dream of coexisting. Worry swirled in my gut.
It stayed there, in the pit of my stomach, all through dinner, causing my appetite to dwindle, even though the au gratin potatoes Jenny prepared looked amazing. I took small bites and pushed my food around on my plate until I felt a shiver run up my spine and glanced over to see Julian staring at me from the far end of the table.
“You okay?” he mouthed, his brows furrowed.
No, I wasn’t okay. Everything was utterly the same yet completely different, and I didn’t know what to think.
Around us, Josie explained her latest musical while everyone piped in with commentary about the plot, and suddenly, I understood. I understood why Julian was afraid to change the dynamic we had existed in for so long. This was his home, his family, where things had always been a certain way, reliable and consistent and wonderful.
But while I worked through that dawning sensation for the first time, Julian stared at me with such sureness. He wasn’t paying attention to Josie or his mom asking for the dates of her opening night or Gianna’s under-the-breath teasing of her sister’s butchered audition for the main role that she didn’t get.
He was waiting for me to answer him.
He was waiting.
For me.
Maybe changing the status quo wasn’t so bad. Not when it meant feeling tingly in all of my limbs.
I nodded at Julian, giving him a slight smile, but he didn’t look away. Even once I dropped my gaze and took a bite of my potatoes—a bigger bite this time—I felt his eyes on me. They didn’t leave, not through all of dinner, and when everyone started clearing the plates, I brushed up against Julian as he stood from his spot.
“You have to stop looking at me,” I hissed.
“How? I don’t know how, Juni,” he murmured before clearing his voice and talking normally as he took my plate from me. “Here, I’ll clear that for you.”
Unable to find any words, I let Julian take my dishes, noticing how he once again tried to prolong the minimal contact between our bodies when his fingers brushed mine.
God, I wasn’t going to make it through tonight.
When we moved into the living room to huddle around a colorfully lit, eclectically decorated Christmas tree, I made damn sure to stay clear of Julian. He seemed to be of the same thinking, sitting in a lone armchair near the front picture window. Snow drifted down behind him, and the glow of the streetlamps outside gave him an angelic quality.
Not that I would ever describe Julian that way, although he was acting sweet tonight.
I curled up next to Gemma on the couch, watching the proceedings as Josie shoved a Santa hat on Genevieve’s head so she could dole out the presents as she usually did. But not, of course, before she snapped a few pictures—some of her and Josie and then some of Gemma and me. Genevieve had always loved photography and photo editing, but lately, she seemed to be taking it seriously and producing amazing results.
A quick glance at Julian left me with a feeling of warmth as he smiled at his sisters. His mom walked over, perching herself on the arm of the chair he sat in. Jenny placed a hand on his shoulder, and he reached up to give it a squeeze before she drifted off to sit next to his dad on the love seat.
I felt that squeeze around my heart. This was his family, and maybe I was wrong not to give him and them more space growing up. For crying out loud, it was Christmas, and I knew every one of his family traditions. But Gemma had always insisted, and so did Jenny, John, and all the other girls. So I never stopped to consider how it was perfectly fair for Julian not to want me here. Except now I knew that wasn’t entirely the truth, and if the way he kept looking at me meant anything, it definitely wasn’t true tonight.
Any remaining doubts I had of that vanished when Gen’s surprised and curious voice read, “To Juniper. From…Julian.”
Sitting next to the tree, she stared at the present, a midsized box wrapped in candy-cane-striped paper, before lifting her head to look from me to Julian and back again.
“You bought Juniper a present?” she finally asked, staring straight at her brother.
Julian’s response was cut off by the rest of his sisters chiming in.
“You never buy Juni a present.” Gianna sounded just as confused as Genevieve.
“This better not be a prank gift, Julian.”
That was Gemma.
“Oh my God, what is it?”
Josie pitched forward onto the balls of her feet, squatting on the opposite side of the couch so she could see over the rest of her family as Gen handed me the gift.
I stared at it, feeling like breaths were hard to take.
That sounded dramatic; it was just a gift on Christmas, a day when gifts were the norm, and it was probably a small one at that. But while his sisters always went in on a gift for me and his parents always gave me something small, Julian had never, ever put anything under the tree with my name on it. This candy-cane-striped package meant more than I knew how to put into words.
“It’s not a prank, Gemma.” Julian’s drawl extended across the room. “It’s just something I thought she would like.”
Something I would like? I didn’t know what it could be, but suddenly, I couldn’t wait to find out. I ripped into the package with probably too much eagerness, letting the wrapping paper fall to the floor with the rest of the mess littering the hardwood.
After slicing through the tape on a slightly battered cardboard box, I opened it to find another box inside.
“I thought you needed better ones.” The humor in Julian’s voice made me crack, a slight laugh releasing from my own lips. There were headphones—the padded, nice kind that would actually keep my sound from leaking out when I was listening to things I probably shouldn’t be listening to at work. “There’s more,” Julian added.
More?
Sure enough, when I looked back at the tissue-paper-filled box, a book stared up at me, and this time, I gasped.
“How did you get this?” I asked in awe, picking up the fifth and final book in a series I’d been reading. I turned it over to admire the cover art, front and back. “It was only just released, like, yesterday.”
When Julian didn’t reply right away, I glanced over at him. He was fighting a smile and eventually managed a slight shrug. “I preordered it.”
“You preordered it,” Gemma deadpanned next to me.
“Yes, I preordered it. I knew Juni was reading that series, and I preordered the next book so it would be here for Christmas,” Julian replied, keeping his voice even.
When all his sisters stared at him silently for a few seconds, he threw his hands up in exasperation.
“It took three clicks on my phone. Stop looking at me like I flew across the country to hand-select it.”
“Yeah, but—”
“Thank you,” I said, cutting Gemma off. I crossed my legs, resisting the urge to fly to the other side of the room and kiss him in front of his entire family. “Thank you for this.”
“You’re welcome,” Julian said with a simple nod.
There wasn’t anything simple about the look on his face, though. He looked just as eager for that kiss as I was, making it much harder to stay put in my seat.
“Well.” Genevieve cleared her throat. “On to the next present.”
I sat, clasping my new book in my hands, as Gemma opened a present from her parents. I tried to wipe the smile off my face, but it was really, really hard. In fact, it was so hard to act normal that when Gianna started unwrapping an odd-shaped package from Janie, I gave up and excused myself to use the bathroom.
I closed myself inside it, leaning against the door and letting my lips spread wide.
He meant it, didn’t he? All of his words and promises and declarations. He’s meant them. He wanted me here.
When there was a knock at the door, followed by Julian’s low voice calling my name, my breath hitched. Before I could overthink it, I opened the door, grabbed him by the front of his black sweater, and hauled him into the bathroom. Julian gasped my name, but he didn’t get any other words out before I shut him up with a kiss.
It was my turn for that, and I intended to do it even better than he had.
Julian melted beneath my mouth, molding to me as he groaned into the kiss, eager and desperate to return it. God, I’d missed this, missed feeling like we were both going to lose it unless we got another taste of each other.
I knocked Julian back into the closed bathroom door, wrapping my arms around his neck and letting my fingers sift into his gingery hair. Julian fumbled with the lock before his hands landed on the small of my back, holding me tight to his body.
We fit together so perfectly. Having him like this, feeling him everywhere, spurred me on. I knew I should stop, but I also knew I wouldn’t be able to. Abandoning reason was the only option at this point.
I pressed my lips to his harder, coaxing them open so I could taste him. Julian’s fingers dug into my back as our tongues twisted, and then his hands fell lower and lower, sneaking beneath my dress until he was cupping my ass. I suddenly wished I wasn’t wearing tights, wanting to feel his hands on my skin. But even through the tights, Julian’s touch set me on fire, and when he gave my rear a little squeeze, I groaned.
Julian mumbled for me to be quiet. He said it so sweetly, though, that it barely registered. And when he bit down on my lip, I gasped even louder.
“Juniper.”
The way he growled my name caused heady awareness to zip through me. Right. Right, we were in a bathroom. On Christmas. At his parents’ house. Shit.
“Do you think they’ll realize?” I muttered between kisses.
Julian shook his head and responded in short sentences while trying to keep his mouth on mine. “They were done with gifts. Everyone’s cleaning up. No one noticed that I left.”
“Good.” I pressed my smile against Julian’s mouth, and it seemed to transfer. I felt his lips curve beneath mine before he cupped my cheek and deepened the kiss again. His lips roved over mine, exploring.
“God, Juni.” He breathed his words against my mouth while sliding his fingers down my jaw to grip my chin. “Please don’t make me go that long without kissing you ever again.”
“Ever again, huh?”
“Ever.” He brushed his lips over mine once. “Again.” And then once more before asking huskily, “Did you like your present?”
I would have thought that the answer to that was obvious, considering how wildly we were kissing, but I obliged him by nodding. “I loved my present. I wished I’d known you were doing that so I could have gotten you something, too.”
His smile caressed mine as he replied. “There’s only one thing on my wish list this year, and you can still give it to me.”
Badly wanting to make Julian as happy as he made me, I perked up. He noticed, and a rough little laugh hit my lips before he pulled back, eyes wandering my face like he was memorizing the moment.
“Juni baby…” He paused, releasing his grip on my ass to reach up and touch something on the top of my head. It wasn’t until I felt a little tug that I realized he was readjusting the bow in my hair. Then his gaze dropped to mine, and it shone with a thousand holiday lights. “Can I have a date for Christmas? I want to take you out.”
On the inside, I squealed. But on the outside, I kissed him tenderly before whispering against his lips. “You can have as many dates as you like, Julian.”
“Thank fucking God.” Julian crashed his lips into mine, transitioning our kiss from sweet to passionate and needy. He cupped me in his hands again, lifting until nothing remained between us, and I felt everything. Everything. His erection pressed into my stomach, flooding me with forbidden desire.
This shouldn’t be happening. Not when the only thing that separated us from the rest of the Briggs family was this bathroom door. But I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t pull away until I’d given him something. Something he could have now.
“But that won’t be for a while, will it?” I breathed, kissing down Julian’s neck. He tipped his head back, letting it hit the bathroom door with a light knock and a rumble from his throat. “Our date won’t be until we get back to Boston. What about tonight?”
“Tonight?” he grumbled, no longer paying attention to what I was saying and focusing more on how I sucked that spot on his neck where I could feel his pulse beneath his hot skin. So I lowered slowly down his body, dragging my fingertips over his chest, wanting to clarify what I meant.
“Tonight, Julian.” I hooked one finger into the waistband of his pants and used another to trace the outline of his growing erection. “I want to give you something tonight.”
Although, it was for me just as much as him. He didn’t let me last time, and I hadn’t quite gotten over that rejection.
“Holy—” Julian looked down at me, clearly comprehending but glitching internally at what to do about it. “But you—I want—”
“I want to, tonight. Me first,” I said, repeating my words from that night in our office. I was on my knees now, grateful for the fluffy bathroom mat beneath me as I tugged at Julian’s belt because I knew we didn’t have much time. “Please.”
A smirk pulled slowly onto his expression. “Did I just hear that correctly?” His voice was husky and soft now, his eyes no longer blue and bright but midnight and deep. “Was that Juniper St. James begging for my cock?”
“I’m not begging.” With Julian’s belt undone, I hastily unbuttoned his pants and yanked down the zipper. “I’m asking nicely. That’s what people do when they want something, remember?”
“You want it?” he asked, his bottom lip gliding through his teeth.
I stroked my fingers over the fabric of his briefs, harder this time. Julian shivered. “I want it, Julian.”
“It’s yours.”
He spoke those words so firmly, so calmly, that my heart flipped. And then Julian kept talking in that low voice of his, and that tingling sensation in my chest spread to the rest of me.
“You know that sound you make when you nibble on the little treats you bring into work?” Julian watched as I pulled down his waistband, and then he grabbed his hard length himself, fisting it. He was…oh, God. “I want you to make that sound when I hit the back of your throat.”
“Well, you have been a good boy lately. So I suppose…” I licked his tip as he held it out for me, not tearing my gaze from his face while I did.
I wanted to see his expression, and I wasn’t disappointed. The muscles in his face ticked, and his breathing came faster as I wrapped my hand around his cock, taking his place so his hand could wind its way into my hair instead. I let Julian guide me, gradually taking in more and more of him until my mouth was stuffed full, and Julian’s eyes were blazing hot as he watched.
And then I sucked, and Julian lost it. His eyes squeezed shut, jaw clenching, fist tightening around my hair. “Jesus fucking Christ, Juniper.”
His reaction spurred me on, sliding my lips up and down his length while twisting around his base with my hand. He was so hot and hard while his skin was so soft, and I moaned with the satisfaction of it all.
“That’s it, love,” Julian muttered, his lips twisting. He liked that, liked hearing me and feeling me around him. He let loose his own groan, one that I knew he’d been trying to hold in for the sake of being quiet. But he was struggling with any sort of control, and my pulse raced faster at seeing it.
I wanted to make Julian Briggs fall apart. I wanted to drive him past his breaking point. And he was close to it.
“I’m not gonna last,” he grunted through heavy breaths. They were coming quicker and quicker as I sucked harder and faster. His voice remained quiet and hoarse. “Oh, fuck, Juni. I promise…when it’s for you, I’ll do better, longer. But you look so goddamn beautiful on your knees taking me like that. You don’t even realize, do you? You don’t even realize how impossible you make it for me. This whole night, I’ve been wondering why you have to be so fucking pretty.”
His grip tightened on my hair, and I smiled around his cock, looking up at him through watery eyes and feeling more empowered than ever before despite being down on my knees.
My own body ached in ways I’d never experienced, but it wasn’t like with other guys, like when I’d wanted this step to be over so it could be my turn for some sort of lackluster relief. No, this was the main event. This was all I wanted right now.
Julian’s lips pressed together as he tried to contain himself, and I decided right then and there that nothing would ever be hotter than Julian trying to stay quiet while he neared climax. His eyes drilled into mine, never breaking as I licked the underside of his cock before sucking him as deep as I could manage, gagging slightly at how thick he was in the back of my throat.
That seemed to do it for Julian. He said my name in a clipped sort of way that I understood to be a warning I didn’t care about or need, and then he shot his release down my throat, tipping his head back so I could watch the veins in his neck strain with the cry he was holding in.
I swallowed, licked my lips, and then stood before Julian had a chance to recover.
“Merry Christmas, Julian,” I whispered, pressing a light kiss to his lips.
I tried to step away, conscious that we’d been in this bathroom too long. But Julian caught me around the waist before I could escape. He dropped his forehead to mine, still trying to slow his breathing.
“That was incredible. How about you accidentally fall asleep in the wrong bed again tonight?” I heard the smile in his voice. “I want to go down on you until you scream into my pillow to stay quiet.”
As if I hadn’t already been wildly aroused, now I could feel my heartbeat between my legs.
But I couldn’t stay in his room tonight, and I couldn’t stay in this bathroom a moment longer. Not if we didn’t want to get caught.
“I’m going home soon,” I whispered regretfully. “I wasn’t planning on staying over. I shouldn’t.”
Julian grunted, not liking that answer. “Let me drive you home, then.”
I shook my head. “How would you explain that to Gemma?”
“I already told her I’m trying to make up for Thanksgiving. That’s how I explained the present.”
“We shouldn’t push it, Julian,” I sighed.
“It might be too late for that,” he muttered, reaching between us to readjust his pants.
I laughed, but Julian caught my laugh with a kiss. It was a short kiss, but when he broke away, his words were as soft and tender as a million kisses.
“Merry Christmas, Juniper.”
And then he disappeared, shutting the door behind him because we obviously didn’t both want to leave at the same time. I took a moment to look at myself in the mirror while I waited, fixing my hair and the straps on my dress. Thinking that enough time had passed for it not to be suspicious, I went to open the door.
And a second later, I was face-to-face with John Briggs.
“Oh, Juniper.” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, I thought I just saw Jul—”
He stopped, his brows furrowing, and I could practically see the gears grinding in his head. He looked over his shoulder, but I couldn’t tell what at because most of his body blocked the view. John was a tall, broad guy—a bigger, huskier version of Julian.
When he faced me again, he sighed. But there was a slight smile in that sigh. “Christ, it’s about goddamn time he got his head out of his ass.”
My brows shot up. “I—”
“If he doesn’t treat you like a fucking queen, you let me know,” John cut in, his expression stern but his eyes soft. “And give him hell if he deserves it.”
Feeling bewildered about this entire interaction, I could barely muster a nod. “I always do.”
He chuckled at that. “I know. It’s why you’re perfect.”
John moved to the side so I could slip past him, but as soon as I started moving, my senses returned to me. I looked up at the tallest Briggs. “Could you maybe not say anything to…anyone? We haven’t exactly—”
Mr. Briggs put his hand up. “That’s one thing your dad and I don’t have in common, Juniper. I’m not one for gossip,” he said before winking.
I gave him a grateful grin before making a quick exit, trying not to think about how Julian’s dad damn near caught us hooking up in the bathroom. I couldn’t decide if I was mortified or relieved. His reaction only reaffirmed what I’d thought this entire time: the Briggs family wouldn’t care if I started dating Julian.
But I supposed we’d find out for sure soon. Although not soon enough for my liking. Julian and the rest of the family would leave tomorrow to visit their extended family, and I’d spend the rest of the holidays at home with mine. Which meant I had to wait over a week before I’d get to see him again.
I didn’t like that.
I did like what I had to look forward to when we both returned to Boston, though.
A date.
