Daniel is my only brother who doesn’t knock. He never has.
I know he isn’t going to this time either. His steps are hurried, angered and I have to suppress a sigh of irritation. I’m fucking tired and I don’t have time for his bullshit.
“This war between Talvery and the Romanos doesn’t have anything to do with us.”
Daniel’s always had a knack for speaking as he enters the room, regardless of whether or not my gaze is down on my desk, focused on a spreadsheet of product and how much is selling. Having high demand is good, but some of this doesn’t make sense. And it’s only on the border of our territory that touches the Romanos’ territory.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I ignore him.
“Did you go to the club with Jase?” I ask Daniel as I continue down the order of supplies.
“Did you hear me?” Daniel questions me, kicking the office door shut and making his way across the office to sit in the chair opposite me.
“I did. You didn’t tell me anything I don’t already know.” Shutting the laptop computer, I finally give him my attention and for a moment I’m caught off guard.
“You look like shit,” I say, and I don’t hide the surprise in my voice.
My brother’s eyes spark with a hint of humor as he smirks at me and replies, “And you look like a fucking Ken doll. Drug dealer Barbie style.”
A huff of a laugh escapes me as he runs his hand along the scruff on his jaw. “Addison isn’t sleeping. She’s having a hard time with this.”
“With what?” I ask him, feeling a chill in my blood.
“With the shit that’s going on. The war, not knowing who tried to take her or what they were planning.”
“She doesn’t need to know about a damn thing,” I say beneath my breath with every bit of humor long gone. “You shouldn’t have told her anything. We stay on lockdown. We wait for the Talverys and Romanos to trim their own numbers. If you have to tell her anything, that’s all she should know.”
Daniel’s head tilts back slightly and he runs a hand down his face, his body slumped in the chair. “She’s not allowed in the north wing and I don’t want her leaving without me or someone else with her… and I’m not supposed to tell her anything?” he questions me, letting his chin drop and daring to look me in the eyes.
“The women should stay out of this.” He fucking knows better.
“Says the man who started a war over a piece of ass.”
“Careful.” He cocks a brow at my response, but I stay firm.
Leaning forward, he puts both palms on the desk and asks quietly, like it’s a secret, “What’s going on with you?”
I steady my back against the leather chair, letting one hand fall to the armrest, my fingers tracing along the steel nail heads.
“I wish I knew,” I tell him in a breath. “We have to move forward with this and there are some things that will benefit us, but it’s a careful walk from here until the end.”
Daniel nods his head, his eyes never leaving mine. “And when are we getting revenge on Marcus? The man who tried to take what’s mine?”
“We don’t know that it was Marcus who tried to take her.”
“Who else would have done it?” Daniel asks but even as the last words slip out, his conviction wanes. Our enemies are surrounding us. The only saving grace is that they fear us, and they have other wars to fight.
“He has yet to answer any of our messages and no one’s confirmed he had anything to do with it.” Daniel’s nostrils flare as he slams himself back into his seat, making the front legs of the chair nearly come off the floor while he looks past me and out the window.
“So, I’m supposed to do nothing and keep Addison in the dark?” Daniel asks with contempt. “I need to do something. I can’t let him or whoever the fuck it was get away with it.” His frustration is getting the better of him. And I understand. I do. But we have to be smart and know how best to move forward before we act.
“We don’t know who did it. There will be nothing done until we do.” My answer is absolute, with no room for negotiation, and the air tenses as Daniel considers me. A moment passes, and I can’t breathe. My brothers are everything to me. All I have. And they’ve never questioned me. Not until this past week.
I’m losing my grip; I can feel it. And that’s never a good thing.
Finally, he nods once and relaxes his posture, moving one ankle to rest on his knee.
“Can I ask you something else?” he asks, and I rest my elbow on the desk and then my chin in my hand, nodding as I do. He’s going to ask me regardless.
“What are you doing with her?”
“It’s personal.” That short answer already reveals more than I’ve told anyone else, but Daniel shakes his head, a look of disappointment clearly written on his face.
“You aren’t the brother I remember.” He’ll never know the pain that comment causes me.
“Tell me what you remember, Daniel? You never saw anything past Addison.” I practically hiss her name.
“What the fuck does that mean?” His anger is evident, and his jaw tightens.
“You had her and I had no one.” My voice cracks at the revelation. Time marches on as we stare at each other. He has no idea how she saved him. Having someone to love, even if it is from a distance can give you hope. And hope is everything.
“We had each other,” he finally tells me. I know he’s thinking about the same shit I am. All the shit we went through. There were five of us, five brothers, but Daniel and I were the oldest and the two our father paid more attention to. If you can call what he did attention.
I let the anger and every other emotion fade, opening up the laptop to cue that this meeting is over. The truth slips by me unintentionally as I point out, “It’s not the same.”
“I just want to know you’re not hurting her.” He won’t let it go. My grip tightens on the laptop as I try to remain calm.
“You have to trust me. Everything is about to change and if that girl had stayed where she was, she would have died.” He waits for more. Proof, maybe. I don’t know what he wants, but the less he knows, the better. “There’s so much you don’t know.”
“You could tell me.” There’s a hint of sadness in his voice, or maybe I imagined it.
“Soon,” I promise him. “Soon.”
He doesn’t say goodbye as he walks away. But as he makes it to the door, gripping the handle and swinging it open, I remember what he said about Addison. “Daniel. Give her this,” I call out to him as I open the drawer. I have a few vials of S2L inside the small safe and toss one to him. He nods once and says something about Jase, but I don’t hear, and he’s already gone before I can question him.
Staring at the closed door, I think about how my brothers are the only constant I’ve had. Only them and no one else.
But admitting the truth out loud… I can’t trust myself to do it.
The last time I admitted something of this weight, my world changed. I sparked the depraved monster inside of me to life and it changed everything.
The day Talvery left me to rot where he found me. I’ll never forget the feeling as I heard my father’s truck come to a stop. The old thing sputtered, and the sound was so comforting until his door shut and the anger in his voice was clear.
“What the fuck are you doing out in the open? Do you want someone to call the cops?” he yelled at me and when he tugged on my arm, the burns and cuts shot a horrible pain through my arm that made me scream in the dark alley. Bloodied and bruised, my father still tossed me around like I was nothing.
Couldn’t he see what they’d done to me? I could hardly open my eyes.
“We’ll get whoever did this, but come the fuck on before someone sees,” he hissed between his teeth.
“They wanted to know who I worked for,” I barely spoke as I hobbled to the car. Every bit of me hurt just to breathe. I slumped into the seat as he rounded the truck. And I know they saw. They had to have been watching me. Waiting to see who would come.
Country music played out as my father shut his door and took off down the street toward the dirt roads. I wanted to roll down my window so badly. I remember thinking I was dying, so I wanted to feel the wind on my face one last time. I’d coughed up so much blood, there was no way I’d be okay. My father ignored me as I asked him to do it, and instead, he turned down the music so only the sounds of the rumbling truck and his questions could be heard.
“Who’s ‘they?’” my father asked as he raced over a speed bump and my body jolted forward. I cried out like a bitch and he screamed the question again at me. It was fear in his voice though, not anger.
I know it now. Fear is what dictated his actions. Not strength like the man who’d done this to me.
“Talvery,” I answered in a single painful breath. As I said his name, I remembered the look of Nicholas Talvery’s freshly cleaned face only an inch from mine. I would never forget the way he looked at me like I was nothing and how much joy it brought him to know he could do whatever he wanted with me.
“What did you tell him?” he asked, and I looked at my father. I made sure to really look at him as I told him he was safe.
“I said I was just selling my dead mother’s cancer meds. I said I was no one. And they believed me.”
My heart has never hurt as much as it did at that moment when my father nodded his head and seemed to calm down. He was good at taking care of himself. He was good at living in fear.
That was the last day he looked at me as if I was a pawn in his game. My wounds were still fresh when I started hitting him back. And I never stopped. I wouldn’t do the stupid shit he wanted me to. I would make money, a fuckton of it. But I never set foot on Talvery’s turf again. I wasn’t a dumb fuck like my father. And the next time he pushed me into the truck and screamed in my face so loud it shook my veins and the spittle hit my skin, I let my anger come forward, slamming my fist into his jaw.
I let the fear rule me in that moment. But it’s the fear I saw in my father’s eyes that defined the change between us.
Each time I went out, leading a life I didn’t choose, I thought it would be my last. I wanted to die, and it wasn’t the first time in my life that I wished for sweet death to end it all.
But without fear of death, I learned what power really was.
And none of my brothers understand that.
Not a single fucking one of them.
