At 6:00 p.m., I discharge Mr. Humphrey.
I linger in the hallway for a minute. I’ve left the door to their room open, and through it, I can see the Humphreys try to navigate their way out. Helen tries to help Hugo get his socks on, but he snaps at her when she gets them on the wrong foot.
Didn’t even know that was a thing.
“The Grinch is back.”
I turn my head and see Dr. Donovan come up next to me. He leans against the wall, his arms folded across his chest.
He’s out of his lab coat, and he has a leather satchel hanging off his side. He’s on his way out.
I nod. “Thank god for that.”
“I’d rather thank you. Sum it up for me.”
I give him the full story. I tell him about Helen’s confession and how that led to my diagnosis. I tell him about how we were able to stabilize Hugo. I tell him the list of medications I prescribed Hugo, as well as the therapist I encouraged him to reach out to so he can get stabilized with the correct medications.
“Sounds like the truth saved his life,” Dr. Donovan says.
“Yeah. It did.” My mind drifts. Otto. Naomi. All the truths I’ve kicked under the rug.
“Nurse Kadish said you did great,” Dr. Donovan tells me.
A twinge of pride in my chest. I try to keep it off my face. “I was just doing my job.” I glance up at him nervously and address the elephant in the room. “If…I still have a job, that is.”
Donovan looks back at me, and I can feel his stare.
“I’d say the hospital needs more men like you, not less.”
“But—”
“You lied to protect Otto. Don’t do it again. This is your only warning.”
Relief floods my chest. “Yes, sir.”
Donovan looks tired. He pulls at the collar of his shirt, loosening it.
“It’s late,” he says. “And you weren’t even supposed to be working today. Go home.”
“Otto—”
“He’ll stay here tonight. We’ll see how he’s doing tomorrow.”
Christmas Eve at the hospital. I know it’s not what Otto wanted.
But there’s not a lot we can do about that now.
Donovan’s expression softens. “Get some rest, Diego.”
He starts to leave but then stops. “Oh. Before I forget.” He reaches into his bag. He pulls out Humphrey’s copy of Jason’s book. He holds it out to me. “Jason signed it.”
I take the book. “Thanks. He’ll like this.”
Donovan puts his hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze.
The gesture is familial, affectionate, and it means more than he knows.
“Dr. Donovan,” I say as he starts to leave. He glances back at me, his eyebrows lifted. “Merry Christmas.”
A smile enters his eyes, even if it doesn’t quite make it to his mouth. “Merry Christmas, Diego.”
I have one stop to make before I go home.
The door is open to Otto’s room, but I knock before entering anyway.
He tears his eyes away from his phone and looks up at me. His eyes are bright. That easy, boyish smile crosses his lips.
It’s easy to believe he’s going to be okay when I see him like this.
Unfortunately, I know too well the hell his body is going through right now.
“I was wondering when you’d show your face,” Otto says.
I motion inside. “Can I come in?”
“Make yourself at home.”
I come in and sit down on the edge of the bed beside him. For a minute, neither of us says anything. It just feels good to sit beside my friend.
Then Otto sighs. “Hell of a way to spend Christmas, huh?”
“At least you had Hanukkah.”
There’s that crooked grin. “There is that.”
Silence normally isn’t uncomfortable between us. We lean into it. But right now, the air around us feels tense. Static.
“Say it,” Otto says finally.
“What?”
“Tell me I’m crazy. I can hear you thinking it. You have a terrible poker face. Never go to Vegas—they’ll eat you alive.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think you’re crazy.”
“Well, then you’re the only one. I already got the lecture from Naomi. And Donovan. And my mom.”
“Not Jason?”
“He’s too busy running around making sure everyone else doesn’t fall to pieces to lecture me.”
“I’m not here to lecture you.” I look up at him, straight in the eyes, so he knows I mean it. “I’m just here to listen.”
At that, there’s a shift in Otto’s expression. The angry, defensive lines on his face are replaced with something softer.
He opens up.
“Jason is my dad. Biologically. Whatever. I don’t want to downplay it—he didn’t have to be in my life, but he was. He stepped up. Hell, he stepped over and beyond.”
“I know you love him,” I reassure him.
“Yeah. It’s just…growing up, Jason was my dad, but Donovan, he was…” His voice falters. He swallows. Tries again, this time with strength behind his words. “He was my hero. He gave me a new life. Literally. I can’t explain it.”
“You can to me.”
Otto presses his lips tightly together. “It’s like I lived two lifetimes. Before this kidney. After this kidney. I was born twice. I don’t…” Words stop and start again. “I don’t know who I am without him.”
“Don’t you mean without it?”
Otto glances at me. “Both.”
A small silence settles between us. I pick my next words carefully. “The people you love…they’re always with you. Always. I don’t know what’s going to happen with your parents. I don’t know if they’ll work things out or not. But I do know that we all have to outlive them eventually. You, Otto, are a bright, brilliant soul. With or without Donovan. That’s all you.”
“I don’t feel so bright or brilliant right now.”
He stares off at the wall, but his eyes look vacant. Empty.
I can’t hold it back anymore. My chest is buzzing, and my throat is tight, and I can’t bite my tongue anymore. It comes spilling out. The truth. “I love you,” I blurt out.
Otto looks at me. There’s life in his eyes again. Not the shell-of-Otto. Otto. Those brilliant, vibrant eyes. He watches me with a mixture of confusion and curiosity dancing in his expression.
I continue. “And before you say that I’ll move on, I’ll find someone else…I don’t think I will. I know you don’t believe in soul mates, but my mom believed in them, and so do I. Whatever we are—friends, lovers, something that they don’t even have a word for yet—I don’t know. I do know that we’re soul mates. And you only get one of those in your lifetime.
“So if I lost you, yeah. I’d grieve. I’d survive. I’ve lost people I’ve loved before, and I made it through it. I’ll find family again. People I care about. But I’m never, ever going to find another soul mate. That’s a fact.”
Otto shifts in his spot. There’s a pained look on his face, his eyes half-squinted. “Diego—”
“Don’t apologize,” I interrupt him. “Don’t say things you don’t mean or try to soothe me. I’m not saying this to guilt you. I just…felt like you should know.”
Otto stares at me for a long moment. Then he nods and says, simply, “Okay. Thank you for telling me.”
I exhale a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding.
I don’t need to hear him say those words back. I don’t want him to say it—not now.
It just feels good to get these things off my chest, finally. I feel like I’ve stepped off a rickety plank of wood I’ve been balancing on for years and, at last, my feet are on solid ground.
“I’ll come by tomorrow,” I say. “See how you’re doing. Need anything else before I go?”
“No. Thanks.”
I rise from my seat. I go to the door, but before I can exit—
“Diego.”
I turn. I can tell there’s something on the tip of his tongue. He’s wrestling with his words. Finally, he just says, “I’m lucky to have you in my life.”
That does draw a small smile from me.
“Get some rest,” I tell him. Then I open the door and leave him for the night.
