Candlelight and pizza are excellent with the right person. For me, the right person was sitting across from me, and it wouldn’t have mattered where we were as long as we were together. But Brynne needed food and I needed to hear her story, so Bellissima’s would do as well as any other place.
We had a table in a dark, private corner, a bottle of red wine, and one giant sausage and mushroom to share. I tried not to make her uncomfortable by staring too hard, but it was damn difficult not to because my eyes were starved for the view of her. Ravenous.
I did my best to be a considerate listener instead. Across from me Brynne looked like she was struggling with how to begin. I smiled at her and commented on how good the food tasted. I found myself wishing she would eat a little more but kept my mouth shut on that matter. I am sure I’m not a moron. I grew up with an older sister and the lessons learned from Hannah have definitely stuck with me throughout the years. Women don’t like to be told about what to eat or not eat. Best to just leave her alone and hope for the best.
She looked very far away in her head when she started telling me about her life. I didn’t like the sad body language or the defeated sound to her voice, but those points were irrelevant.
“My parents split when I was fourteen. I didn’t handle it well, I guess. I’m an only child, so I suppose I reached out for some kind of validation or maybe it was to get back at them for the divorce. Who knows, but bottom line? I was a slut in high school.” She lifted her eyes to mine, steely gray and determined to get her point across. “It’s true, I was. I didn’t make great choices in the boys I dated and I didn’t care about my reputation. I was spoiled and immature, and very stupidly reckless.”
Really! First surprise of the night. I couldn’t imagine Brynne like that and didn’t want to either, but the pragmatic side of me realized most everyone had a past, and my girl was no different. She picked up her wineglass and stared into it like she was remembering. I didn’t say anything. I just listened and soaked in the sight of her so close to me.
“There was this news story that went viral in California a few years back. A sheriff’s son made a video of a girl at a party. She was passed out drunk when him and two of his buddies fucked her and toyed with her on the pool table.”
I felt the hair on the back of my neck rise up. Please, no. “I remember that,” I said, forcing myself to listen and trying not to react much. “The sheriff tried to suppress evidence against his son, but it leaked out and the motherfuckers got convicted anyway.”
“Yeah . . . in that case they did.” She looked down at her pizza and then back up at me. “Not in mine, though.”
Her eyes got glassy, and suddenly I didn’t feel like eating either.
“I went to a party with my friend Jessica, and we got drunk, of course. So drunk I don’t remember anything that happened until I woke up and heard them laughing and talking about me.” She took a big gulp of wine before she continued. “Lance Oakley was—is—a total asshole, an entitled, rich deviant. His dad was a California state senator at the time. I don’t know why I ever went out with him. Probably because he merely asked. Like I said before, I didn’t make good choices with my behavior. I took risks. That’s how much I didn’t care about myself.”
I hate this.
“He was away at college, and I was in my senior year of high school. I guess he felt entitled whenever he came home that I would be around for him, but we weren’t exclusive by any means. I know he cheated. I guess he just expected I would pine away waiting for him to come home from college and be his convenience. I did know he was mad at me for going out with another boy I met at a track meet, but not how cruel he would be because of it.”
“You were track and field at your school?” I asked.
“Yeah…the running.” She nodded and looked into her glass again. “So I wake up in a total fog and not able to move my limbs. We think he may have put something in my drinks . . .” She swallowed hard and continued bravely on. “They were talking about me but I didn’t know it was me at first. Or what they had done to me. There were three of them, all on Thanksgiving break from college. I didn’t even know the other two guys, only Lance. They were not from my school.” She took a drink of her wine. “I could hear them laughing at someone. Saying how they shoved a pool stick and a bottle and—and fucked her with those things—how she was a whore who begged for it.”
Brynne closed her eyes and breathed in deep. I ached for her. I wanted to kill Oakley and his friend, and wished his dead buddy was still alive so I could kill him too. I had no idea about this. I’d assumed it was just a youthful indiscretion that some idiot decided to video—not a full-blown sexual assault on a seventeen-year-old girl. I reached out for her hand and covered it with mine. She stilled for an instant and closed her eyes tighter, but she didn’t flinch away. Again, her bravery humbled me and I waited for her to say more.
“I had no idea they were talking about me, though, I was so out of it. When I could move my legs and arms I struggled to get up. They laughed and left me there on the table. I knew I’d had sex, but I didn’t know with whom or any details. I felt sick and hung over. I just wanted to get out of that house. So I pulled my clothes back together, found Jessica, and got a ride home.”
A growl came unbidden out of my throat. I couldn’t help it. Even to my ears I sounded like a dog. Brynne looked up at me almost startled for a second and then down at my hand on top of hers. I focused on her and pulled my emotions together. Losing my cool wouldn’t help Brynne at all, so I brushed my thumb over her hand slowly back and forth, hoping like hell she understood how much it hurt me to hear of her being used like that. My mind was reeling with what she’d shared. At the time of the crime, the perpetrators had been adults and she’d been underage. Interesting. And I couldn’t figure out why Tom Bennett had omitted this information when he’d hired me. He was likely just trying to protect the reputation of his only child. No wonder he got volatile when he found out we were sleeping together.
“I would have put the whole thing out of my mind if not for the video. I had no idea what they had done to me or that they filmed me. I came to school on a Monday and it was big news. I was big news. They’d seen me—naked, passed out drunk, being—being toyed with—fucked—used like an object—”
Tears rolled down her cheeks but she didn’t lose her composure. She kept talking and I just held on to her hand.
“Everyone knew it was me. People had watched the video all weekend and passed it around. The video showed me clearly, but the boys were off camera and the sound had been dubbed over with a song instead of audio so you couldn’t hear their voices to identify them.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Nine Inch Nails—‘I Wanna Fuck You Like an Animal.’ They made it like a music video with the lyrics to the song printed out over the screen in big letters . . . You let me violate you—You let me penetrate you—”
She faltered, and my heart just broke in two for what she’d suffered. I knew only how much I wanted to make it work between us. I stopped her then. I had to. I couldn’t listen to any more and restrain myself in public. We needed privacy for this. I just wanted to take her home with me and hold her close. The rest could be figured out later.
I squeezed her hand so she would look up at me. Big luminous eyes, in colors that all blended together, filled with glassy tears I only wanted to lick away, looked into mine. “Let me take you home, please.” I nodded to make her understand it was what we needed. “I want to be alone with you right now, Brynne. Everything else doesn’t matter so much.”
She made a sound that just ripped my heart apart. So soft, but injured and raw. I stood up from the table abruptly, tugging her with me, and bless her heart, she followed without protesting. I threw some notes on the table and got her out to the car and buckled into her seat.
“Are you sure you want to, Ethan?” she asked me, her eyes red and full of tears.
I looked at her dead on. “I’ve never been surer of anything.” I leaned to her and put my hand on the back of her head so I could control the kiss. I kissed her thoroughly on the lips, even pressing against her teeth with my tongue so she would open up to me. Brynne needed to know I still wanted her. I knew she was struggling with the idea of herself and my knowledge of her past. She assumed I wouldn’t desire her anymore if I knew the details.
My girl could not have been more wrong.
“All of your things are still there waiting for you. Just know this . . .” I spoke directly just a few inches from her face, boring into her soulful eyes. “I have no intentions of letting you go.” I swallowed hard. “If you come with me you’re signing on for all of me, Brynne. I don’t know any other way to be with you. It’s all in for me. And I want it to be all in for you too.”
“All in?” She brought her palm to my cheek and held it there, her questioning look so genuine.
I turned my lips to press them into the palm of her hand as she held my face. “A poker term. Means to bet everything you have on the cards you’re holding. You’re what I’m holding.”
She closed her eyes again and her lip trembled slightly. “I haven’t even told you all of it. There’s more.” She took her hand away.
“Open your eyes and look at me.” I said it gently but very firmly.
She complied instantly, and I had to stifle a groan at how much her gesture aroused me. “I don’t care whatever it is you haven’t told me or even what you just told me in the restaurant.” I shook my head a little to make her understand. “It won’t change how I feel. I know we’ll talk some more and you can tell me the rest when you’re able . . . or when you need to. I’ll hear it. I need to hear everything anyway so I can make sure you’re kept safe. Which I will do, I promise you, Brynne.”
“Oh, Ethan—” Her bottom lip quivered as she looked over at me, as beautiful in her sadness as she was when she was happy.
I could see Brynne was worried about many things—sharing her past, my reaction to her past, the possible threats to her safety in London, my feelings—and I so desperately wanted to erase that worry from her expression if I could. I wished for her to be free from her burdens and left alone to live her life, hopefully with me in there somewhere. I’d never meant a promise more so than right now either. I would keep her safe, but I also wanted to make sure she understood what she would be getting in agreeing to come home with me.
“But no more running from me, Brynne. If you need a break that’s fine, I’ll respect it and give you some space. But I have to be able to come to you and see you, and know that you won’t take off again…or shut me out.” I brushed her lips with my thumb. “That’s what I need from you, baby. Can you do that?”
She started breathing harder, her chest moving her breasts up and down in that tight turquoise top, her eyes flickering as she contemplated. I could tell she was scared, but Brynne had to learn to trust me if we had any chance at all together. I gambled on the hope she would take my offer. I hardly knew what to do if she didn’t, though. Fall apart? Become a real stalker? Sign up for psychotherapy?
“But—I find it so hard to trust in a relationship. You’ve gotten farther than anyone ever has before. For the first time I’ve had to choose between a complex, scary relationship and being safely uncomplicated . . . and alone.”
I groaned and gripped her a little tighter. “I know you’re scared, but I want you to give us a chance anyway. You’re not meant to be alone. You’re meant to be with me.” My words came out a little hard, but it was too late to pull them back.
Brynne surprised me by smiling a little and shaking her head at me. “You’re something else, Ethan Blackstone. Were you always like this?”
“Like what?”
“So demanding, blunt and direct.”
I shrugged. “I guess. I don’t know. I just know how I am with you. I want things with you I’ve not wanted before. I want you and that’s all I know. Right now I want you to come home with me and be together. And I’ll just take the promise that you won’t leave at the first sign of trouble. You’ll give me the opportunity to make it right and not close me out.” I held her shoulders with both hands. “I can be understanding if you’ll tell me what you need from me. I want to give you whatever it is you need, Brynne.” I rubbed with my thumbs at the base of her neck, the soft skin under my fingers magnetized as soon as I began touching her. Once I got a feel of her again I didn’t want to give her up.
She tilted her head back and closed her eyes for an instant, succumbing to our attraction and giving me some hope. She said one word. My name. “. . . Ethan.”
“I think I know what that is too. You just have to trust me to give it to you.” I gripped a little tighter. “Choose me. Choose us.”
She shivered. I saw it happen and felt it too. She nodded and mouthed the words, “All right. I promise I won’t run again.”
I kissed her slowly, my hands moving up to hold her face secure. I pushed my tongue between her sweet lips, and praise the angels, she let me in. Yes. She allowed me passage and kissed me back, her warm, silky tongue sliding against mine. Jackpot. I knew I’d won this round—I wanted to slap the felt and give a silent thank-you up to my mum in heaven.
I kept plundering Brynne’s mouth instead. I let her know everything in that kiss, taking her lips, grazing with my teeth, trying to get inside her. The deeper I got in, the harder it would be for her to leave me again. That’s how my mind worked with her. This was battle strategy and I could do this all day. There would be no running away from me anymore, no hiding, no quarter given. She would be mine and let me love her.
Brynne melted under my lips, grew soft and submissive, found the place she needed and drew comfort in, just as I did in taking control. It worked for us—very, very well. I pulled back and sighed deeply. “Let’s go home now.”
“What happened to taking things slow?” she asked softly.
“All in, baby,” I whispered, “it can’t be any other way with us.” If she only knew the thoughts I had on my mind for the future she might have got skittish with me again, and I couldn’t risk it just yet. There would be time enough for that discussion later.
“We have a lot to talk about still,” she told me.
“So we’ll do a lot of talking.” Along with other things.
She turned in her seat and leaned back, getting comfortable, and just looked at me as I pulled out of the parking lot. She watched me throughout the trip. I liked having her eyes on me. No, I fucking loved it. I loved that she was next to me looking like she wanted me as much as I wanted her. I looked at her too when I could take my eyes off the road.
“All in, huh? I think I have to learn how to play poker.”
I laughed. “Oh, I’m so on board with that. Somehow I think you’ll be a natural, sweetheart.” I wiggled my eyebrows. “Strip poker first?”
“I was waiting for you to bring that up. Nice to know you didn’t disappoint me,” she said, rolling her eyes.
I just grinned and imagined her stripping in a poker game, because I would win every hand. Very, very nice imagery I conjured up too.
In the end she asked to stop by her flat so she could get her “pills.” I wasn’t sure if that meant birth control or the sleeping pills, and I had no intention of asking either. We definitely needed both. So I did what any bloke with a functioning brain would do. I drove her to her flat. Again, I pride myself on not being a moron.
I waited while she packed a bag. I told her to bring enough for a few days. What I really wanted was for her to stay at my place indefinitely, but I didn’t think this was the proper moment to broach that subject—my non-moron status notwithstanding.
Memories flooded my brain when we stepped inside. The wall adjacent from the front door would forever be seared into my frontal lobe. The picture of her in that short purple dress and boots, held up by me. Christ, she’d been magnificent working out my cock up against the wall that night. I love that fucking wall. Funny. I smirked to myself at my clever joke.
“What are you smiling about now?” Brynne asked as she came out of her bedroom with her packed bag, looking much better than she had earlier in the evening. Her feisty personality was back.
“Ummm . . . I was just thinking about how much I love your wall.” I gave her my best eyebrow quirk and took the bag from her hand.
Brynne’s lovely lips parted in an expression of surprise that quickly turned to humor. “You still manage to make me laugh, Ethan, in spite of everything. You have a rare talent for it.”
“Thanks. I like to share all my talents with you,” I said suggestively, putting my arm around her as we came out of her flat. She glanced a peek at the wall herself when we passed it. “I saw that,” I said.
“Saw what?” she asked innocently. Oh, she had a poker face for sure. I couldn’t wait to start playing cards with her.
“You looked at the wall and remembered shagging me against it.”
She elbowed me playfully in the ribs as we walked. “I did no such thing! And you shagged me, not the other way around.”
“Whatever.” I tickled her and made her squirm into me. It felt lovely having her in my arms again. “Just fess up to the truth, baby, that was an epic shag we had on that wall.”
• • •
By the time I got Brynne behind the closed doors of my flat, the summer night had fully settled over the city.
En route, we’d ended up stopping one final time to purchase a new mobile number and device for her. It had taken nearly an hour to get set up, but necessary. Her old mobile was now in my possession. Whoever rang looking for Brynne Bennett on that number would get to deal with me.
Maybe tonight I’d investigate the caller and possibly talk to Tom Bennett. Not a conversation I was thrilled about, but not one I would avoid either. Cheers, Tom. I’m shagging your daughter again. Oh, and before I forget, you must know that her safety is completely in my hands now. Did I also mention that she is mine? Mine, Tom. I keep what’s mine very close and very safe.
I wondered how he’d take the news, and then I realized that I didn’t much care. He was the one who’d put Brynne in my path. She was my priority now. I cared about her. I only wanted to protect and keep her from harm. He would have to deal with the situation just like I had to deal with it.
I walked up behind her standing at the window, staring out at the city lights. She’d told me she loved my view the first time I’d brought her home. I’d told her I loved the view of her standing in my house and that nothing compared. It still didn’t in my opinion.
I touched her carefully, my hands on her shoulders, my lips at her ear. “What are you looking at?”
She saw my reflection in the glass, so she wasn’t startled. “The city. I love the lights at night.”
“I love looking at you looking at the lights at night.” I moved her hair to the side and kissed her neck. She tilted her head to give me access as I inhaled, the scent of her skin drugging me—making me utterly mad for her. “It feels so good with you here,” I whispered.
All the time I struggled with my desires when she was near. This was a new problem I’d never faced in a relationship before. I loved the shagging part—I’m a guy and I have a cock. I’ve never had trouble finding dates either. Women like my looks, and as Dad said, it made things easier, but not necessarily better. When women chased after you because they thought you looked hot and had a little money, it quickly reduced things down to a very basic exchange. Some dinner, some sex, maybe a second date-slash-bang-session. And then . . . good-bye. The bottom line is I don’t like to be used, and I’ve had years of attempts from females to put me off of dating for sex.
Brynne evoked a different reaction from me, and she’d done so since the very first meeting. She never chased me, for one thing. If I hadn’t heard her call me beautiful on the headset that night at the gallery, I wouldn’t know she ever saw me. She pushed all the right buttons, and for the first time I cared about the woman so much more than the sex with the woman.
Oh I still cared about the sex, but it was very different now. The dominant needs in me had blossomed since finding Brynne, as if she was the catalyst. In fact, I knew she was. I wanted things with her that frightened me because I didn’t want—no, couldn’t bear—to lose her over it.
What she’d shared tonight scared the absolute fucking hell out of me. It also made her mysterious behavior in the beginning very clear. I had a few answers at least about why she kept running.
“I’m glad too.” She breathed out a long breath. “I missed you so much, Ethan.” She leaned back into me, the curve of her bum coming right up against my hips. With just the layer of spandex from her track shorts covering that lovely part of her, my cock woke right up, ready and volunteering for duty.
Sweet Christ! That’s all it took to get me started. She would feel my erection in a moment and then what? I shouldn’t be coming on to her right now. She was still fragile and needed to finish her story. If only I could tell that to my cock. I turned her head to meet mine and engulfed her lips in a very deep kiss that let all the logic fall away. I nibbled and sucked on her lips, trying to pull her into me. She tasted so fine. Brynne melted right into where I wanted to take this, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to pull back now. I was in very great need of claiming my woman again.
Only a bastard would want to take her to bed and get her naked right now. Ergo, I was such a dirty bastard.
I could live with that.
Brynne always told me she liked when I was blunt. She’d said she felt better about me telling her what I wanted because she knew what was coming. She needed that from me. So I took a deep breath and told her what I wanted.
“I want to take you to bed right now. I want you in my arms and I want . . . inside you.” I searched her face held in my two hands and looked for her answer.
