I woke up to an empty bed and an empty flat, and an authentic nightmare. After what happened in the night, the last thing I expected was for Brynne to be AWOL on me.
My first clue that something wasn’t right came when I rolled in the bed and kept going. No soft, warm body smelling of flowers and the decadent shagging from last night to press against and wrap myself around. Just sheets and pillows. She wasn’t in my bed. I called out her name and got only ominous silence back. I began to feel sickening dread.
Last night too much for her?
I checked the bathroom first. I could see she’d used the shower. Her cosmetics and brush were out on the vanity, but she was definitely absent. Not in the kitchen making coffee, not in my office checking her emails, not working out in the gym, not anywhere inside the flat.
I pulled up the security camera video on a monitor that recorded the front door and hallway. Anyone coming or going would be on it. My heart pounded so hard my chest had to be visibly moving. I rewound the last hour and there she was, dressed in joggers and trainers heading for the lifts, headphones stuck in her ears.
“Fuck!” I screamed, slamming my hand down on my desktop. Out for a morning run? Un-fucking-believable. I blinked at what I was seeing and scrubbed a hand over my beard.
“Tell me you’re on her right now!” I shouted into the direct line to Neil.
“What?” He sounded like he was still laid up in bed, and I felt more ill than before.
“Wrong answer, mate. Brynne’s left the flat. On a run!”
“I was sleeping, E,” he said. “Why would I be tagging her if she’s in the flat with you—”
I hung up on Neil and rang Brynne on her mobile. It went to voice mail of course. I almost threw mine at the wall but I managed to text her with: WTF RU?
I ran to my closet, threw on some clothes and shoes, grabbed car keys, wallet, mobile, and bailed down to the garage. I tore out onto the street, tires squealing, and started calculating how far she could have gone in the time since she’d been tracked on security cam, my mind running wild with scenarios of how easy it would be for a professional hit to take her out at this hour and make it look like an accident.
It was early, just past seven, a typical overcast London morning coming alive for the day. The usual delivery vans and street vendors moving about, the neighborhood coffeehouse doing a brisk business, a few early-morning runners getting their workouts in, but not the one I was looking for. She could be anywhere.
I kept coming back to why she would take off without telling me. I was scared shitless it was because of me. What she’d seen of me last night. What had happened after . . . I was in so far over my head with Brynne it was laughable. God knows we both have our issues, but maybe that cluster fuck of emotions last night was more than she wanted to put up with. I rubbed my chest and kept driving.
My mobile rang. Neil. I put him through the audio in-car speakers.
“I’ve not spotted her yet. I’m on Cromwell now, heading south, but I think I’ve traveled further than she could’ve made since the time stamp on security cam.”
“Look, E, I’m sorry.”
“You can tell me that after I find her.” I was angry, but it wasn’t his fault. Brynne had been with me and Neil was technically off duty. My fault. What a fucking mess.
“I’ll head east then. Lots of joggers follow Heath Downs by the park.”
“Do that, mate.”
I kept scanning, praying for the sight of her, when a text came through: Ur up. Gettin coffee. What u want me 2 bring u?
How about your sweet ass at home, woman!
The relief absolutely brought me to my knees in gratitude, but I was so very angry at her for this stunt. Out getting bloody coffee! Sweet Christ! I pulled over immediately and just rested my head on the steering wheel for a moment. I so needed to set her down and explain a few things about how her life would have to change over the next few months. And that solo morning runs were definitely off the menu.
Bugger me!
My fingers shook as I texted: Which coffee shop?
A short pause and then: Hot Java. R U mad???
Ignorant question.
The coffee shop she named was the one not more than a block from my flat. We’d even gone there together a few mornings when she’d stayed the night with me. Brynne had been right close to home the whole time! I texted back: Don’t leave!! Comin 2 get u!
It took at least ten minutes to navigate the roads back to my neighborhood. I was angry at myself—for several reasons, but mostly for sleeping through her waking up and leaving without my knowledge. I’d been in such a rush going after her that I’d passed right by her in the coffee shop, and that was just unacceptable. I was slipping.
I decided to put the reasons for my deep sleeping aside for the time being.
Nightmare from hell and resulting shag-a-thon, maybe?
Oh, I knew it’d be dredged up again in conversation at some point, probably soon, because Brynne would ask me, but right now I was just too raw to face what was bubbling up with my subconscious. Denial looked so much more attractive.
Fuck me running! Pun intended.
Fucking hell, if she wasn’t in the shop like I’d told her to be but out on the sidewalk holding two coffees! And she wasn’t alone either. Some bloke was all over her, chatting her up, who knows who the fuck he was to her. Somebody she knew? Or someone feeling her out for God only knows what purpose! She was so getting spanked for this stunt when I got her alone.
I had to park on the opposite side of the road and then cross. She spotted me approaching and said something to her companion, who looked over at me. His eyes flared a bit and he sidled up closer to her.
Wrong fucking move, arsehole.
“Ethan,” she said, smiling as if this was a perfectly acceptable way to start the day.
Oh, my darling, we very much need to have a talk about things.
“Brynne,” I said tightly, pulling her into me at the waist and getting a good, long look at her friend, who needed to be on his merry way like ten minutes ago. The guy was a little too bold for my tastes, standing there like he was entitled to be talking to her, like he’d done it before and had history with her. Shit! He knew her. This man knew Brynne.
“Ethan, this is Paul Langley, umm . . . a friend from the art department. He teaches . . . I was just leaving and there was Paul coming in.”
She was nervous. Brynne looked uncomfortable, and if I was good at anything, it was reading people. I could smell the unease coming off her. Now the bloke was a different story. He looked far too smug and a bit too entitled, which was how I figured it out.
Brynne seemed to catch herself and said, “Paul, this is Ethan . . . Blackstone, my boyfriend.” She handed me one of the coffees. “I got you a misto.” She looked at me and took a sip from her cup. Yep. She was uncomfortable.
The plonker stuck his hand out and offered first.
I hate you.
I had one arm around Brynne and the other hand occupied with the coffee she’d just palmed off on me. I had to let her go in order to shake. I despised him in his slick suit, professional, clean cut and, from all appearances, plenty of brass. I unwound my hand from around Brynne’s waist and accepted his grip. I squeezed firm and tried not to think about how bloody awful I looked, which was exactly like I’d just fallen out of bed.
“A pleasure,” Langley said, not meaning it.
I returned the briefest nod. It was the best I could do and I didn’t really give a shit whether I was being rude or not. He was a bloke in the wrong place at the wrong time to ever be a friend of mine. I loathed him on sight.
His eyes flicked over me. I decided I would be the one to end this handshake first. Or pissing contest as it were.
I withdrew my hand and pressed my lips to Brynne’s hair, but I kept my eyes on him as I spoke. “I woke up and you were gone.” I drew my arm back around her.
She laughed nervously. “I just felt like a white chocolate mocha this morning.”
“You still need your morning coffee, I see. Some things never change, eh, Brynne darling?” Langley grinned conspiratorially at Brynne, and in that instant I knew. He’d fucked her. Or tried his best to. They had some sort of history, and I could only see the red rag of jealousy being dangled in front of my eyes. Holy fucking hell, the violent emotions that washed through me in those seconds. I wanted to show Langley the way down to the sidewalk face-first with my fist, but I needed to get her away from him even more.
“Time to go, baby,” I announced, pressing my hand at her back.
Brynne stiffened for an instant but then gave in. “It was so nice to see you again, Paul. You take care.”
“Same to you, darling. I’ve got your new number and you have mine, so you know where to find me, all right?” The bastard looked at me and there was no mistaking the challenge in his gaze. He thought I was some sort of meathead and was throwing out a dare to me that if Brynne needed rescuing she had only to call and Prince Charming would come for her.
Sod. Off. You. Pathetic. Prick.
Brynne nodded and smiled at him. “Good-bye, Paul.”
Yeah, bugger off . . . Paul.
It was so apparent that Lover Paul did not want to leave her. He wanted to kiss her or hug her in some show of an affectionate farewell but had brains enough not to try it. I didn’t say he was stupid, just my enemy.
“I’ll call you. I want to hear all about the Mallerton.” He did a hand to the ear gesture. “Bye, darling.” He gave me a look and I gave him one right back. I truly hoped he could read minds, because I had so much worth saying that he really needed to hear.
You cock-swinging, worthless shit bag! You will absolutely NOT call her to talk about the Mallerton. You won’t look at her and you won’t think about her either! Got it?! My girl is NOT your darling now, nor will she ever be in future. Get out of my sight before I’m forced to do something that will land me into a fuckload of trouble with MY girl.
We started across the street, my heart pounding, the anger just pouring out of me, when she opened her mouth.
“What in the hell was all that back there, Ethan? You were incredibly rude.”
“Keep walking. We’ll discuss this at home,” I managed to grit out as we crossed.
She glared at me like I’d grown a second head and stopped on the sidewalk. “I asked you a question. Don’t talk to me like I’m a child who’s in trouble!”
“Get in the car,” I snapped, trying to keep from picking her up and setting her in the seat, which was dangerously close to happening even if she didn’t know it yet.
“Excuse me, but this is bullshit. I’m walking back!” She flounced away from me.
I wanted to explode I was so pissed. I grabbed her hand to keep her from leaving. “No, you are not walking back, Brynne. Get in the car now. I’m taking you home.” I spoke low and right into her face, where I could see her angry eyes flashing up at me. She was so stunning when she was riled. She made me want to drag her into my bed and do very naughty things to her body for about a day and a half.
“I’m not being ordered by you. Why are you acting like this?”
I closed my eyes and called for patience. “I’m not acting at all.” People were looking at us. Could probably hear our conversation too. Bloody hell! “Would you please get yourself in the car, Brynne?” I forced a fake smile.
“You are being such a prick, Ethan. I still have a life. I am going running in the mornings and can stop at the coffee shop if I want to.”
“Not without me or Neil you aren’t. Now get your sweet Yank ass in the motherfucking car!”
She stared at me for a moment and shook her head, eyes blazing daggers at me. Her chin lifted imperiously before she stomped over to the Rover and got in. I ignored her behavior, thinking I was being pretty damn magnanimous in the circumstances. I texted Neil to let him know I had her and made her wait on me while I did it. She was locked inside the car and couldn’t go anywhere for the moment at least.
I looked at her. She looked at me. She was angry with me. I was beyond enraged with her.
“Don’t you ever do that again,” I told her in no uncertain terms.
“What, walk? Buy a coffee?” She pouted and looked out the window. Her mobile lit up and buzzed. She looked over at me as she accepted the call. “Yes, I’m fine, Paul. I apologize for whatever that was, but no worries. Just a little lovers’ spat.” She actually smirked at me as she told that puffed-up cocksucker I was having a bad day.
I wanted to rip the mobile out of her hands and throw it out the window, and I probably would have if she had not turned it off and put it away in a pocket. “You know what I mean, Brynne, and don’t fucking mock me to him!”
“You embarrassed me back there, Ethan! Paul thinks you are—”
“I don’t give a maiden queen’s first fuck what that cocksucker thinks! What is he to you anyway?”
“He’s a nice guy and a friend.” She wouldn’t look me in the eye when she said it, and I knew. Oh fuck did I know!
“Did you let him fuck you, Brynne? Has he knowledge of that fanny of yours that was just made for shagging? Has he had his hands all over you, his cock inside you? Hmmmm? I really want to know. Tell me about you and nice guy Paul.”
“You are such an asshole right now.” She folded her arms beneath her breasts and looked forward out the windscreen. “I’m not telling you anything.”
“Did you fuck him!?”
She shifted in the seat and gave me a look that made pain shoot up my cock. “Who did you nail last before you turned your sights on me, Ethan? Who was that lucky girl? I know it couldn’t have been more than a week past when we got it on for the first time!” She started waving her hands in gestures. “Said the guy who thinks a week is a long time to go without some sex!”
Well shit!
That wasn’t a nice thought, because she was right. I hated to admit it, but I couldn’t tell her the name of the last one who’d been able to get me up for it. Pamela? Penelope? Something with a P . . . Ivan would know, he had a long list of female friends and he’d introduced us. I scowled at the realization that I couldn’t really remember and the fact that whoever she’d been hadn’t made her or the shagging any more memorable than the letter of her name.
Paul started with a P as well, I thought. I was quite certain I’d never forget his name, though.
“Having trouble remembering her name?” Brynne asked.
Yes.
“What color was her hair, hmmm?”
Strawberry blonde au naturale. I do remember that much.
“Were you going to fuck her again, Ethan, if you hadn’t met me?” she kept taunting.
I didn’t answer. I started the car and pulled out into traffic, just wanting to get home and maybe back to where we’d been just a few hours ago. I hated arguing with her.
“Why did you slip out?” I managed finally. “After last night, you just ditched me this morning?”
“I did not ditch you, Ethan. I got up, used your treadmill, took a shower and wanted a mocha coffee. We go to that shop all the time and I knew you were tired from . . . um . . . last night.”
So she was thinking about last night too. I didn’t yet know if this was to my advantage or not, but I hoped so. I pulled into the garage of my building and parked the Rover. I looked over at her hissing mad in the seat.
Brynne wasn’t finished chewing me out apparently. “It’s something I do most every morning. It wasn’t raining and the day was perfect for a short walk down to the corner.” She threw up her hands again. “I had my run on the treadmill and wanted to get a white chocolate mocha. Is that such a crime? It’s not like I busted into The Tower and nabbed the crown jewels or something.”
I rolled my eyes. “Baby, do you have any idea what it was like for me this morning to find you gone? No message, no note, no nothing!”
She threw her head back onto the seat and looked up. “God help me! I left you a note! I did. I set it on my pillow so you’d see. It said: Went to get coffee at Java. Be back soon. I used your gym and took a shower before I left. Doesn’t that speak to what I was doing? Nothing covert going on, just having a normal morning, Ethan!”
Not the kind of normal I want to wake up to ever again, thank you very much!
“I didn’t get your blasted note! I rang you and got voice mail! Why didn’t you pick up if you were just in line for coffees?” I got out and wrenched open her door. I wanted her back in the flat in private. This public brawling sucked.
She shook her head at me and got out of the car. “I was talking to my aunt Marie.”
I stabbed at the lift call button. “At that hour of the morning?” I ushered her into the lift and backed her into a corner, my arms caging her in where I could get a little more influence over her. She was a loose cannon at the moment. The sound of the doors closing us into privacy was the most welcome sound I’d heard in the last minutes.
“Aunt Marie is an early riser and she knows I am up in the mornings to run.” Brynne looked at my mouth, her eyes darting as she read me. I wished I knew what she was thinking. What was in her heart. I’d pushed up very close to her body, but didn’t touch. I just wanted to absorb the fact that I had her back in one piece.
“Don’t do that again, Brynne. I’m serious. Those times of going off on your own are over.”
The lift doors opened and she ducked around me to get out. I followed her down the hall and unlocked the front door to my flat. As soon as we were inside she let me have it. Her eyes flared and got sparkly. She was very, very pissed, and utterly beautiful in a way that got me hard as stone. “So I’m not even allowed to go down to Java’s and get a coffee?” she demanded.
“Not exactly. You are not allowed to go alone and especially without telling anybody!” I shook my head in exasperation at what she’d done, threw down my keys and scrubbed my head. “Why is this concept so fucking difficult to comprehend?”
She stared at me oddly like she was trying to figure me out. “Why are you really so angry, Ethan? Going for coffee in the light of day with people all around could not have been that much of a risk.” She folded her arms beneath her breasts again.
“For all I knew, you’d broken off with me again and gone home to your place!” The truth is evil sometimes. Did I just say that out loud?
“Ethan! I wouldn’t just do that.” She glared at me. “Why would you think that I would?”
“Because you’ve done it before!” I yelled. There was that evil bastard truth again, worming his way into places and having a field day with my insecurities.
“Fuck you!” she hissed, hair flying as she spun around and fled into the bedroom, slamming the door as she went in.
Fucking hell, she so needed a good shagging. I could think of a few things that would shut her up. You’d think after last night she would wake up soft and obliging like a sleepy kitten. No such luck. I had a spitting-mad feral cat on my hands.
I realized I’d left the coffee she’d bought me sitting in the drink holder down in my car. Fuck the bloody coffee, I needed a bottle of Van Gogh and about a dozen smokes.
I also needed a shower and to make a few things perfectly clear to my utterly frustrating female. Christ, she was a handful when she got like this, but a shower first and then maybe I could sit her down and attempt some logical reasoning. I went the back way to the bathroom rather than in through the bedroom because I imagined her dressing for work in there, and figured some privacy would be appreciated considering she’d just told me to sod off. I ditched my shoes and shirt and stepped in.
And had to reach for my eyeballs as they bugged out of my head and rolled around on the floor. Brynne stood there half naked in some really fucking sexy lingerie, doing her makeup, or hair or something.
She twisted and gave me a look that spoke volumes about how angry she still was. “I found the note I left for you.” She picked up a piece of paper from the vanity. “It was under the sheets where you shoved it,” she smirked, let the paper fall, and then turned back to the mirror, flashing her gorgeous backside in some decadent, black lace knickers that made me feel certain my optic nerves were shot.
I thought about her ass and last night. What we’d done, and what we hadn’t done . . .
Her eyes caught mine in the mirror just before she looked down, her chest flushing pink over the curves of her breasts in that black lace bra I was insanely jealous of.
That’s my girl.
She was remembering too. Some things between us might be fucked up right now, but in the sex department we were solid.
“We are not even close to being done discussing how the security works in regards to you.” I stepped up behind her, bringing my hand up to her hair and grabbing a handful. She inhaled deeply and flared her eyes up to mine in the mirror. “And you are in so much trouble right now.” I tugged her head to the side and bared her neck so I could get at it.
“Ahhhh,” she breathed heavier. “What are you doing?”
I descended on her neck and dragged my lips up the slim curve, nipping with my teeth. I bit just enough to get some sounds out of her. She smelled so good the scent intoxicated me to the point I was not going to maintain much control for long.
“Not me. You’re going to be the one to say. You’re going to tell me what to do, baby. What am I doing to you first?” I kept one hand in her hair and brought the other one to her flat stomach and splayed it out, pressing hard as I lowered it down beneath the fine lace.
She squirmed but I held her tight, my middle finger sliding right between her folds and over her clit. “This?” I moved my finger back and forth, lubricating her, getting her good and wet for me, but not penetrating. She would have to work for it.
“Oh, God,” she moaned.
I tugged her hair a little. “Wrong answer, my beauty. You didn’t tell me what I’m doing to you yet. Now say, ‘Ethan, I want you to . . . ’” I removed my hand from between her legs and brought the finger that’d been sliding around her quim up to my mouth. I sucked it clean with plenty of show. “Mmmmm, like spiced honey.” I nipped at her neck again.
She was frustrated and hot and needy, and I was enjoying punishing her for what she’d done. She leaned into me and squirmed her ass cheeks against my cock. I pulled my hips back and laughed low at the sound of her protests when I did.
“Ethan . . .”
I clucked at her and tugged on her hair again. “Such a defiant little thing today. I’m still waiting, baby. Tell me what you want from me.” I brought my free hand down to her ass and gripped the cheek roughly. “You started this little game and you know it, so tell me what I’m going to do to you.” She gasped when I dug my fingers in and tried to thrust back against my cock again. “Nope. You’re not getting that until you ask nicely for it.” I hauled my hand back and brought it down onto her ass with a smack. She yelped and stiffened up on her toes, arching like the beautiful goddess she was.
“Ethan, I want you . . .” She softened and tried to turn her head against my chest.
“Mmmmm, so you liked getting smacked on your gorgeous ass, yeah? Shall I give you another?” I whispered right up against her ear. “You deserved that little spanking, baby. You know you deserved it, and you still haven’t done as I’ve asked, you naughty thing. Tell me what I’m going to do to you up against the sink.”
She cried out a lovely, submissive sound that had my heart pounding and my cock about to blow.
“Tell me!” I smacked her ass again, holding my breath as I waited for her response.
“Ahhh!” She rose up in an elegant arch and opened her mouth in a gasp. I knew I’d won, I knew she’d tell me, and the thrill was like nothing I’ve ever known when she said the words. “Ethan, you’re going to fuck me up against the sink!”
“Bend over it and hold onto the edge,” I ordered, backing off her to wait for her compliance. She trembled a bit but got into position just like I’d told her to, looking so sexed it was nearly impossible to wrap my brain around this mind fuck we were indulging in, but man it felt too good to stop.
I shoved my fingers under the elastic of that skimpy black lace and tore it down, pushing her legs apart as she stepped out. I could smell the spice of her arousal, her need for me, for what only I could give to her. I dragged the waist of my joggers open and took cock in hand. I slid it over her wet cleft and rubbed right on her clit but still no penetration. “Is this what you’ve been wanting, my love?”
Brynne writhed her pussy over the bell end and tried to get down on my cock. I gave her points for effort, but I was the one calling the shots and I needed more from her yet. My girl had a little more work to do before she got her reward.
I returned to her hair and took another handful, stretching her neck back elegantly. “Answer the question, baby,” I said softly. Her beautiful throat moved beneath her swallowing as we looked at each other in the mirror. The hair pulling was a trigger for her. I never jerked hard enough to hurt, just to maneuver her body and dominate during sex. It made her wild, and if she hadn’t got off on it I would never do it. I was all about pleasing my girl.
“Yes, I want your cock, Ethan. I want you to fuck me with it and make me come! Please!” She was trembling against my body, absolutely simmering with heat.
I laughed and licked up her neck stretched out for me. “Good girl. And what is the truth, baby?” I rubbed over her very sensitive clit some more and waited, loving the taste of her skin and the smell of arousal coming off her.
“The truth is . . . I’m yours, Ethan! Now, please!” she begged, filling my heart to bursting at the sound of those words.
Absolute perfection. “Yes you are, and I aim to, baby. Pleasing you pleases me.” I positioned the tip and impaled myself as far as I could go. We both made cries when our bodies connected.
I kept hold of that silky hair as I fucked into her so I could see her lovely eyes through the mirror. That’s my thing. I don’t know why, but with Brynne I need her eyes when we fuck. I want to look into them and see every sensation, every thrust and pull of our sexes grinding and gripping, driving us forward toward the end, until we lose ourselves in a feeling that can only arrive between the two of us together.
There’s a truth to looking into your lover’s eyes when you come, and drowning in Brynne’s eyes when it happened was a thing so powerfully connective, it bound me to her in a way that meant something important and real. The intensity of what was going on between us scared me actually. It made me extremely vulnerable, but it was too late now. I had already fallen.
Her inner muscles pulled in around me as she contracted into orgasm, crying out my name and shuddering. I kept pumping into her depths, feeling every clench and grab of her cunt as I fed her my cock. She felt so good convulsing around my shaft it made my eyes sting.
Brynne’s body was made for the act of sex, but it was her that mattered. It was her that I loved. The seconds just before I climaxed, I thrust into her as deep and as far as I could and put my teeth down on her shoulder. She cried and I registered the sound of her, but couldn’t know if it was from pain or pleasure. I didn’t mean to hurt her but I was nearly out of my mind in that instant, just wanting to hold onto her, keep her with me, fill her up with my cum, to make her mine.
As the stuff spilled out of me and up into her, I told her again.
“I . . . love . . . you . . .”
I looked into her eyes, at the mirror when I said it.
We didn’t make it to work anywhere close to on time. Didn’t matter. Some things are more important. We were both shattered from the sex and could barely stand after, so I picked her up and took her into the shower with me. I washed her all over and let her wash me. We didn’t talk. We just stared and touched and kissed and thought. After the shower I wrapped her in a towel and took her back to bed; it was only then, with her stretched out beside me all soft and content, that we spoke about things.
“It’s not safe for you to go out alone. You can’t anymore. We don’t know the motives and I won’t risk you.” I spoke soft but firm; I wasn’t budging on this point, and it needed to be said. “That’s it.”
“Really? It’s that bad?” She looked surprised, and then that fearful look I’d seen before appeared on her face.
“It’s not known what’s going on in Oakley’s camp or his opponent’s. We have to assume Oakley’s got his eye on you, Brynne. He knows where you’ve been these years, where you work, where you live, and probably your friends too. I need to have a talk with Gabrielle and Clarkson soon. They should be briefed in the event they are approached because of their connection to you. Your friends know everything, right?”
She nodded sorrowfully. “I just don’t see why people would want to hurt me. I didn’t do anything, and I certainly don’t want to bring up the past. I just want to forget it ever happened! How is this my fault?”
I kissed her forehead and rubbed her chin with my thumb. “Nothing’s your fault. We’re just going to be careful with you. Very, very careful,” I said, kissing her on the lips three times in succession.
“I don’t want anything from Senator Oakley,” she whispered.
“That’s because you’re not opportunistic. Most people would exploit him for money to keep it quiet. You haven’t done that and they are watching to see what you might do. And I’m certain they are watching to see if Oakley’s enemies try to get to you. And truthfully, his political enemies are who concern me more. The video and Oakley’s knowledge of it make him culpable, bottom line. His adult son and friends committed a crime and he covered it up. Oakley’s opponents would find this information a political treasure trove. Not to mention a really sordid news story to sell lots of papers.”
“Oh, God . . .” She rolled from her side to her back, throwing her arm up over her eyes.
“Hey now.” I pulled her right back to facing me. “None of that, okay? I’m going to make sure they leave you alone for a lot of reasons. It’s my job for one thing, and you’re my girl for another.” I held her face close. “That hasn’t changed for you, has it?” I didn’t let her go, because I needed the reassurance. I had to know. “Last night was . . . fucked up—”
“My feelings haven’t changed,” she interrupted. “I’m still your girl, Ethan. Last night didn’t change anything with me. You have your dark place and I have mine. I understand.”
I rolled her into the covers and kissed her slow and thorough, letting her know just how much I needed to hear those words from her. Still, I wanted more from her. Always more. How could I ever get enough when she was so sweet and beautiful and lovely?
“I’m sorry about this morning,” she said, tracing my bottom lip with her finger. “I promised I wouldn’t leave you like that again, and I meant it. I’m sad that you thought I would do it too. You scared me when you woke up from your nightmare, Ethan. I hated seeing you hurting like that.”
I kissed her finger. “The selfish part of me was so glad you were here. Seeing you was such a relief, I cannot even express the emotions that went through me when I saw you safe beside me. But the other part of me hated what you witnessed.” I shook my head. “I hated you seeing me like that, Brynne.”
“You’ve seen me after a nightmare and it didn’t change how you feel,” she said.
“No, it didn’t.”
“So how is it any different for me, Ethan? And you won’t share with me . . . you won’t let me in.” She sounded hurt again.
“I—I don’t know . . . I’ll try, okay? I’ve not spoken to anybody much about what happened. I don’t know if I can . . . and I know I don’t want to subject you to that dark place. It’s nowhere I want you to go, Brynne.”
“Oh, baby.” She drew her fingers over my temple and stared into my eyes. “But I would go there for you.” She searched me. “I want to be important enough for you to tell me your secrets, and you have to let me in too. I’m a good listener. What was that dream?”
I wanted to try to be normal for her, I just didn’t know if I could. I guess it was something I’d have to face up to if I wanted to keep her. Brynne was stubborn, and a part of me knew she wouldn’t just let this go because I said I didn’t want to talk about it.
“You are important enough, Brynne. You’re all that matters.”
I traced her hairline with my finger and kissed her again, sweeping deeply with my tongue, savoring her sweet taste and loving her gentle acceptance of me. But the kiss had to end eventually, and there was still my monster to face.
I pulled up some bravery from somewhere and took a deep breath, rolling away onto my back and looking up at the skylight. The day had become as gray as my mood, and it looked like rain was imminent. Right in tune with where my head was—all fogged up. Brynne stayed on her side, waiting for me to say something.
“I’m sorry for last night, and how I was with you afterward. I was overbearing and it was way too much.” I spoke softer. “Forgive me?”
“Of course I do, Ethan. But I want to understand why.” She reached out a hand and put it over my heart and left it there.
“That nightmare was from a time when I was in the SF. My team was ambushed, most of them killed. I was the senior officer and my weapon jammed. I got taken . . . the Afghans held me in interrogation for twenty-two days.”
She inhaled sharply. “Is that how you got the scars on your back? Did they do that to you?” Her voice was soft, but I could hear the worry in her words.
“Yeah. They shredded my back with rope beatings . . . and other things.”
She gripped me a little tighter and I swallowed hard, feeling my anxiety rise. But I kept going on, feeling bad for misleading her but unable to correctly explain that my worst scars were not the ones on my back.
“I dreamed of something that—that happened . . . and it was a time when I thought I was going to be—” I stopped. My breath was coming so hard that I couldn’t say any more. I just couldn’t bring it up. Not to her.
“Your heart is pounding.” She brought her lips down and kissed over the place where that beating muscle pumped my blood. I put my palm on the back of her head and held her there, rubbing over her hair again and again. “It’s okay, Ethan, you don’t have to say any more until you feel like you can. I’ll be here.” Her voice had that saddened tone again. “I don’t want you hurting more because of me.”
I stroked her cheek with the back of my finger. “Are you real?” I whispered.
She glimmered at me and nodded.
“When I woke up this morning and you were gone, I thought you might have left me because of that fucked-up situation last night and I just lost it. Brynne . . . I can’t be without you now. You know that, don’t you? I just cannot do it.” I fingered over the red mark on her shoulder where I nipped her with my teeth when I was in the throes of that volcanic orgasm at the sink. “I marked you up. I’m so sorry ’bout that too.” I ran my tongue over the mark.
She shivered against my mouth. “Listen.” She took hold of my face and held me. “I love you, and I want to be with you. I know I don’t say it all the time, but that doesn’t mean I feel it less. Ethan, if I didn’t want to be with you, or I couldn’t be with you, I wouldn’t be . . . and you would know it.”
I exhaled with relief so great it took me a minute to find my voice. “Say that again.”
“I love you, Ethan Blackstone.”
