A WEEK PASSES and I’m already adjusting to my position on the team.
It’s not easy being a captain. It’s a big responsibility, and some of these girls look at me as if I’m their savior or something.
It’s not that I have a problem being someone’s savior. It’s more like I can’t—not when I don’t even know how to save myself.
I’m glad to have Lucy and Naomi with me. Scratch Naomi, she still has that passive-aggressive attitude, but mostly, she’s good.
Bree is the one who has been giving me the cold shoulder since the incident in the cafeteria. Whenever I decide something at practice, she doesn’t hesitate to point out that we don’t do that, that she and the team still remember even if I forgot.
I put her in her place every time. I even had a one-on-one talk with her to tell her to stop challenging my decisions in front of the team.
The squad wants to go to state, and while I didn’t care much for that before, now I’m invested in their competitive spirit. Until I find my dream, I’ll make theirs come true.
The girls wave on their way out of the shower. I’m late because I had to talk to the football coach about the schedule of the upcoming games.
Next Friday will be the first game I won’t watch from afar. I’ll be an acting captain who’ll be thrown to the top.
To say I’m nervous would be the understatement of the century. I always think I’ll trip and fall or do a wrong move and embarrass the entire squad.
No pressure. It’s only a home game with a few thousand spectators.
Thousands of people watching.
Yup. No problem falling in front of them. Like, at all.
Lucy is the last to exit the showers.
“I’ll wait for you outside,” she says while fixing her makeup.
“You don’t have to.” I remove my shoes. “I’ll catch a ride with Asher.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Really?”
Never is more like it.
Unless I absolutely have to see him, I don’t go near Asher. Since that day he brought me to orgasm; I might have been avoiding the shit out of him.
However, Lucy is having dinner with her dad, and I don’t want to keep her. She won’t leave if she thinks I don’t have a ride.
“So, what’s going on between the two of you?” She leans against the locker as I sit on the bench, removing my second shoe.
“Nothing much.” I try to be nonchalant, but it’s an epic failure.
My body catches fire at the memories of that night.
I might have avoided him, but I watch him whenever he’s not paying attention. I watch him work out by the pool, his muscles glistening with sweat and his tendons bulging.
I watch his silence that has a million meanings.
I watch his words that are always precise.
How would it be if things were different? If I hadn’t hurt him somehow?
“Luce, how were Asher and I before?”
“Aside from being king and queen?” She laughs.
“Do you really believe we were like that?”
She’s silent for a second. “You looked like it from the outside.”
“But we weren’t on the inside.”
She winces.
“Luce…” I stand and look into her eyes imploringly. “Be honest with me. I need to know about my life.”
“Well, you know those Hollywood couples?”
“What about them?”
“They’re so aesthetically pleasing and look like they have it all, but deep down, they’re usually plagued with all types of issues. At the end of the day, most of them are just an image.”
Her words strike me deep.
An image.
Why would Asher and I keep up an image? If we didn’t want the marriage, I’m sure our fathers would’ve canceled it.
Why did we choose to be fake instead?
“I’m so sorry, Captain. Are you angry?” She sounds so guilty and apologetic, and it warms my heart.
“Not at all. I asked you to tell me the truth.”
She smiles tentatively. “If it’s of any value, you two have changed since your accident.”
“Even Asher?” I hate the hope in my tone.
“Even Asher.” She grins mischievously. “He looks at you differently, you know.”
“Differently how?”
“Like he can’t wait to get you alone.”
I hit her shoulder jokingly. “You’re being silly.”
She laughs, grabbing her bag. “I mean it. He hasn’t been this involved with anything since Arianna’s death.”
“Wait—Arianna, as in his sister?”
Izzy told me she passed away, but she has refused to tell me anything else no matter how much I probe her. All I know is that Asher’s sister died in an accident.
My instinct tells me Arianna’s death might explain some things about Asher.
“Yeah,” Lucy says.
“What do you know about her?”
“Not much. She didn’t belong to our circle. Asher didn’t want her to be part of the cheerleading squad.”
“Why not?”
She lifts a shoulder. “You’re the one who should know that. You were the closest to her.”
My mouth hangs open. “I was?”
“Arianna always followed you around like you were her god. You were like best friends—aside from Bree.”
Oh.
And I don’t remember her.
How can I be so…cruel?
“How about Asher?” I ask, the words strained and choked. “How was his relationship with her? Were they close?”
“More than close. He was like her brother, her mother, and her father all rolled into one. Unlike you, she wasn’t popular and didn’t have friends, so she relied on the two of you so much. Whenever you sat down, she’d sit with you two. Whenever you went out, she’d go with you like a third wheel. She was kind of clingy, if you ask me.”
“Hey,” I scold. “She’s dead.”
“I’m just saying. It must’ve been a pain to not have your moments with Asher in peace.”
“What do you know about her death?”
“Nothing much.” She lifts her shoulder. “During our senior year in high school, we all found out she killed herself, and that was it.”
“K-killed herself? I thought it was an accident.”
Lucy leans closer. “That’s what the Carson family has been saying, but you told us back then she killed herself and that it was horrific.”
“Did I tell you why she did it?”
“No.” Lucy’s expression shifts. “Arianna was so lonely, so none of us were surprised she ended her life, you know.”
No. I don’t know.
Why would a seventeen-year-old kill herself? She had Asher and me—why didn’t we help her?
After saying goodbye, Luce slips out the door, leaving me all alone with my jumbled thoughts.
Arianna was so much more than I thought.
She wasn’t just Asher’s sister; she was my friend, too, and I feel like a failure for forgetting about her and the circumstances of her death.
With those thoughts, I strip and step into the shower.
Water beats down on me, cool and soothing, but my heart won’t stop punching so hard against my ribcage.
That gloomy cloud hangs over my head like a sinister promise.
If I don’t do something about it, I won’t be able to sleep tonight.
A rustle sounds behind the door, and I startle.
“W-who’s there?”
The door to the shower swings open and I shriek.
Asher stands at the entrance with a dark look on his face.
