SHE’S FAST ASLEEP.
I stand there, watching the streaks of my cum covering her ass cheeks and dripping down her pussy and between her thighs.
She’s still bound and lying on her stomach, her blond strands sticking to the back of her neck with perspiration. Her cheeks are red and her lips part slightly.
Only one word roars inside me:
Mine.
Mine.
Fucking mine.
I’m tempted to let her sleep like that. Worse, I’m tempted to pull up a chair and watch her in that position all night.
Yes, I have a problem when it comes to Reina. Even I admit it.
But she’ll catch a cold with the amount of perspiration sticking to her skin.
With one last glance at her, I head to the bathroom, clean up, and go back to the room with a wet towel.
She has turned onto her side, her bound hands lolling in an awkward position. I unclasp the knot and throw the bra onto the pile of clothes. Reina moans when I stroke my fingers over her reddened wrists.
Fuck me.
She looks so fragile right now, I’m tempted to fuck her in all possible positions.
My dick resurrects back to life, agreeing to that idea.
I sit on the mattress and clean my cum off her ass, though I’d prefer it stayed there. But no worries, I’ll repeat this—eventually.
With each stroke of the towel against her skin, Reina mumbles something in her sleep. She almost looks like a kid when she’s this way, off guard and…innocent.
She always had this certain type of innocence about her that she hid behind her cold exterior. No one managed to come close enough to know the real Reina, let alone her innocent side.
I did.
I’m the one who knows her best, her secret love for mac and cheese, how she stays up late to binge-watch Netflix, how she drinks her lattes, how she hates attention even though it appears she thrives on it.
But where did that leave me?
The memory from three years ago barges back into my head and I curse.
I can’t even touch her without being overwhelmed by that crippling guilt. I can’t find pleasure without being shoved into the clutches of pain.
Those who say physical pain is the worst have never experienced being tortured by their own brain.
They’ve never sat down and felt disgusted with themselves for wanting someone they shouldn’t.
“Fuck.” I rise to my feet and throw a sheet over Reina’s naked body before exiting the room.
I can’t stay with her or my brain will eat me alive. It’ll feast on my thoughts and leave me a fucking cripple.
For the past week, I thought if I never really fucked her, if I only played around with her, I’d be safe from these dark thoughts.
Turns out, it was useless.
The longer I stayed away, the harder I wanted her, the faster I needed to touch her.
That’s how disasters start. First, it’s a want, then it becomes determination, and then she challenges me and all I can do is fuck her like an animal. Then like a goddamn lover. Then like she’s my slut.
I run a hand through my hair as I toss the towel in the bin.
My phone vibrates on the kitchen counter and I pick it up without checking the name. I need a distraction like I need air.
“Hey, fucker.”
An inward groan slips from me as I recognize the British accent and the voice associated with it. I should’ve checked the name. Aiden King is the last person I need with my current mood.
“Isn’t it two in the morning or something in England?” I pace to the balcony, not bothering to put on any clothes. The building across the way is welcome to enjoy the show.
“And?” He sounds bored.
“Sleep, motherfucker—have you heard of it?”
“Sleeping is for neurotypical people.”
I should’ve known he would say something like that. The thing about Aiden is he’s proud of what he is, of who he is. He knows he’s not normal emotion-wise but he embraces it—just like I did after Ari’s death. That’s why we became sort of friends when I used to study at Oxford. We like the clash of power, the freedom to do whatever we fucking please while sheep follow orders.
“Are you returning any time soon?”
“Why?” I grin. “Miss me?”
“I miss beating you in debates.”
“Fuck you. I’m the one who beats your and Cole’s asses.”
“That’s a lie and you know it.”
“Is there a point to your call?” I shake my head. “Shouldn’t you be cuddling with Elsa and making babies?”
“Don’t ever mention my wife’s name and making babies in the same sentence or I’ll fucking kill you. Deal? Deal.”
I shake my head. The asshole is so possessive of his wife, and I always wondered how she took his attitude. Then I returned to Blackwood and realized I’m no different than him.
“Elsa once said she fought you, hard.” I flop on the chair in the balcony and cross my legs at the ankles. “How did you overcome that?”
Not that Reina is fighting me right now, but I feel like she’ll go back to doing that soon. Every day, I wake up and hold my breath, waiting for the moment she walks out of her room, thinking she’ll be the same old cold person.
“Simple,” he says. “I didn’t give her a choice, especially at the beginning. The more she ran, the faster I chased. The deeper she hid, the harder I conquered.”
“What if, after you chase and conquer, she still doesn’t want you?”
“Then you’re not doing it the right way. Tie her to you and make her see you. If she doesn’t like what she sees, make her like it.”
“What if she never does?”
“Then you’re a fucking loser and probably never deserved her in the first place.” He pauses. “As much fun as it’s been talking to you, I’m going back to my wife. She’s been asking about you, and this is a friendly reminder not to call her. If you do, I’m flying there and cutting out your tongue.”
The line goes dead.
Dick.
I’m surprised Elsa asked about me in the first place. She doesn’t like me that much, always saying Aiden doesn’t need any more deranged friends.
I throw my head back, mulling his words over. It’s an interesting angle, the one about never deserving her.
Has that been the trick all along?
I lift my head and stare at the stars. In the blackness of the night, there are a few, but I can almost see a boy and a girl holding each other’s hands and grieving together in silence.
Then that image is shattered with no way to be repaired.
Deciding I’ve given the neighboring building enough of a nude show, I head back inside.
Instead of going to the guest room where I usually sleep, my feet carry me straight to Reina. She’s like a fucking magnet, refusing to let me go.
She’s still deep asleep on her side. The cover has ridden down her shoulder, exposing the swell of her pale tit.
I don’t allow myself to think about it as I slide behind her and wrap a hand around her middle. She’s mumbling something in Russian, which means she’s probably dreaming about her childhood.
Her brows furrow and her murmurs turn louder. I rub a hand over her cold skin and cover her to the chin. After a few seconds, her lips stop moving and she goes back to sleeping soundly.
I wrap my leg around hers, lay my face near hers, and just like that, I fall asleep.
A NIGHTMARE PULLS me awake in the middle of the night. I don’t remember it, but I don’t have to.
Every time I try to ignore the past and sleep with Reina, my brain summons my guilt and makes me relive that nightmarish day.
Reina is still fast asleep in my hold. In the dark, I can only make out the line of her face and neck and feel how her other arm is holding on to mine like it’s some sort of a lifeline.
She wiggles her ass against me in her sleep. My already semi-hard dick twitches to life, finding its way between her legs.
I pull her hair to the side, baring her neck, which still smells of lilac and the hint of sex. My lips find her flesh in a feather-light kiss.
A soft moan tears out of her as I suck on the skin. I lift her upper thigh and play with her nipple with the other hand.
“Ash…” she mumbles in her half-sleep.
I slide inside her and she turns her head toward me. Her eyes are closed halfway as she palms my cheek and captures my lips with hers.
It’s a soft kiss, slow and passionate. I thrust inside her in the same rhythm, my dick matching my tongue until she shudders and I empty inside her.
I don’t bother slipping out of her this time. I need to stay here until I’m able to fuck her again.
A satisfied smile curves her lips as she falls back asleep. I take her one more time during the night, but no matter how much I fuck her, it’s never enough.
The more I let myself get lost in her, the harder my brain hits me with guilt.
It’s a weird thing, guilt. It’s able to eat you from the inside out and you get no chance to fight.
Let her see you.
Aiden’s words keep playing in my head most of the night and I find no sleep.
None whatsoever.
At five in the morning, I give up and decide to do something about it.
This has been long overdue.
After putting on shorts, I return to Reina and nudge her shoulder. “Wake up.”
She mumbles something but doesn’t comply.
“Reina.”
“I’m so sore, Ash.” She covers her head with the sheet. “Later, okay?”
She must be exhausted from how many times I took her in one night, but this can’t wait.
Not anymore.
I fling the sheet from her head. “Wake up now.”
Her eyes remain closed as she grumbles, “Do something about your stamina, dude.”
My lips twitch in a smile before I school my features. “Are you going to wake up or should I pour water on you?”
She sits up like a robot, slowly opening her eyes and wincing. “Ouch, I can barely sit. I think you broke me.”
“Come on.”
She points at the neon numbers on the clock, expression incredulous. “It’s five in the morning. What the hell?”
“Move that ass, Reina.”
She glares at me with half-opened eyes. “The one you broke?”
Who knew she could be such a drama queen when she’s sleepy and sore.
When I continue staring, she groans, “Fine, coming, coming.” She pauses and wraps the sheet around her tits protectively. “Not that type of coming. Don’t even think about it, Ash. I mean it.”
Fuck me.
I love this side of her a bit too much. That’s why a part of me wants to run her a bath and take care of her. It’s the same part that fell in love with her a long time ago and doesn’t want me to fucking do what I’ve planned.
But that part has had no say in anything since three years ago.
Reina murdered that part in cold blood.
I grab her by the arm and lift her in my arms, sheet and all. She squeals before her hands wind around my neck.
“Give a girl a warning.” She pants as I step into the balcony. “Where are we going?”
I place her on the chair near the edge—the same edge she threatened to jump from not so long ago.
Reina’s eyes widen as if she’s coming to a realization. She pulls her knees to her chest and visible goosebumps cover her bare shoulders and arms.
She gulps while staring up at me.
Even I don’t know how I look right now. All I know is this ends today.
Every. Fucking. Thing.
Just like everything ended three years ago.
