Present
ASHER’S SILHOUETTE becomes a blur as I struggle to catch my breath.
There’s something paralyzing about pain. It’s not the agony itself but the brain’s reaction to being metaphorically stabbed.
It shuts down at the onslaught and chooses numbness instead, because sometimes, being numb is the only way to survive.
I wish it were physical pain. I wish it were that assault and the agony at the back of my neck and shoulders each time I moved.
At least back then, I lived with the belief that it would soon go away.
This pain won’t.
It’s at its rawest, truest form.
My thighs still ache from how Asher took me last night. My insides are still sore from his touch, how he filled me, how he kissed me and stretched me whole.
A few moments ago, my heart was soaring, almost hitting the ceiling with all the butterflies. Stupid little butterflies.
They’re slaughtered now, leaving blood and goo in their wake.
As I pull my trembling legs to my chest, I can hear it loud and clear: the breaking of a heart. The smash, the fall. I can almost see the pieces surrounding me like broken glass.
And it’s all because of the man in the sharp suit standing in front of the pole.
The man who only approached me for revenge.
I trusted him. I was falling for him.
I ignored all the signs and my instinct and went to him. I considered him my savior when he’s been my Grim Reaper all along.
Logically, I should stand up and go there. I should pull him by the shoulder, slap him across the face, and ask him why he did that to me—to us.
Tears well in my eyes at the mere thought. I can’t possibly face him without breaking at his feet.
He’ll taunt me and call me a monster; he’ll tell me it’s all my fault. I can’t take that right now. My armor has chipped and is now heaped in a useless pile amongst the broken pieces.
So I do the one thing I can at this moment. My nails dig into the dirt as I use it to rise to my feet.
There’s something so utterly hard about standing up after a fall. The ground keeps pulling me down as if not willing to let me go. It’s gravity, I know that, but my brain is unable to process that fact right now.
It takes me long seconds, but I manage to stand up on unsteady feet. I don’t look at Asher—not even one glance.
If I do, I’ll make the broken pieces worse. I’ll soak them with blood, bury them in my chest, and it’ll be an unsalvageable mess.
I take one step after another, putting one foot in front of the other.
One step.
Two steps.
I can do this. I can walk.
It takes me what seems like an eternity to reach the entrance. It’s empty, desolate and…wrong.
That sensation from the hospital returns with a vengeance.
Wrong.
Everything is just so fucking wrong, from the house to the hollowness to the damn air.
Jason stands at the front, leaning against the double doors. His developed arms are crossed over his chest as he watches me with furrowed brows.
He knew all along.
That’s why he warned me through Cloud003’s Instagram account. If I’d paid enough attention, I probably could’ve done something about it.
I could’ve stopped myself before I fell this deep into Asher’s trap.
Problem is, I didn’t even feel it when I was lured in. I couldn’t smell the scheme or sense the manipulations. I suspected him, but never enough to think he was after my life—literally.
I only felt the push when I fell. I only registered the fall when all the pieces scattered around me under that tree.
“Are you okay?” Jason asks slowly, but he doesn’t move from his spot.
My feet come to a screeching halt at the step. When I meet his gaze, my movements are slow and almost robotic. In my attempts to stop myself from crying, I’ve turned numb.
The hot sun above might as well become a gray cloud. I feel nothing, see nothing, and smell nothing. The world has suddenly become colorless, and I have no idea if I want the colors back.
“Ah, shit.” He rubs the back of his neck and approaches me slowly, as if I’m an injured animal. “Did Asher say something? I knew that asshole would step on you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” I don’t recognize my voice; it’s neutral and dead, colorless like the world surrounding me.
He rubs his nape again, appearing uncomfortable. “Asher threatened me and my mom. She’ll have nowhere to go if Alex fires her, so we have to stay here until I secure my position in the NFL.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“I can’t keep watching you consider him a hero when he’s your worst villain.” His tone hardens with every word. “He never cared about you, Reina. Not once in his selfish, fucked-up existence did Asher Carson look at you like he gives two fucks about your wellbeing.”
My brows furrow.
Yes, Asher might have only approached me for revenge, and he’s always been his own brand of asshole, but I saw those small gestures…the way his eyes softened, the show of affection in his green gaze, the tightening of his jaw afterward as if he didn’t want to care.
It doesn’t matter, though, does it?
None of it erases what he did. His intention was loud and clear on the roof, in the classroom, and in the locker room.
He wanted to kill me.
Don’t they say actions speak louder than words?
I’ve witnessed his actions. Hell, I can still feel those creepy vibes down to my bones.
“Tell me everything you know, Jace.” I meet his kind brown gaze with my determined one.
My brain is telling me to retreat to my room, hide under the covers, and cry—but my sheets still smell like him from yesterday. Hell, my entire body does.
I’m still sore from him, still full of him in ways even I don’t want to admit.
Besides, if I give the gloomy cloud any freedom, it’ll just take over and leave me with nothing but depression and dark thoughts.
My best bet is to know what I’ve done. There’s nothing scarier than ignorance. It slowly creeps under your skin and eats you alive, and when you decide to act, it’s already too late.
I’m solving this before it turns unresolvable.
Jason cocks his head to the side. “Follow me.”
I don’t question and walk behind him as he heads to the pool house.
His shoulders become my focus as I try to walk right. My brain keeps pulling me in different directions. One part wants to run back to Asher and demand the truth from him. The other part is letting the gloomy cloud whisper nasty things in my brain.
See? You’re nothing.
Why don’t you follow Arianna and just die?
No one cares about you.
The sound of a closing door shuts those demons up. I didn’t realize we were in the pool house until Jason locks the double doors.
Something is secretive enough to warrant this, I suppose.
“I knew this day would come.” He speaks as he heads toward the TV on the opposite wall. “I knew I’d have a use for this.” He retrieves a flash drive from his pocket and hooks it into the TV, cocking his head back. “Are you ready?”
“For what?”
“This footage will give you an idea of what you need to know.”
My palms turn clammy as I slowly nod.
He motions at the cushions lined up in front of the TV. “You might want to sit down, Reina.”
I approach them at a snail’s pace, suddenly not sure if this is the place I want to be in.
Before I can voice my thoughts, Jason plays the video.
The footage’s angle is sideways, and the quality is grainy like those old security videos. It’s almost as if it’s been recorded in secret.
There’s no audio.
It’s just a frame of Asher and me standing in front of the locker room. The football team’s, I think. I’m wearing a blue cheerleading uniform and Asher has a blue Tigers jacket on, which means it’s from high school time.
Although I can’t hear any words, I can feel the maliciousness on my skin. Asher appears pissed off, his jaw clenching and his hands balled into fists by his sides. I, on the other hand, seem cool. My arms are crossed over my chest and my expression is robotic, like the one from the fake pictures on the internet.
As he grits his teeth, forcing words out, I stand there unmoving. Silent. No reaction.
I’m entranced by the scene: the volatile tension in his body, the complete relaxation of mine.
Only, am I really relaxed?
I tilt my head to the side, watching closely. From the outside looking in, I appear completely unaffected. However, my nails dig into my arms. It’s not hard enough to draw attention, but it’s there. I’m doing that to rein it in. I can tell without having to remember that particular scene.
But what was I reining in? My reaction? My emotions?
What exactly were you hiding, Old Reina?
Asher pushes past me on his way out. I stumble backward with the force of it, but I hold my ground. As he disappears from the scene, I stare directly at the camera. It’s a full-on glare, one that’s meant to dissect souls and ruin lives.
It’s the harsh Reina.
The Reina no one fucked with.
The screen goes black right after.
I continue staring at it as if Asher and I were still there.
“That’s only a fraction of your relationship.” Jason brings my attention back to him. “You were never actually together.”
My gaze slides from the black screen to his face. “Who recorded that?”
He pauses as if it’s the last question he expected I’d ask. I want to know who I looked at with that icy stare. There was someone who filmed something they shouldn’t have, and I want to know if they paid for intruding on my privacy.
“Someone from the football team? I’m not sure. I found it online a few years ago.”
“You keep all videos you find online?”
“The ones concerning you, yes. We’re friends, princess, remember?”
“No, I don’t remember. That’s the whole thing, Jace.” My voice is resigned more than anything. “What do you know about my involvement with Arianna?”
Asher and I might have had problems, but they weren’t so huge to the point he’d have murderous intentions toward me. Something tells me all of this started after Arianna’s death.
Jason abandons his position near the TV and flops beside me. His gaze gets lost in the black screen like mine was earlier. “You were friends.”
“Define friends.”
“From the outside? Best friends. She never did anything without you by her side. You were her role model and she relied on you so much, to the point Asher didn’t like it.”
The sound of his name slaughters me all over again.
My lashes flutter over my cheeks as I fight the onslaught of pain hitting me out of nowhere. Those broken pieces are now trying to puncture what remained of my heart, as if demanding that everything should be left for dead.
“What changed?” My voice is higher than normal. “Earlier you said she hurt me and I didn’t hold back.”
“I’m not sure either.” He lifts a shoulder. “All I know is that Arianna was acting weird right before her suicide.”
“Weird how?”
“She clung to you more. Asher distanced himself from you more than usual. You were miserable and appeared to have a million thoughts going on in your head.”
“You said I drove her to suicide—how?”
“Those are Asher’s words, not mine. Apparently, Arianna said you were to blame before she jumped.”
A soft gasp tears out of me, and my voice turns haunted. “I was to blame how?”
“No idea, but Asher believes it as if it’s his religion. He fought with Alex about it right after Arianna’s death. He demanded his father sever all ties with you, but he wasn’t having it and told him to stop being irrational.”
My chest squeezes at the kindness from the man who’s filled the role of father since Dad passed away. “Alex didn’t believe him?”
Jason shakes his head.
“How about you?” My voice is so filled with hope it’s pathetic.
“It doesn’t matter what I believe.”
“It matters to me.” If Jace is Cloud003, he’s possibly the only friend I have in this pile of chaos, and right now, I need someone I can lean on.
“Of course not, Reina. There might have been disagreements before her death, but you loved Arianna as if she were your sister. She was the only one you never acted snobby or robotic with.”
“Then how come Asher believes I’d hurt her?”
“I don’t know. Honestly, there’s no proof of what he said. He was the only one on the roof when Arianna committed suicide, so there are no other witnesses. I think he’s only using his sister’s death to inflict pain on you. Since he couldn’t get rid of you before, that opportunity was golden for him.”
My palms turn sweaty as I clasp my hands together.
No.
As monstrous as Asher’s grudge is, it’s real and tangible. I saw the intensity of it in his green eyes and tasted it on my tongue.
He didn’t make it up. He really thinks I had something to do with Arianna’s suicide.
Now, I must figure out a way to prove my innocence, and I need to find it quick.
Judging from Asher’s pace with things, I won’t be so lucky next time he comes back for my soul.
I meet Jason’s gaze. “Yesterday you said something about things escalating before Izzy stopped you.”
“Yeah.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I think he’s after your life, Reina. Those attacks were only a preparation for the grand finale. Next time, he’ll force you to jump off a roof like Arianna did.”
I gulp at the thought, not because I’m scared, but more because of how that possibility hurts.
“Do you think he’s the one who beat me up in the forest?” I ask.
“Probably.”
The remaining part of my heart shrinks and turns into stone.
Asher took everything from me.
Maybe I have taken everything from him, too.
Now we have nothing.
Don’t they say those who have nothing to lose are the scariest?
