I rested my arm on my forehead, covering my eyes from the sun. Thick white clouds floated in and out of my sight. I could smell the green grass, feel the coolness of the ground beneath my body.
Letting out a sigh, I closed my eyes. Perfect time to nap. I should feel content. It was a beautiful day, after all.
But my heart hurt.
I felt something beside me, but I didn’t move.
“Hey, Red. Why so serious?”
My eyes snapped open. Heart beating madly, I turned my head.
“Caleb?”
He was lying beside me on the grass. His eyes, clear and so green, gazed at me with that familiar naughty glint. His hair, bronze and thick, glinted in the sunlight. The wind picked up, and a lock of his hair fell, covering one of his eyes. He smiled.
“Hi, Red.”
I held my breath, my hand slowly reaching out to smooth the hair from his face.
“You’re here,” I choked.
“I never left.” He covered my hand with his, pressing it to his cheek. “I’m waiting for you.”
He leaned his face closer to mine and licked my cheek. And then my nose. And the rest of my face.
What the hell?
“Woof! Woof! Woof!”
“Burp! Oh, come on! How many times are we going to have this discussion? You do not wake people up. Especially pretty girls you have never met before.”
Damon?
I suddenly became aware of a heavy weight on top of me. When I opened my eyes, a goofy-looking white Lab blinked at me happily, pink tongue licking my face.
“Woof!”
“All right, that’s it!” Damon scolded, sounding embarrassed.
The dog disappeared. Wiping the dog drool from my face, I sat up.
“I’m sorry. This is Burp, by the way. My mom’s dog.” Damon looked apologetic. He held the Lab at the foot of my bed, while the dog whined and gave me sad eyes. “He knows how to open doors and loves to wake people in the morning. It’s kind of his thing.” Damon shrugged apologetically. “He just woke up Kar.”
Uh-oh.
I heard the clanging of pans and swearing in the kitchen. Apparently, Kara wasn’t a morning person when woken up by a dog. Damon winced, looking a little scared.
“Well, I better go before Kar blows up.” He pulled Burp to the door. “My mom baked croissants this morning and asked me to drop them off for you and Kar. I’m really sorry about Burp.”
I raked my fingers through my hair, catching a knot. “Thanks, Damon. Nice meeting you, Burp. I can’t believe you named him Burp.”
Burp barked happily when he heard his name.
“I was going to name him Fart.”
I chuckled. “Really? Why am I not surprised?”
He rubbed the tip of his nose with his thumb, grinning. “How are you?”
“I’m okay, Damon. Thank you. Really.”
He nodded. “Let me know if you need anything. Let’s go, Burp.”
The dog plopped on the floor, refusing to move. I smiled as I watched Damon shake his head, nudging Burp through the door.
When they left, I dropped back on my bed, letting out a long sigh. I felt guilty dragging Damon into my mess when he was just being a good friend.
Another dream of Caleb. Another piercing stab in the chest.
Today. I will talk to him today.
Easier said than done, I reflected, my chest tightening at the memory of Caleb’s cold eyes. Forcing myself to stop thinking about it, I climbed out of bed and followed the smell of coffee and the mouthwatering aroma of freshly baked bread to the kitchen. I usually woke up hungry, but this morning I had no appetite.
I found Kara in the kitchen, pouring coffee into a mug.
“Good morning,” I greeted her, walking to the cupboard to grab a mug.
Kara was usually grumpy or quiet in the mornings, replying in snarls or grunts and monosyllables until she had a few hits of caffeine. After getting her fix, she’d be a flurry of energy.
She grunted, looking sleepy and irritated as she stood in front of the sink and stared out the window. She sipped her coffee quietly.
“I met Burp,” I said.
“Uh.”
I poured hot water in my mug, dumping a green tea bag into it. “How did those two get in?”
“Huh.”
I waited. It usually took two cups of coffee for her to wake up. I smiled to myself as I watched her blink, the glaze of sleepiness and irritation in her eyes disappearing as the caffeine woke her system. This must have been her second cup. “Damon knows where I keep the key to the apartment,” she replied.
“He does?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Why?”
I probably shouldn’t have asked. It was none of my business, but I wanted to focus on something else besides Caleb. I would go crazy if I didn’t.
“Why? This”—she waved a croissant in my face—“this is one of the many reasons.” She took a bite, moaning. “God. Antoinette’s croissants give me a foodgasm every time. Have one.”
I shook my head. “I’m not hungry.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You’re always hungry in the morning. Oh no, don’t tell me you had a nightmare about Beatrice-Rose.”
I wish. It would be better if my nightmares were about her. At least I wouldn’t have this gaping hole in my chest every time I woke up.
I didn’t answer.
“You know, Ver, I’ve been thinking. Beatrice-Rose kind of smells like a toilet,” Kara mused. “A toilet that didn’t completely flush.”
I chuckled.
“You know, I’m all about you and Caleb making babies, but come on! Tonight is your exam, isn’t it? Did you study?”
“I’ll review more today.”
“Professor Layton doesn’t give extra credit or projects. You know that. You can’t fail this exam. It’s 50 percent of your grade,” she lectured.
I watched as she swallowed the last of her croissant, pulled out Pop-Tarts from the cupboard, and tossed them in the microwave.
“Hey, maybe you can be a stripper if you quit school. That’s not a bad idea. Strippers make loads of money. I can be your pimp. Sixty forty? That’s not a bad deal. I’ll help you come up with a name. Hmm…let’s see.”
When only two seconds remained on the microwave timer, Kara pulled it open. It drove her crazy to hear the beeps.
“How about Lolita? Strippers don’t have last names, right? How’s Felicia?” she continued.
When I didn’t answer, she walked toward me and covered my hand with hers. “Ver,” she said, her eyes full of sympathy.
I felt like crying again.
“If I decide to become a stripper, you can manage my schedule. I promise.” I gave her a reassuring smile. “I have to study, so I’ll see you later, okay?” I squeezed her hand and headed back to my room.
I forced myself to review for a couple hours, not really absorbing anything. I took a quick shower, blow-drying my hair and taking the time to apply makeup. Powder, mascara, and lip gloss—check. Red tank top and favorite jeans that made my butt look extra sexy—check.
I was going to Caleb’s apartment, and assuming that since he was back in town, he would be attending his classes again. I’d wait for him there. Glancing at the clock, I noted that it was almost ten. I knew his class was usually over at twelve today. If I left now, I would get to his apartment before he did.
He might not feel the same way about me anymore, but I’d find a way to make it up to him. And if he still didn’t want me back…I’d know at least I tried. At least I showed him how much I wanted him back in my life, that I was willing to fight for him. Even if I was too late.
Because he was worth it.
I was a mess when I got to his apartment. I knocked, and I wasn’t surprised when there was no answer. I wouldn’t dare go in after what happened last night. I had hurt him, enough that he wouldn’t show an ounce of emotion toward me. Caleb was never one to keep his emotions inside, but last night he had.
Maybe he really doesn’t feel anything for you anymore.
No, no. That wasn’t true. He still felt something for me. I knew it. I had to believe that he still did.
I leaned against the wall outside his door, sliding down and sitting on the carpet. And waited.
One hour passed. Two, three, four.
He wasn’t coming.
I felt the threat of tears. Pulling my legs against my chest, I pillowed my face on my folded arms.
Why didn’t I just call him? Or text him? I was so stupid…but every time I dialed his number or started texting him, I couldn’t follow through.
I wanted to talk to him in person. I wanted him to know how important he was to me. I wanted to see his face. I had seen my mom cry over the phone, begging my dad to come back so many times. So many damn times I had lost count.
Suddenly, I looked up and saw the blinking light on the elevator screen, indicating that it was moving up.
I held my breath. My heart pounded against my chest as my gaze focused on those doors. And then they opened.
Caleb was leaning against the wall of the elevator, looking up at the ceiling. He looked exhausted…defeated. My heart constricted in my chest. I wanted to run to him, to pull him against me and never let go.
And then he straightened and stepped out.
His steps faltered when he saw me.
I held my breath, waiting…waiting…
Please…
He stared at me, his eyes intense as he took a step forward.
And then he was walking fast toward me. I couldn’t move. All I could do was wait for him. He stopped an arm’s length away.
We stared at each other.
“Red,” he whispered.
I cried. And then suddenly, he was shaking me.
“Miss, are you okay?”
I blinked up and saw Paul’s kind face staring down at me.
Another dream.
This was hell.
“What are you doing in the hallway, miss?”
I swallowed my nerves. I couldn’t tell him that I didn’t live in the apartment anymore because he might kick me out. I was sure Caleb hadn’t told them about the change in my living arrangements yet.
“Oh. I was just waiting for Caleb.”
He looked at me like my head was leaking beer, but he didn’t comment. I could hear him muttering as he walked back to the elevators. Before he disappeared, I heard the words cuckoo and crazy pills.
Feeling embarrassed, I pushed up from the floor. It was almost three o’clock, and if I didn’t leave now, I would miss my exam. I would just have to come back to see Caleb.
Where was he?
I was huffing and puffing by the time I reached the floor where the exams were being held. I had less than five minutes before the doors to the exam room closed. I half walked and half ran, suddenly stopping in my tracks when I saw Caleb in front of me.
This wasn’t a dream anymore, was it?
He saw me at the same time. He was wearing his red jersey. Even from a few feet away, I could see the sweat glistening on his face, on his sculpted arms. He stood in front of a drinking fountain, his arm on his mouth like he had been wiping it but froze at the sight of me.
I stared at him.
He stared at me.
Time stood still.
And then I saw it.
The hurt in his eyes.
Oh, Caleb. I’m so sorry.
“I’m going to close these doors in ten seconds, Ms. Strafford. Are you coming in or not?” Professor Layton’s voice echoed in the hallway.
Caleb’s arm fell to his side. He turned his gaze away and started walking toward me.
I stood frozen in my spot, holding my breath.
And then…he walked past me.
* * *
I felt light-headed as I exited the exam room. I had no idea if I’d passed, and I’d felt like crying during all three hours of it.
Was Caleb still here?
I had to check. Taking a deep, calming breath, I headed to the gym. The exam had been three hours, and it was dark outside now. The hallways were silent as a tomb, cold even, and it must have been colder outside. My steps echoed in the long, deserted hallway.
I was so lost in thought that I didn’t notice the two guys walking close behind me. I inhaled sharply, feeling scared and angry. I stopped, looked behind me, and glared at them.
“What do you want?” I demanded.
They stopped, looking surprised—at my acknowledgment or hostility, I wasn’t sure. One of them was tall, with a medium build, while the other was short but wide and heavily muscled. If I tried to run, they would just catch me. I reached for the knife in my pocket, gripping it just in case. The short guy smiled at me, handing me a piece of paper.
“How much? Call me tonight, babe.”
And then they left.
What the hell?
I narrowed my eyes as I watched them suspiciously. When they disappeared, I opened the note and found a name and phone number scrawled on it. I crumpled it and threw it in the trash.
I felt discouraged when I saw the dark and empty gym. Maybe Caleb was back at the apartment now. It was past seven o’clock, but I knew he would still be up. He usually went to sleep late.
The wind picked up as I trudged to the bus stop. Three guys stood inside the bus shelter smoking, so I didn’t go in. They should know better than to smoke inside it, let alone on school premises.
“Hey, babe. Heard you like it rough,” I heard one say.
I frowned. Surely he wasn’t talking to me.
“How much for a night? I love that picture of you, although it would have been better with you naked, wouldn’t it?”
What?
Before I had a chance to turn around and make sure he wasn’t talking to me, the bus arrived. I dismissed them and boarded the bus. It would take me an hour to get to Caleb’s.
It doesn’t matter. I can’t stand Caleb feeling hurt anymore.
Any fear that he had no feelings for me had been erased when I saw the look of hurt in his eyes as he stood in the hallway. When I got to Caleb’s building, Paul shook his head at me.
“He’s not back yet, miss.”
I swallowed my disappointment. “Thanks, Paul.”
He nodded at me, looking at me with sympathy. Feeling dejected, I wondered if I should go up and wait for Caleb in his apartment. Or would he be angry that I had invaded his space after what I’d done?
When I reached his apartment door, I debated whether I should enter his access code or wait outside. It was probably better to wait outside. I slid against the wall and sat on the carpet.
Then the elevator doors opened. I froze. Just like my dream, I thought, my heart pounding. But this time, it wasn’t a dream.
I turned my head, feeling disappointed as I watched a beautiful woman walk out of the elevator. She wore a peach-colored dress and an expensive coat. Her high heels didn’t make a sound as she walked like a queen through the carpeted hallway. Her hair, bronze and shiny, was tucked in a chignon.
Could she be the tenant who lived across the hall from Caleb? But when she walked closer, I realized she looked familiar. Caleb had shown me a photo of her on his phone once.
Caleb’s mom.
Oh my God.
I remembered Caleb mentioning he would take me out to dinner to meet his mom. But that wasn’t happening anymore, and I doubted his mom would appreciate knowing that I was waiting outside his apartment like a stalker.
Swallowing my nerves, I pushed myself up off the floor, praying silently that she wouldn’t stop and ask what I was doing in the hallway. I lowered my head and proceeded to the elevator.
Please ignore me.
She did. When the elevator doors closed, my shoulders sagged in relief. When my phone alerted me to a text message, I almost jumped.
Damon: Your boyfriend is back at the club. Come get him.
I called Kara right away.
“Kar? I need your help.”
