“You didn’t have to do that, you know,” Trinity told me the following day at my clinic.
She collapsed on the seat in front of mine while I was scribbling some notes about my latest patient. She looked like something that’d been dragged out of a sewer to destroy New York in a climactic sci-fi film.
I didn’t look up from my notes, because I knew eye contact would cause her to lose her job. “Care to be more specific?”
From the corner of my eye, I could see her picking at the tail end of her braid and splitting the fine blonde hairs in it.
“Wyatt. The kiss. The bachelor party. He said you bent his arm to tell me. But I didn’t want to know.”
“Well, I don’t particularly care what you did or did not want, to be honest. It was more about my clean conscience than your comfort.”
“I’m embarrassed you saw it.”
“Really?” I asked casually. “You have so many more things to be embarrassed about, seeing my brother making out with someone else shouldn’t even be in your top one thousand.”
Her eyes darted up from her split ends, widening. “Have I done something wrong, Dr. Costello?”
Yes. So many things, I can’t stop counting them.
“Now, why would you think that?” I closed the file I was working on, stood up, and went to return it to my cabinet.
“You’ve never spoken to me in such a… such a…”
“Candid, no-bullshit manner?” I supplied.
“Yes. It’s like—”
“A slap in the face?” I finished for her again. She made a whimpering sound I took as confirmation. “Shame. You seemed like you could use one.”
She stood up, smoothing her blue uniform nervously, watching me as I walked around the room. She tried to angle the penholder on my desk and knocked it over, spilling ink all over the mahogany wood.
She fumbled to set it back up, whispering, “Sheet, sheet, sheet.” I disposed of my files into the cabinet, enjoying the sight of her sweating. “Is it about Tennessee? Did she tell you anything about me? Did she? Because I—”
“Don’t try to explain yourself to me, Nurse Turner. I wanted my brother to tell you, because I thought you should know. Also because I think it’s high time you enjoy a big, fat slice of humble pie.”
I was on my way out when she caught my wrist, panic swimming in her eyes.
Trinity may have wanted to quit her day job to pop out babies, but I bet the prospect of marrying my brother had just become a lot less secure, now that she knew he was sampling other women.
“I’m not a bad person, Dr. Costello. I’ve been through so much. I just want a normal life. That’s all. To be an ordinary woman with an ordinary family. Nessy is amazing, but she tends to…complicate things.”
I shook off her touch, storming out of my office.
Tennessee wasn’t a complication.
Her family was.
Rob showed up at the rehearsal dinner.
Either that or his ghost came to visit. But that would mean he’d died, and such blessing wasn’t in my goddamn luck, unfortunately.
“Don’t look at me.”
Wyatt raised his arms in submission as soon as we spotted Rob getting out of his swanky new Toyota Supra, making his way into the wedding venue with his head down.
He smoothed his tie, reminding everyone he was gainfully employed, and used that particular expression of a man unsure whether he was welcome or not.
The setting was a bore. A barn with a wraparound deck, lounge chairs, and Pottery Barn furniture. Everything was white. Including Tennessee’s face, once she realized he was here.
Rob made his way directly to us.
“The hell’s he doing here?” I turned to my parents sharply.
As far as I knew, Gabriella’s gossip train hadn’t made a pit stop in their ears just yet, but everyone in my family, other than Wyatt, kept their cards close to their vests.
My parents, who were dressed in a tux and a purple sheath dress (you guess who wore what), both shook their heads, perplexed.
“But why would you mind? You two were thick as thieves growing up,” Mom groused, licking her thumb to wipe imaginary dirt from my cheek.
Add it to the never-ending list of things I hated about being a full-sized, hunky teddy bear who held the Favorite Child title.
“He’s still thick and a thief.”
“Oh, Cruzy, I wish you wouldn’t be so surly. You’ve changed since the cruise.”
I pushed away from my family, trying to find Tennessee so I could warn her.
I found her standing with her family on a lush patch of green lawn by the dining area. The Turners were all talking animatedly.
At first, I thought maybe Trinity was having second thoughts, what with Wyatt almost scooping up someone else’s tonsils with his tongue the other day.
Who knew what could have happened if Rob and I hadn’t decided to reenact every bad teen movie ever made and pick a fight over a girl at the bar?
Wyatt could have slept with that woman.
But as I got closer, I realized that no, Trinity wasn’t upset over Wyatt at all. Tennessee and Bear were standing as a united front on one end of the lawn, while Trinity, Donna, and Bryan occupied the other side.
“Nothing is in my control anymore. Gabriella has bailed on me. I can’t believe she’s not here because of another headache.”
“I can,” Tennessee mumbled. “I’d believe it if she skipped the event due to a split nail.”
Her sister threw her a frosty gaze.
“Not only is my best friend not here, but my sister’s baby daddy is. Can I just have one day where it’s about me and not her?” Trinity wailed.
“Honey, the day’s all yours, but Rob has the right to see his son.” Donna rubbed at her favorite daughter’s back.
So Donna was the one responsible for Rob showing up. Bet she didn’t bother asking her elder daughter what she thought about the arrangement.
Tennessee’s face looked tight and resigned, her posture stiff.
Yup.
She definitely didn’t have anything to do with this.
I approached them, placing a hand over Tennessee’s back as I flashed them a good-natured smile.
“I see someone’s got your trousers in a twist. Anything I can do to help?”
The sight of my hand resting against Tennessee’s back sent Donna reeling. She went into a coughing fit while Bryan looked at me like I’d just landed back from Mars sporting a brand new green latex body suit.
Trinity grimaced, probably realizing she should’ve toned down her bitchiness toward her boss’ girlfriend.
Fuck it. The secret was already out in the open. It was better not to Band-Aid the situation.
It didn’t hurt that Robert was here to witness this with his own eyes.
To my surprise, Tennessee leaned a little into me, seeking my touch. Warm, pathetic liquid spread inside my chest, and I rested my chin atop of her head casually.
“It’s all under control. Sorry Rob’s here.” Tennessee cleared her throat.
“I’m not sorry,” Donna said defiantly, sticking her nose up in the air. “Bear needs a father.”
“You could’ve consulted us.” Trinity sighed. “What if Bear’s not ready?”
“Bear’s a child. He should do whatever he is told to do,” Donna pointed out.
Interesting take on parenting.
Effective one, too.
If you were a tyrant.
“You should’ve asked Mom.” Bear leaned into Tennessee, which made us look like a family of our own.
“Don’t talk to your mamaw like that,” Bryan tried to convey some authority, but his heart wasn’t in it.
His eyes were roaming the golf course across the lawn.
“Bear?” I heard a voice behind me.
We all turned around.
Rob was standing there, right in front of us. He didn’t look at me, even though the bruises from our fight had barely faded from both our faces. He didn’t look at Tennessee, either.
Just his son.
Bear’s face looked pained. A mix of dismay and longing I hadn’t seen on anyone before.
He’d seen him before, I knew, but only when Rob was about to get the boot and be kicked out of the vicinity.
And just like that, I realized I hadn’t taken into consideration the one leverage Rob had over me in this situation—bloodline.
“Rob,” Bear squeaked, separating himself from the group and pulling his shoulders back, extending to his full height to show his dad how big and strong he was.
“Hey, buddy.” Rob’s eyes went glassy. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking around. “I got you a bunch of presents. I know you threw most of them away, but I…I…I’m just glad your mamaw and papaw invited me here. Because I really want to get to know you. And, well, I can’t blame you for being hesitant, but…”
Tennessee’s shoulders slumped under my touch, and her face was overtaken by every emotion on the spectrum.
“Nice speech.” Bear shrugged it off. “But Mom beat you to it. Again. She already told me I have to see you. She said she won’t let me hang out with Cruz otherwise.”
Okay. That was not completely true. It also sounded terrible. It also made Tennessee and me sound like a couple.
An evil couple.
Rob nodded quickly. “Cruz’s fun to hang out with. We used to be best friends in high school. Would it be okay if I’m here tonight? I won’t sit next to you or anything. I just want to…watch.”
Silence rolled over the open barn. Everybody looked at Bear, waiting for an answer. The kid reddened, digging his sneaker deep into a patch of mud in the lawn and gnawing on his lip.
“That makes you sound like a creeper,” he said, finally, drawing chuckles from Tennessee and me.
“I promise I’m not a creeper,” Rob said.
“Mom said you got divorced twice.”
“That makes me hasty, and possibly a tool bag, but definitely not a creeper. What do you say?”
Bear lifted an eyebrow, glancing at Tennessee. She gave him a brief nod of confirmation.
“I say whatever, but you better not be telling Dad jokes. Too early for that.”
And that was that.
Robert was here, and we all needed to suck it up and play nice.
At the rehearsal dinner, I had to sit next to Wyatt and my parents and watch Tennessee from across the table. She was seated right next to Rob, an empty seat on the other side of her, where Gabriella should have been.
I had to weed out the conversation on my side of the table to be able to hear them, which wasn’t easy, seeing as Trinity and Wyatt were arguing under their breaths.
“…said you would at least try. If you’re not taking this marriage seriously, why do I even bother?”
“Feel free to stop being a bitch at any point, honey.”
“Maybe I should listen to Nessy and find someone who pays attention to me.”
“Yeah, she’s a great source of life advice.”
“Said the guy who married a tweaker. At least she made her mistake in her teens, not full adulthood.”
“She seems to be making new ones every day. With my brother, for instance.”
Meanwhile, things were looking better for Tennessee and Rob, which, frankly, made me want to shove my head into the nearest meat grinder and set the power on high.
“I’m sorry I didn’t give you a heads-up. Your mother called me not even two hours ago. I tried to call, but you didn’t answer.” Rob turned to catch my girlfriend’s expression, looking wary.
“That sounds like a classic Donna move,” she clipped. “Apology accepted. Now if we could move on, please. No need to converse with leftovers. Do you always talk to food before you throw it in the trash?”
“I was very drunk,” he explained by way of an apology.
“You were a gasshole.”
“I was. Vindictive and stupid and jealous and so depressingly aware of everything I’d lost over the years. It’s no excuse, but it’s a reason. And I’m sorry for that, too.”
“You should be sorry for existing,” Tennessee said with dignity.
“I mostly am. But who knows, maybe Bear will need an organ transplant at some point and I’ll make myself useful. Dream big.”
“My big dreams died the day you ran away and left me to fend for myself.”
“Have you been getting my checks?”
“Yes.” Tennessee tore a piece of sourdough bread, popping it into her mouth, but that same fury I saw in her the first time I’d dropped her off was gone. She was getting used to his presence in her sphere. “I got them.”
“You still say gasshole and holy sheep.” Rob smiled.
She rolled her eyes. “Put your efforts where they matter. With your son.”
“Why?” Rob studied her, his hand twitching. He wanted to swipe a lock of hair off of her face. I knew, because I wanted to do the same. “Am I too late? Are you Cruz’s now? When I asked around town, no one said they knew anything about you two.”
That could also explain how half the people in town knew about Tennessee and me. Between Gabriella and Rob tag-teaming it to “fact check”, their lack of graces covered all the social bases.
I leaned forward at the table, my elbow sinking deep into some kind of beetroot dip, and listened to her response.
It came swiftly and airily, like she hadn’t even given it a second thought. “In his dreams. Cruz is just a plaything, an interlude to pass the time. I belong to no one, Robert Gussman. Only to myself.”
Cruz is just a plaything, an interlude to pass the time.
In his dreams. I belong to no one.
That was what Tennessee had said.
Clear as the August sky.
She had one chance to own up to our relationship, to show me that she gave half a shit, that I wasn’t the only one here doing the heavy lifting, and she blew it all to hell.
I knew it was bullshit posturing, but the fact that she didn’t take the goddamn chance to legitimize me hurt like a bitch.
I mean, for puck’s sake.
Did I just say for puck’s sake? Even in my head? God, I needed another drink.
“Where are you headed?” Wyatt asked as I made a quick exit out of the rehearsal dinner minutes after we were finished.
My parents stayed behind to discuss canapes and honeymoon arrangements with the Turners. Tennessee was sneaking looks, no doubt waiting for me to come to her side.
Unfortunately for her, I had no appetite to be her designated fanboy for the evening.
I made a beeline to my car, feeling like a jackass for not telling Bear goodbye. The adults had no excuse—they were all shitheads—but Bear deserved better.
Wyatt followed my steps stubbornly, trying to catch up. I was secretly proud of him for not giving me shit even though his confession to Trinity got him in hot water.
Maybe he was finally growing up.
“Where you off to, baby bro?”
“Getting a drink downtown. I need something strong.” I stuck a finger into my tie, loosening it as I cracked my neck.
“Sign me up. I’ve been pre-gaming before the rehearsal dinner, but I need more.” Wyatt slipped his entire tie off.
“Sure about that?” I slid into my car, turning on the ignition. The engine purred. Wyatt got into the passenger seat. “Don’t want you to end up yielding to temptation again.”
Wyatt shook his head, cranking the volume of my stereo up as soon as I hit the gas pedal. Classic rock filled the car.
“No way. Cheating is way too much hassle. I think I’ll have to be faithful from now on.”
“Smart guy.”
“I take after my baby brother.”
“If only.”
We ended up at the only bar downtown. The Drunk Clam was a fine establishment that only served three types of beer, one type of whiskey, and peanuts I was pretty sure had expired pre-World War I.
“So what’s up with Nessy? You two seemed cold.”
Wyatt ordered both of us beers and perched himself on a stool at the bar. From the corner of my eye, I detected one of Trinity’s little girlfriends, who always came to the clinic to pick her up for Pilates class.
I groaned but shot her a polite smile, anyway. I didn’t want any company tonight. The woman texted on her phone furiously, while I redirected my attention to Wyatt.
“She’s a chickenshit.”
“Why?”
“She won’t own our relationship.”
“And that’s important to you because…?” Wyatt took a pull of his beer.
“I’m not some dirty little secret.”
I expected him to laugh, but he squinted thoughtfully.
“Maybe she’s trying to protect you. Her reputation’s tarnished.”
“Mine’s pristine and can take the hit. It could elevate hers.”
“Not if she knows everyone’ll talk about how she hooked up with the best man at her sister’s wedding and whether that was before or after he dumped the maid of honor… Why’d you think Trinity was so against y’all getting together?” Wyatt tilted his beer bottle in my direction.
“Because she’s a self-centered cow.”
Wyatt chuckled. “Well, I suppose there’s that, too. But she didn’t want the scandal to overshadow the occasion. It is supposed to be the one time in a woman’s life where everything is about her as the bride.”
“Do you even love her?”
Wyatt rubbed his chin, narrowing his eyes at a spot behind the bartender’s shoulder as he gave it some genuine thought.
“Dunno. I loved Valerie, and that turned out to be a disaster. I guess I love the idea of Trinity, and she loves the idea of me, and that’s enough. For what we want. For now.”
A few minutes later, Gabriella swaggered into the bar, dressed in something I could not describe as anything other than a self-important bikini. It didn’t have enough fabric to pass as a skirt, and that cropped shirt barely covered up her nipples.
And she had on a lot of makeup—I’m talking every shade of eyeshadow and enough red lipstick to paint a particularly gory crime scene—and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and you’ll get the train wreck.
Trinity’s friend was an informer.
Shocker.
Wyatt snickered and clapped my back as Gabriella’s eyes zeroed in on me. She sliced through the throng of bar-goers like Moses parting the sea.
“My, my. It sure ain’t easy being Cruz fucking Costello.”
“Cruzy,” Gabriella pouted, squeezing between Wyatt and me, parking her ass on my knee. Barely.
Most of her weight was still propped over the bar, which was why I couldn’t exactly push her away. Also, she called me by my mother’s nickname, which sent my already-soft dick shriveling into the rest of my body.
At this point, I was cracking so deep and wide, I didn’t have it in me to be perfect Cruz anymore.
“Gabriella. Fancy seeing you here after your shift at Hooters.”
“I figured that’s the type of girl you like, considering your recent plaything.” Gabriella flipped her hair, which barely moved, it had so much hairspray in it.
“She is not a plaything. She’s a pain in the ass, and most days, I wonder why the hell I bother with the relationship.”
“Relationship?” Gabriella sucked in a breath. I spun myself on the stool to get her off of my knee. “Cruz, really. Aren’t you getting a little carried away here?”
“I’m not the one who missed a rehearsal dinner to throw a fit.”
Damn, it felt good to be bad.
“I had a headache.”
“Not anything that a few Tylenols couldn’t solve, seeing as you’re here now.”
Just then, Tennessee walked into the bar, her head twisting here and there. My heart almost fucking screamed at the appearance of her face. She was looking for me.
Wyatt must’ve texted Trinity where we were. I couldn’t fault him for being truthful to his future wife. No one wanted to start their marriage in the courthouse, obtaining divorce papers.
Her chest rose and fell.
Tennessee was panting, out of breath. Looking for me frantically.
I waited for her to find me. When she did, she began making her way toward me, and my heart leaped inside my chest.
But then she saw Gabriella standing next to me, and instead of proceeding, instead of claiming what was hers, showing me she was all in, she stopped, looking uncertainly across the darkened room.
Goddammit. Just make a move. One move. I’ll do the rest.
But she obstinately waited by the entrance, crossing her arms, expecting me to take the first step.
Like always.
It shouldn’t matter that it looked bad right now. She owed me the first move to show she got it.
Gabriella noticed Tennessee standing by the door. A scarlet smile bursting with venom touched her lips. She pressed her hand against my chest.
I let her.
“Trouble in paradise?”
“Nessy just needs a little courage to approach her boyfriend.” Wyatt laughed, signaling for the bartender to get us another round of drinks without asking Gabriella what she wanted.
“Maybe she doesn’t want you enough,” Gabriella murmured into my ear. “I know someone who does.”
She was all over me without really being all over me, her hands on my shoulders, arms, face.
I watched Tennessee with a lazy, whatcha-gonna-do-about-it smirk and hoped to hell she had a bit more balls than what I’d given her credit for.
Do it.
Come to me.
Tell the world that it’s not just a fling.
My eyes begged her to come closer, my entire body hot with anticipation.
She was on the verge of something. I could tell.
She took a step forward, toward me…then three steps back.
Then turned around and ran away, leaving me at the bar with Wyatt and Gabriella.
I would say I was a fucking mess, but that would be an insult to messes all over the world. I finally understood the idea behind the word ‘gutted’. I felt like a fish, my insides hooked, ripped, and thrown into a frying pan.
Great, now I was disappointed and hungry.
A minute later, I stood, letting Gabriella slide off of my knee again. She went down with a loud bang when her bony ass met the floor. I slapped a twenty onto the counter.
“I’m heading home.”
I gave my brother a fist bump.
Then proceeded to go back home and lick my Tennessee-shaped wounds.
