I stood beside the police car while two detectives peppered me with questions. Behind them, I could see where my grandfather still lay. The moment they had dragged me away from him, he had become part of a crime scene.
I stared silently at the black tarp that covered him. I could see one of his shoes poking out from beneath the heavy plastic. I felt like someone had injected me with a numbing agent. Nothing hurt. Everything seemed flat and white. I had no reaction. And although I knew it was odd, there was a certain relief to feeling nothing. I felt untouchable in this place. Intellectually, I could process what was happening, but emotionally I had completely shut down. I knew that at some point I would fall apart when I started to feel again, but for now, that white blankness was a cocoon that protected me.
One of the detectives stepped closer and talked to me in a quiet voice. I stared at him, taking in his stained tie and rumpled shirt. He looked tired. I forced myself to focus on his words.
“Listen, we know what kind of men Andrusha and Viktor are. These guys are very well known to the police force—and not in a good way.”
I stared at him, wondering what I had missed. “Excuse me? What are you saying?”
“Whatever is going on, I can assure you that we can keep you safe, but you need to come clean with us. If they are responsible for what has happened to your grandfather, I advise you not to try to cover up their sins. It’s really not going to go well for you.”
I scanned the yard. There were teams of people collecting evidence, taking photos and scouring the yard. A series of ambulances had taken away my grandfather’s unconscious kidnappers. Andrusha stood a few feet away with his back to us, but no matter where I looked, I couldn’t see Viktor.
He had disappeared.
“I already told you—I’m not speaking about tonight until my lawyers are present.”
He frowned. “You got something to hide?”
“No.”
“Sounds like you know something.”
“I hate to repeat myself, but I need to tell my grandmother what has happened to her husband. She can’t hear this from anyone else.”
“We’d first like to take you down to the station and ask you some more questions.”
Andrusha approached from the side. He spoke one word. “Later.”
The detective frowned at me. “Don’t you want to help us find who killed your grandfather?”
It bolstered my confidence to know that Andrusha stood next to me. “I’m going home now.”
Annoyed, he sounded sour. “I’ll have someone drive you home.”
“I’d prefer to have someone from Viktor’s team drive me.”
Andrusha spoke. “I’ll take you.”
The detective’s distaste deepened, but he didn’t say anything as I followed Andrusha to the van.
When I got into the van beside him, he looked over at me. “How are you holding up?”
It didn’t feel right to leave my grandfather lying on the ground with strangers taking pictures of him. I had scanned the chaos around us multiple times, but I still couldn’t find Viktor. I could feel myself slowly unraveling, and I was looking for my anchor. “Where is he?”
Andrusha cleared his throat. “He had to take care of some things.”
I turned and looked at him in disbelief. “He left?”
He started the van. “He asked me to make sure you got home safe.”
The fact that Viktor had abandoned me after the most traumatic moment of my life was just one more thing I couldn’t process. I couldn’t believe these were his actions, but I couldn’t seem to rouse any emotions about it. The emotions would come later—but right now, I wanted to stay in my white cocoon.
We drove in silence almost the entire way back to my grandparents’ home.
The words blurted out of me. “I have to tell my grandmother that her husband has died.”
I could sense Andrusha looking at me. “She’ll appreciate hearing it from you and not a stranger.”
“I know.” I couldn’t seem to stop the words from coming out. “I just don’t know how to tell her.”
“Speak in short sentences. Stick to the facts. Give her lots of time to process what you are telling her. Be ready for her to react. Keep it simple.”
That was very good advice. I wondered if I would remember it. “Thank you.” We drove in silence for a while, and the questions started bubbling out of me. “What did Viktor have to take care of?”
“I’m not sure.”
Still, I couldn’t seem to grasp the task that loomed. I didn’t even want to think about it, so I turned my focus on Andrusha. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
I thought about how the police had pointed their weapons at Viktor and his team and then put them in handcuffs. Now the police were implying that Viktor and Andrusha were responsible for this. “How does all of this impact you and Viktor with the police?”
“We don’t have a history of trust with the authorities. They might try to cause trouble, but they don’t have the evidence to pin this on us.”
They might try to cause trouble. I was well aware that Viktor and Andrusha had been as much victims in this situation as my grandfather and I. It was grossly unfair to think that they would now be blamed for the mess we were in. “How can I help?”
He was emphatic. “You don’t help. Just focus on your family.”
It felt good to think about a problem that I could solve. It felt like relief amidst the horror I was avoiding. “The detectives will be coming around to ask more questions. Can I tell them that I hired you?”
We made eye contact, and I could see the intelligence in his eyes. He was assessing my state of mind. “Not necessary.”
It was stupid, but I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t let Viktor go. “What would your company normally charge to do a job like this? To find and attempt to extract a hostage victim?”
“A lot. Look, we’re not taking your money, so don’t even go there.”
“If we had evidence that proved I had hired your company to retrieve my grandfather, would the police leave you and Viktor alone?”
“Probably, but that isn’t—”
I cut him off. “Then bill me a tax-official invoice for services rendered. I will tell the police that I hired you and, if it’s okay with you, I’ll keep your kidnapping and the fact that I was in Asia off official records.”
“I don’t need you to do that.”
I turned to him. “Well, that’s too bad, because Viktor risked his life multiple times in the last week to save your life and mine, and yet you refuse my help, which would certainly make his life easier. I want to be there for him. You should want to be there for him too.”
His lips compressed. “I can see why Viktor called you the boss.”
I turned to look out the window. “I’m indebted to him. And I couldn’t live with myself if I thought he was being harassed—not after what he did for me.”
“Okay, I’ll take care of it.”
“Thank you.”
“He feels responsible, you know.”
My head whipped back toward him. “What? Why would he feel responsible?”
“He thinks he should have prevented your grandfather’s death.”
“I don’t blame him for any of this!” I could hear the anger in my voice. Any suggestion that Viktor was anything but my savior made me feel pure white rage.
His reply was mild. “No, but he blames himself.”
“I need to talk to him.”
I didn’t just need to talk with Viktor. I was desperate to seek a moment of shelter in his warm presence. The world felt crushingly cold without him by my side.
“I’ll let him know.”
We pulled past the gates, and Andrusha rolled the van around front.
What could I say to him after all of this? I was at a complete loss for words. My manners won. “Thank you.”
He paused, as if debating how much he should say. “Be patient with him. He’s worth it.”
That made me want to weep, and I had to tighten my throat against the tsunami of emotion within me. “I will be.”
He handed me a business card. “And call me if you need anything.”
Oh god, I didn’t want to get out of the van. I stared up at the big house. I didn’t want to face what I needed to face. It was almost incomprehensible. I had no idea how I was going to find the strength to tell my grandma what had happened.
His voice was low. “You’ve got this, okay? You can do this. I know you can do this.”
I felt myself borrowing his strength, much like I had borrowed Viktor’s strength this past week. “Okay, thank you.”
He nodded. “I’ll be in touch.”
Three days later, I sat beside my grandmother on the couch in the upstairs sitting room. She was next to the fireplace, wrapped in a blanket.
“Granny, we need to plan Pappa’s funeral. The funeral home and the church are both free to hold the service next Saturday. What do you think?”
She didn’t respond or even blink. I wasn’t even sure if she heard me. She was still in her own cocoon of denial and shock, and I didn’t want to pull her out of that place.
“Grandpa detailed his wishes. Would you like me to start planning this for you?”
I waited, but she didn’t even blink.
“I could help if you would like to be involved. Or I would be happy to take care of all of this for you. Whatever you need.”
Nothing. She gave me nothing.
“Okay, I can let you think about it. Why don’t we talk about this later?”
“What does Pierre think?” Her question came out of the blue.
The night I had told my grandmother, Pierre had silently appeared, and he just started to take care of things. He never overstepped his bounds. If it was beyond what he thought he should handle, he would discreetly ask me and then reliably carry out my directives.
I didn’t want reliable.
I wanted to cling to my Russian rock. Who had conveniently disappeared from my life. Only a thin veil of pride stood between me and my desperation to know how he was doing. Every minute of every day, I contemplated calling Andrusha, under some false pretense, just so I could ask about Viktor.
I had other, darker moments when I mentally railed against Viktor, wanting to get in his face just so I could tell him off. I didn’t blame him for not saving my grandfather, but I couldn’t come to terms with how he had seemingly just abandoned me. I would get really mad, but then I would remember Andrusha asking me to cut Viktor some slack. And another very rational part of me knew that Viktor didn’t owe me anything. He didn’t owe me his strength or his comfort. The whole situation made me ache. I’d genuinely thought he cared, more than his actions indicated.
I forced myself to focus on the conversation at hand. “Pierre thinks you should let us plan the funeral on your behalf.”
She squeezed my hand. “Thank you, darling. I think that is for the best. Pappa needs beautiful flowers. He loved gardenias.”
“I’ll make that happen.”
“I would like to be alone now.”
I stood up and kissed her forehead. “Of course. I’ll check in later.”
“Thank you, darling.”
I was quietly shutting the door when I heard Pierre’s voice escalating in the foyer below me. “You have a lot of nerve bringing this by.”
“And you are?” My entire body froze as I recognized Andrusha’s voice.
“None of your fucking business. And if you think I am going to let you bill Blaire, after you let her grandfather be killed under your care, you can think again. We refuse to pay for incompetence.”
I rushed down the stairs, my voice scandalized. “Pierre!”
Both men turned to watch me approach.
I focused my attention on Andrusha and said in a calm voice, “Would you excuse us for a moment?”
I walked a reluctant Pierre into the front room before turning to hiss at him. “What are you doing?”
He looked so frustrated. “Is he the one?”
My heart started to beat faster as I sensed what he was asking. “Excuse me?”
“Is he the friend you were traveling with in Asia? The friend who helped you?”
I froze as I processed what was happening here. His jealous comment gave me pause. I had thought Pierre and I were long past our days of thinking of each other like that. He had moved on to other relationships, and our friendship had remained intact. His concern over who I had been with in Asia set off alarm bells.
“I think you should go home now. I appreciate everything you’ve done, but you need to go.”
“Blaire, come on. Don’t be like that.”
“I don’t have time for your emotions this week, Pierre. I’m sorry, but not about that. I have more important things I need to deal with.”
“I’m trying to protect you.”
That word caught me off guard. After Viktor, the word protect took on a whole new meaning. Pierre would never understand that. “Please give me my invoice.”
“You shouldn’t have to pay for this. They failed at their job.”
“This is my business to handle.”
With reluctance, he handed me the invoice. “You need to let me help.”
“I think it’s too emotionally complicated for you to be helping me on this.”
“It’s not.”
“If you don’t mind, I have a meeting right now.”
He picked up his coat and started walking out toward the kitchen. “I’ll text you in the morning. Maybe you’ll be in a more receptive mood for someone who’s trying to help you.”
I took a big shaky breath in and held it before I pushed back through the door to find Andrusha still waiting for me.
He looked at me, assessing my upset expression and the invoice in my hands.
“I’m sorry about that. Would you like to come in for a drink?”
“Do you have vodka?”
He sat in the big easy chair near the fireplace with a neat vodka in his hand.
He lifted his eyes to mine. “Was that your boyfriend?”
I could feel his watchfulness. He was probably wondering if I was betraying Viktor.
“Pierre is just a family friend who’s been helping out. I think he feels quite protective right now, even if it’s misguided.”
Andrusha’s eyes were moving around the room, taking in all the details. Like my grandfather’s big crossword puzzle that still lay on the coffee table. And his reading glasses next to it. “How are you doing?”
“My brain plays tricks on me. One minute I’m fine, and the next minute I feel like I can’t breathe.”
He gave me a sympathetic look.
I couldn’t stand it anymore. “How is he?”
He looked like he was trying to determine how much he would tell me. “Viktor has demons.”
I thought about Viktor’s nightmares. He had been through a violent and horrific week, and yet he had stoically taken care of both of us and done everything to protect me. He knew how to handle himself in the worst of situations—which made me wonder how he’d got those demons in the first place. “I saw them.”
He drained his glass. “The demons are winning.”
I swear my heart cracked when I heard that. “What can I do?”
“Be patient with him.”
“The detectives have been by twice. At the advice of my legal team, I told the detective that we hired your company and that they needed to contact you for all further details about this matter.”
“They mentioned that. That’s why I brought the invoice. Thank you for helping us out.”
“Does it help?”
“Quite a bit.” He hesitated. “Viktor doesn’t know about the invoice.”
“Oh.”
He gave a wry smile. “He’d be livid, to be quite honest. Maybe we can keep that under wraps? I’ll tell him eventually, but right now he has other things he’s thinking about.”
That sounded so much like Viktor. I felt my eyes fill with tears. “I understand.”
“I want to make myself clear—I don’t want you to pay it. Don’t even think about it.”
I had been thinking about it. “It doesn’t feel right that Viktor isn’t compensated for all his pain and suffering. As well as you and your wife.”
“Regardless of that, the compensation shouldn’t come from your family. The only reason I agreed to this is to help keep Viktor clear of the police right now.” His tone was smooth, sympathetic even, but beneath that velvet was nothing but steel.
In that moment, he reminded me so much of Viktor that my emotions bubbled out of me. I put my face in my hands as I sobbed for a few mortifying moments. Somehow I found the strength to suck back my emotions. I wiped my face and swallowed hard a few times, working to compose myself. “I’m so sorry. This is so inappropriate.”
He leaned forward, but he didn’t touch me. He did stare deep into my eyes. “Your feelings are appropriate, Blaire. What can I do to help?”
I shook my head. “You’ve all done more than enough. My grandfather’s funeral will be next Saturday. Will you tell Viktor that?”
“I will.”
“Thank you.”
“I wish things had turned out differently.”
“Why did the sniper kill my grandfather?” It was a hopeless question, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
“I don’t know.”
“Is he still going after Viktor?”
He cleared his throat. “I don’t know.”
He was holding back. I stared up at the ceiling. “This isn’t over.”
“If there’s one thing Viktor is good at, it’s finishing things.”
I couldn’t seem to pull my big weepy heart off my sleeve. “I miss him.”
“I know.”
“Would you mind please texting me once in a while, just so I know what’s going on?” With Viktor. I hiccuped. “With the police and everything?”
“Of course.” He stood up and gave me a kind look. “I’m doing everything I can for him, okay?”
“Thank you.”
