Each tear that rolls down her bruised cheeks is like another dent in my armor. It used to be shiny and perfect, the ideal image of a ruthless mafia boss, but the last year has taught me that running the two sides of our business is not all there is in life.
When Rayne met Emerson and I watched my big brother fall to his knees for a woman, watched him protect her fiercely and love her harder than I’ve ever seen him love anything, I remember thinking to myself that I never wanted that to happen to me. I never wanted a weakness like Emerson was to Rayne. But it wasn’t until I met Ayvah that I realized loving another human isn’t about being weak, it’s about being strong enough for both of you when need be. It’s about surrendering your heart to someone and hoping they don’t break it. It’s about being someone’s everything and having them be yours in return.
I gently push her thighs apart and step between them, and the monster inside settles at her proximity. It’s been feral the last two months, forced to be away from the only person to ever settle his proclivities, but right now, as I pull Ayvah into my arms and hold her head to my chest as hot tears roll down the bare skin, it’s like we’re whole again.
“It’s going to be okay, Ayvah. I promise I’ll make it okay,” I murmur the words into her hair and gently stroke circles into her bare back. There truly isn’t an inch of her skin that isn’t mottled with bruises, and I can’t begin to imagine how much pain she must be in.
“Fuck you, Storm. This is all your fault. It’s all your fault.” The sobs become more ragged with each one that tears through her chest, and it’s obvious each one is hurting her.
“Ayvah,” I snap. I pull her back and grasp her trembling chin between my fingers. “Listen here, baby girl. I know you’re upset, and you have every right to be. I hurt you, and my actions were directly linked to other people hurting you too. But I will not tolerate you hurting yourself. Now, I’m going to carry you into the shower and get you cleaned up, and then we’re going to curl up in bed, and you’re going to let me hold you for a while.”
I don’t bother waiting for her response. Instead, I lift her from the vanity and carry her into the shower and under the warm spray.
Ayvah lets out a startled cry at the sudden warmth rushing over us and unconsciously buries her face in my chest. She’s always been drawn to me the same way I am to her. It’s just she’s never fought it so hard before. But she needs to understand there’s nothing in this world that could make me give her up again. I will protect and love her with my dying breath, and that’s all there is to it.
We’re quiet as I carefully rub a damp cloth over her sensitive skin, washing away the blood of the man who tried to violate her. I’m gentle around the wounds Doc patched up, because if he comes back here and his handy work is any less than perfect, I’m going to hear about it.
“Your back is going to get sore,” Ayvah murmurs against my chest.
I close my eyes and swallow the automatic growl that climbs up my throat. I don’t like it when she puts herself down, but I can’t punish her right now. “No, it won’t.” I force the words to sound calm. Today has been a test for my self-control.
“I can stand.”
“I’m sure you can stand, but you won’t be for the foreseeable future. If you need to go anywhere, I will carry you. If you need something, I will get it for you. And if you argue with me on this because you think you’re too heavy or whatever, I’ll be keeping track of your punishments to make sure we get them all out of the way once you’re healed.”
Her eyes grow wide and her cheeks flare with a mixture of embarrassment and need. I know she hasn’t been with anyone else since I sent her away. It was one of the security team’s objectives. Scare away any man who showed any interest in my woman. I know how fucking hypocritical it sounds, and when I was giving them my brief, I was met with dead silence when I told them that, but I don’t give a fuck. My feelings for Ayvah stopped being rational pretty much as soon as they developed.
We stand under the spray with time going past around us, but I need the closeness. I need to hold her. I need to feel her gripping onto me like I’m the only thing stopping her from falling apart.
“I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you, Ayvah,” I murmur into her neck. “But I promise I’ll make it up to you, even if I have to spend the rest of my life begging for your forgiveness.”
She sucks in a sharp breath, and I wonder if it’s from my words or the pain she must be in. I’ve seen men three times her size with fewer bruises be bedridden for a week, so I can only imagine my girl is going to need some time to heal, and I’m going to do anything I can to help her.
When she doesn’t reply, I take it as a sign to get her back to bed so she can rest. We have the rest of our lives to talk, but that’s not what she needs right now. I step out of the shower and wrap a fluffy towel around her. I place her down on the vanity and set to work wiping the droplets from her usually pale skin that’s now various shades of blue and purple.
Once I’m satisfied she’s dry, I tug another towel from under the sink and hastily wipe the droplets from my own skin before lifting her from the counter and carrying her back through to the bedroom.
“Are you still in pain, baby girl?” I ask as I place her on the edge of the bed and squat down in front of her.
She nods, her eyes wet with unshed tears.
“Are you sure you don’t want the stronger meds? I promise no harm will come to you. I’ll be here the whole time.” My words are soft despite the fact I need her to take this medication. I can’t stand seeing her in pain, not when she winces every time she moves even the slightest amount.
She considers me for long seconds, and then she nods. “I’ll take it as long as you promise you won’t leave me.”
“Never again, baby girl.” I press my forehead to hers and let out a breath I didn’t realize I’ve been holding for the last two months. “Never again.”
