were hard for Alessa. She kept getting lost in memories of that terrible night in the alley, the sequence of events revisiting her dreams every night. She longed for so much more than a life of unwanted sorrow. One of Harlin’s crew members, a boy called Jake, had driven her to work and back.
At work, she noticed a sudden change in Brady. Inexplicably, he was being nice to her and was always considerate of her needs. The other women employees were annoyed about having to share the late shift again. Despite the dirty looks they threw her and the whispered gossip about Harlin behind her back, Alessa focused on her work. She found herself bogged down by the monotony of filling shelves and sweeping floors.
She was still staying in Harlin’s spare bedroom, and over the last two weeks, Tasha had slept there with her every night. Alessa was feeling normal again. Though with a trace of guilt of being responsible for whatever happened to Tag and the death of his gang member. Yet, she derived an odd sense of security from the protection Harlin and his gang provided her. It was from this very sense of security that feelings of doubt were born.
How can I feel so safe amidst a flurry of crime and violence? Why do I feel more protected by a murderer than by my mother?
Thinking through all of her options for the future, she realized she’d be eighteen in four more months. Then she could finally do what she wanted to and live where she chose—legally.
One night, while they were lying in bed, Tasha rolled over on her side and looked at Alessa. “Listen,” she said, “that Dollar Basement store job ain’t doing nothing for you. Do you know how you like to dance and all? Well, there is this place where girls get paid to dance. And they make a lot of money. A good dancer can make about fifteen hundred bucks a week—tax-free. I was talking to Harlin about it and he said if you wanted to dance there, you could live here with him and he would provide you protection—you know, get there and back so you ain’t got to deal with public transportation.”
Curious, Alessa asked, “What do you mean they get paid to dance? Are you saying I’d be a stripper?”
Tasha laughed. “Well, when you put it that way, you make it sound dirty. It ain’t like that. I mean, you do have to strip, but they don’t let you dance naked in this club. Only topless. And,” she added quickly, “they don’t let their dancers have sex with customers. So you won’t be under any pressure to do that. It’s not like being a prostitute. You’re providing entertainment. You got talent, and you might as well use it to make real money.”
Alessa was silent for a long time. “Let me think about it,” she said, closing her eyes.
Tasha smiled and wrapped her arms around her. “Sure, whatever you want. You think about it and let me know.”
The girls continued to gossip until they had both fallen asleep.
When Alessa woke up in the morning, Tasha was already up and out of bed. She lay there for a while, considering the proposal her friend had made the night before. Alessa didn’t want to dance in a go-go bar. But fifteen hundred dollars a week would be useful for getting a plan together and moving on with her life. If she worked at the club, she could study for her GED during the day and maybe even go to college and get a degree after that. Living with Harlin would allow her to save a lot of money with which she might even buy a house of her own later. And maybe someday, she would meet a nice man, marry him, and have his children. Everything seemed possible to her now.
Although the thought of being a stripper wasn’t appealing, Alessa rationalized that at least she would make good money doing something that wasn’t nearly as revolting as the things she had been forced into doing as a kid. She might even buy a car and get decent clothes. She could turn her life around and show her mother and her Uncle Danny she could rise above the role to which they had condemned her—that of a house whore.
When Tasha came back into the bedroom, Alessa smiled up at her. “I was thinking about what you said last night. I think that you might be right about dancing. I want to see the place before I make a final decision,” Alessa said, tilting her head and waiting on a response.
“That’s no problem,” Tasha assured her. “The only other thing is that you’ll have to pay Harlin half of what you earn to live here and have his protection.”
Alessa’s mouth dropped open. “But that could cost me seven hundred and fifty dollars a week if I earn as much as you say I would,” she pointed out. “That’s a lot of money, Tasha.”
“I know, but you have to consider that it includes your rent and protection,” she carefully reminded her. “Harlin will make sure you get rides to and from work. He will also make sure that no one messes with you. You know better than anyone that men can be pigs.”
“I thought this place didn’t expect the dancers to have sex with the men that went there,” Alessa retorted.
“They don’t, but you also need to be safe when you leave after work. Sometimes, men get turned on, and they take it for granted that the feeling is mutual. Well, Harlin will make sure that once you leave Doubles, nobody bothers you. When the gangs in the neighborhood find out you’re dancing, they might think you’re willing to sell yourself. Harlin will make sure that no one gets dancing and prostituting mixed up, especially here on the streets.”
Alessa was disappointed to have to give up fifty percent of her earnings. The Dollar Basement job was making her about five hundred dollars a month, which meant that if she only kept half the money from dancing, she’d still be in a better place financially. Besides, she would live with Harlin, and that seemed to work out. Alessa was feeling like part of a family at last. She enjoyed being with Harlin and his crew and they even called her by her name now. She figured she would try it, knowing if it didn’t work out, she could quit.
“Where is this place, Tasha?” she asked.
“In Horsham. Near a military base,” Tasha explained. “It’s close by, but far enough away from this neighborhood that you won’t have North Philly riffraff there.”
Alessa liked being outside the city of Philadelphia. People seemed a lot tougher in the city than they were where she grew up. Maybe the people in Horsham would be more like what she was used to. Alessa was still out of place whenever she ventured outside Harlin’s house. She was afraid to make eye contact with people, and they seemed less tolerant of everything. Alessa knew this life, the life that had become hers, was enough to sustain her for now, but it would never be enough to fulfill her dreams.
The following night, Harlin and his crew took the girls to Doubles. As they walked in, Alessa observed that while girls danced on the bar and stage, the place had the ambiance of a regular bar. Men were sitting around, talking and drinking. The girls were dancing and focusing their attention on the men giving them money. The staff behind the bar seemed friendly. It wasn’t dirty or sleazy like Alessa had feared it would be. She sat on one of the bar stools next to Tasha, and they both ordered beers. The bartender carded the girls, who immediately flashed their fake IDs. Harlin was off talking with some of the other men in the bar. Now and then, Alessa noticed, he would stuff a bill in a dancer’s thong.
They stayed for a couple of hours. Then they all piled into Harlin’s van and headed back to North Philadelphia.
Inside the van, Harlin turned to Alessa. “I was talking to the bar manager tonight. He was checking you out and promised to give you an audition. I told him I’d take you back there tomorrow night.”
He handed Tasha two hundred dollars. “Take her out tomorrow and buy her some costumes. Make sure you get her sexy stuff. I like those garter things that attach to stockings. Get stuff that matches and make sure it’s unique. Jay, the bar manager, is real picky about the girls he hires.”
For the first time since the subject had come up, something about the whole deal made Alessa feel cheap. Harlin was talking about her as if she weren’t a living being sitting right there in his presence.
Listening to Harlin instruct Tasha about the costumes she should buy caused a stab of fear to ripple through her. What if Harlin forces me to do things I don’t want to do?
The reality of her new career, regardless of how much money she would make, was sinking in. She had doubts she could get up on stage like the other girls. She loved to dance, but it hadn’t escaped her that the dancers at Doubles had to dance exclusively for the men’s pleasure. Alessa had always danced for herself.
As Tasha took the money from Harlin, she saw the distant look in Alessa’s eyes. She suspected her friend was uneasy about what she was about to do. She grasped her friend’s hand. “We are going shopping tomorrow and it’s going to be so much fun. Think how hot you’re going to look in all the beautiful things we’ll buy for you,” Tasha said with enthusiasm.
Tasha narrowed her eyes at Harlin, a clear sign to back off. He wasn’t used to spending time with women, other than his sister. He was realizing how sensitive Alessa was, and it was wearing on his nerves. He had no intention of sugarcoating anything. He didn’t care beyond Alessa making money. He wanted her to do what he had planned for her, period.
