to the car, Remo could see that the face-off with her mother followed by the encounter with Uncle Danny had left Alessa flustered and furious.
“You okay?” he asked gently.
“I’d forgotten how much I hated Uncle Danny,” she said with a deep sigh. “I thought there wasn’t much left to learn about him, but when he touched me, I wanted to rip his heart out. Same with that person who pretends to be my mother. I’m glad I came back, though, to see her. I got to defend myself the way I couldn’t all these years, and I feel good about that.”
Lucy lifted her head. “Alessa, we don’t ever have to see them again. I hate your uncle and I hope he dies.”
“Me too,” Alessa agreed.
Remo placed his hand over hers and gave her a look of such profound reassurance it made her feel instantly safe. He flashed her his brilliant smile. “What do you say, Luce, shall we get some ice cream?” he sang.
“Yeah, baby,” Lucy bellowed in response.
Remo took them to an ice cream store. While he and Alessa sat at a picnic table, Lucy was busy running around with other kids she had met minutes earlier.
“How are you feeling?” Remo asked Alessa. “I mean, I know this is a lot for you to swallow, and I can see you’re stressed out.”
Alessa shook her head. “I don’t want to feel like this now,” she wept. “All these years have been so hard for me, and now things were finally falling into place. My life is finally what I want it to be. Going back to my old home opened the door to my demons of the past. It’s like I’m letting them walk back into my life. It’s hard to explain how painful it was to see my uncle. It seems like everything is out of control again.”
Remo stood up and took her gently in his arms. “You haven’t lost control of anything,” he murmured. “You mustn’t let people make you feel like shit. No one is in control of you except yourself. You’re not that child anymore who got used and abused. You have complete control over your life now. Besides, you got your chance to tell them both exactly how you felt about them.”
Alessa put her arms around his neck. “You’re right,” she agreed. “How did I manage to live without you all these years?”
“That’s what all my girlfriends ask,” Remo quipped with a smile. “I don’t know how any of them managed without me.”
Alessa pretended to punch him in the stomach. “Oh yeah?” she said playfully. “Is that what all your girlfriends ask? Who are these girlfriends you’re talking about?”
Remo kissed Alessa on the neck. “You’re the only girl for me. I’m the envy of every man alive.”
Alessa waved at Lucy playing with the kids. “Whatever,” she said, taking Remo’s hand as they headed over to tell Lucy it was time to leave.
***
The following weekend, the three of them met Alessa’s siblings at Capone’s restaurant and enjoyed themselves so much it was hard to believe they had buried their father a week earlier.
“Mom called me upset because she wasn’t invited here tonight,” Rosabella told Alessa. “We figured you wouldn’t want to see her again after what happened last week.”
Alessa shrugged. “She may be your mother,” she said calmly, “but she isn’t mine anymore. She stopped being my mother when she deliberately turned a blind eye to what her brother was doing to me.”
Anna seemed to suddenly come alive. She was eight years older than Alessa, and while she had heard bits and pieces of the accusations made by their youngest sibling a week ago, she wasn’t aware of what had happened to her as a child.
“What does that mean?” Anna asked.
Alessa put it bluntly. “Uncle Danny began abusing me from the time I was seven. When I told your mother, she refused to believe me. That’s why I had to leave home.”
Stunned, Anna didn’t know how to respond, and Anthony pretended to be deaf.
“I had no idea,” Anna said after she had composed herself. “How the hell did this happen? We all lived under the same roof. How could this have continued to happen for years without any of us knowing?”
Anthony looked over at Alessa. “Are you sure?” he said, looking skeptical.
“I don’t know, Anthony,” she replied, trying in vain to keep her voice even. “I lost my virginity when I was seven years old.” Alessa gave him a deadpan stare, deciding if she should let him hear it all. “He sodomized me, too. What do you call that? You tell me. When you ask me if I’m sure . . . well, I’m pretty damn sure. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Regretting his callous response, Anthony tried to appease his sister. “Calm down. I was only asking a question. You know sometimes things happen and people blow them out of proportion. It’s a shock hearing all this, and I wanted to be sure. Uncle Danny was good to everyone. When we were kids, we wouldn’t have had anything if it weren’t for him. He was the one who gave Mom money to run the house and pay the mortgage. It’s hard for me to believe he would do something so nasty.”
Alessa forced herself to be calm because she wanted to sound far more confident than she felt. “He didn’t buy all those things for us and give all that money to dear old Mom for nothing. He was getting something in return, and I was that something. I don’t care if you believe me or not, Anthony. I don’t care if any of you believe me. I know what happened. I know what he did. And I know that the woman who was supposed to protect me allowed it to happen so she could ‘make ends meet.’”
A heavy silence fell over the table.
Finally, Rosabella spoke up. “Let’s drop it for now,” she suggested tactfully. “This isn’t going anywhere or making anything better. But for the record, I believe you, Alessa.”
Lucy sat higher in her chair. “I believe you, too,” she said boldly.
The rest of the dinner was tense, as Remo tried to carry the conversation with non-family-related topics. He had the gift of making great conversation when there wasn’t any to be found. It helped them all to get through the remainder of the awkward evening.
As they were leaving, Alessa hugged each of her siblings. When it was Anthony’s turn, he said to her quietly, “It’s hard to believe this about him. He’s always been so good to us.”
Not wanting to cause another scene, Alessa held her rage in check. Without uttering another word to him, she turned to hug Anna. Her oldest sister held her tightly. “We’ll see you soon, right?” she asked hopefully.
Alessa nodded. “Yeah, sure.”
As they headed back to the city, Remo reached into the passenger seat for her hand. “I can understand why you left home, Alessa. I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard your brother doubting you. I’ve never seen anything like that in my life.”
Alessa leaned back into the seat of the car. “Welcome to my world,” she said, half in jest. “The world of denial. But you know, it’s not like I expected to get much support from them. I mean, sure, it pissed me off, but I learned not to expect much from them a long time ago. I want to go home now, Remo. That’s all.”
Lying awake in bed that night, Alessa thought back to her experience with her uncle a week ago, to the familiar feeling of loathing that she had from his touch. The look on his face was, however, different from the one she had been used to seeing when she lived in her parents’ house. His expression seemed to suggest that he was caught between twin desires—to kill her or to rape her. Maybe he wanted both. Then Alessa thought of her mother and wondered what she had ever done as a child to make her so vile. Maybe Caterina was in love with Uncle Danny and, therefore, jealous of her? Her thoughts, restless, morbid, and extreme, twisted and turned that night in a way so sick, they made her feel disoriented and lost. Grappling with them for hours, she couldn’t lay them to rest. Finally, at two in the morning, she got out of bed and called Ebby.
When Ebby answered the phone, her voice was groggy with sleep. But the moment she recognized Alessa’s voice, she panicked. “What is it, Alessa?” she asked, alarmed. “What’s happened? Are you and Lucy okay? Where’s Remo?”
Alessa laughed, warmed by the thought that even if her mother didn’t love her, other people cared. “Everyone is fine, Ebby,” she reassured her. “I had an awful evening that wound me up tight. And since I wasn’t able to sleep, I thought maybe you’d be up and I could talk to you. I’m sorry I woke you up. I’ll let you go so you can go back to bed.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” Ebby said, feigning indignation. “You wake me up, then want to go? I only got to sleep about half an hour ago. You know me. I do my finest work in the middle of the night.”
Alessa laughed. Then she related the details of the evening she had spent with her siblings. Ebby already knew of the previous week’s fiasco with Caterina and Danny. She listened patiently without interrupting Alessa even once.
Then Alessa was quiet, giving Ebby a turn to talk. “Alessa, your mother and your uncle have given you enough grief. If your own family doesn’t believe you, well, that’s too bad. It sounds like Rosabella has some sense, though. Maybe even Anna does. As for your brother . . . well, people say the wrong thing sometimes. Especially when they have to face ugly truths that are beyond their imagination. There’s a chance he’s feeling guilty because he didn’t protect you from Danny. Or maybe he still has such a high opinion of your uncle that he’s struggling to come to terms with the idea that Danny could have done something so barbaric. You may never get to know what kind of dilemma Anthony is going through, but you shouldn’t ever let it affect how you feel about yourself. You know what happened to you. Because someone else isn’t convinced about it doesn’t change the truth.”
“I know, Ebby,” Alessa said sadly. “I knew they would be shocked, but I thought they would at least believe me.”
Ebby sighed deeply. “You’re a smart and capable woman. I’m not sure why you continue to expect certain responses from people when your instinct tells you otherwise. As for your uncle, he will burn in hell with the other maggots of the earth. Your mom . . . well, we’ve discussed this. I’d say she isn’t quite right in the head or plain evil or maybe stupid, like you said. As for your siblings, it’s up to them to come to terms with it on their own. They are either with you or they’re not. There is no middle of the road on this one, Alessa. Accept this and move on. You have a good life now. Don’t slide backward. Keep your eyes focused on the road ahead.”
Alessa thanked Ebby for being a patient listener and giving such sound advice. Until she met her family again, Alessa had been, over the past year, resolving her issues, coming to terms with what had happened to her, and preparing to put it all behind her. But their incredulous reaction to her story had set her back, making her feel as if she were to blame for everything that had happened to her. She had questioned her perspective, her take on the past. Had she provoked her Uncle Danny into abusing her? She had loved him so much, maybe too much, and maybe, just maybe, she had brought it all on herself. She couldn’t discount the wisdom of what Ebby had said, however. Alessa knew she must never look back. Looking back would simply lead her to believe that God was punishing her for all the sleazy things she had done over the last four years. After all, what was she but a whore? Nothing Ebby or Remo could say would ever change that fact.
