her duffel bag, Alessa left the motel and took the bus to Dauphin Street. When she got to her apartment building, she climbed to the top of the steps where Lea was waiting for her with two keys—one for the front door and the other for her apartment. Propped next to the door of Lea’s apartment were a bucket, a mop, and cleaning detergents.
Lea motioned toward them. “Here’s some stuff you can use to clean up the place. Now, make sure I get it all back after you’re done. That stuff cost money, ya know.”
Alessa’s heart felt light as she unlocked the door to her first apartment and stepped inside the filthy, dingy kitchen. Nothing could break her spirit. She’d scrub until her hands fell off. This was her home now. For the first time, Alessa was in charge of her life, and it was an invigorating feeling.
Several hours later, when she’d finished cleaning, her stomach growled. It was already two thirty in the afternoon, and she’d only eaten a donut she bought from a street vendor outside the motel. Alessa put her clothes away, locked the door, and headed for the Dauphin Mini-Mart she had spotted while getting off at the bus stop. It was only two blocks from her new home, and she was sure she could find a quick bite to eat there. On the way, she walked past groups of young people. Some looked like teenagers, but others seemed to be in their twenties. It was immediately obvious to her that other than Lea, she was the only white person on Dauphin Street.
As Alessa navigated her way through small clusters of people, the men heckled her and the women looked her up and down with morbid hatred. Ignoring everyone around her and clinging to her purse, she pushed ahead toward the mini-mart.
Don’t let them see that you’re afraid, she kept telling herself. If they know I’m scared, they’ll bother me even more.
The people were intimidating. No one smiled at her. Everyone looked like they wanted to bash her brains in. Once inside the mini-mart, Alessa bought enough groceries for the next three or four days, mindful of the fact that she would run out of money if she went overboard.
Having paid for her purchases, she made her way through the heavy glass door protected with black iron bars, only to come up against a wall of six teenagers who blocked her way.
The tallest, a gangly guy with gold front teeth, slithered closer. “Whatcha got there, girl? Are you gonna cook me somethin’ good to eat? I could use some loving and I ain’t never had me none of that white meat before.” He turned to his friends. “You think this young girl is sweeter than the meat we get around here?”
One boy answered, “I don’t know, Tag, but after you have some of it, I’ll get me some, too!”
Alessa’s heart was pounding so hard she thought it would jump out of her chest. She frantically looked around and noticed an elderly Black woman coming out of the mini-mart. Alessa prayed she would stand up for her, but the woman didn’t even acknowledge the girl or the boys heckling her. It was as if they were all invisible.
Trying to sound self-assured and assertive, Alessa took in a long, deep breath. “I have to go. Please let me through. I’ve had enough shit this weekend and I can’t take any more. Please leave me alone.”
The tall guy, Tag, laughed. “You go on tonight, girl. We want you to settle into the neighborhood, but we’ll be around and looking to test out what cha got for us.”
He moved to the side and Alessa bolted through. She ran to her apartment building until she was safely inside with her groceries. Once she had shut the front door behind her, she gasped for air, taking ragged breaths. She realized this would be tougher than she had thought. These people made Denise from the Rope look like a saint.
Alessa cooked macaroni and cheese and drank orange soda as she plotted her job hunt plan for Monday morning. Judging by the aimless young people who hung around the neighborhood, it didn’t look like there was much by way of employment near where she was living.
In the morning, she had to take two buses to get back into Center City, putting in applications everywhere from fast-food restaurants to a drugstore in South Philly. After putting in her last application, she got a newspaper to guide her through her search the following day. She caught the last bus back to North Philadelphia and raced back to her apartment from the bus stop, desperate to dodge the group of guys who had terrorized her the day before.
After she was settled in for the evening, she borrowed Lea’s telephone to call Zoe. Alessa’s heart fluttered at the sound of her voice when she answered the call.
“Hi, Zoe, it’s me.”
“Hey, listen. Your mom was here looking for you. She is mad as hell. She said that if I saw you, I was to tell you to get home. I don’t think she suspected anything, but she kept eyeing me up and watching my reaction. She finally left but threatened to come back and look for you again.”
“O God, Zoe, I’m sorry. My mom is a monster, and she gets really ugly with people sometimes. Please keep telling her you haven’t seen me, okay?”
“Okay, but you’ll need to be careful. She didn’t seem worried that you were gone, but angry as hell that you weren’t here.”
“Yeah, because I’m her meal ticket and she knows it. Uncle Danny gets to have whatever he wants and as long as he’s happy, he will keep on living there and paying her rent.”
Zoe had no words to console her. She was out of her element. She would have done anything to protect her daughter from the situation Alessa had been trapped in. She couldn’t imagine a mother turning a blind eye to what was happening to her child in her own home.
Finally, Zoe said, “Listen, sweetheart. You need to focus on the future. You can’t waste time thinking about your mother and your uncle anymore. They’re scumbags by anybody’s standards. You need to focus on yourself. Did you manage to find any work today?”
“No, not really,” Alessa said. “I put in a lot of applications, and everyone said they would call if they were interested. I have some more places to go to tomorrow, and I’ll keep on applying until I find something.”
“Good. Keep up the good work. You deserve all great things in life, Alessa, and someday, you will have them. I’m sure of it. I need to go now. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Zoe? I wanted to thank you for what you’ve done for me over the last few days. Also, for all the fun times we had with Rhonda. I didn’t have anyone to turn to on Saturday, and you came through for me. You didn’t have to do what you did, and I’ll always remember your kindness.”
“No problem,” Zoe said, trying to sound brave, but her voice broke. “I am glad I could help you, Alessa. Good night, sweetheart.”
Alessa curled up on the bed and cried. She fretted over the things that her Uncle Danny had done to her. Things she had grown so accustomed to and reconciled herself to with such passive acceptance she had almost lost all sense of the tragedy her life had turned into because of it. But now, all alone, she wept for the years she had lost, the childhood destroyed forever, and the loneliness and sense of alienation it had created, leaving a permanent ache in her heart. She thought of the hollow place that separated her from her mother. Alessa was alone in a strange apartment with no one to help her except for Zoe, the very woman Caterina had abused and slandered.
Someday, Alessa hoped to have a family of her own. She would love and cherish her children, keeping them close and safe. She would be the mother that Caterina had been incapable of being because selfishness had prevented her from becoming anything to anyone. For Alessa, the healing process had begun. She was about to discover who she was and what she was made of. She was no longer the little girl at the mercy of the world, waiting to take orders and please others.
