We’ve decided to forgo the rings.
After all, my blind insistence on having them is what fucked me to begin with.
It’s been two hours since we left the rest stop, and I’m still trying to come to grips with the fact that I left Miles behind.
What we have between us behind.
“I’m just putting this out there right now.” I hold onto the strap over the door as Aaron’s Jeep careens down the road at breakneck speed. “I’m not going to look that great.”
Actually, I’m not just putting it out there right now. I’ve been muttering something similar since we got on the road.
“You think I care?” he says again, for what must be the twelfth time. “I’m marrying you. Not a fucking supermodel.”
Right. He keeps saying that. And I keep wondering why I can’t stop saying these things. It’s not because I’m worried I’ll look awful. For once, I don’t really care how I’ll look for him. I don’t really care that our pictures are going to look lopsided without a best man. Put a fucking fish hook on my finger.
I’m done.
I want him to put the brakes on this. On his Jeep, on this whole thing. I feel like I’m falling toward the ground, picking up speed, and there’s nothing but concrete under me.
This time, I was the one who bailed.
I was the one who left Miles behind.
The one who refuses to think about what just happened between us because it’s so big, I don’t think I can handle it.
I’m surprised my heart hasn’t burst out of my chest yet. “Aaron.” My voice is weak.
He’s going seventy in a forty-five, the motor’s roaring, and his soft-top is flapping in the wind, so he doesn’t hear me.
“Aaron.” I say it a little louder.
“Yeah?”
“We’re still pretty far away. And you’re going really fast. I don’t feel safe.”
“It’s okay. I’m fine. We can make it.”
He’s right. We can.
But I’m not sure I want to.
“Our family would prefer us to get there alive.”
He presses a button on his hands-free on the dashboard. A phone starts to ring, and then a voice says, “Hello?”
It’s his dad.
“Dad, it’s me.”
“Aaron! Where are—”
“Listen to me, Dad. I’ve got Lia, and we’re heading back. But we’re cutting it close. I need you to talk to the officiant and the lodge and ask them if it’s possible we can delay a little. See what they say.”
“Yeah, Aaron, Mrs. Ripley already has. The officiant doesn’t have any conflicts but there’s another event at the gazebo where the ceremony’s being performed, at one. So we have to be out of there by noon.”
I check my phone for the time.
“All right. We can make that,” he says, just as I’m thinking the same thing.
He hangs up and looks at me. “Never a dull moment, huh? Hope this isn’t foreshadowing how our marriage is going to be, huh?”
I try to smile but I feel so frazzled, I can’t do anything but stare at the road ahead. The sun is shining bright, the sky is blue as it’s ever been, and the snow is melting away quickly. The wet, dark pavement is now visible in spots, and the glare from the sun is giving me a headache.
“I don’t know…” I say, gnawing on my lip.
He glances at me. “Oh. Right.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. “Text Miles and tell him to get your car out of the ditch and haul his ass over here asap.”
My eyes widen. “What? No. Not if you’re going to—”
“Relax. He’s like my brother, Lia. He fucked up, sure. Like I said, I don’t care what happened between you two. It’s over. But it’s going to feel like shit if he’s not there.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “So…you’re not going to throw down?”
“No. We are. I was going to save it until after you and I were married but I guess I can’t, considering he has the rings, and considering—”
“We slept together.”
That shuts him up.
He shifts his position in his seat. “You…what?”
I’m already not so sure I should’ve said it the first time, so I can’t repeat it. “You heard me.”
“Yeah, I did.” He blinks and shakes his head as if it was a punch in the face. “When?”
“At the rest stop.”
He grits his teeth. His voice sounds pained, tight. “All right. Well, one last fling, right? I told you it was over. Jesus, I didn’t want to know that. But all right. What’s done is done. I only want to think about the future.”
Holy shit.
Am I hearing this right?
I suppose he needs to let this fly because he’s cheated on me, how many times?
But I don’t want him to.
“But Aaron! What if I can’t?” I bury my face in my hands. “That’s a nice thing to say. But just because you say we get to start over doesn’t mean we’re going to treat each other any better going forward! The underlying problems are still there.”
“Underlying problems?” His brow wrinkles, and his voice drips sarcasm. “And what are those? That you like Miles’ dick better than mine?”
I shake my head. “No. That’s not fair. I’m confused. I just need time to think.”
His face turns cold. “You had two fucking years to think, Lia. Now’s not the time. Not when everyone we know and love is sitting at the lodge, waiting for us. And I don’t care if you slept with the entire male population of CU. I’m making you my wife today.”
“But—”
“Lia, are you trying to get me to call this wedding off? Is that what you’re doing?”
“No, I—” Yes. I guess I am. Because I don’t have the guts to do it myself.
Again.
I look over at him. His jaw is set, his face resigned with a grim determination. If my telling him I slept with Miles isn’t going to get him to change his mind about today, I guess nothing will.
I’m marrying Aaron.
I open a text to Miles and type in: Hey. It’s me. Lia. Please bring the Mini and the rings?
I watch the dancing dots indicating he’s replying, and then: I’m pretty sure you left something else here with me. But if you don’t mind, I’m keeping that.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
I feel my body. Did I leave my panties there? No. I’m wearing my panties. I’m wearing my bra. All my clothes. What the hell did I forget? He sounds like he needs it, whatever it is, so I guess he can have it. I suppose he always knew Aaron would never get married without him. No matter what he did.
I wipe some hair from my face and realize I’m sweating.
When I imagined my wedding, I imagined romance, love, beauty. A fairy tale.
But this wedding is going to be the biggest three-ring circus there ever was. And I’m going to be the clown in the center ring.
