I am not that much of a headcase.
Okay, yes, I am a little paranoid. I am a little possessive. And I’m a little neurotic.
But I swear, I wasn’t any of those things until nineteen months ago.
That’s another date that will live in infamy. April fourteenth.
It was my senior year in college, and I was a month away from graduating with my English degree. I’d been sending out resumes and getting zero response. I had exams and papers out the wazoo. I’d just gotten a letter saying how much my undergrad monthly student loan payments were going to be.
Life was pretty much in the crapper.
The only good thing I had going on was Aaron. We’d weathered nearly four years together, and so he was a constant in my life. And it was pretty great. Sure, we had a few little rough patches where we’d break up, but we always got back together within the week. I’d spend nearly every weekend night at the frat house, and I always had a party to go to, so I was crazy popular as Aaron’s girlfriend. I barely remembered what life had been like before him, when I was that scared little wallflower nobody.
He’d only had two classes that last semester, so he’d been living the high life, really enjoying his last year as an undergrad. While I was always nose to the grindstone with English papers, he was constantly in the basement of his frat house, drinking and playing darts.
So there was an entire week when I was studying for my Chaucer final that I hardly saw Aaron at all. I missed him like crazy, thought about him every spare moment, but I had to turn down all the invitations to end-of-year parties, because I’d bombed the midterm and really needed to get an A on the final to make Dean’s List.
The minute I finished, though, I was so excited and relieved that I didn’t even stop at my apartment. I went straight to the frat house.
I remember walking down the plush red carpet, toward Aaron’s room, ready to throw myself into his arms.
Miles had graduated three years prior, but maybe if he’d been there, he’d have poked his head out and tried to cover for his best friend. But Aaron was Miles-less. And it turned out to be his downfall.
I opened the door and found him lying on his back in bed, some naked blonde bouncing on his cock, in midst of a monster-sized orgasm. It’s amazing I didn’t hear her outside the door, considering how loudly she was screaming.
Two things occurred to me. One: that Aaron never looked that excited when I was on top of him; and two: she had way bigger boobs than I had.
And just like that, everything good in my life went poof.
I whirled around and went back the way I came, still numb with disbelief.
There had to be some mistake. He’d called me just a couple hours ago to wish me good luck on my exam. He told me he still had a hangover from the previous night’s party, so he was going to turn in early. I didn’t realize that he was going to bring company.
Seconds later, I heard his footsteps behind me. He caught me on the mansion’s massive mahogany staircase, the one that leads down to the foyer with stained-glass windows too pretty for a frat house. He grabbed my arm. “Lia.”
That’s all he could say. He didn’t need to say more. It was definitely what it looked like. He couldn’t back out of it with some lame excuse.
Still, I didn’t want to believe. So I said the stupidest thing. I said, “Are you cheating on me?”
He glanced over the railing, where a bunch of his brothers were all standing, watching the whole sordid exchange with smirks of amusement on their faces.
He was wearing boxers, and his cock was still hard, making a little tent in front of him. In a minute’s time, he’d gone from my everything to someone I didn’t know. He said, “She’s no one. I just missed you.”
“Well, I’m here,” I’d murmured. But right then, I wanted to be anywhere else. “I think I’ll just go.”
I’d walked awkwardly away, and this time, he didn’t stop me. I remember thinking that was it. I was devastated without Aaron. I felt as if I might as well lie down and die.
I have no idea what Aaron did after that. Maybe he went and finished off with the girl. But about an hour later, the texts started. He sent me about a thousand of them. At first I refused to answer. Gradually, I softened. By graduation, we were talking again, and I was considering giving him another chance, despite West’s assertions that I could do better.
When he dropped to his knee and proposed as soon as I left the stage with my diploma, well…that was that.
He didn’t flash a ring and make me crumble. No, he knelt down and took my hands in his, like he was worshiping me. He gave this long speech about how he’d changed. How it took this “dark period” in our relationship to show him exactly what I meant to him. How he was nothing without me.
Aaron knew how to go big or go home. And he liked the audience, which we had. Over a thousand people watched, waiting for my answer.
So by the time I said yes, I was sobbing.
And after we’d gone shopping and found the ring, and he’d slipped the ring on my finger, it felt like night and day.
Post-College Aaron was attentive. Post-College Aaron didn’t visit the frat house every day, or drink heavily, or meet with his friends and act like a goofball. Post-College Aaron didn’t care about being the life of the party. Oh, he talked about those things, but he really put in the effort to get all that behind him.
He’d turned himself around. The closer the wedding got, the more reassured I was that I’d made the right decision.
Which was why, after about nine months, I told him he should go to D-Phi for alumni events or to hang with his friends. I knew he wanted to, and I didn’t want to be that drill sergeant wife and have too tight a leash on him.
But now, I don’t know.
I don’t know anything.
I’m probably just overreacting. At least, I hope I am.
My hands are wrapped so tightly around the steering wheel that they’re shaking, and it has nothing to do with the snow that’s steadily falling as we approach the mountains.
Miles doesn’t know that. He says, “You sure you don’t want me to drive?”
“I’m good.” I turn up the radio and try to get into a Carrie Underwood song.
Despite what he thinks, my Mini Cooper is not all that awful in snow. It has always handled pretty well. And though I really can’t stand the white fluffy stuff, I don’t have much of a problem driving in it. The only problem I have is with the weather app on my phone. The one that said this shit wasn’t going to arrive until tonight.
The snowflakes are big and wet, so I turn on the headlights and the windshield wipers. Luckily, there are very few cars on the road at this time on a Friday afternoon, so if we keep at this clip, we should still be able to make it, no problem.
All’s okay. This wedding will be great. So what if the snow is a little early? So what if Aaron’s acting suspiciously? So FUCKING WHAT?
“Hey.” Miles snaps his fingers at me. “Chill out.”
I stare straight ahead. “What are you talking about? I am chilled out,” I retort.
“Right. Sure you don’t want me to drive?”
That’s when I realize we’re climbing the hill, and I’m only doing thirty. No wonder there’s a pickup with its grill up my ass.
I sigh. There’s a turnout before we get to the real high hairpin turns. “All right.”
Flipping on my blinker, I pull over to the side of the road. When I stop, Miles unlatches his seat belt. I watch the snow falling, and falling, and FUCKING FALLING, and somehow I get the feeling maybe that’s God, trying to tell me something.
I freak out.
I drop my head to the steering wheel.
Miles says and does absolutely nothing. Jason Aldean croons and the wind whistles outside, shaking the car a little.
“You know he cheated on me,” I say, more to the steering wheel than to him. “Don’t you?”
I turn to look at him. He nods, his mouth a straight line. “Yeah. He told me.”
He told him. Really? It makes me wonder what else he told him.
What else Miles could tell me. Things that I’d really, really like to know before entering into a lifelong commitment with his best friend.
I take a deep breath. “And I know that you and I hate each other. But I hope that because I’m Aaron’s girlfriend and we’re a package deal, and you care about Aaron, you’d also, by default, care about me?”
His voice is casual. “Uh. Sure.”
I’m not sure I believe that, but I forge ahead anyway, because I’m feeling desperate.
“So even though you hate me, if you saw me getting myself into a bad situation, you’d put the brakes on it, right?”
Understanding begins to trickle in. His voice is hard, but he flicks his eyes away for a second. Like he doesn’t want me to see something there. As if the guy’s even readable. “You know what you’re getting into.”
“But what if I don’t? What if I’m being blind?” I cry, glancing at the clock in the dashboard. We’ve got to go. Time is ticking and it’s starting to snow harder. “Look. I love Aaron. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone. But if he can’t keep it in his pants and I’m in for sixty more years of this shit, I want to know going in.”
He studies me closely, and at first I think he’s going to call me a headcase again. “Would it matter?”
I blink. How could he think something like that wouldn’t matter? “What?”
“You heard me.”
I let out a laugh. “Of course. You think it wouldn’t matter to me?”
He nods slowly. “What I mean is, you have five hundred of your closest friends and family on the other side of this mountain range, waiting for the wedding of the century. You’ve been planning it for the better part of two years and have socked all of your daddy’s money into it. Say you find out that Aaron’s been cheating on you since Day One. Do you really mean to tell me you’d just call it off? Just like that?”
I stare at him. “Well, I…yes?”
My voice is weak with indecision.
He’s right. I’m so far into this, I hardly even feel there’s a choice anymore, even if…
Oh, god.
“Here’s the deal. Aaron texted me and told me to go with you and get the rings. That’s all. I have no idea why he wanted me to go in and get them. Maybe because he wanted me to protect you, or maybe because he knew you’d go all psycho if you saw the lube. I don’t know. I just did as he said. All right?”
I hang my head, speechless.
“And I also think the two of you have made your bed and are already drifting off to sleep in it. You made your choice. The invitations are out. The guests have arrived. Get it?” He shrugs. “So, that’s why, even if I did know something about Aaron’s extracurricular activities not involving you—which I’m not saying I do—I wouldn’t be telling you. It. Doesn’t. Matter.”
The radio cuts to a mattress commercial with an annoying jingle. Outside, the snow pelting the car sounds more like hail. The car rocks back and forth on another gust of wind.
Of course, once again, Dumbledore has a point. God, I hate him.
“So get your ass up and let’s switch already,” he mutters.
Right. I open the door a crack, but then the wind takes it and makes it fly wide open. Before I step out, I realize how serious things are getting.
There are already a couple inches on the ground. The biting wind goes right through my leggings. Hugging my hoodie closed, I slip in my less-than-adequate flip-flops and nearly end up sliding onto my butt twice by the time I’m in the passenger’s seat.
By then, I’m an icicle. I turn up the heat and direct the vents toward my face.
God of Snow that Miles is, he takes his time, sauntering through the weather, and opens the door and slides inside in a leisurely way.
“Close the door, for god’s sake!” I shriek at him.
He does, pulling off his skullcap and shaking it. Now his hair is all staticky and his cheeks are red. It’s a good look on him. Me? I probably look as miserable as I feel.
He gives me a once-over and smirks. “Flip-flops. You’re a piece of work, Bridezilla.”
I press my lips together, willing myself to build that little wall between us and find a happy place.
“And guess what?” He grabs the handle under him and shoves the driver’s seat all the way back. “I think you’re going to have the S-word for your wedding.”
I don’t say anything, because I think Dumbledore may be right.
Again.
