My blood is still boiling by the next day at school.
I tried to ignore it, and even spent the entire night dancing to a random list on Apple Music because that’s the only thing that usually gets me out of my funk.
It helps push the fog away.
However, I was too agitated and red with anger for the fog to come. It was burned and turned into nothingness.
I barely managed to sleep after what happened in Elsa’s house. It kept replaying at the back of my head on a loop, no matter how much I wanted to push it away.
Even now, as I sit next to Elsa, I can almost feel Xander’s breath mingling with mine, his threats rolling off my skin like a promise meant to cut. I can smell him on me, intertwined with mint and fresh laundry and ocean scent, even though I’ve taken three showers since yesterday.
What the hell. Seriously?
“Kim?” Elsa waves a hand in front of my face.
“Huh?” I sound as distracted as I feel.
“Did you hear a word I said?” she asks with a tone that implies she knows I didn’t.
This is Elsa’s first day back at school. I’m supposed to be her wingman, but I’m totally failing at that.
“Sorry. I didn’t sleep much last night.” A certain face and voice kept me up, and I might have stalked his window.
When he drove me and Kir home, I sat with Kir in the back, ignoring Xander’s glare, and then he went out and didn’t return.
At least, not until I fell asleep re-watching Atonement somewhere after one in the morning.
Not that I watch him all the time. I told you, I just notice things.
Like right now, he isn’t here yet, even though the class is about to start.
Xander isn’t the brightest one amongst the horsemen, but he always has good grades in spite of skipping classes.
This must be one of the days he sleeps in.
Not that I care.
“Here.” I push my notebooks at Elsa. “I highlighted all the sections you missed. If you need anything else, I’m your girl.”
“I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” Elsa rubs my arm with a warm smile. “You’re the best.”
“No, I am.” Aiden’s voice halts my small victory dance at Elsa’s words.
He stands before her desk and taps his finger in front of her. “I told you I’d drive you.”
“And I told you Kim would do it.” Elsa stares up at him meeting his harsh stare with her unyielding one.
Aiden King is a ruler here, and although we were basically brought up together, he always gave me the chills, real ones, not those mixed with chaotic emotions like Xander gives me.
The moment he glares, everyone has the urge to blend with the walls or dig a grave and bury themselves in it – me included.
Elsa is possibly the only one who doesn’t bow down to his authority, not even when he was her worst nightmare. Maybe that’s why he looks at her as if she’s his world and he’ll unleash hell on everyone else just to see her smile.
He’s the type of king who’ll start wars for his queen.
As scary as Aiden is, I love the way he looks at Elsa, the way his brows soften under his hard face, the way he tells her without words that he’s hers as much as she’s his.
I’ve been watching them since they began, and I fell in love with them together worse than a fangirl falling for fictional heroes in romance novels.
The fangirl is me, by the way. I have more book boyfriends than I can count. Don’t judge.
“Hmm.” He strokes a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’ll pay for that later, sweetheart.”
“Show me your worst, Aiden.”
God. It’s so unfair to watch this and know it’ll never happen to me.
Can I bury myself somewhere, please?
He grabs her arm. “Let me show you now.”
“Class is about to begin,” she hisses.
“Keyword being about.” He pulls her into his side.
Elsa’s face heats as she mouths ‘sorry’ to me while Aiden drags her behind him caveman style.
Sigh.
What’s there to be sorry about, Elsa? I’m rooting for you.
I should probably start writing romance fanfiction and feed this hungry monster inside me.
I bury my head in my notebook, the one Aiden forced Elsa to leave behind, and sigh again.
That’s when I notice him, or rather, hear him. His laughter echoes around me like a song, the type you can’t get out of your head no matter how much you hear it. You always find yourself yearning for it, wanting more of it, like a bloody addict.
Then the beautiful song is tainted by another sound, a squeaky shrill laughter that breaks the song’s melody to bloody pieces.
Veronica.
One of Silver’s minions hangs on to Xander’s arm as she fixes his uniform’s tie. His hair is dishevelled and lipstick marks cover the collar of his shirt as if he’s out of a fucking session.
He tucks a strand of Veronica’s fake blonde hair behind her ear like they’re just fixing each other’s attire.
Or rather, fixing each other.
My grip turns deadly on the edge of the notebook as I lower my head. I want to vomit and for a different reason than the apple I had for breakfast.
Scenes like these aren’t new to me. I’ve witnessed them time and again during the years. I’ve seen him cosy and playful with half the girls in school, and I’ve heard about his adventures more times than I wanted to.
However, to know that he went to her right after he told me those words yesterday, right after he drove me home, makes my cheeks redden with exertion.
Relax, Kim. Stay the hell down. Don’t even think about showing a reaction.
That must be why he did all of this in the first place, and I won’t give him the joy of seeing me crumble.
He slaps Veronica’s arse, sending her to her seat as he rounds the corner to the back. Not once does he look at me or acknowledge me. If I hadn’t spent the whole night thinking about that scene at the bathroom, I’d start believing it’s a play of my imagination.
Veronica giggles like a strip club dancer on crack, or at least, that’s how I imagine strip club dancers on crack sound.
Instead of sitting beside her eager friend Summer, her gaze meets mine.
Shit. She caught me staring.
“What are you looking at, you fat pig?” she snarls, flinging her pointy fingernails at me.
If it were any other time, I would bow my head and pray she’d stop. If Elsa were here, she would’ve given her a piece of her mind, but I’m neither the old Kim nor is Elsa going to fight my battles for me for eternity.
“Oh, it was you. I’m sorry, I thought it was a street light walking into class.” I grin, then this time, I do focus on my notebook.
If I speak to Veronica more, I’ll be tempted to fight her, and that’s probably the most stupid thought my brain can conjure.
That’s because you’re starving me. I need those calories to burn neurons and not be an idiot, okay?
Shut up, brain.
“What did you just say?” Veronica gasps like a drama queen in K-dramas.
“If you have a hearing problem, you might want to fix it.”
She stomps in my direction and my body stiffens, but I stay my ground. “You fat pig, you must think you’re all that since Ronan is protecting you as if you’re his little lamb, but you’re nothing without him around. You’re just a wannabe fat bitch.”
My entire body tightens, but I don’t let those destructive thoughts out. Instead, I give her a taunting smile. “Someone is jealous.”
“What the hell did you just say?”
“I told you, Veronica. Fix your hearing problem, then you might want to fix your personality while you’re at it.”
She lifts her hand and hits me hard across the face, making me reel in my chair. The sting burns as gasps echo around the class. I’m so shocked, my hand flies to my cheek, feeling around the heated skin.
I’ve always been the victim of pranks at school, the worst of all having a bucket of paint poured all over me, but no one, no bloody one, has ever put their hands on me. Violence is the last thing that can be condoned in an elite school like RES.
Xander approaches us, but before he comes closer and takes his Barbie’s side, I punch her in the face. It’s not a slap or pulling of hairs – I straight out drive my fist into her nose.
I don’t even stop to think about it.
Instinct. This must be what it feels like. A bit impulsive, a lot liberating.
I feel the crack before I hear it. From Veronica, not me. Her face contorts and she shrieks as blood trickles down her nose and over her violet-painted lips, smudged by Xander’s kiss.
The sight of her blood freezes me in place. My hand remains motionless, still in a fist, as if it can’t be moved or flexed.
Blood.
Red.
Messy.
Oh, Shit. I think I’m going to faint.
The image of my own blood oozing out slow but steady assaults me. It won’t stop. It won’t even disappear.
It’s there. It’s going to end now.
Maybe Mum will find me. Maybe Mari will.
Please don’t let Kir see me this way.
Don’t have him remember me as a ghost of myself.
“Kimmy.” The masculine voice pulls from my vision and I breathe harshly as if I’m coming out from a wave.
Ronan grabs both my shoulders, shaking me as my hand clutches my scarred wrist.
It didn’t happen.
It’s not happening, right? I’m not losing blood.
Oh, God. What’s wrong with me?
“Are you okay?” Ronan shakes me softly again. “I’m going to get you out of here.”
I don’t say anything as he drags me out. I faintly hear murmurs surrounding us, lots of them. They crumble and turn into the giant fog that’s gradually creeping to snatch my soul.
Veronica’s shrill voice cuts in behind me like blades. I stare back at her, at the blood running down her face and soaking the hem of her shirt. She’s struggling against Cole, who’s effortlessly stopping her with a hand.
Xander stands beside them, not bothering with her or her hysterical state. All his attention is on me as Ronan wraps an arm around my shoulder and drags me away.
As the world focuses on Veronica and my slow retreat, he’s concentrating on the hand that’s gripping my scarred wrist.
An itch pushes me to let go, but I can’t. If I do, blood will come out.
I’ll bleed out.
Xander watches my hand and then my face as if he knows exactly what I’m thinking about.
As I round the corner, he whispers without words, “I see you.”
I’ve never been so scared in my entire life.
