Dear Yuki-Onna,
I think we’re at a point in our relationship where we just cut to the chase without any introductions.
So here it goes.
I told you not to ghost me.
I made sure to type it in big letters so you’d understand there’s no damn point in ghosting me, and yet, that’s exactly what you did.
You fucking ghosted me.
You stopped writing to me as if that was your right, as if you have the full liberty in our relationship, friendship, toxic-ship, or whatever-the-fuck-ship.
But that’s not how it’s supposed to go, my dear Yuki-Onna. You don’t have a say in how far we go or when it ends.
You don’t have the right to disappear on me after I put up with your selfishness and bad decision-making. You put up with my asshole dickish behavior too, so it’s not like you happened to have a wake-up call all of a sudden.
But now that I think about it, maybe that’s exactly what happened.
Maybe you stopped replying to my letters because you were finally hit by other hard truths. Who did the hitting?
Maybe I should be friends with them. I’m in the market for a different pen pal since my current one is ignoring me.
You do realize it’s a dick move, right? And here I thought I was the asshole in this whole thing.
We should go back to the drawing board and create a different division of roles.
Also, it’s so unfair that I listened to you for three years, and just when I dropped the mask and started getting comfortable in this unorthodox setting, you up and disappeared.
And then you deny that you’re selfish.
And then, you call me the asshole for not being your yes-man.
How hypocritical is that?
Spoiler alert. Very.
Also, I’m not doing well, thank you for not asking. I kind of hit the rock bottom in my life for the first time in a long time.
I’m at a phase where I hate everything and everyone, and wish I could be the only person on earth just because it’s better if everyone else died instead of me.
Yes, it’s destructive thinking, but I’ve always been that way. Generally cynical and absolutely fucking pessimistic.
It balances out the fake pessimism that you use as a façade to hide your natural optimism.
But I’m a true pessimist who doesn’t think twice before offing his damn good vibes.
I think I should call it what it is: I’m having an existential crisis. It’s so strong that I don’t even know who or what I am anymore.
Maybe I’m a nobody.
Or maybe I’m just an asshole.
Either way, my reason for existing is fracturing and I can’t keep it in one piece.
You must be laughing at my expense. Go ahead. You have every right to after everything I said.
But that means you have to stop fucking ghosting me and actually write back.
Don’t even believe for a second that this is the end. I might be having a crisis, but I’ll still be the Akira you love to hate.
Write back.
Even a word would do.
Your other half you had no idea existed until now,
Akira
