Can the earth open up and swallow me?
Better yet, can it spit me out in a parallel reality where I don’t have to let my brain shackle my heart and soul?
Because at this rate, I’m heading to the point of no return.
My hand feels as cold as Kyoto’s freezing winter as it snuggles in Akira’s arm.
I want to pull away, to run, hide.
Run and hide and be chased.
But my brain keeps me planted in place with a makeshift smile taking over my lips.
I try to focus on the small talk Akira is making with Asher or on how Reina is asking me all sorts of questions, but it’s impossible.
My attention flits back to Sebastian every time. To the way his mesmerizing eyes have turned glacial cold while the sharp edges of his handsome face have hardened. To how his jacket hugs his wide shoulders and narrow waist. To how a strand of his hair has fallen on his forehead or how a shadow falls over his cheekbones.
I can’t stop looking at him.
Or observing him.
He awakened something inside me when he wrestled me and fucked me against the wood floor of his living room.
A beast that recognizes his prey.
A hungry being who simply can’t get enough.
I spent a sleepless night tossing and turning in bed, replaying every detail in my battered head and torturing my starved body.
What we did was wrong, forbidden, and absolutely deviant on so many levels.
And yet, I’ve been aching for more.
And yet, it’s all I’ve been able to think about.
Because that’s the thing about forbidden fruit. One taste isn’t enough. The desire keeps mounting and climbing, reaching heights that would only lead to demise once thrown off of it.
Maybe that’s what I’m actually supposed to do.
Fall.
Dark red manicured fingers slip around Sebastian’s bicep like a snake.
My head snaps up to see a beautiful redhead with full lips, a long, elegant neck, and striking hazel eyes. She’s wearing a strapless golden dress that hugs her tall, slim figure. A figure that’s currently snuggled up to Sebastian’s side with easy familiarity.
A dazzling smile appears on her mouth and it’s only directed at him.
And then something happens.
He smiles back.
It’s like a knife slices through my dying heart and protrudes from my back. I never thought I’d feel this way after that black day, but the scene in front of me proves otherwise.
Logically, I know I don’t have the right to be like this. I don’t have the right to feel wounded or hurt or cut fucking open, but the need to curl into a ball and cry hits me out of nowhere.
I never thought I’d come to Sebastian’s house under these circumstances. Or the house he grew up in, anyway. Money shines in every corner of the Weaver mansion, hinting at its owners’ sophisticated taste. But it’s cold—impersonal, even.
His grandparents gave the same vibe when Akira and I talked to them earlier. No wonder Sebastian turned out the way he is. Maybe it runs in the family.
“I see the circle has grown without me,” the redhead tells Sebastian, and even her voice is as elegant as she is. “Introduce me, Bastian.”
I suck in a breath at the intimate name she calls him and it takes everything in me to appear unaffected.
If the earth ever planned to suck me into a hole, this is the time to do so.
“Aspen,” he says in his cold, unaffected tone. “This is Naomi and Akira.”
My husband shakes her hand, then I do, too, contemplating if I could break it if I squeeze hard enough. I swiftly let go of her and the murderous thought. Or try to, anyway.
The chatter continues despite the simmering tension. Or maybe I’m the only one who’s about to flare up and burst into flames.
The more Aspen glues herself to Sebastian’s side, the closer I get to the point of combustion. It doesn’t help that Sebastian completely ignores my existence and only indulges her.
But what did I expect anyway? That he’d swoop me up in his arms while everyone is watching?
That would be a disaster.
But then again, that’s what we’ve always been, he and I. A sweet, cruel disaster that’s impossible to end, no matter how much we try.
It might have started with that bet, but it was going on way before that. I thought the distance would lessen it, would eventually erase it, but it merely made it hotter, stronger, and absolutely unstoppable.
At least for me.
Reina grabs me by the arm and smiles at everyone. “Would you excuse us? Girl talk.”
She doesn’t wait for anyone’s reply as she basically drags me around the corner.
Her gaze flits to either side of us and once she makes sure there’s no one around, she releases me and places a hand on her hip.
Our queen bee has aged like fine wine, becoming elegant and a productive member of Blackwood. I heard she’s into social work and organizes countless charitable events.
Heard as in stalked her social media. What? I had to keep myself in the loop, even from Japan. I’m a professional stalker who never leaves any likes or comments and just observes from a distance.
The former cheer squad captain silently judges me while looking me up and down.
“What’s wrong, Reina?”
“I should be the one asking you that. Are you going to let that senior partner redhead witch steal Sebastian?”
I swallow the bile that has been rising in my throat ever since the redhead witch, Aspen, put her hand on Sebastian’s arm and he smiled at her.
“There’s nothing to steal. I’m married.”
“I can’t believe that either.”
“Want to see the certificate? How about footage of our holy matrimony?”
“Good to know you’re still a cynical asshole when you’re cornered, Naomi, and no, I don’t need to see the certificate to know that you’re not doing the right thing.”
“Funny coming from you when you were out to destroy our relationship back in college.”
“It was the exact opposite, idiot.”
“What?”
“I remembered why I even came up with that bet. I would’ve told you before if you hadn’t ghosted all of our asses.”
I grimace but say nothing, waiting for her explanation.
“I might have been somewhat of a bitch—”
“Somewhat?” I cut her off.
“Okay, a major bitch. But I always had reasons behind everything I did. Remember when Lucy had a crush on Prescott? I found out he shared those feelings, so I encouraged him to go for it. But then I saw him kissing that freshman and decided to out him. Until he told me he was drunk and mistook the girl for Lucy, and that’s why I let him have a go again.”
“Are you gloating about playing matchmaker for Lucy and Prescott? You should include that in your speech for their tenth anniversary.”
“Stop being a sarcastic prick and listen. The point of the story is that I always had a reason, even when it came to you and Sebastian.”
“What type of reason?”
“You had a huge crush on him.”
“I… How the hell did you know that?”
“Because I watched everything, including how you secretly stole peeks at him or how you only looked at him among the entire football team.”
“And here I thought I was being discreet.”
“You were, but I made it my mission to be aware of everyone in my orbit. Once I noticed your interest, all the stars started to align, so I focused on Sebastian. He was a harder nut to crack since he was social as hell and camouflaged his emotions better than anyone I knew, but I saw it once. You were sitting at the fountain, headphones on, listening to that god-awful loud music and humming while sketching in your notepad. Sebastian was standing by a tree, watching you and smiling. He wasn’t passing by. He wasn’t preoccupied with something else. He stayed there on purpose for several minutes.”
My lips part. I didn’t know about that. He never mentioned it, even when we talked during those black days in the cell.
“That’s why I came up with the bet. And I don’t care what you think because it was one of the best things I did.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I murmur.
“Of course it does! You were both the best versions of yourselves together. Sebastian was more relaxed while you were happy and laughed more than ever. Now, you’re both just tragic.”
Tragic.
That might be the best word to describe us.
But tragic is better than lethal.
Reina steps closer, her eyes drooping at the side like a mother who’s worried about her child. “Are you happy, Naomi? Because Sebastian isn’t.”
“How…do you know that?”
“Unlike you, I’ve been here all this time and I’ve seen him slowly turn into a cold, aloof person whose sole purpose is to destroy others in court. He doesn’t celebrate his wins either, just picks up another case and moves along like some sort of machine.”
My eyes burn and I widen them to keep from letting the tears loose. Is it supposed to hurt this much, even though it’s the most logical thing to do?
Is it supposed to feel as if my heart is being ripped out of my chest?
“Happiness is subjective, Reina. For me, that word means something entirely different than being with Sebastian.”
“Is it worth being torn apart for? Because I’ve been there and it’s the worst feeling I’ve ever had to go through. Asher and I were parallel lines, unable to collide for so long that I thought we would never be together.”
“Parallel lines are safe.”
“Parallel lines are torture.”
“I can handle it.”
“You’re so different, Naomi.”
“I know.”
“I don’t mean that as a compliment. I miss the Naomi who expressed everything on her mind without caring what others said about her. I wish you’d find her in you someday. I wish she’d claw her way out.”
“I’ll let you know how that works out.” I smile, then it instantly disappears when I make out a very familiar face crossing the distance from the entrance.
Ren.
What the hell is he doing here? I know he’s been working with Akira a lot lately, but my husband said he wouldn’t be accompanying us tonight.
I made sure of it once I realized we’d be attending an event held by Sebastian’s grandparents.
“I’ll talk to you later, Reina…” I make some sort of an unintelligible excuse as I hasten my steps in Ren’s direction.
He shouldn’t be here. Not where Sebastian can see him. If he hears his voice, he’ll recognize him from those days we spent in the cell.
And then Ren might be tempted to tell my father his spin on what he sees tonight, and my father can’t be involved again.
My steps are long, despite my trembling legs. I’m not fast and it takes everything in me not to break into a jog and draw attention to myself.
Ren will go straight to Akira, who’s standing with Sebastian. He’ll recognize him and then he’ll probably start being his usual mocking self. Whether he speaks in English or in Japanese, Sebastian will recognize him, too, and he might start a scene…
A hand grabs my arm and I squeal as I’m dragged into a room. One strong palm wraps around my throat, the other over my mouth.
“Not a fucking word.”
