I stare in the darkness, my lips parting.
Unable to resist, I reach out blindingly until I touch Sebastian’s sleeve. He’s no longer retelling the events of the first day he ‘met’ me, but I’m not done listening.
I’m not done hearing him say that he actually knew I existed all along.
He might not have shown it, but he knew I was there. Maybe for as long as I’ve known about him.
“Why were you crying that day?” His voice is quiet, almost unsure, which is so unlike him. He’s usually bursting with quiet confidence, but right now, he’s showing me a side of him he never has before. “I’ve waited so long to ask that question.”
I don’t even have to think hard about it. I remember it clearly as if it were a few days ago. “Are you sure you want to know? It’s a stupid reason and I hate to shatter your memories.”
“Nothing is stupid about you, Nao.”
My grip tightens on his sleeve. “It was my birthday. Mom asked me what present she could get me, and I told her I wanted Dad. She didn’t like that and we got into a huge fight right before I left for school. That’s why I was crying. See? It’s a stupid reason.”
“It’s not. Why did you smile after?”
“I had an angsty teenage moment where I thought, ‘Hey, maybe the world would be better off without me.’ Then I looked up and asked for a sign to show me that I’m important somehow and that my existence matters. It could have been anything as long as I could feel it. That’s when the leaf fell on my nose, and for some reason, that made me so giddy inside. Boring, I know. I’ve ruined your image of that memory.”
Sebastian grabs my arm and tugs me down so that my head lies on his muscled thigh. A muffled wince leaves him and even through the darkness, I can imagine the frown etched deep between his brows.
His lean fingers comb through my hair, stroking gently. It takes everything in me not to moan, and instead, I try to get up so I don’t hurt him.
Sebastian locks a steel-like arm over my upper chest, forbidding me from moving. “You didn’t ruin anything. You just amplified it, and do you know what that means? You’re stuck with me, baby.”
The need to cry hits me again, but I sniffle so I don’t turn into a crybaby. I have a reputation to keep, dammit. “I still haven’t forgiven you.”
“Even when I’m dying?”
“You’re not dying!” My voice chokes. “We’ll get out of here.”
“I’m kidding. I was only trying to play on your sympathy.”
“Don’t do that again.” My fingers dig into his pants and I struggle to push the image of him dying out of my head.
That thought chokes me.
It steals my breath and leaves me with muddied, chaotic thoughts.
“I’m just playing with you, Tsundere.” His voice lowers and it’s almost soothing, despite the tinge of pain in it. “I wouldn’t leave you alone after I waited three years.”
“You…waited?”
“I think I have.”
“What were you waiting for?”
“I don’t know. Maybe an opportunity.”
I scoff. “You could’ve made your own opportunity without waiting for Reina’s bet.”
“That’s the problem. I didn’t know I needed to make a move until that fucker Josh almost took you away. Being threatened made me take action.”
“Josh wouldn’t have stood a chance. Arrogant football players aren’t my type.”
“Except for me?”
“I never said that.”
“You don’t have to, Tsundere. I watched you long enough to recognize your hot and cold attitude.”
I bite my lower lip and inhale deeply, taking in his scent mixed with blood and something else. “I can’t believe you watched me for three years and I didn’t notice anything.”
“I’m pretty good. Besides, you tend to be blind to your surroundings, especially when you have those headphones on.”
“Not to you,” I murmur. “You see, I watched you, too.”
“You did?”
I nod against his thigh. “Since the first day I got to school. You probably don’t remember it, but I do. Clearly.”
He’s quiet for a beat, and I can only hear the guttural sounds of his breathing in the dark silence. It’s haunting and chopped off, a clear indication that he needs help and no matter how much we fool ourselves into believing we’ll be okay, we probably won’t.
I suck in a sharp breath and choose to remain in the here and now, even if it’s only temporary.
The now is all we have.
“It was during my first day at Blackwood High. Once again, I was mad at how Mom kept relocating us from one city to another. Not that I loved San Francisco, but it felt like home for so long. And out of the blue, Mom told me she’d bought a house in some town filled with rich people. We’d lived in small towns before and I’d hated them all. People in those places were mostly racist, narrow-minded assholes, and yet, Mom didn’t seem to care.
“I didn’t believe her when she said this time would be different. She kept singing different tunes about the wealth of the town or how the crime rate in Blackwood was close to zero or that its residents were the kindest. But she forgot the tiny detail about how I’d be a transfer student in the middle of my senior year and they’re always doomed for rejection.
“I missed the tour the principal specifically booked for Mom and me, because we arrived at the last second into town. In addition to being a new face in the middle of the year, I was completely clueless about how to get to Blackwood High, and to make matters worse, it was raining. The GPS got me to the top of a hill, then got so funky that I couldn’t tell whether the school was located to the left or the right. So I stopped the car on the side of the road near a football field and got out, assuming it was the school’s field. But I couldn’t find anyone to direct me to the stupid school. I thought my first day was doomed for failure from the get-go.
“But when I was walking back to my car, someone tapped my shoulder and pointed to the right without really looking at me. He was running in the middle of the pouring rain and he had earbuds in, so he didn’t hear me when I thanked him. He didn’t notice that I stood there, staring, thinking maybe this town wouldn’t be as bad as the others.” I gulp down the lump that has formed in the back of my throat. “That someone was you. It was a random show of compassion, but for a newbie in town who knew no one and was clueless, it meant a lot more than you’d think.”
He’s silent for a second and if it weren’t for the irregular rhythm of his breathing, I’d believe he’d fallen asleep or something.
“You probably don’t even recall that moment,” I blurt. “But…do you know why you did it?”
“Did what?”
“Pointed a stranger in the right direction. You lack empathy, so you shouldn’t have stopped to help.”
“I didn’t stop to help.”
“You tapped my shoulder and helped.”
“I probably saw something in you.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Just like I don’t know why I stopped and stared at you that day. Maybe all of those things led to how we got together.”
“You think?”
“I’m sure. After all, you watched me as much as I watched you. Did you have a crush on me, baby?”
“No!”
“Defensive, Tsundere. How about you be honest for once?”
“It’s just that whenever I saw you the other times, I thought of the feelings I’d had on that day. It was oddly relieving and safe.”
“Then I came along and crushed those feelings?” There’s an exhausted hoarseness in his voice, and while I love the natural edge of it, it’s abnormal.
“Not really.”
“Do you mean to tell me you still feel relieved and safe?”
“To a degree, yes. The way you came after me with sheer determination scared the shit out of me. Our relationship and depraved chases terrified me, too, but I do feel safe with you. If I didn’t, I would’ve ended it a long time ago.”
“Mmm…I…like that…” he trails off, his voice losing its raspiness and turning weak.
I sit up carefully and his hand lies limp on my shoulder, not even attempting to stop me. “Sebastian?”
“Mmm..?”
I gently touch his abdomen, then trace a path up to his cheek. I stiffen when his hot skin meets mine. Holy shit. He’s burning up.
Fever is totally bad. He could have an infection or something worse.
I feel up his neck and face that’s lolled to the side, his chapped lips slightly parting. “Sebastian, can you hear me?”
He releases an absentminded noise but doesn’t stir.
“Sebastian! Open your eyes!”
He remains in the same position. I check under the T-shirt that’s against his shoulder and breathe out a sigh of relief when I don’t feel any stickiness. Although he’s still no longer bleeding, the fever could mean something worse.
Tendrils of malevolent fear snap around my ribcage and worst-case scenarios play in my head.
God, no.
Please don’t take him away.
Please. I would do anything.
Fresh tears fill my lids as I feel for the bottle of water, pour some on the shirt, then place it on his forehead.
I continue calling his name, although he’s still not moving, and he seems to be getting warmer, not colder.
I drink some water, then brush my lips against his chapped ones, trying to get him to take a sip, even if it’s only a little one.
The sound of his swallow is like music to my ears. At least he’s staying a little hydrated.
But even I know that if he doesn’t get medical help soon, he won’t be able to survive.
I continue brushing my lips against his, attempting to get him to drink as much water as possible. When he’s no longer swallowing, I pull back and check his pulse in his neck.
Fat tears cascade down my cheeks at the dim pulse beneath my fingers.
I can almost hear the life leaving him, and the most dooming part is that I can’t do anything to stop or even slow it down.
Placing both palms on his neck, I lower my head. “Sebastian…please, baby…please open your eyes, please…I can’t…I can’t live without you anymore. I don’t want to imagine it, so please…please stay with me…”
A low grunt leaves his throat and I straighten, sniffling. “Sebastian..?”
“You…called me…baby…”
I smile at the amusement in his voice, allowing the salty tears inside my mouth. “I’ll call you anything you want. Just stay with me.”
“Baby…” he grunts.
“Yes?”
“Marry…me.”
“Huh?”
“When…we get out…of here. Marry…me.”
I scoff through my tears.
This is crazy.
We’re crazy.
But if there’s anything I’ve learned through this whole thing, it’s that nothing lasts forever. Our fates have been connected for three years, even though we’ve watched each other from afar.
What we have happens once in a lifetime and it’s pointless to fight it anymore.
“Okay. I’ll marry you.”
“You can’t change your…mind…once we survive.”
“I won’t.”
“Good…b-because…I won’t let you…”
“Sebastian?” I grab his face and shake him gently, but he’s out cold again.
This can’t go on.
After adjusting the wet T-shirt on his forehead, I jolt up and slowly walk to where I remember the door to be. My steps are careful as I take a stab in the dark.
I bump against a wall and place my hands on it, feeling my way.
Once I touch metal, I bang on the door with both fists. “Open up!! You said you wanted to play a game, so why aren’t you playing? Open up, you sick bastards!”
I keep on hitting and calling them names in both English and Japanese. When that doesn’t work, I pull, then push at the door, shouting, “If my dad finds out about this, he’ll kill you! I’ll make sure he fucking kills you!! Open the damn door!”
“Not yet, Ojou-sama.” The voice that comes from the other side of the door makes me stop in my tracks.
He’s speaking in Japanese, but why the hell does he sound so familiar? It’s not Ren or the other guy who was with him that day at our house.
This one is calmer, sounds more dangerous. As if he’s issuing death sentences to the undead.
Ojou-sama.
He called me princess in the most honorific term possible, and it’s not the first time.
Someone called me that before, but who? And when?
“Who are you?” I ask in Japanese.
“The one who will make you worthy of joining our family. In order to do that, you have to suffer a great loss.”
