Willow said goodbye to her last tutoring student for the day and clicked out of the session.
She was working in Flynn’s office at Blue Halo, while Blake worked in his office next door. Flynn was still away with his other team members on their current job. The job that Blake was supposed to be on.
He’d said he wasn’t sure when they’d be back. If the tightness around Blake’s eyes whenever it came up was anything to go by, the job wasn’t going well, so it probably wouldn’t be anytime soon.
She knew that after the kidnapping attempt, he would have preferred to have the entire team here. He’d told her as much. But she also knew it was important they completed their mission. Not to mention the amount of work they’d put into preparing for it.
Even though it wasn’t her fault that Blake hadn’t gone, she still felt guilty. He’d put as much time into preparing for it as anyone else. And being one man down would put more pressure on the guys who’d gone.
Sighing, she rose to her feet just as Grace stopped in the doorway of the office. “Hey!”
Willow smiled. “Hi. Are you here to see Logan?”
“Yep, grabbing a ride home. Still haven’t bought a car. Truth be told, I kind of like having to share one. More time together.” Grace scanned the room. “Is this your new office?”
She lifted a shoulder. “Until Flynn returns, or until the person who tried to kidnap me is found.”
The smile slipped from Grace’s features, concern flickering over her face. “How are you doing?”
Courtney and Grace had both visited numerous times over the last few days. With casseroles. Cake. Friendly smiles. The women were godsends.
“I’m doing okay. Feeling extremely lucky to have Blake. To have everyone. If I have any complaint, it’s that I feel bad that everyone is doing so much for me.”
It had been a week since the attack, and she’d basically been holed up in Blake’s home for most of that time. She’d only started coming to Blue Halo these last couple days, so Blake could get some work done.
She wasn’t complaining. She’d rather be safe and sheltered than vulnerable. But she did feel like a bit of a burden for everyone.
“Oh, don’t feel bad, everyone just wants you to be safe and happy. Courtney and I could come over one night this week after Mila goes to bed, and have some girl time.” She lifted a shoulder. “You haven’t been out much, which can take a toll on mental health.”
The woman was literally an angel. Courtney too. “I would absolutely love that.”
“Perfect. Just send us a text when you’re ready for some company.”
“Oh, I will. Thank you.” Willow smiled.
Grace returned the smile, before disappearing down the hall. Willow closed the lid on the laptop. If she was glad for anything at the moment, it was the distraction that work offered. When tutoring kids, that was all she could think about. They deserved a hundred percent of her attention, so that was exactly what she gave.
She was just reaching for her bag on the edge of the desk when she accidentally nudged the thing right off, sending everything spilling out. All the million and one items that she kept in there and rarely touched, going everywhere.
Great. Maybe the head injury was still affecting her.
Crouching down, she grabbed handfuls of stuff, chucking everything back into her purse. The second she got home, she needed to do a big cleanup of the bag. She didn’t even use half the stuff.
She’d reached the last couple of items when her hands closed around a small box of tampons.
She paused, a frown marring her brows. How long had it been since she’d had to use them?
A small sliver of unease trickled down her spine. Reaching back into the bag, she grabbed her phone, flicking into the app she used to religiously track when she was due.
She swallowed hard. She was late. Three days late.
That never happened. Not to Willow. It actually shouldn’t be possible. She was on the pill. Had been on the pill since having Mila, never missing a dose.
Willow sat there for a solid thirty seconds, brain working overtime to figure out how she could be late.
She’d almost convinced herself the app was wrong, that she’d somehow keyed in the wrong dates, when something flickered through her mind. A memory of that morning. The one after she’d had sex with Blake for the first time. She’d just taken the pill before getting sick.
Oh, sweet Jesus. Was that it?
Her breath shortened. Why had she not taken another one straight away?
But she already knew the answer. She’d been distracted. By Blake. By the shift in their relationship. And with wondering and worrying about what Mila would think and ask.
Her skin felt cold and clammy.
Pregnancy was not something she wanted or felt ready for right now. Heck, she didn’t know if she’d ever feel ready again. Mila hadn’t been planned. And before Mila, she’d convinced herself that kids weren’t for her.
She loved her daughter with everything in her. But there was fear. So much fear. Were people more likely to experience postpartum depression with consecutive pregnancies? Could she spiral into that same hopelessness again? That state of sheer survival?
She had no idea. She’d always assumed Mila was it, and she didn’t need to research any of those questions.
Her heart pounded in her chest, fear shortening her breaths.
When strong arms snaked around her waist, a loud yelp fell from her lips and she shot to her feet, tampons falling from her fingers.
Blake’s face immediately flickered to concern as he studied her. “Hey. Are you okay?”
No. She wasn’t. She opened her mouth to tell him, but the words never made it to air. She could barely think it, let alone say it out loud.
Her lips snapped shut. It might not be true. She might just be late. She could wake up tomorrow and everything would be okay.
Forcing a smile she didn’t feel, Willow nodded, leaning into his chest and hiding her face from eyes that saw too much.
Blake’s fingers tightened around Willow’s hand. She wasn’t okay. Not even close. But she wouldn’t tell him what was wrong.
Why?
As they stepped outside and headed toward his car, he made sure to scan the area. Looking for any possible threats. The street was quiet.
Was she worried about another kidnapping attempt? Worried that he couldn’t protect her?
Even if that was it, why had it suddenly come to the forefront now? She’d been fine all day.
Unlocking the car, he held her door open as she climbed in, before moving around to the driver’s side. He shot a quick look her way. Whether she knew she was doing it or not, her brows were tugged together in a deep frown, her fingers pulling at a thread on her jeans like she was nervous.
Now that he thought about it, it kind of reminded him of…before. The days when she’d go deep into her own head. When, he now knew, anxiety had gotten the best of her.
Reaching out, he wrapped his fingers around her thigh as he pulled onto the road and started heading toward Mila’s school. There was a quick intake of breath before her eyes fell on him. As if she realized she was giving herself away, she smiled.
The smile was all wrong.
“Is it that we haven’t identified the attacker yet?” he asked quietly. That would be understandable. Heck, he was pissed as hell about it himself.
There was a small pause. “I know you’ll protect Mila and me.”
His fingers tightened. “Of course we will.” They had to. Because the alternative was something he couldn’t consider.
Willow blew out a long breath, gaze shifting to her lap. “Do you ever feel angry about how I was after having Mila? You were a new Navy SEAL. You needed support. And I didn’t give that to you. I was a weight.”
He frowned. What had caused her to bring that up? “No, you weren’t. You were everything to me. You and Mila. I never felt angry at you. And even now, all I feel is regret and guilt, because I didn’t realize what was going on. Because I didn’t do more to help you at a time when you needed me most.”
She sighed. “Do you think those years would have been easier if I’d gotten help sooner?”
“I think getting help would have required us to pause our lives to really see what was going on. But we were both in too deep, you in postpartum depression, while I was navigating my way through being a first-time dad and a SEAL. We didn’t stop to question that maybe it wasn’t supposed to be so hard.”
One silent nod.
Worry crawled up his spine. “Things are different now, Willow. But if we ever get to that point again where you find yourself feeling like you’re not okay, you tell me.”
Even if she didn’t, Blake would see. Like he could see right now. And he wouldn’t stop trying to make things better.
When he pulled up outside the school, he turned to watch her. Waiting for her confirmation. Needing it.
She looked at him and opened her mouth to say something, then a knock came at the window.
He almost cursed, just stopping himself when he saw Jason there, Mila in his arms.
Willow quickly climbed out of the car, like she couldn’t wait to get away from him, her face transforming into a genuine smile as she took their daughter from Jason.
Anyone looking at her would think she was fine.
Blake knew better. He’d find out what was wrong—and he’d find out soon.
