Blake watched Willow’s brows tug together. She was dreaming.
Dreaming probably wasn’t the right word, actually. The woman had been tossing and turning all night. Something was pressing on her mind. Had been pressing on her mind since yesterday afternoon.
After everyone left last night, Willow continued to avoid him like the plague, all but running to the bedroom, brushing her teeth, and slipping between the sheets before he’d even made it into the room.
He should be thinking about his team. They were returning today. He’d received notification overnight that they’d captured Ahmad’s brothers, but not the man himself. That should be plaguing him. But right now, Willow was all he could think about.
He traced a finger over the lines between her eyes, wishing they would smooth out.
What’s on your mind, honey?
Blake watched her for a while, almost temped to wake her. Then he saw a twitch in one of her fingers. And another.
When she looked up, her gaze caught his. And something akin to pain flashed through her green eyes before she blinked it away.
A thick dread slammed into his gut. He pushed it down, plastering a smile he didn’t feel to his face. “Good morning, baby.” He’d greeted her with those exact same words just yesterday. She’d smiled and her eyes had softened, muscles relaxed.
Today it was the opposite. There were no smiles. Her eyes were clouds of anxiety, her muscles tense.
“Good morning.”
He waited a moment for words that would make sense of what was going on. They never came.
“Tell me,” he said quietly.
She swallowed, pushing the sheets back.
The second she tried to sit up, he looped an arm around her, holding her close, not able to let her leave. He needed to know. “Willow—”
“I just need to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
Slowly, he lifted his arm, watching her cross the room and disappear into the connected bathroom. Reaching toward the nightstand, he checked the time on his phone. Mila would be up soon. He just prayed he got to the bottom of this first. He wasn’t a patient man any longer. Not after finally getting his family back. He couldn’t wait.
When Willow walked out, she looked even more dejected than when she’d gone in.
His blood pressure rose, unease prickling his skin. What the hell was going on?
She perched on the edge of the mattress beside him. He sat up.
“Before I tell you, can I ask you something?”
He was careful to keep his features neutral. “Anything.”
“That last night before you were taken, just before you stepped out the door for your mission…”
He swallowed. God, he hated thinking about that night. About the mistakes he’d made and everything he should have done differently. About the words he couldn’t muster.
“I know it wasn’t fair of me to dump that on you seconds before you walked out the door, but…why didn’t you say something? Anything would have been better than nothing.”
There was something akin to desperation in Willow’s voice. She’d been wondering a long time.
He blew out a long breath before reaching over, wrapping his fingers around her thigh. “You have no idea how many times I’ve replayed that night in my head.” Every damn day while he’d been away from her. “The regret that I didn’t say anything has been like a physical pain tormenting me.”
His fingers tightened. How could he explain this to her when he could barely explain it to himself?
“When you and I were in the thick of things, I remember thinking it was just a rough patch in our lives. A rough patch in our relationship. That we were both tired and stressed and it was normal for you to not want me to leave you on your own with Mila. I thought it was a temporary season of our lives, and it would end.”
He met her gaze, needing her to hear it all.
“I was in my head that night, thinking about the mission. About my team. I had this bad feeling in my gut, like I already knew something was going to happen. Something big and life-changing. So when you were talking to me, I didn’t hear what you needed me to hear. The desperation. The cry for help. I wanted to tell you that it would be okay, but I didn’t have the words, so I went for a kiss…because even when our relationship was hard, the physical always remained good.”
She gave a slow nod.
“But that wasn’t enough,” he continued. “You needed me to say something, even if it was just to acknowledge what you were feeling. I know that now. And I’m sorry. So damn sorry.”
A glimmer of tears washed over her eyes. “You knew.”
She wasn’t talking about her depression or their relationship. She was talking about Project Arma.
“I knew something.” And he would never ignore his gut again. He leaned forward. “Please, Willow…say you forgive me.”
Her eyes shuttered. “I forgive you.” When they opened again, the tears were still there.
“Now, please tell me.”
A shuffle sounded in the other room. Small feet hitting the floor. Sounds only Blake could hear.
“I’m late.”
The whispered words had barely left Willow’s lips before Mila was bounding into the room, jumping into her mother’s arms.
Blake didn’t move. He barely breathed.
Late. As in her period…
She might be pregnant.
He watched as Willow’s face transformed into a smile. But it wasn’t the kind of smile that reached her eyes. And under the smile, he finally saw what had been there since yesterday.
Fear of having another baby with him. Fear of history repeating itself.
