Just like that, my whole life is turned upside down.
Okay, fine. My life was turned upside down several days ago, but moving out of the first apartment I’ve ever had is definitely a big deal.
I glance around my new bedroom and am shocked by the amount of space I have in here. My old apartment was one giant room, and by giant, I mean very tiny. This new bedroom is half the size of what my whole apartment was.
I think people are under the impression that I have this glamorous life because people follow me on social media, but that’s not the case at all. I’m struggling just like everybody else.
The fact that the entirety of my possessions can fit into the back of just one SUV proves that.
Even though I didn’t have a lot to move, I am still somehow exhausted when we carry in the last box. I think it’s all the drama of the last few days finally catching up to me.
“Hey.”
Rhodes startles me, appearing in my bedroom door out of nowhere with his adorable one-year-old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Frodo, in his arms.
“Sorry,” he mutters.
“It’s fine.”
We didn’t talk much as we packed my apartment. You could even say we went as far as to completely ignore one another, which was a difficult feat in such a tiny space. But it was awkward after he did…well, whatever you want to call what he did.
I try to shake off how he felt pressed against me. Big and warm and just right.
And I really don’t want to think about the way his lips felt ghosting against my neck.
“I’m starving,” he says, interrupting my thoughts before I do something really dumb like moan. “Do you want to order something for dinner?”
My stomach rumbles at the mention of food, but my first reaction is to say no, I can’t afford it.
Before I can get the words out, Rhodes says, “My treat.”
I am not about to argue with that.
“Sure, what did you have in mind?”
“Doesn’t matter to me. I’m not picky. Whatever you’ll eat, I’m fine with.”
“Hmm, too much against your diet if I wanted to order stuffed crust meat lover’s pizza?”
“I think I can survive one stuffed crust pizza, but only if we can add extra green peppers.”
“And breadsticks. Maybe wings too?”
“Fuck it, why don’t we throw in dessert too?”
“Really?”
“No. Just pizza. I’ll order it and take Frodo out for a walk while you finish settling in. There’s a really good place that delivers here.”
“I’ll let Poe out for a bit to explore while you’re gone, if that’s okay?”
“Sounds good,” he says, but he doesn’t make a move to leave.
“Yes?” I ask.
He runs a hand over his jaw. “I noticed you aren’t wearing your ring.”
Oh.
“I, uh, I took it off for moving,” I lie, my heart racing in my chest.
He tilts his head, his hazel eyes boring into me. If he knows I’m lying, he doesn’t say anything.
Instead, he nods again. “Okay. But, Ryan?”
“Yes?”
“I’d like you to wear it.”
The way he says it…I don’t know. It’s almost like he’s hurt that I don’t have it on, and I didn’t expect him to care, honestly.
“Okay. I’ll wear it,” I promise. And I mean it. I’ll slip it back on tonight.
“Okay.”
This time he does walk away, leaving me to finish unpacking.
I give myself a shake, pushing away the ring conversation because I do not have the brain power to overthink it right now, and start on unboxing all of my clothes. I felt very smart when I decided to leave them all on the hangers, making this part super easy.
It’s not that I ever lived a lavish lifestyle before, but after my grandmother took a fall and needed to go into the facility, I really started to take a look at my budget. One thing I realized was that I spent entirely too much money on clothes I didn’t wear. So, I sold a bunch of pieces online to make some cash, then went shopping for a capsule wardrobe. Now I just rotate the same thirty or so pieces. Seeing everything lined up in this massive closet makes me want to laugh, and maybe cry a little because it’s becoming increasingly clear that I do not belong here.
I’m just Ryan Bell, the girl whose parents abandoned their children to travel the country in an RV. The girl who was raised by her grandparents, went to public school, and had to take out so much money in student loans to get a BFA she doesn’t even use.
I love that my grandparents were so encouraging and always pushed us to follow our dreams, to get a degree in something that interested us, something we were passionate about.
But when my grandfather passed away unexpectedly and shit hit the fan financially for them and then my grandmother had her fall, I quickly realized I made a huge mistake. I didn’t need a degree in something that excited me. I needed a degree in something practical. And now I’m paying the price, married to a guy I don’t even love just to pay my bills.
What a fucking life.
I continue unpacking my room until Rhodes calls out to tell me the pizza is here.
“Finally. I am starving,” I say as I make my way into the kitchen, which is also massive.
He gave me a quick tour earlier, but I really didn’t pay much attention to just how wide and open everything is. It’s totally blowing my mind.
Rhodes grabs two plates from the cabinet next to the giant stainless steel fridge, and I make a mental note that that’s where the dishes are kept. He sets them on the counter as I slide onto the barstool tucked under the ledge.
“Drink?” he asks, heading for the fridge.
“Water is fine.”
It’s not fine. I actually hate water, but I don’t want to be a burden right now.
When I feel him staring at me, I look up. “What?”
“Do you really want water or do you want something else?”
“Actually, if you have some milk, that would be nice.”
He wrinkles his nose. “Milk?”
I shrug. “What? It’s good with pizza.”
“Whatever you say.”
He reaches into the fridge and pulls out a fancy glass carafe full of milk. Who actually puts milk in a glass carafe? Why is he not drinking it straight from the carton like a normal person?
He grabs a cup from the cabinet next to the plates, pours me a generous glass, then slides it my way. He leaves the carafe on the counter just in case I want more.
I notice there’s more than one box sitting on the counter.
He lied.
He totally got breadsticks and dessert.
He pulls open the lid of the pizza box and nods toward dinner. “Dig in.”
And we do.
I’m halfway through my third slice and second breadstick when I just can’t take any more. I toss the half-uneaten pizza onto the plate and lean back on my stool, resting my hand on my stomach.
“Ugh. I can’t. I can’t do any more.”
“Wuss.” Rhodes snatches my pizza off my plate and shoves the rest of it into his mouth in one bite.
I’m a little impressed, but I don’t say that. “Didn’t your mom teach you any manners?”
“Yes. So don’t tell her I did that when you meet her.”
I think about that…the fact that I’m going to have to meet Rhodes’ parents and pretend to be married to him in front of them.
“What are they like?”
“My parents?” I nod. “I don’t know…parents.”
“Yeah, but what’s that like? Not all of us had parents.”
A frown tugs at his lips, and I don’t like the sympathy I see in his eyes. Thankfully, he doesn’t ask any questions and moves on.
“Their names are Margaret and Oscar, but my mom goes by Maggie. They’ve been married for thirty years, and they are the epitome of a perfect marriage.”
I raise my brow. “A perfect marriage? Those don’t exist.”
Not even my grandparents had a perfect marriage, but that’s what I loved about them. They had dark spots, but they always worked through them. To me, that’s the real definition of a solid relationship. Not one that doesn’t have its problems—just one that doesn’t let the problems win.
That’s what I want.
“As close to perfect as you can get, trust me.”
“When are your parents coming to visit next?”
“They’ll be here for my first home game. It’s tradition. So, we’ll have some time to practice being married before then.”
Practice being married.
I like how he just glazes right over that like it’s not a completely fucked-up phrase to use.
“What about your brother? Is he coming to visit soon?”
“Ha. I wish. But no. He was really close with my grandfather and he passed… Well, he hasn’t really been back to the States that often. He’s definitely that guy who is married to his career.”
“I can understand that. I’ve been married to hockey since I was a teen. But he should be helping you, you know.”
I don’t disagree with him because he’s right. My brother should be helping me, and I’m sure he would if he actually knew how hard things have become. But I don’t want to burden him with it. Besides, it’s not like I was on the verge of being homeless or anything. I (mostly) had it managed even without the help from Rhodes. Now I can just breathe a little easier.
Well, as good as one can breathe being married to someone they don’t love.
Rhodes clears his throat and sits back, tossing his balled-up napkin onto his plate.
“So, I take it you’re too full for dessert, then?”
I perk up. “Dessert?”
“Yeah, it looks like some brownies made it into my cart when I was checking out.”
Made it into his cart, huh? He totally bought me dessert, and for some reason, that really warms my heart.
“I wonder how that happened.”
“No clue, but since they’re here, we might as well eat them, right?”
“Brownies sound so good, but I’m seriously full right now. Rain check?”
“Rain check it is.”
“All I want at the moment is a shower and to sleep for like eight to nine hours.” I gasp. “Oh, shit! A bed! I don’t have a bed to sleep in.”
“Ah, fuck. In my dire state of hunger, I kind of forgot we needed to go shopping. I’m sure everywhere is closed by now.”
“Where the hell am I going to sleep tonight?”
“You can sleep in my bed.”
I balk at his suggestion. “I’m not sleeping with you, Rhodes. I thought we covered this.”
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear the utter disgust in your voice, and I was not referring to sleeping with me. I just said you could sleep in my bed.”
“Where will you sleep?”
“I’ll take the couch.” He shrugs. “I don’t know if you’ve sat on that thing yet, but it’s comfortable as fuck. I take all my pre-home-game naps there.”
An image of Rhodes snuggled on the couch before a game races across my mind. What I’m not expecting is for the image to transform and for me to be wrapped in his arms.
I shake the thought away. “I don’t want to put you out.”
Rhodes puts his hand to his chest. “Did you just display an emotion other than complete displeasure for me?”
I barely resist the urge to roll my eyes. “Yeah, but don’t get used to it.”
“Ah, there she is.” He shakes his head. “You can take my bed tonight, and tomorrow after I get done with practice, we can go furniture shopping. Apparently, I owe you a new bedroom set.”
“You have practice tomorrow?”
“I don’t have practice tomorrow, but I have to help with practice.”
I tilt my head, not understanding.
“I volunteer during the summer to help out the Comets junior league.”
He volunteers? And with children? That…surprises me. He’s always so…well, Rhodes. Grumpy and always looking half annoyed. I’m surprised he works with children.
“Before you start getting ideas like me being nice, just know it’s practically mandatory.”
“And here I thought you might have a heart in there somewhere under all those cantankerous scowls.”
“Cantankerous? Oh. Nice eighteen-point word.”
“You Scrabble?”
“I dabble.”
This time I do roll my eyes at him, pushing away from the counter. “And on that note, I’m done for the night.”
I hop down from my stool and gather my plate, deposit it into the dishwasher. I clean up our mess, condense the number of boxes down, and put them in the fridge along with the milk Rhodes left out for me.
That tension that seems to permanently exist between us slowly fills the air. It’s like this every time we’re in the same room for more than a few minutes.
It’s suffocating, and I need an escape.
“Do you mind if I take a shower?”
“Not at all. This is your house too. You don’t have to ask to shower.”
I…I hadn’t thought of that. This is my home, isn’t it? At least for the next year.
“Thanks,” I murmur, making my way back down the hall to my bedroom.
I gather up my shower items and pajamas—I really don’t need to be caught by Rhodes in nothing but a towel—and then head into the guest bathroom.
I’m not at all surprised to find that even the bathroom is gigantic. There’s a huge tub to one side and a walk-in shower…in the guest bathroom.
The tub calls my name because I love a good bath, but I think a shower is what I need tonight. I’ll test the bath out later.
For a brief moment, I wonder how much money Rhodes actually makes. Apparently, it’s enough to afford a place like this, spend random weekends in Vegas in swanky hotel suites, and drop thousands of dollars a month on my grandmother’s care.
I strip out of my clothes, feeling all gross and sticky from moving, and step into the shower.
I crank the water up to full blast, and I’m not even a little bit ashamed of the moan that leaves me.
I linger in the shower, soaking up the hot water. The pressure in my old place was decent, but the water was never hot enough for me. This? It’s heaven, and I can see myself getting way too used to it too fast. I lather my sponge up and close my eyes, rubbing it over my body. It feels incredible as I drag it across my breasts and down my stomach, rough but not too rough. If I concentrate really hard, it feels like someone else’s hand.
Rhodes’ face pops into my head and my eyes fly open.
No. Nope. Not happening.
I barely even finish rinsing before shutting the water off because I am not going there. If I’m going to survive living with him, I can’t let that happen.
I wrap the softest towel I’ve ever felt around me and step out of the shower. I take my time rubbing lotion all over my body, then do my nightly skincare routine, trying to let my mind relax so I’m not going to bed thinking about how Rhodes is going to be sleeping just down the hall from me.
Feeling like a brand-new woman, I step out of the bathroom and head into my room.
Poe is skulking around it, and I do my best not to let her out as I slip inside to drop my stuff off. She and Frodo haven’t been introduced yet, so I’m trying to keep her in here for now just in case it doesn’t go over well.
I dump my dirty clothes into a hamper, then grab my laptop. I’m tired, but just in case I can’t sleep in a new house, I’ll have my computer so I can edit the makeup tutorial I filmed before heading to Vegas.
Ugh. I don’t even want to think about how explosive the comments are going to be after this. I mean, on one hand, it’s great for algorithms, but on another…I really hate lying to my subscribers.
I pull open the door and look back at Poe.
She meows, and I instantly feel bad for leaving her in here. She did such a good job on the car ride over and has been stuck in this room all evening.
I’m sure Rhodes won’t mind if she sleeps with me, right?
Unable to stop myself, I scoop her up. Just as I’m about to step out of the room, I see my wedding ring lying next to a pile of my things.
Trying not to think too much about it, I slip it on and out the door, then down the hall to Rhodes’ bedroom. There’s a lump on the couch. All the lights are off, so I assume he’s already gone to sleep. I mutter a quick “Good night” as I pass by.
In typical Rhodes fashion, he doesn’t respond.
I walk into his bedroom and look around. The room is massive, bigger than my own. The first thing you notice when you walk in is the wall of windows that look out down the hill. There’s a perfect line where the sky meets land, and it’s gorgeous, almost like a painting.
To one side of the room, there’s a bed that’s easily four of my old beds put together. To the other, there’s a fireplace with two cozy-looking chairs facing it.
And tucked away in the corner is a door that sits ajar, a soft light pouring out of it.
That must be the bathroom.
I note that Rhodes has put a fresh pillow and case at the end of the bed, and based on the pile of blankets on the chair, it looks like he’s put on clean sheets too.
I’m grateful. The last thing I need is to be smelling him all night long.
Poe hops out of my arms to explore, and I set the laptop on the bed, then go to flip the bathroom light off.
Only when I’m just a few feet away do I hear the faint sound of running water.
Oh shit.
Rhodes is in there.
I’m about to retreat and give him his privacy when I catch a glimpse of his very naked backside.
I should pull the door shut and walk away. Cover my eyes. Announce my presence. Literally anything other than standing here and admiring him.
But that’s exactly what I do.
He’s facing the wall, his head tipped forward as the water cascades over him.
I thought his body was incredible the first time I saw him naked, but seeing him like this is…it’s breathtaking.
Like actually breathtaking because the air whooshes right from my lungs.
His back is nothing but muscles, and I get now why they call him The Beast.
He’s jacked. Completely and totally jacked. I have no clue how he flies down the ice like he does with all those muscles, but it makes it ten times more impressive.
He pushes off the wall, reaching for a bottle of body wash and his loofa. He suds himself up from head to toe and then…
Holy fuck.
There is no mistaking what he’s doing right now.
He palms his cock, and he hisses loudly enough that I hear it over the sound of the water crashing against the floor.
Then he begins to jack himself. Slowly. Very, very slowly.
So slowly there is no way it’s not killing him right now.
An ache forms between my legs and I rub them together, trying to ease it. But no matter how much I rub, it doesn’t work.
I need more.
Without thinking too much about it, I slip my hand into my sleep shorts and into my underwear. When my finger grazes over my clit, I realize I’m wet just from watching him touch himself.
I had no idea voyeurism was something I was into, but there is no doubt in my mind I could watch this all day long.
I match his long, slow strokes with short, slow circles over my sensitive nub.
When he picks up his pace, I do too.
I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, trying to hold back the noises that are trying to crawl their way from my throat, and when that doesn’t work, I slap my hand over my mouth and let them go.
Then, the worst thing possible happens: Rhodes turns around.
I freeze, halting all ministrations.
But he doesn’t see me. His eyes are squeezed tightly shut as he leans back against the wall just out from under the water.
No. This is so wrong. I can’t do this. I can’t stand here watching him bring himself to orgasm while I do the same…right?
But when he begins to jack himself harder, faster, I do the same, rubbing at my clit like I’m about to burst.
He bites down on his lip, his movements growing hastier by the second, and I know he’s close. He reaches down with his other hand and gently tugs on his balls.
There is absolutely no mistaking what I hear next.
“Ryan.”
It’s as clear as if he were standing next to me…and I come apart.
I watch as ropes of cum coat his stomach and his strokes become softer and shorter as his breaths come in sharp succession.
The pounding in my own ears begins to subside as he leans back against the tiled wall, looking spent.
Eyes still closed, he steps back under the water, and I slip away before I’m caught.
I rush out of the room and down the hall to clean off my hand and then tiptoe back into his bedroom and slip beneath the covers, setting my laptop on my lap just as he’s pulling open the bathroom door in nothing but a towel.
I avert my eyes to the screen in front of me.
He doesn’t seem surprised to see me, and that makes my heart pound all over again.
He scrubs one towel over his head, then walks into the closet without a word. He comes back out wearing a pair of black sweats, tosses his wet towels into the bathroom, and flips the light off.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to yell at him for leaving his towel strewn about, but it’s not my place.
“Got everything you need?” he asks.
I don’t look up from the screen. I can’t. I can feel how hot my cheeks are, and there’s no way he won’t notice the post-orgasm flush I have going on.
“Mhmm,” I say as Poe jumps up into the bed beside me, curling into my side.
“All right, then. I’ll be out on the couch.”
“’Kay.”
He hesitates a moment, but when I don’t acknowledge, he gives up and heads for the door.
Just as I think he’s about to leave without saying anything, he turns back to me and says, “Try not to stay up too late petting your pussy. I’m sure she’s tired. It’s been quite the day for her. Good night, wife.”
And I just know he’s not referring to Poe.
