My heart was a thunderous march of stallions in my ears as I weaved through the crowded party, eyes trained on Giana’s back. Her breaths were more haggard and uneven with every step, and when she disappeared around the edge of the kitchen only to take off in a full run for the door, I let out a curse, pushing past people to follow her.
I’d gone too far.
That safe word was never meant to be used, never meant to be anything more than a joke between us. But I’d pushed, taking advantage of her trust, giving in to my own selfish desire as playing with her in that party became less about Maliyah and more about seeing what noises I could get to come from that pretty mouth of hers.
I hadn’t meant to. I’d only intended to kiss her, to peek my eyes open at where I knew Maliyah was watching from the dance floor and show her just how moved on I was. But the more Giana opened for me, the more she writhed under my touch…
The less I was looking at anything or anyone else but her.
It was dizzying, her tongue against mine, the slick desire between her legs that I knew was from me. Like a drug addict, I was greedy for more.
And I didn’t think about the consequences.
Giana burst out into the night with me hot on her heels, catching the door before she could even slam it behind her.
“Giana!”
A few students who were gathered on the lawn parted as she sprinted through them, their questioning eyes finding me next as I chased after her.
“G, please, wait,” I called, but she kept running, around the front gate and down the sidewalk.
I followed, picking up my pace as my heart hammered like a kick drum in my chest. When I was a few steps behind her, I reached out, catching her by the elbow and slinging her to a stop.
She swung into me, a little gasp of a cry bounding out of her as I caught her and held her steady.
“I’m sorry, I—”
“No, I’m sorry,” I said, holding her slight arms in mine.
She was sipping shallow breaths, eyes glossing over as she avoided my gaze. It fucking killed me to see her like that.
To know I was the reason.
“Hey,” I said, tilting her chin with my knuckle.
I waited until her eyes met mine, and one tear slid silently down the edge of her cheek before she batted it away.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, eyes searching hers. “I’m sorry.”
Her breathing slowed, just a bit, one long exhale finding her before she collapsed into me. I caught her in a fierce hug, wrapping her up in my arms like I could shield her from what was hurting her.
Like it wasn’t me who was the culprit.
She shook in my arms, sniffing against tears I knew she was angry for shedding. She swiped them away as quickly as they could come, but didn’t break from my embrace. She let me hold her, let me smooth my hand along her spine until she calmed, until her breaths were more even and her body was still.
“God, I’m a mess,” she said when she finally pulled back, but she didn’t put much space between us. She just dipped her face into her hands, shaking her head.
“I went too far.”
“No,” she tried, but then she sighed, finally meeting my gaze. “Yes. But it’s not your fault.”
“It is. I got carried away.”
“I was playing into it just as much.”
I shook my head, ready to argue, but all words died in my throat when Giana beat me to it.
“I’m a virgin.”
I blinked, shocked, unsure I heard her correctly. But when she stared up at me unwavering, sorrow and shame coloring her cheeks, I knew I hadn’t misheard.
Something feral roared inside me, the teeth of it bared as I clenched my jaw against it threatening to break out of its cage. A long, searing inhale forced it back down.
“I know,” Giana said, folding her arms over her chest as she caved in on herself. “It’s embarrassing.”
I immediately reached for her, lifting her chin until she was looking at me again. “Why would you say that?” I asked, brows bending together as I searched her gaze.
“Because I’m a sophomore in college and I haven’t had sex,” she answered bluntly.
I shook my head, letting out the breath I’d inhaled before I pulled her into me for another hug. “It’s not something to be embarrassed about.”
“Well, it feels like it.”
“It’s not,” I reiterated, and then I pulled back, framing her arms in my hands. “Thank you. For telling me.”
She nodded, swallowing as her eyes fell to the ground between us.
“I’m sorry I didn’t realize.”
Giana groaned then, her head lulling back as she rolled her eyes up to the sky. “I don’t want it to be a big deal.”
“Well, it kind of is,” I said with an amused smile. “Especially when I’m pawing you like an animal in a crowded party.”
A laugh bubbled out of her, and she pulled her gaze back to mine. “Sometimes I just wish I could just do it with someone and get it over with, you know?”
That feral monster inside me bashed against its cage, and all I could do to stomach it was tuck her under my arm and walk her back toward campus.
“Tell me what happened with Shawn,” I said, ignoring her comment, though I knew it would be burned into my brain for the rest of my fucking life.
Giana eyed me like she saw right through my not-so-subtle dodge of the subject, but apparently, she was eager to move on, too, because she sighed, leaning her head against my chest as we walked.
“I don’t know how, or why, but I did everything you said and he…” She shook her head, laughing a bit as she buried her face before peeking up at me. “I think if you wouldn’t have showed up, he would have kissed me.”
I laughed despite the way those words made anger flare in my gut. That was a side effect I hadn’t been prepared for when we’d entered into this fake relationship, how kissing and touching Giana would blur that line and make me feel like she was actually mine. I didn’t have a right to feel any sort of possessiveness over her, so I shoved it down and remembered why we did this in the first place.
For her to get Shawn.
For me to get Maliyah back.
“Let me guess — he said something along the lines of you deserving better than me?”
“Basically,” she said. “I’m just… in awe. He went from not even knowing I’m alive to… I don’t know… wanting to save me from you.” She barked out a laugh at the audacity.
I, on the other hand, swallowed against the vitality of his concern.
“So, what’s next?” she asked.
When she looked up at me, the tears had dried on her face, and her smile was just as bright and genuine as the one she’d given me when we walked into the party at the beginning of the night. Just like that, she’d bounced back. And even though I’d crossed the line, she watched me with the same unwavering trust in her eyes, looking to me for guidance like I wasn’t the devil himself.
“So eager,” I teased, smiling as I pulled her under my arm and rubbed my knuckle against her skull.
She shoved me off with a laugh, fixing her hair before launching into other things she’d seen at the party, including a couple hippy kids making mushroom tea, and the garden in the back which I agreed with her was completely bizarre and didn’t fit the scene.
I just listened to her, nodding along, and kept my hands in my pockets.
Mostly to keep from reaching for her again.
