I WOKE THE FOLLOWING morning with a pounding headache and a million texts from my mother.
I groaned as the bright light of morning split the curtains, then rolled over to find Hunter asleep next to me, one heavy forearm blocking the sunlight from his eyes as he laid overtop the covers. Next to the bed was a clean garbage can, bottled water, and a cold, wet rag. Hunter had taken care of me all night. I’d vaguely remembered him applying cool compresses and kneading at the sore muscles of my shoulders as I’d held myself over the toilet.
My gaze traveled across the room, ready to dash for the bathroom, when my eyes landed on the mess of bags spewing from his walk-in.
We were supposed to leave last night and it was my fault we hadn’t. Through the fog of dehydration and sickness that marred my memory, I recalled him tucking me into bed and forcing a few sips of water down my throat. “We’ll leave first thing in the morning, you can sleep this off and then we’ll be on the road. I can’t even think about put you in a car feeling like this,’ he’d murmured, getting me settled. My mind too thick to make sense of the implications of his words, I’d lain back on the pillow and pressed my hands to my stomach, desperate to not be so sick, unwilling to believe what was probably the case. If I’d only known then that the morning would be too late.
“Fuck,” I whispered and checked the clock. It was only seven a.m., maybe we could still leave this morning without worry. And then I spotted the dark circles under Hunter’s eyes and the deep breaths pushing past his full lips. He was exhausted. He could use at least a few more hours before he got behind the wheel.
I stood from the bed, feeling a little dizzy, my stomach still queasy. I took a sip of water from the nightstand then tip-toed my way to Hunter’s kitchen. My stomach had been churning nonstop for days, heaving over the toilet, a late period. I couldn’t deny it anymore. I had to, at the very least, take a pregnancy test and put my mind at ease. I was just thinking of slipping out to pick one up at the corner drug store when my phone vibrated across the table. I answered it without thinking.
My mother’s shrill voice greeted me. “What’s going on?!”
“Mom, calm down.”
“Why won’t you answer my calls?!”
“Mom, I haven’t even been in town―“
“I knew you were in over your head with this photographer.” Her rambling continued as I blocked it out. I had to find a way to calm her down, to make her listen, if she didn’t…I didn’t want to think what could happen.
Wait. The photographer? Was it possible she didn’t know anything about Brant or the arrest? Hope bloomed in my heart that I could keep her ignorant and therefore safe through all of this.
I closed my eyes and sucked in a bottom lip, remembering the dark circles painted under Hunter’s eyes after staying up with me all night. “I’m fine, but I’ve got to go away with Hunter for a while. He’s got a lot of shoots coming up…” I trailed off, hoping she’d fall for my lie. Hoping I was right and she didn’t know anything. Hadn’t seen the news. She’d never been one to watch it that I could remember, but the headlines had been everywhere.
“Meet me for coffee,” she ordered.
“We’re leaving. I can’t.” I glanced up the stairs and thought of his exhausted form. “I’ll be gone for a while, probably a few weeks, but I promise I’ll stay in touch,” I said sadly, knowing she’d never understand why without a full explanation.
“Erin?!” she screamed again so loud I pulled the phone from my ear.
After much pleading from her, I agreed to meet my mom at a coffee shop a few blocks away. I knew Hunter would be pissed if he woke up before I was back, but I hoped to slip in and out without him noticing. And it was my mom. She may have been emotionally abusive and unpredictable, but she was the only mother I had. I had to see her one last time before we left. And tt also gave me the excuse I needed to stop by the corner pharmacy for a pregnancy test.
I hung up the phone and curled my purse under my shoulder, making sure to tuck both cans of pepper spray in my easily accessible pocket, before heading out Hunter’s door and to my last day in the city.
“I can’t believe you actually took a moment out of your day to see me,” my mother simpered forty-five minutes later when I slid into the chair on the sidewalk of the small cafe.
I shot to open my mouth before shutting it again. Was it really possible she hadn’t seen the headlines dominating my life the last few days? I worked her mystifying dark eyes over in my mind, debating what to say. I was already putting her in danger meeting her, and I wouldn’t tell her what she didn’t know, for her own safety, just like Hunter had done to me.
“I’m okay…” I choked on the words, hoping she wouldn’t catch the lie.
“Is something going on with this photographer? It’s just like you to hop into bed with the next guy that shows attention. Erin, when are you going to learn?” Her eyes glazed with her own kind of tears. The disappointment was nearly suffocating.
“Mom. It’s not like that.” I stumbled on the words, because I knew all I could give her were words, and words would never suffice for Hunter and I. We were a feeling, and feelings that deep can’t be understood in a jumble of letters.
“Then what is it, Erin? What could possibly be different this time? He’s just going to use you like every other bad choice you made when you were young. Brant was too good for you, I knew it from the day you brought him home. You’ll never get anyone better, Erin. He treats you like a queen.” She shot me an accusatory glance.
“Mom…” My heart crumbled under her crippling accusations. I suddenly realized why I’d stayed with Brant for so long—because I’d been used to the criticism. I’d been raised on fear, manipulation, and guilt. That dynamic had felt comfortable to me. “I’m sorry you feel that way.” I finally responded, knowing there was no point in fighting with her.
My mother’s critical gaze ran up and down my body, to the lemon water I was sipping and then back to my own dark eyes. “There’s something different about you.” She turned her head to one side. “What is it?” she finally asked, accusatory.
“Nothing. I swear, I’m just excited for all this travel.” Fear nearly strangled my lie. I was terrified and running for my life, and for the first time, someone else’s life may rely solely on me. “Nothing’s changed.” I was suddenly ready to get back to Hunter and lock myself in a bathroom to take the pregnancy test shoved deep in my bag. “Sorry, Mom. I really should get going, I just wanted to see you one last time before I leave this weekend.” I twisted the napkin in my hands, suddenly feeling the pain of leaving radiate deep into my bones.
“I just want you to be smart, Erin. You tend to run into things blind.”
